kscans

“Mama~”

“Oh my, what’s the matter, Hide-chan?”

After work, with my mental state in tatters, I headed straight to Shunranman* to be comforted by Mama. (t/n: previously tled as Spring Full Bloom, an okama bar)

“I want a family…”

“Go to a marriage counseling service.”

She cut me off bluntly. Sure, that’s one way, but… that’s not what I meant.

“No, well… I want a ready-made family, skipping the dating, marriage, and having kids part.”

“I’m shocked. A man in his mid-thirties saying such immature things.”

It happened the other day. Thanks to Hikaru-kun’s kindness, I got to have a meal with them… It was so warm…

Experiencing a warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time, I became completely soft-hearted. When was the last time I sat at such a cozy family dinner table? Maybe when I was in my third year of junior high? From high school, I moved overseas for work, and by the time I came back, I was already living independently.

“I want to feel the warmth of family…”

“Why don’t you just go back to your parents’ home?”

“Well, my old man and mom are basically never in Japan.”

After retiring, they’re in the midst of enjoying their second life, indulging in things they held back on when they were younger. And what they wanted to do was travel to various places around the world. They’re backpacking here and there, so they don’t even come home for New Year’s or Obon. I can confirm they’re alive through photo letters and local souvenirs they send from their travels.

“Also, how should I put it… My family isn’t exactly cold, but they’re just not the warm and fuzzy type, you know?”

“You’re as picky as an old maid who’s missed her chance.”

“Life’s all about wanting and wishing, right?”

“You’re not coming across as cool at all, you know?”

“Mama, you’re so harsh… Anyway, can I have a beer?”

“Yes, yes.”

I requested a beer while doing the oshibori* wiper move… But wait. When did I start doing this oshibori wiper thing? It feels like I just started doing it without realizing. Is this some kind of passive skill that all middle-aged men automatically acquire? (t/n: oshibori is the towel given in restaurant to wipe the hand. usually unfold, wipe finger and hand, fold it back)

“Here’s your beer. Any snacks?”

“Hmm, not yet. Right now I just want to chug alcohol.”

Mama sighed exasperatedly. Yeah, I get it. Alcohol on an empty stomach! It can’t be good for the body! But things that are bad for you often lead directly to pleasure. Well, I have a tougher body than most people, so it’s not really a problem. Even if my liver goes bad, I can just rip it out and replace it with a new one.

“About that family warmth talk…”

“Huh? We’re still on that topic?”

“You brought it up, didn’t you? …Well, never mind. What about Chika-chan?”

Chika-chan? Huh, why so familiar? Sensing my confusion, Mama chuckled and answered.

“She’s been dropping by occasionally since then. You must have noticed, right?”

“Well… yeah…”

“And you don’t mind it yourself, do you? I heard she got divorced recently too, so isn’t it perfect timing?”

“I get what you’re saying, but something feels off.”

“Off how?”

“Well, Mama, you might have heard vaguely, but Chika-san and I hadn’t met for nearly twenty years.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“The youthful spring burned into my memory? That pure spring? It feels different from all this adult stuff, you know?”

But don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t want her as a romantic interest or anything like that.

“…At your age, you’re acting like some lovesick teenage virgin… Mama’s going to cry from how pathetic this is.”

“Th-that’s harsh.”

“You’re idealizing women too much.”

“No, I’m not idealizing anything. If anything, on the day we reunited, she practically invited me to have an affair.”

My blue spring zoomed past and warped straight to late autumn, just before winter.

“Anyway, let’s put aside the topic of Chika-san for now. I have a serious matter to discuss too.”

“A serious matter?”

“Yeah. A high school buddy of mine is apparently caught between his wife and mother.”

“Ah, the classic mother-in-law problem.”

“Right. So…”

Serious talks, silly talks, talks that were hard to react to. Changing topics as we drank, several hours passed. Feeling it was about time, I decided to leave the bar. Thinking I might have drunk a bit too
much, I decided to walk a bit before hailing a taxi… but this turned out to be a mistake. As I wandered around, I started feeling unsatisfied. But going back to Shunranman now would be weird… Just as I was
pondering what to do next, that’s when it happened.

(I hear some cheerful voices…)

It must be because I’m drunk and my senses are dulled. My usually suppressed keen senses picked up lively voices from the cacophony of sounds. Though quite far, it was nothing for me. Wrapping myself in a perception-blocking barrier, I flew through the sky straight towards the source.

(Is that it?)

The riverbank. Homeless people were having a party under the bridge. Good faces, good atmosphere. This is… I’ve got to join in. Quick decision. I bought a ton of alcohol and food at the nearest convenience store and headed to the riverbank.

“Hey, mind if I join you guys?”

Though surprised by the sudden intruder, they responded.

“Oh, a big spender’s here! Get some cups and bowls!”

“Hehe, bro, there’s space here. Have a seat.”

“No, no, calling me ‘bro’… You’re too smooth, old man.”

They welcomed me warmly. They were all good-natured people, and I was able to blend in quickly. Good booze, good food, fun drinking buddies… It’s perfect. All the roles are here. It’s a full house. A grand slam of happiness. The drinks kept flowing. Completely plastered, I looked around at everyone and asked.

“Is it okay!? Can I do some party tricks that I couldn’t do at the welcome party due to compliance issues!?”

“Sure! Go for it!”

“I’m strict when it comes to performances, you know? If you’ve got the guts, show us what you’ve got!”

“Alright, I’m gonna do iiiiiiiit!!!”

I stripped naked right there. Yes, a naked dance. You see, it’s when you feel embarrassed that you look like a pervert. If you do it proudly, with not a shred of doubt in your heart, it transcends from a perverse act to a proper performance.

“That’s great! Do more!”

“Gyahahahaha!!”

Look at how excited they are! Alright, I’ll go even harder… Oh no. Moving so vigorously while drunk is making me feel sick…

“Man, thanks to our unexpected guest, it’s even more fun than usual.”

“If only the ‘Professor’ was here too.”

“He’s got such bad timing.”

As I was on all fours, still naked, taking a break, I overheard this conversation.

“Professor?”

“Yeah, he’s like the leader of this area.”

“He’s got class and knowledge. His demeanor is nothing like us dropouts.”

“But he doesn’t look down on us either, he’s really considerate.”

“His stories are interesting too.”

“We reckon he might’ve been a university professor or something before.”

“He never tells us his name, so we just call him Professor.”

“Huh? I’d like to meet him too.”

Just as we were talking about this, it happened.

“Oh, speak of the devil. Bro, the Professor’s here!”

Looking towards the voice, I saw a figure coming down to the riverbank. Oh, despite living like this, he’s got quite a good physique… Huh?

“You all seem to be having quite the lively time today. Mind if I join…”

He seemed to notice me belatedly as well. This can’t be, I thought. It must be some kind of mistake. But the look in his eyes as he gazed at me left no room for denial.

“That aura… You’re Satou Hideo, aren’t you?”

It was a reunion with a former nemesis. I was naked, and he was homeless.