Chapter 770 - The Time in Her Heart
And so, this too ended up being business as usual.
“—And from the above, I believe you now understand that there is no such fact as me personally having a preference for women with long black hair.”
“Hah…”
Mutual destruction, followed by a hard reset. This was our mysterious routine, a familiar promise where we sacrificed our stamina and sanity to reset the atmosphere.
Once our embarrassment reached a critical point, we would both resign ourselves to a state of ‘whatever happens, happens,’ a ruinous technique that temporarily put us both in an invincible mode.
“Haru.”
“Yes.”
“You know… I think it’s normal for anyone to have preferences. So you don’t need to make excuses… In fact, I’d rather you just told me honestly.”
“Okay, roger that, you haven’t understood a single thing.”
The drawback, of course, was that all the regret would come crashing down on us after we separated, but to hell with what comes later. We’re living in the now, so bring it on.
More important than such trivialities, now that I’d decided to thoroughly clear up this misunderstanding, I couldn’t back down. To protect my own dignity, I had to fight back with conviction.
“Like I’ve said over and over and over again, I’m ashamed to admit it, but I have a habit of having my eyes drawn to unfamiliar appearances!”
“A habit.”
“Everyone remembers the way a person looked when they first met them as their ‘default,’ right? And that’s even more true if that first meeting was colored by some ridiculously intense and vivid experience.”
“Yes, that’s true.”
“So it’s not just about Alicia. For example, if it were Nia, or of course even you, Sora, I’m sure I’d have a similar reaction seeing your real-world selves, which are different from your virtual selves. In fact, I’m absolutely sure of it! I was! You, of all people, must have noticed, Sora!”
“That, too… yes.”
“Yes, you’ve agreed, and I’m not taking it back. To reiterate, from the facts presented above, I do not have a ‘thing’ for long black hair, nor is there any such fact that—”
“So, you like the ‘gap.’”
“………………”
“………………”
And so, the result of my all-out resistance.
“So, that means… my attempt wasn’t a mistake, then…”
“………………………………”
It was, regrettably, another ‘business as usual’ moment where I, swept away by the output of my invincible mode, suffered a death more spectacular than usual.
She finished tending to her hair, which now gleamed with an extra shine, and muttered as she toyed with the ends.
“I’ve always admired it, so.”
She picked up a strand of hair, just a little longer than when they first met, and whispered.
“I’ll do my best to grow it out… so, um.”
Still nestled on my lap as if it were the most natural thing in the world, she murmured dreamily.
“P-…—Please… look forward to it.”
“………………………………………………………………………………YES.”
Today, as always, the innocent yet clever girl reigns supreme, striking my heartstrings with perfect accuracy. Her overwhelming combat prowess would shock even that invincible samurai.
“So, you are… interested, right?”
“I am.”
“…You’re very honest when I ask you like this, aren’t you.”
It’s definitely not like that for just anyone—but I’ll refrain from any further self-destruction for now.
“Sora-san.”
“Yes.”
“My legs are starting to go numb.”
“No.”
“Really…?”
My dear partner is also incredibly honest and invincibly spoiled when she wants to be. It’s almost time for dinner, but will she feel like letting me go by then? Ah, fine, fine, do as you please.
“Five more minutes, max.”
“………………”
“Don’t complain with silence.”
At the girl’s request, who was pressing her back against me, I pushed all thoughts of her warmth, the feeling of her, and everything else to the back of my mind and combed through the hair I’d just tended to.
I couldn’t possibly be rough or careless; it had to be done with the utmost care.
And that’s why. The silken softness that was unavoidably transmitted to my fingertips was making the back of my head tingle unbearably.
“…………Today.”
Still, the thought of refusing never even crossed my mind. As I, a captive, meekly obeyed, she gently pinched my knee, as if to voice further complaints, her voice a whisper.
“…I think I understand why Itsuki-san said what she did.”
