Chapter 168 - What Can Be Done, Should Be Done, So Do It
Alright, this is no time to be thinking about how my teacher is the Sword Saint and she's so cute it hurts.
The main Four Pillar War event is at the end of this month. The selection tournament was held in the middle of the month... and since five days have passed since then, that means there are only about ten days left.
I need to hurry up and fix this bizarre habit of mine so I can start asking for more lessons—or so my mind races, but...
"I don't get iiiit...!!"
I have absolutely no clue how to escape this state of relying completely on "Outer" output. I've been wracking my brain while continuing the 'tag' game, thinking that building stamina is endlessly useful no matter how much I do it, but...
"Does it seem difficult?"
As I sat down, practically clutching my head, Ui-san—who continued her winning streak—approached me. She sat down next of her exhausted student, inquiring about my troubles.
"Let's see... I think I've more or less grasped the feeling of the 'Outer' force. I've been doing it unconsciously for so long, so that part's fine."
Ui-san had said it was a feeling she could put into words but couldn't convey. Now that I had a bit of a handle on it, I understood what she meant.
To begin with, my image of it is completely different from hers.
She described it as "Inner is to pour in, Outer is to grasp," but for me, it's more like "Inner is to wield, Outer is to reel in."
If you were to ask me what that means in detail, I'm afraid I couldn't tell you.
It's like being asked to describe the 'sensation' of waving your hand in minute detail. There's no better explanation than "it's the sensation of waving your hand." It's that kind of problem.
In my case, I used the example of a marionette, and that's more or less what it feels like. It's an image close to controlling a puppet called an avatar with strings called thoughts.
"The very fact that you've grasped that sensation makes you sufficiently special, Haru-kun. Unfortunately, the vast majority of people never even come to recognize the two forces as separate."
I'm sure that's true, and honestly, even if they did, it wouldn't normally create much of a 'difference.' Now that I've had a glimpse into the world the Sword Saint sees, I understand just how terrifyingly advanced her techniques are.
Controlling 'that (Inner)' and 'this (Outer)' simultaneously without the slightest deviation?
—There's no way I can do something like that!!
Even as far as multitasking goes, it's not even on the same level as, say, writing with both hands at the same time—that's laughably simple in comparison. It feels like it would be easier to be told to write the Heart Sutra and an English thesis simultaneously. It's an absurdity on that level.
This probably isn't about difficulty, but more about 'aptitude'... Thankfully, it seems I have a decent amount of it, but not enough to match Ui-san.
I can say this with certainty: it will be impossible for me to master [Shukuchi].
However, if I can just learn to consciously control them separately... then I can maintain the high-speed maneuvers that have made everyone around me call me 'abnormal,' while suppressing unnecessary stamina consumption to achieve greater sustained combat performance.
With the Four Pillar War likely to be a long-drawn-out event, that should definitely be a plus.
Therefore, the first step is—
"A switch... yeah."
"A... 'su-i-tchi,' you say?"
Beside me, Teacher Ui tilted her head, and I nodded while opening and closing my hand in front of me—also, Teacher, that habit of pronouncing foreign words in soft syllables really gets to me, so could you please refrain?
"Doing it freely and simultaneously like you do... is probably impossible for me. But at the very least, I need to be able to switch my main output at will."
Now that I'm clearly aware of it, I understand. I'm seriously using nothing but 'Outer' output for everything. Not just high-speed maneuvers, but even a simple movement like this.
At this rate, my 'Inner'—the 300 points I dumped into my Strength (STR) stat—is probably crying its eyes out. I'm sure I'm using it unconsciously to some extent... but I can hardly say I'm making full use of it.
"The problem is how to flip this reversed output back around..."
I can't think of a way, and I just don't get it.
If the issue is that I'm relying on thought to move my body, then the simple solution would be to move my body without thinking... but I'm already doing it unconsciously, so from my perspective, I'm in a state of 'not thinking' right now.
It's a complete background process. If only I could open a task manager, I'd just end the process with a flurry of clicks.
"You've lost the sensation of moving your body naturally... The 'Outer' is at the forefront... which means you need to pull the sensation of the 'Inner' out once more, correct?"
"Yes, that's right. This has become my default state... if I can consciously pull it out just once, I feel like I could keep it there."
"Then, let us pull it out."
"Right, let's do th—wait, um, I'd love to, but—whoa, huh?"
I'm in this mess because I can't do that—but before I could reply to Ui-san's casual remark, she stood up and pulled me to my feet, making me stumble.
"Um..."
"If the problem is that you think even unconsciously, then the solution is simply to become unable to even think unconsciously."
"........................ R-Right, I suppose so..."
—I've come to understand it by now.
Ui-san is the type of person who will, at the very least, try anything that can be done.
"Well then—shall we?"
"Haha... —Yes, please. Give me everything you've got."
I'm not about to start complaining at this point either.
I want to be a 'student' worthy of my 'teacher.'
◇◆◇◆◇
But I hope you'll forgive me for complaining in my head—three hundred straight rounds of tag is brutal.
I collapsed without ceremony, and as planned, I was well and truly dead, breathless and fading.
"Haru-kun?"
"Yessh..."
"It seems to be working well."
Her words are demonic, but her smile is that of an angel.
My teacher is beautiful, adorable, the Sword Saint, and so very Ui-san today as well...
—Hm...?
"Hrmm...?"
"You mustn't. You've finally managed to empty your head, so please just lie there and don't think about anything."
My exhausted mind, filled with a strange fizzing sensation, was gently lifted up, and something covered my eyes just as I tried to open them.
That something, slightly cool and soft, drew my consciousness into its comfort, and my thoughts easily unraveled.
With my eyes still covered, my right hand was lifted on its own. It was also touching something cool—a hand, maybe? Ui-san's hand took mine, raising and lowering it repeatedly.
"Just a little is fine. Add some strength, and try to follow me."
Follow her—I follow.
Following her hand as it raised and lowered mine, I put a little bit of strength into my own arm.
Up, down, up, down—in the end, what even is this? What was I even doing...?
Up, down, up, down—and then, the hand that had been over my eyes was removed.
"................?"
As I blearily lifted my eyelids, I saw my right hand, which had apparently been released at some point, moving up and down on its own.
It's moving—it's moving.
Somehow... it feels—heavy. Heavy? No, that's not it. This is, in a way, powerful.
It was a sensation I had lost without realizing it. Like a missing piece clicking into place, the feeling that returned to me was—
"How is it, Haru-kun?"
"................Haha... —Thanks to you, it seems I've gotten it back."
The unmistakable feeling of the fundamental 'Inner' force that should have been moving my avatar all along—
"—... ...? ...???"
Beyond Ui-san's face, there is the sky.
"I am glad to hear it. Shall we call Lesson One complete?"
Thank you. The Sword Saint's gentle smile is beautiful, even when looking up from below—no, that's not it.
Um... excuse me?
What is this 'pillow'?
Beyond the feel of thin fabric, this pillow that conveys a soft warmth to my head and neck, may I ask what in the world is going on...!!
"A l-lap pillo—..."
"Oh... Fufu—A special treat, for my hard-working student."
And then, as if to say, "It's a secret."
Her smile, with a single finger pressed to her lips, struck me—sprawled out with a dumbfounded look on my face—directly.
"Guh—, ——————"
I see.
So this is the day I die.