Chapter 135 - 8
As they left the city, subjected to the same scorn from the clan as when they arrived, Ritz stretched widely. Once they were out of the city, they would almost certainly not be watching him.
In the past, children would come to see Ritz out of curiosity, or rather, as a test of courage, but now that Ritz himself was not at his family home, that was unlikely to happen.
The party walked quickly through the forest in silence, their faces filled with anguish as if they were carrying a heavy burden. Don't feel sorry for me, I'm really okay, he wanted to say, but they would probably think he was just putting on an act, so he could only watch his companions, feeling frustrated.
He was particularly concerned about Anna, who had been so spirited just a moment ago but was now slumped over dejectedly.
“Anna, you okay?”
After a while, unable to bear the concern, he asked, and Anna looked up at him with sad eyes.
“Yeah.”
“You’re not okay, are you?”
“…Yeah. I’m just thinking a little.”
With that, Anna fell silent, not saying what she was thinking about. Since Franz and Edward also didn’t speak, Ritz naturally fell silent as well.
To be honest, the current Ritz, thankfully, felt much more at ease than when he had arrived. He felt almost guilty about it.
Before going to the city, he had been exhausted by the difference in lifespan with humans, scorned by those of his own race, and on the verge of being crushed by the misery of his own rootless existence, forced to wander the world. But now, he didn’t particularly feel that being scorned by them was miserable.
Perhaps it was because Anna had shown him, from a slightly different angle, the consciousness that had been ingrained in him since long ago—that his existence was a defilement to this world, and that his very birth was a sin.
On top of that, Anna had stood up to the clan’s Elder, an absolute authority. To face that intimidating presence and pressure head-on was truly admirable.
And watching Anna, he had a sudden realization. By submitting to the Elder, had he not, in the depths of his heart, been begging for their forgiveness, wanting them to acknowledge the fact of his existence as one of their own race?
In other words, he… had wanted to be one of the Clan of Light, with whom he could spend a long time.
Feeling a complex about not being able to use spirits, trying to grow his hair long in imitation of his mother, feeling like a failure just because he couldn’t use spirits—all of it was nothing more than a search for his own place.
In other words, Ritz had been starving for a sense of belonging to a group.
His dislike for the clan, even his finding their existence burdensome, might have been envy that he could not reach that place. Without even being able to perceive that consciousness himself, Ritz had longed for a connection with people with whom he could share the same time.
However, when the existence of Anna was there before his eyes, alongside the Elder to whom he had only ever been able to prostrate himself, he was forced for the first time to acknowledge the vivid difference in existence he felt towards the two of them.
What the Elder had was the past; what Anna had was the future.
It was a feeling that came from a place deeper than romantic love. Anna, who had declared that their meeting and their journey were not coincidence but fate. Anna, who, while others grasped the Goddess only as a concept, declared from her heart that she was a mother who loved all and bestowed grace upon them.
Living among people, she would surely face the suffering of a long lifespan, but she would probably become like the Goddess, loving all and trying to bestow grace upon them.
She still didn't know various kinds of suffering. But even after knowing suffering, knowing the world, and becoming an adult, a conviction-like feeling sprouted within Ritz that Anna would likely become a woman capable of doing so while still possessing her current purity.
Before her radiance, the existence of the Clan of Light, who merely continued to uphold their laws in a sealed-off environment, rapidly faded. If she would acknowledge him and permit his existence, he preferred the future he would walk from now on to the bygone past.
Witnessing that dazzling strength and squinting at her brilliance, Ritz for the first time found the desire for belonging within his own heart that he hadn't wanted to admit.
At the moment he realized that, Ritz couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Realizing his own unmanliness and foolishness, he could do nothing but laugh at his own pitiful state. Even as he laughed, tears came to his eyes, which he disguised with laughter. So that’s it, he thought.
So that’s it, I was permitted to live from the moment I was born. And he was happy that Anna had permitted him to live.