The color of her tone… it didn’t seem like she was pouting. It was more like she was troubled than dissatisfied. A voice that was wondering what to do.
“Haru, you’ve gotten used to it, haven’t you.”
“Used to it?”
She must have sensed my head tilt, even though I didn’t turn around. Sora kept her eyes fixed on the wall in front of her and, after a brief hesitation—
“To me, and, um… to physical contact, I suppose.”
Well, she managed to utter words that I could tell took courage to say.
I froze for a moment, unsure of how to answer or if I was even supposed to respond at this moment. She pressed her slender back against me even more firmly.
“I-I know. I understand. Um…, …………”
It was as if—or rather, it probably was exactly that.
“That you’re properly… getting flustered, like this.”
She said, reading my unfiltered heartbeat.
She said it, sounding somewhat conflicted.
“But, in the end, that’s… because I’m your partner, isn’t it?”
“………………”
“It’s the same, you know. It is for me, too. The safety, the trust… it’s the same. I understand.”
Even if her words were disjointed, it didn’t matter. No, not at all.
“—Sorry. Am I making you anxious?”
“Ah… No, um… no.”
In other words, Sora herself harbored that fear, which is why she was able to read the thoughts of that maid—or rather, her sister—whose heart was so difficult to fathom.
In the end, it was an underlying issue.
“You’re worried that I only see you as a partner.”
“…………”
“And even if that’s not all, you’re worried that it’s getting in the way of other things.”
Well, it might be natural that I’d make her feel that way.
After all, I do treat Sora differently from Nia and Alicia. I can’t help it. I’m aware of it, and it’s an undeniable fact.
And that’s precisely why I was making her anxious.
That is to say, was it favoritism, or was it a form of separation?
Was I really seeing her as a girl?
I’m conscious of her, that much should be getting through. There’s no doubt about it.
But… the relationship of ‘partner’ is just too big for us, and it’s an unavoidable thought that gets obscured by it.
“…………I am your partner, after all.”
“Yeah.”
“And I’m younger.”
“Right.”
“A three-year age gap is pretty big.”
“Well, three years between students is a huge gap.”
Not since we met in the real world… but since that night, when we made our promise.
“…Even I think I’m a child.”
Sora often started referring to herself as a ‘child’.
“It’s not that I’m anxious. I’m happy. That, too, is a precious ‘connection’ for me… and we made a promise—but.”
It must be a shift in her heart that occurred because she, along with me, had resolved herself to many things.
“This sense of security… is frustrating…”
We can’t separate the trust and affection we have for each other from our emotions.
It’s only been about six months. But in that time, we’ve built a miraculous bond, one filled with a density that is by no means inferior to the lives we lived before we met.
A bond of the heart, connected so deeply, deeply, deeply, like something out of a fairy tale.
We can’t let go, and that’s why we’re always too close, and sometimes we lose sight of things.
“I guess that’s how it looks from the outside, too.”
“…………Yes.”
That’s why Itsuki-san said something so unreasonable, to try and stir things up. Probably because yesterday, she saw me interacting with Sora without any hesitation or reservation.
As she said, it probably isn’t ‘anxiety’.
It’s something more troublesome, more helpless, more frustrating. A ‘fetter’ called ‘security,’ born from placing a new relationship on top of the bond of being irreplaceable partners—
“…………”
“…Mmm……”
As I gently combed her hair, a breath of pure trust made it sway.
It swayed the air, the atmosphere… and above all, my own heart.
“…………, ……, ……………………, ………………………………”
I try to form words, wonder if there’s any meaning in saying them, get trapped in my thoughts, pinned down by my emotions, opening and closing my mouth repeatedly.
But I can see what I want to say.
I know what I should say. Besides…
“…………. Sora.”
Since that day, I don’t remember ever losing my resolve.
So even if I struggle, even if I hesitate—for me, right now, that silence is not hesitation, but merely a run-up to gather courage.
“You’re precious to me, Sora.”
I say the words, and I don’t stop.
