Chapter 428 - For Me
—Facing north, I traveled onward… well, not in a straight line, since I had materials to gather along the way, but I pushed forward with little thought for about three thousand kilometers.
Donning the cloak I had been entrusted with since I had no plans to use it, I set foot in the [Eternal Ice Peaks of Extreme White]. The extreme environment greeted me just as it had the other day, completely unchanged.
This is way beyond just cooling my head, I thought. With a dry laugh at my own absurdity, I spent the next several tens of minutes swatting away the local annoyances as I ascended the mountain.
"Yo. Still looking like a raid boss, I see."
Having reached the summit, I had an audience with the giant, flying manta ray floating at the top of the ice tree.
[Epel, Great Ice Spirit Guardian]—compared to the true 'endgame content' I had recently challenged, I had to admit this being was a step down… but that was only in comparison.
Comparing it to that was just ridiculous. From the perspective of a tiny player, it was still a being to be looked up to. If I were to challenge it seriously again now, my chances of winning would still be slim.
I still haven't even looked up a strategy for it since then.
"————————…………"
The frigid air was so cold my virtual lungs could feel a phantom pain. I took a deep, piercing breath and exhaled—my head cleared… which only strengthened the 'what am I even doing' feeling, and a strange laugh escaped my lips.
Honestly, I don't have time for this.
I've replayed it all, remembered it all, and I already know what I need to do.
But unfortunately, the current time is the dead of night. It's an absurdly unreasonable hour to take action… so I have no choice.
For now, I decided to quell the fire of my emotions by embarking on this stupid solo journey.
I chose this place on a complete whim. If I was going to cool my head, I might as well go somewhere physically cold. There was no thought behind it, just impulse.
—Therefore,
"…Sorry to bother you, but just bear with me for a little while."
What's about to happen isn't a conquest or anything of the sort.
"Once I've prepared myself for a few things, I'll go home quietly."
It's nothing more than a fool who sought a place of death to gather his thoughts,
『————————————』
and the great spirit who rules this sacred peak, engaging in a meaningless little game.
—I felt a sense of dissonance, you say?
What a joke. There was no dissonance. I've known all along.
That's right. We've always known each other's hearts. A mere few months… but months that felt like years in the real world.
No matter what I faced, no matter who was by my side. For as long as I've been in this world, Arcadia, there hasn't been a single moment that Haru forgot Sora.
Even when they were apart, even when they were worlds away. There was never a time that Sora looked away from Haru.
I know it's creepy, but that's just how it is. I can't help it if I understand. I can't help it if I'm certain.
I can say it without a shred of shame—the day we met, by a 'coincidence' that can't be explained away by such a simple word,
we were brought together by fate itself.
There's no other explanation. It has to be that way, or it makes no sense. The reason why I, who had shunned 'romance,' treated that girl with such kindness… the reason I was drawn to her from the very day we met.
I love Sora.
No matter how I look at it, I think it's still not romantic love, at least not yet. On that point, Haru, also known as Haru Kasuga, remains a defective coward.
But that adorable partner of mine,
that earnest partner of mine,
that pure and innocent Sora, also known as Sora Yotsuya,
she is, without a doubt, the person I want to treasure most in this world.
That's why I couldn't ignore the dissonance I finally admitted to. That's why I relied on the cheat-like talent of my 'memory' and replayed every single moment until now.
I was aware that I was doing something incredibly creepy—but setting aside my own pathetic and uncool nature, I did it to properly see Sora's 'smile.'
The day we met, when we first walked side by side, wandering through that dim forest.
When she couldn't fight properly, when she panicked, sulked, and screamed, and I dragged her along, telling her, 'Let's have fun anyway.'
When we were battered and clumsy but still pushed forward, and I struggled through training with her because she insisted on holding a sword, no matter what.
And—when I watched over my partner as she tried to stand beside me, never giving up, desperately chasing after me.
I looked back at the vivid 'smiles' etched into my memory,
and I compared them with the 'smile' that the current Sora shows me,
and I was forced to realize that I hadn't been seeing anything at all.
What do I mean, 'we know each other's hearts'? Don't make me laugh. If you know, then look properly. Just because you think she knows you, concluding she must be fine is just lazy thinking—stop turning a blind eye. She is not okay at all.
Sora… how old is she? She's definitely younger than me. And it's certain that she's carrying 'something' similar to what I am.
That's not okay, is it? She's the most important person in the world to me, and because what she's carrying is the same as mine, I should be happy that we match? Has my brain gone soft?
If we were just people connected through a virtual world, that would have been fine. If we were strangers who would never know each other's faces, that would have been fine.
But I said it myself. I set aside a relationship that should have been treated as a polite fiction between strangers—and called her my fiancée, fake or not.
The very fact that I could say something like that so naturally means I no longer considered Sora a 'faceless stranger' in the slightest. It's a contradiction.
In the end, I was just taking advantage of her.
I was leaning on a younger girl who acted as if nothing had changed even as my own circumstances shifted, making excuses that we had drawn a line between us.
It's pathetic. How can I be talking about facing Nia's and Ashe's feelings? They're incredibly important to me too, but seriously.
How long are you going to put off what you should have done first?
I thought my perspective had changed somewhat by turning my attention to the two who called me special. I thought I had crossed the starting line for change.
Wrong. I haven't taken a single step. My viewpoint just flew ahead on its own, and when I looked back, there was just an idiot standing there dumbfounded.
And next to that idiot—unchanged, since the day we met.
was the small figure of my partner, her eyes fixed on me.
So, yes.
If I decided to face things, what I had to do was decided from the very beginning.
◇You have defeated [Epel, Great Ice Spirit Guardian]◇
◇Titles Acquired◇
・'Great Spirit's Blessing'
・'Transcender'
・'Mind of No Mind'
◇Skill Acquired◇
・[Reject Sentence]
◇Skill Evolved◇
・[Gandharva (Arms of Versatility)] + [Construction] ⇒ [Naraka Gandharva (Arms that Grant Omnipotence)]
◇Skill Lost◇
・[Telepathy]
"——————————……………………………………Uh, what…the?"
I stared blankly at the blue phosphorescence filling the area, my mouth moving awkwardly, not quite working right after the storm of words that had been raging only in my mind.
I'm not sure how much time passed. To be honest, I barely remember the fight at all.
I have no idea how this happened. If someone had a recording, I'd be the first one who'd want to see it… but for now, there's only one thing I want to say.
"…………………………How am I supposed to get back?"
I was planning on a quick return via death-respawn. Dying on purpose has a harsh penalty… now what am I supposed to do?
But while I was certainly in a bind,
"…Haha, seriously, what have I been doing?"
All things considered, my heart was prepared, and my resolve was firm.
As a wry smile escaped my lips—my heart felt surprisingly clear.