Really, Anna was full of surprises. If he could say it out loud, he would want to say, “Don’t make me fall for you any more than I already have.”
He already loved her with all his heart, but if it became any more than this, he would desire her with a terrifying possessiveness. All of Anna, her still-young heart and body. That much was plain to see.
A pure, innocent girl from the church and him, a mercenary. Their worlds were so frighteningly different that it was a terrible joke. It could only be a joke.
After all, he was the kind of person who had been obsessed with the Clan of Light he supposedly disliked and found burdensome. On top of that, he was the kind of person who thought it would be better to die than to have Edward and his companions die first and continue to lose them, and so he had attempted a passive suicide.
If that was a desire to belong to a group like the clan or his companions, it was still manageable. But if, by some chance, it turned into a possessiveness for Anna as an individual, it would be a tragedy for both him and her.
That would be nothing more than a strong dependence on Anna. And that scared him.
Ritz couldn’t live the life Anna wanted. Settling down in one place and farming was not his style. And Anna couldn’t live with Ritz. A place that needed a mercenary… that meant a battlefield. Currently, there were only three regions that were battlefields. One was a civil war, and one was a war between countries.
The public order in all of them was poor, and death was always at one’s side. It was impossible for Anna to be in such a place.
If there was a path for Ritz to walk with Anna, it would be to spend a long time searching for a compromise between them and finding some path that both could agree on. But that was on the grand premise that Anna would love Ritz with the same feelings.
The probability of that was terrifyingly low. To Anna, Ritz was a companion, a father figure, and an unreliable guardian. The reason she supported him was nothing more than sympathy, because he was too fragile to be left alone.
Sympathy, if mistaken, can quickly turn into love. It would probably be possible to easily flip the sympathy Anna currently had for him into love. For Ritz, with his high level of experience in human relationships, it would be possible.
But when sympathy cools, love is completely lost. It’s like a fever. Ritz was neither young nor naive enough to mistake sympathy for love.
So it was most appropriate to let her go while maintaining their current relationship. After that, he would always watch over her from the shadows. That was the adult choice. And until then, giving her his unstinting affection was the most Ritz could do now.
It was a small token of his gratitude for making him aware of his own hopelessly foolish self towards the Clan of Light. His debt to Anna, who had reversed the dark emotions that had swirled within him for the long one hundred and fifty years, was immeasurable.
How long had they walked in silence? When he came to, he was in front of his own house.
“Good work.”
At Karl’s voice, everyone except Ritz looked up and was speechless. Not even two hours had passed since they left the city of the Clan of Light. When they left the clan's settlement, the sun had just begun to set, but now a faint sunset was beginning.
“…We’re here already?”
Anna murmured, her eyes wide. The trip there had taken six hours. It was no wonder she was surprised that only a third of that time had passed. Franz, standing behind Anna, had his sleepy eyes wide open as well. They both seemed quite taken aback.
Edward, who had let out a similar cry of admiration, slowly stroked his chin with his thumb and forefinger as he turned to Ritz.
“On the way there, you said that it would be close if we went in a straight line, but that we couldn’t reach it unless we followed a set route, didn’t you?”
“Yup. Said that.”
“Could it be that the way back was a straight line… is that it?”
“You got it.”
“I see. So, on the way there, you took a roundabout way to avoid teaching the path to those you couldn’t trust. And for those you judged trustworthy, you taught them the quick way.”
“Exactly, King of Men.”
He couldn’t help but lightly mimic Verdigris’s tone in his reply to Edward.
“Don’t joke around.”
Edward frowned openly. His face looked so genuinely displeased that Ritz closed his mouth. Edward was more displeased than he had seen him since they set out on this journey together. Even though he rarely showed his emotions when Anna and Franz were around, his attitude told Ritz, from their long acquaintance, that he was quite angry.
He had a good idea of the cause. He was probably furious that Ritz hadn't said anything about Ciedena, neither in the past nor now.