“I want to be with you always.”
I say the words, and I don’t hold back.
“When you’re by my side, I feel so at ease.”
I say the words, and I don’t suppress them.
“All of that might sound like words for a partner. And the fact that that always comes first… maybe that’s something I can never change. I’m sorry.”
“…B-but, that—”
“But, I see you.”
It’s not just about knowing her feelings; it’s about sharing them. To not break that promise.
“I see you as a girl, Sora. To the point where it’s hopelessly troublesome—and I’m properly separating those feelings, and facing all three of you.”
No lies. No embellishments.
I’m uncool, pathetic, and stained with sin; that’s nothing new.
So what? Even if the whole world calls me a scoundrel one day, I swore that I would risk my life to face the three girls who told me they liked me.
Listen up, world.
Until I find my answer, and even beyond that, you’d better watch me closely.
“And so, because of that… —I need you to wait a little longer for my words.”
Sora, Nia, and Iris. They tell me they ‘like’ me with such straightforwardness—and in my heart, as I walk forward, drawn to the three of them…
There is not a single shred of contradiction or flaw.
So.
“I’ll show you with my actions, but this is a secret.”
“Eh…—H-uh?!”
I didn’t hold my partner, nor did I lift up the young lady… I simply held the ‘girl’ who was tormenting her heart for my sake.
From behind, without seeing her face. Tightly, tightly, just as I wanted to.
“Wh-wha…?! H-Haru—”
“Feel free to curse me out for doing this without giving you an answer. It’s hilariously overdue, and since I can’t convey it with words, I have no other choice, so forgive me.”
“Hah… w-wait, my ear…—”
“No, you don’t have to forgive me, but I at least want you to understand. On that point alone, you don’t have to worry or doubt me, okay?”
“U-um… w-what…—”
“As a partner, I wouldn’t do this. Even I have my limits.”
“……, ………………”
Even as she flustered, there was no resistance.
As I spoke, being careful not to break her slender body, strengthening the grip of my arms, Sora didn’t try to resist, her body quickly going limp. I didn’t let go.
“I think you’re cute. Criminally so.”
“Ah…”
“Every time we touch, my completely inexperienced heart is in turmoil.”
“I-… ………………I-is that… so…?”
“It is. You can believe it, this heartbeat.”
As if to tell her that I didn’t even feel like I could let go.
“I’m really in trouble here. What am I supposed to do about this? I’ll confess something that I wouldn’t blame you for punching me for, but it’s so painful because I can’t give you an answer.”
“P-painful, you say?”
That’s obvious, isn’t it.
“…It’s the pain of a man who can’t officially make a move on a girl he finds unbelievably attractive.”
“—Ah…”
Thump. Through her back.
I could feel the girl’s heart leap so powerfully that I thought it might collide with my own and explode.
…Were my words a bit too stimulating for a fifteen-year-old girl? —Oh well, that’s also nothing new. And while I’m at it, I might as well correct her misconception.
“…And well, from all that, I think you understand this part too, but. I almost never ‘treat you like a child’ or anything like that, Sora.”
“Huh, bu—”
“But it’s true. No matter what anyone says, it’s true. Sure, when we first met, I acted like you were a ‘younger sister’ type, and I still treat you as ‘younger’ now, but that’s a performance based on role-playing and our current relationship. In the first place, I thought you were older until we met in real life, you know?”
“…………, ……”
“I’ve never treated you like a child, at least not outside of joking around. Ever since I heard your age, all I’ve been doing is doubting, ‘Are you really fifteen, Sora-san?’”
That was, without a doubt, from the bottom of my heart. Therefore…
“I’m eighteen. You’re fifteen—that’s just an afterthought, you know.”
“After… huh, what do you mean?”
“I just said it, didn’t I? I see a person’s first appearance or impression as their ‘default’.”
If we’re talking about that, then for me, Sora is…
“Someone who’s difficult to treat like a child.”
