Chapter 578 - It's Okay
Coming home at night—
"Don't say it like you're coming home at dawn."
After having dinner and playing with Sora… I naturally end up getting back to the dormitory after ten o'clock at night. My housemates are already aware—or rather, I've already told them—about my dinner invitation, so they know where I go on Saturday and Sunday nights, but—
"Good grief… I told you to just go to sleep."
That's a maiden's pride, you see.
"Thanks for the smug look despite you being on the verge of death from exhaustion."
This, too, had become a strange little routine. I let out a wry smile at Nia-chan's "welcome home," as she had taken to waiting for me in the entrance hall around the time I get back.
I'm only doing it because I want to, so you don't have to worry about it.
"You say not to worry, but knowing that you're waiting for me puts this weird pressure on me…"
She rose from the sofa with a sluggishness that seemed to groan, "Heave-ho," and attached herself to my side as if it were her birthright. I walked down the hall with her in tow.
It's not like she's about to barge into my room after this, nor is she trying to drag me into hers.
Nia just looks at me when I get back, smiles happily, and says, "Welcome home," with a hint of teasing… —and after cherishing the short, tens-of-seconds-long journey to our rooms.
Well then, good night.
"Ah, right. Good night."
She leaves me with a sleepy, soft smile and walks away.
This little welcome-home ritual has been a regular thing since last month.
"……………Hah…"
After watching the door to the next room click shut, I leave a sigh of my own in the hallway and retreat into my room—and in the next instant.
I slammed the side of my head against the entryway wall, but not because I'd suddenly lost my mind for no reason. It was because I had, with sound and clear justification, rightfully lost my mind after having my brain fried by the earnestness of a certain maiden.
I get it. I get all of it, and that's what makes it so unbearable.
I know she's fundamentally a lonely person. I know she relies on me, not just in a romantic sense but also in a neighborly one. I know that's why she probably feels a small flicker of anxiety, wondering, Is he coming home today? I know she teases me and jokes around so she doesn't pressure me, just as she said… And in the end, she probably thinks to herself, I'm being too clingy, aren't I? and gets down on herself for it.
—Come on. There's only one thing I could possibly think in a situation like this…
"She's so damn cute…"
Honestly… if I were to truly, honestly speak my mind…
Lately, I sometimes find myself on the verge of reaching out to her.
She's so earnest, or rather, she seems so clever but is so clumsy with her feelings. It makes me want to respond, to pat her on the head… and to be blunt, I even feel like pulling her into a hug.
The more time I spend with her, the cuter she gets.
It's truly, hopelessly so.
I'm aware that I'm steadily being won over. The only problem is—
"This is a quagmire…"
—the fact that she isn't the only one I'm starting to frankly acknowledge these feelings for.
Letting out a groan worthy of a zombie, I sluggishly drag myself to the bed and throw my body onto it. As my body sinks into the comfortable mattress, my heart feels like it's sinking into a bottomless swamp that's infinitely deeper.
Just as I find myself wanting to spoil Sora endlessly…
Just as I find myself wanting to reach out to Nia unexpectedly…
Just as I find myself wanting to be completely swept away by Ashe…
This complicated man who was once terrified of love is now finding his feelings accelerating, pushed along by a full-force press from all the ladies.
Truly—from the bottom of my heart, I feel like, "What the hell am I supposed to do from here?"
The world is apparently buzzing with talk of me being 'so popular' or having a 'harem,' but from my perspective, all I can do is let out a massive, wry laugh at how little they understand.
I, from this point on, have to choose.
On top of everything else I have to think about and do, the number of critical tasks never seems to decrease—… but.
"—Whoa, close one…"
I snatch back my consciousness, which was about to drift off, set the alarm on my phone that had tumbled out of my pocket, and toss it onto my pillow.
I'll skip changing, and the shower and everything else can wait until morning… I pull the covers back up, and my reunion with the drowsiness I'd faced just seconds ago is seamless.
—Compared to two or three months ago, I've started sleeping much more peacefully. The things I have to think about haven't decreased one bit, yet the mental strain has certainly lessened.
It's because my partner, Sora, promised she would be 'watching from my side.'
It's because Ashe is considerate enough to say, 'You don't have to rush your answer.'
It's because Nia jokingly tells me, 'I'd actually be troubled if you gave me an answer that quickly, so please, take your time. No, I'm not kidding.'
…This reprieve they've granted me is part of the reason, yes.
But more than anything, it's because so many of my friends and acquaintances, including them, show me an undue amount of concern and affirmation… that even a coward like me has managed to gain a little confidence.
Just as they've told me time and time again.
"…………—"
I'm sure that as long as I remain myself, it will be okay.
Good night.
Reprieve or not, they've all known each other for less than half a year…