Edward had always been concerned that his friend Ritz would take on too much and crush himself. He knew that Edward had the same feelings on this journey as well.
The anguish and suffering of his friend Ritz pained Edward the most. He had known that well for a long time. But Ritz hadn't said anything to Edward forty years ago, nor when he decided to return to Ciedena.
Ritz couldn’t bring himself to speak of a past where he hadn’t been given a name, where his very existence hadn’t been acknowledged, and where he had been treated as a nuisance to be eliminated.
During the civil war, he hadn't wanted to worry Edward, and now he had kept quiet because he didn't want to worry the friend with whom he could finally laugh so freely. Even though they had been constantly together recently, Ritz had willingly chosen to accept the pain. It was only natural that Edward would be angry at such a Ritz.
Edward found it painful when his trusted companions suffered in silence, holding something back from him. Ritz, Patricia, and Shasta, in particular, were at the top of that list. During the civil war, Edward, who had always stood with dignity in front of others and accepted the deaths of his companions and comrades, would grind his teeth in frustration in his tent at night. Ritz was not unaware of this.
“…Sorry.”
When he apologized honestly, Edward sighed and shrugged.
“Yeah, my apologies as well.”
Being so easily apologized to by Edward, Ritz was taken aback. It was supposed to be Ritz’s fault, so for Edward to apologize was something that shouldn’t have been possible based on his experience.
“That’s rare… for Ed to apologize.”
When he frowned, Edward glared at Ritz with sharp eyes, then abruptly grabbed him by the collar.
“What is it?”
“Shall we have a talk, Ritz?”
“This doesn’t feel like a ‘let’s have a talk’ atmosphere, does it?”
When he pointed at his grabbed collar, Edward raised the corner of his mouth into a smile. It was obvious he wasn’t really smiling.
“Then let me rephrase. A word with you, Ritz.”
His clear blue eyes now emitted a cold light like ice. If that gaze could be solidified, it would probably be piercing Ritz. It seemed his earlier attitude had grated on his nerves terribly.
In such times, Ritz naturally had no right to refuse. For Ritz, Edward was, in a completely different sense from Anna, the most important person, and also the scariest person who knew Ritz himself.
Sighing, Ritz turned to Karl.
“Dad. Look after Anna and Franz, will you? I’m gonna take Ed for a little walk.”
It was less taking him and more being dragged by the collar. As he said this, Karl, half-laughing as usual, waved cheerfully at Ritz.
“Be back before it gets dark.”
He was treating him like a complete child.
“I’m not a kid!”
Sulkily, Ritz was dragged away by Edward. A little later, he pulled Edward’s silent hand away from his collar.
“There’s a place we can sit. Want to go there?”
“Anywhere is fine.”
Edward muttered, slowly crossing his arms and suppressing his emotions with a sigh. Edward’s frustration was palpable to Ritz. He was quite angry. Perhaps he had angered Edward in a way he hadn't imagined.
Unable to even speak to that resolute back, he trudged along behind him. He knew he was in for some kind of lecture, but he couldn't quite pinpoint the reason he was being scolded.
After walking in silence for a while, they came to a small clearing overlooking the lake within a dense patch of trees near the water. It was Ritz’s favorite spot since childhood. When he had returned before, he had heard old stories from Karl here.
He sat down on a stone just right for a chair, and Edward also found a suitable stone nearby and sat down. When he casually looked up at the sky, a faintly glowing moon was out in the sky, which was showing a beautiful gradation from orange to dark blue. A full moon. It was the same scene as when he had talked with Karl about a year ago.
As he was vaguely watching the color of the sky change, Edward called out to him in a grave tone.
“Ritz.”
“Yeah?”
“You knew you’d be treated like that if you went to the spirit town, and you kept it from me, didn’t you?”