Somehow, back when we first met, the impression I got from her innocent yet graceful, polite, and calm demeanor—a sense of ‘maturity’ and ‘femininity’—hasn’t faded.
Sure, in the flow of conversation or just for fun, there are times when I find her age-appropriate behavior childish (and cute), but that’s a different story. I have never, ever truly treated Sora like a child.
So, in the end, there’s only one thing I want to say.
“Conclusion. You should be properly on your guard, without letting it down.”
“…………W-what should I be on guard for?”
Even without asking, she probably already senses it, as usual.
Held in my unwavering arms, her voice trembled slightly with tension and a myriad of other emotions… perhaps, this was the first time she was conscious of feelings in this realm.
For now, I let out a sigh of relief that it wasn’t out of fear.
“I am undeniably a ‘man,’ and you, Sora-san, are undeniably a ‘girl’ to me.”
Though I was inexperienced, I believed this was a necessary ritual for the future—
“So you too… —you need to properly see the ‘man’ in me. That’s what I mean.”
“—H-ih…!?”
In these three years of gray high school life, I unleashed the acting skills I’d cultivated in society to their fullest extent, right here and now.
“Don’t just trust me. Be properly wary, too. …………If you don’t, it’ll be a problem for me, too. It’s not just about you, Sora, but… you get it?”
I whispered deliberately into her ear. As if to gently admonish a girl who was cute, charming, and utterly irresistible, as an older person would, while carefully gauging the line so as not to scare her too much.
—And in truth, I was sneering at myself inwardly at the fact that this was a desperate ‘plea for my life’.
“Sora.”
“Y-yih, yes…!!!”
“Your answer.”
“—Ah, yes…!!!!!”
When I used a tone of voice she’d probably rarely heard from me… I felt a bit sorry for Sora, who was clearly thrown off balance, but…
“—Alright, splendid. Sora understands, and my reason is protected. Now that we’ve achieved a mutually beneficial understanding, it’s about time for dinner.”
I snapped back to my usual self and, this time, intentionally released her from my embrace to soothe the immense tension and turmoil I’d caused, patting the top of her head gently. Pat, pat, pat.
Of course, if she even showed a hint of turning around, I was prepared to lock her head in place immediately.
Like hell I could calmly act out such a character that completely contradicts my own with a straight face. If she saw my face right now, my pathetic state would explode, and I would die—
“—U-um, yes………… um, dinner, yes, um… well.”
And while I was desperately trying to soothe my own chaotic heart, my voice feigning composure, it was as if an exaggerated expression from the virtual world had manifested.
The girl, her neck peeking out from her yukata blushing a deep red, her voice and body trembling, strung together a few fragile, broken words like the buzzing of a mosquito—
“I-I’m, sorr… I can’t stand, or move… righ…”
“………………”
“M-my… um…………………… it seems my legs have given out…”
“……………………………………………………You’re kidding me…”
“‘You’re kidding me’…?! It’s your fault, Haru, isn’t it…?!”
“Sora-san, that’s what I’m talking about. Please, be careful, I’m begging you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?! I don’t know, what is it, honestly…!”
“Could you please stop carelessly provoking my reason? Don’t underestimate an eighteen-year-old guy, okay? Seriously, you ladies are all the same, honestly… Haaaaah!!!”
“What, wha—woah?! H-Haru, wait, what…!!?”
“I don’t know, let’s go. I’m starving. If you’re embarrassed, just pretend you’re asleep.”
“Hya-eh, ehhhhh…?! W-wait…! Wait, wait!”
Well, what can I say.
It ended up being a messy, momentum-driven mess, just like us—
“Not waiting!!!!!”
“Hey, sto—Honeeeestlyyyyyy!!!!!”
But hearing that truly adorable angry voice, I think it might have been worth putting on an unfamiliar act. On that, at least, it seems I can finally rest assured.
And besides, it’s a rare opportunity. A rare trip.
For the remaining two days, we can just keep going like this, just as we always have… side by side.