“Ugh…”
Using the rough tone and first-person pronoun he only used when they were alone, Edward glared at Ritz. So that was it, Ritz thought, looking down and stealing a glance at Edward.
“Well, you know, I didn’t want to make you or the others worry unnecessarily.”
He was making a pathetic, childlike excuse, he knew. He was acting like a child to the extent that he wondered what the thirty-five years of wandering had been for, but with Edward as the other party, he couldn’t help it.
“Never mind your wards, I’m asking why you didn’t tell me.”
“Well, that’s…”
“Are you going to say you didn’t want to worry me, like in the old days?”
“…Well, something like that…”
As expected, his thoughts were seen right through.
“I’m no longer the crown prince, nor the king. What is there for you to worry about and keep silent from me?”
His stern tone made him shrink. As expected, when Edward scolded him, the words wouldn't come out. To such a Ritz, Edward let out a deep sigh.
“If you had told me, I would have had a way to deal with it. I might have had the option of not taking you with me.”
“That’s what I didn’t want.”
“Why?”
“Because it would be painful to have you guys have a bad time in a place I don’t know about. I don’t want that.”
When he answered frankly, Edward let out another heavy sigh. That alone told him how exasperated he was.
“What is it? In the end, it was good for me. Isn’t that a happy ending?”
When he said this sulkily, Edward looked straight back at him.
“I thought you were a fool, but are you this foolish?”
“Don’t keep calling me a fool and foolish.”
“Then let me be more blunt. You are a great fool, Ritz Alster.”
Declared with a genuine sharpness in his light blue eyes, he was left speechless. Edward’s anger was real. And that wasn't all. He knew that, which was why he couldn't open his mouth. To such a Ritz, Edward, with an expression close to pity, rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly.
“It’s true you seem to have eased your mind. I noticed that when I saw you laughing like a fool in front of the Elder. From that point on, you didn’t look down, nor did you listen to the malicious voices. Your father and I could tell that some kind of change had occurred.”
“…Yeah.”
That’s why Ritz felt relieved. He had found his own possessiveness, and he felt he had caught a glimpse of the future. He had also realized his own weakness. Wasn’t that a good thing? When he looked at Edward, his eyes were still fixed on him.
“But there’s someone who has shouldered the burden you’ve set down. Do you understand that?”
Even when asked, he still didn’t understand, and Ritz found himself staring into both of Edward’s eyes. To the silently staring Edward, Ritz asked, conveying his surrender.
“…Burden?”
“That’s right. Your past.”
“Mine?”
Tilting his head in confusion, Edward stared at him with serious eyes.
“Ritz, look at me carefully.”
“…? Yeah.”
As he was told, he stared straight at Edward’s face. Then he quietly closed his eyes and let out a small breath. Not knowing what was about to happen, but unable to move, Edward quietly opened his eyes and, with a quiet gaze, spoke to Ritz.
“You are the tainted, nameless Child of Sin.”
At those words and that overly quiet gaze, for a moment, his vision went white.
“Ed…?”
“The unblessed child, given no name.”
Staring at Edward’s overly calm eyes, Ritz found himself frozen, unable to look away from that gaze. What was happening? A cold sweat ran down his back. He thought he had overcome it, but the words were frightening. Edward’s quiet gaze was frightening.
“If I were to say that to you, what would you think?”
Edward, suddenly relaxing, asked in his usual tone. As if released from a spell, Ritz took a deep breath. It had been painful. It seemed he had been holding his breath.
When Edward spoke the same words that hadn’t moved his heart when Verdigris said them, a chill ran down his spine. He knew that it was something his clan had decided, and that even if Edward and the others knew how he had been treated, their current relationship wouldn’t crumble.
But it was also true that somewhere in his heart, he had thought that if they knew, the way they looked at him might change.
That’s right. That’s it. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell them because he didn’t want to worry them. He had kept silent simply because he was afraid of being found out, afraid of their attitude changing.
No matter what a stranger, someone he didn’t trust at all, said to him, Ritz wouldn’t care in the slightest. On the contrary, he had the confidence to laugh it off.
But trusted companions were different. He had thought he didn’t want to be pitied. But that wasn’t quite right. In a way, what was scariest was not the words of strangers, but the words of his companions.
He was afraid of his existence being denied by his companions.
Unconsciously, Ritz had clenched his fists on his knees. To the thoroughly shaken Ritz, Edward continued to speak without a smile.
“As I thought. I had a feeling that if I spoke the same words as the Elder, you wouldn’t be able to remain normal. Because for you, these words mean, ‘I do not acknowledge your existence in this world.’”
He had been able to overcome the scorn from the Clan of Light. But the meaning and malice of the words themselves, ingrained in his body and mind, would not just disappear.
“You have not yet been able to affirm your own existence to the world. You see yourself through others.”
“…”
He turned his face away from Edward and looked down. He could change his way of thinking, but he was forced to realize that the feeling ingrained over many long years—that he was a creature that should not exist, that there was no meaning in his life—would not disappear so easily.
Into the ears of the downcast Ritz came Edward’s small sigh. With a sigh, Edward muttered.
“Because he didn’t know your pain at all, he thinks he has hurt you, and there is someone who is trying to take on that pain.”
“…That’s…”
“You know who it is, don’t you?”
Quietly asked by Edward, he nodded. There was only one person who would think such a thing.
“Why? I haven’t been hurt by her at all. If anything, she’s been the one helping me.”
Unlike the stern yet reliable Edward, who was like an older brother, Anna was like a warm, shining sun. She was a beacon of light before him. When he was lost in darkness, it was Anna who would gently extend a hand. Despite being younger, in those moments, she seemed like an adult.
In contrast to Ritz's personality, which tended to wander into the darkness if left alone, Anna always looked towards the light. Because they had completely opposite ways of looking at things, he was sometimes exasperated and thought she was a fool, but her way of life, of believing in people without reservation and moving forward, was a guide for Ritz to live as a person.
His worn-out heart from his mercenary days was gradually being filled by his friend Edward and his beloved Anna.
“Lef’s village.”
“Huh?”
“Anna still blames herself for making you act as a spirit user.”
“…”
There were no words. The reason Ritz had been reluctant to disguise himself as a spirit user was not because he hated the clan, but because he disliked both seeing and showing the failure, the miserable self who, despite being of the Clan of Light, could not become like them. Now he understood.
It was the same as Lef, who had admired the Clan of Light. He had admired spirit users. Ritz probably had wanted to become a proper member of the Clan of Light.
To the silently downcast Ritz, Edward continued to speak without mercy.
“Even after leaving the village, Anna kept thinking about why you hated it so much, why you seemed so pained. I was in the same room as Anna the whole time, so I saw everything she was worrying about. On top of that, you said something careless to her, didn’t you?”
“Careless?”
“‘No matter what happens, don’t get hurt,’… wasn’t it?”
“!”
“From your words, Anna realized that the answer was in Ciedena, and she wanted to know it. And what she learned was that you were a lonely man who had not even been given a name. Anna believes she has deeply hurt your heart by making you play the part of a spirit, and by half-jokingly comparing you to her image of a spirit.”
“That’s… I…”
Not knowing what to say, Ritz was at a loss for words. It was okay now. It had become okay. Thanks to Anna. His own misery had been settled by acknowledging his desire to belong.
“You realized something and put down the burden you were carrying. But Anna took it upon herself. The past of having hurt you without knowing anything. Because Anna has always wanted to support you as her most important companion. To Anna, you are a decidedly different existence from me or Franz. Have you realized that?”
“…I’ve noticed.”
Considerably below her adoptive father Anton, but probably second. If Anna had a real older brother, this place where Ritz now stood would be the appropriate position.
“You also understand that the reason Anna feels that way about you is because you are too dependent on her, don’t you?”
Though his head was bowed, Ritz nodded. He was taking advantage of Anna’s kindness… it was absolutely true. Because she wanted to support him, he was taking advantage of that to touch her and, for one reason or another, was completely dependent on her.
When the unanswerable Ritz raised his eyes, they met Edward’s. A sharp light once again filled Edward’s pupils.
“If you are going to let Anna go for a limited time, if you want to keep her as a temporary plaything, then do not seek her any further.”
“Ed.”
“Don’t make that girl carry any more of your past. Are you going to make her carry your past, and then when the time comes, just cast her aside with that heavy burden? Even though she is desperately trying to support you.”
“…”
“To be frank, I was worried about you after I die. I thought that if Anna would live with you, I could die in peace.”
He couldn’t help but gasp and stare intently at Edward. He was too scared to speak.
Exposed under the faint moonlight, his figure showed an undeniable age. He was young for his years. Young, but Edward had surely reached an age closer to death than to life.
Edward will die. Sooner or later, his life will end. He knew that. He had fully accepted it and decided to spend his future with him, just like Patricia and Shasta. But when it was said out loud, his breath caught. When he realized it, he felt fear.
“But I was forced to realize with this incident that that was naive. In the end, you only think about yourself.”
The sharp tone and gaze, no different from his younger days, were fixed on Ritz and did not move. Ritz, too, was frozen and could not move. Without averting his gaze, in a tone that did not even permit escape, Edward continued to speak.
“When we went to the spirit settlement, if you had told me about your situation beforehand, I would not have taken you with me; I would have taken only Franz and Anna. Not for your sake, but for Anna’s and Franz’s. If you hadn’t been with them, the two of them would not have been so upset. After all, Verdigris would never have talked about you.”
He fell silent, not knowing what to say.
“On top of that, I would have questioned you in front of Anna and Franz. ‘Spit out all the past you’ve been holding in. If you don’t, I’ll force it out of the spirits if I have to.’ Because it is most important to know the facts from your own mouth.”
“…Is… that so…”
“Anna was certainly hurt to learn of your past position. But, the cruelest thing you did to Anna was not something like that. Do you understand?”
“…I don’t.”
“Then let me tell you. You made the worst possible choice. If you had told Anna yourself, ‘I’m treated as someone whose very existence is not acknowledged by the spirits. It will probably be quite painful in the settlement, but I’m sorry,’ then Anna would not have been hurt so much. But the words you said were, ‘Don’t you get hurt.’ Anna had been worrying all this time about what and how she would be hurt. She had been waiting silently, acting as usual, for you to tell her. Anna believed that you would tell her. If you had told her, Anna would have been angry at the spirits and cried, but after that, she would have moved to support you.”
Edward paused for a moment. Stealing a glance, he saw that his eyes were still filled with anger.
“And yet, she heard about your past not from you, whom she trusts, but from others, with malice. You didn’t deny it at all; you just endured and accepted it. Did you think that Anna, who was right next to you, wouldn’t notice how much you were enduring? Anna found out that you hadn’t confided in her about anything important.”
He finally understood what Edward was trying to say. At that moment, the blood drained from his face at his own selfishness.
“You told Anna to trust you, but with that attitude, you showed that you don’t trust her enough to tell her anything from the heart.”
When he raised his face and their eyes met, Edward showed an expression akin to pity.
“Anna just wants to be your support. Are you dissatisfied that it’s not romantic love? Can’t you accept Anna’s current feelings as they are?”
“…”
“In the first place, you’re always just running away. Saying you’ll be by her side for a limited time is a complete escape.”
“That’s not it! We live in different worlds…”
“No. That’s not it. You’re running away because you know Anna will die before you.”
“Before me… die?”
“Yes, that’s right. Just like me.”
“That’s, but she… longer than a person…”
“For now, she only lives twice as long, right? You say you live in different worlds? If you truly care for the other person, you can make it work somehow. If you truly love Anna, you should be able to live your life farming and running an orphanage. Am I wrong?”
Hit where it hurt, he stammered. In Ritz’s mind, that idea had been dismissed for the sole reason that it ‘didn’t suit his nature.’
“You just want that girl when you’re lonely. That’s the same as a child wanting a toy. Don’t you think so? Protecting her, cherishing her, that’s nothing more than your selfish delusion.”
“But I want to protect her, so…”
“And it’s fine to hide your own affairs without saying anything?”
“That’s not it!”
“Is pretending to be a good person and appealing to her maternal instincts to be coddled what you call protecting her? It seems your love has no regard for the other person’s feelings.”
“Ed…!”
“If you can’t share and give each other your hardships, then give up on loving someone from the start. It’s a waste of time. If you just want to be coddled, go to your favorite brothel.”
Cut down so sharply, Ritz couldn’t retort.
“Even if that girl were a half-breed of spirit and human, even if she were a half-breed with another clan, her lifespan is much shorter than yours. You don’t want to admit that, so you make up a convenient reason to run away. In the end, you’re just running away.”
He was speechless. He had probably known it in his heart. He had just pretended to forget because he didn't want to admit it.
“How you will spend the short time Anna is alive in this world, I will not know because I will be dead first. But as you are now, you will probably continue to run away from her feelings under the pretext of ‘protecting’ her, and in the end, you will hurt Anna. Just as you ran away from me, Shasta, and Patty for thirty-five years.”
Edward, who had been speaking emotionally until now, cut off his words. Before he knew it, twilight had enveloped the forest. The wind was a little cold.
Ritz, devastated by his own escapism, couldn’t stand up and remained seated. The exhilaration of feeling relieved from a moment ago was completely gone. He was just ashamed and pathetic for his own foolishness.
He wanted to protect Anna, not to hurt her. But protecting her by not telling her the facts, by shielding her from the painful reality, was painful for Anna.
Now he understood. Anna was trying to protect Ritz as an important companion, on equal footing.
And yet, he had misjudged Anna. Until now, Ritz had been unaware of it, just being dependent on her, convinced he was protecting her. Trust wasn’t supposed to be like that.
…He should have known.
Could he still make amends? But he didn't know what to do. The current Ritz was wearing many layers of useless pretense. Unlike his old self, it was unthinkable for him to willingly expose himself to others now.
“First, on the journey ahead, you should think about what you are going to do about your relationship with Anna. Will you spill everything in front of Anna and build a new trust with her, or should you return your relationship to that of mere companions in order to let her go for the limited time you mentioned?”
With that, Edward let out a deep sigh. Unable to bear it, Ritz looked down at the rock fragments and weeds blowing in the wind at his feet. He couldn't find any words anywhere in his head.
“Hey, Ritz. Anna is not like me, you know? We haven’t known each other as long as we have, and she doesn’t know the old you, so she can’t read your mind. Of course, I know you live in different worlds. But is it completely impossible to understand each other? If you love her, don’t you think you should try talking to her?”
He had never even considered such a thing.
Would Anna accept his past, where he could only cut down people? Would she still extend a hand to him even after knowing how many people he had killed?
“Ritz, there’s still time. Just try to think about it. Until you reach a conclusion.”
Calmly saying so, Edward gave a wry smile. When he timidly raised his face, there were warm eyes that were just worried about a friend as a best friend. On Edward’s face, matured with age, the face from when they first met, which had no hesitation, overlapped.
He hasn't changed, he thought fleetingly.
“I’m heading back. You come back when you’ve calmed down.”
Leaving those words behind, Edward started walking towards the house without looking back. His back disappeared as if melting into the forest, dyed in the dim twilight.
Blown by the cool wind, Ritz curled up into a small ball and hugged his knees, just as he had done in his childhood. Alone in the darkness, relying only on his own existence, just like in his lonely and solitary childhood.