Chapter 144 - <1>
Thank you for always reading (^^)
The Carefree Adventurers series is now entering its 11th volume.
I had wanted to make this one lighter since the last volume was so dark, but when I finished writing it, for some reason, it turned out dark anyway. The story has been crafted into something that surprises even me.
Sometimes, my own lack of planning is shocking.
Now, this time, the story centers on Franz-kun and Constanze, who were more in the shadows in the previous work.
What is the truth behind the unknown discord between the siblings?
And so begins Volume 11, "The Elegy That Echoes in the Big Top."
That night, in the middle of the night, Ritz was woken by a pained voice.
"A person...?"
He mumbled quietly, the words barely leaving his mouth. On the road, his sleep was orders of magnitude lighter than it was at an inn or at home. It was only natural when, even while resting, the danger of death was his constant companion.
Since leaving Ciedena, Franz's sister, Constanze, had joined them, and with the Saradio Guard Corps handling the night watch, there was no longer a need to stand guard themselves.
Until now, with Sara the Salamander as the main lookout, Ritz, Edward, and Lef—when he was with them—had taken turns, their nerves on edge even as they rested. In that respect, things had become considerably easier.
But unforeseen situations always arise in unexpected places. He reflexively reached for his sword before realizing the source of the voice. Ritz slowly retracted his hand and stared at the person groaning in distress—a most surprising person indeed.
The one sleeping right next to him, moaning painfully, was Anna, who had been incredibly energetic and cheerful as usual right up until she fell asleep.
For a moment, he wondered if she was dreaming about the discomfort of overeating, but her expression was too pained for that.
Looking closely at Anna's face in the light from Sara, her usual childlike, peaceful sleeping expression was gone, replaced by a pained look as if she were enduring something. He had never seen Anna make such a face.
He debated for a moment whether to wake her or leave her be, but he couldn't just ignore a suffering Anna.
While Franz would never wake up until the next morning once he fell asleep, Ritz was careful not to wake Edward, whose sleep on the road was as light as his own. Lying down, he stretched out a hand and gently shook Anna.
"Hey, Anna."
As he shook her and called her name softly, Anna's green eyes flew open. Her eyes locked onto Ritz, who was waking her, and for a split second, they filled with fear. Ritz did not miss it.
It was more than likely that he was the cause of her nightmare. But in the next instant, the fear vanished from Anna's eyes, and a long sigh escaped her.
"You scared me... Oh, it's you, Ritz."
"Sorry to wake you. You were having a nightmare."
When he apologized honestly, Anna slowly sat up.
"I'm sorry, too. Was I being loud?"
"No."
"I'm sorry. I'm okay now, so you can go back to sleep, okay?"
Anna smiled softly as she said it. She was probably planning to stay up and think about something by herself after he fell back asleep.
This desolate, rocky Traveler's Highway in Fornu got a bit chilly at night, even in summer. Anna remained seated, pulling the blanket she'd been wrapped in over her shoulders and hugging her knees to her chest. Watching her, Ritz propped himself up on his stomach, resting his cheek on his hand.
"Was I the cause?"
When he frankly asked what he had inferred from her earlier expression, Anna's eyes widened in surprise. She may have forgiven him for his past, but the terror she must have felt at that time couldn't be so easily forgotten.
It had only been about two weeks since that incident. Even if the person was trying to harm her, she wouldn't be able to quickly forget the horror of seeing an arm blown off right before her eyes.
But the words that came from Anna's lips were completely different from what he'd expected.
"No, you're not. I think... I'm the cause."
With that, Anna offered a faint smile. Whenever she made that expression, she looked so mature, but it was painful to see. He wanted Anna to be smiling, even if it meant she seemed childish.
"What were you dreaming about?"
Assuming no one else was watching, he asked gently. Anna just kept smiling silently and averted her gaze. That gesture concealed her reluctance to tell him, knowing he would worry.
"Hey, Anna."
He called out to her in a deliberately cheerful tone, and Anna tilted her head.
"Yes?"
"We're partners."
"Huh?"
"That's how I see our relationship. What about you? Am I not dependable enough as a partner?"
He put on a bright, mischievous expression as he said it, and Anna laughed as if drawn in by his mood.
"Of course you're dependable. You're super strong, Ritz."
"Just my strength?"
"Hmm, it's not just that..."
"So does that mean it's more than half of it?"
At that, Anna burst out laughing.
"You're overthinking it, Ritz."
It was Anna's usual smile. So he continued, speaking honestly.
"Then rely on me."
"Ritz..."
"It's a bit presumptuous of me to say this after showing you all my pathetic sides, but if you don't mind, let me share what you're carrying."
As he said it, he truly felt pathetic. He had been so preoccupied with his own problems that he hadn't been able to show Anna any consideration. He couldn't even imagine how much he'd hurt her over the past few months.
So from now on, he wanted to put himself second and be a source of strength for Anna as much as he could.
"When you killed those people with the Water Dragon, you kept it hidden and didn't say a word, right? I only found out about your suffering after that incident, the first time you used the Water Dragon."
Without consulting anyone, Anna had shouldered the pain of killing four people who had turned into monsters, never letting it show.
She had tremendous mental fortitude, but in their current situation, where he was the only one being supported, it felt oppressive.
When one person constantly carries the other's burden, it forces pain only on that one person. When that happens, whether it's in a job, a friendship, or a romantic relationship, it's impossible to continue for long.
Ritz had no intention of losing Anna so easily after such a short time. He wanted to walk through life with her for as long as possible.
"If something's bothering you, I'll think about it with you. You're the one who said we could find a solution if we worked together, right?"
He looked at Anna intently, speaking as if to persuade her. After a moment, Anna let out a deep, long sigh, just as she had before.
"I don't know if you'd call it a problem. It's just that I sometimes see them in my dreams."
Anna said it softly, as if talking to herself.
"See who?"
"...The people who died in front of me, the ones who ended up in situations that couldn't be fixed. They appear one after another. Laria-san, the butler, Marquis Walter and the others who became monsters, Jinny, Jin-san."
Anna lowered her gaze as she spoke.
"They say in my dream that if I had more wisdom and ability, I could have prevented the worst from happening. They say they died because of me. I think it's my fault too, but with my current abilities, there was nothing I could do."
So that was what weighed most heavily on her. During this journey, Anna, who was quick to get involved in everything, had found herself in quite a few dangerous situations. There were even a few times her life had been in peril.
But for her to be more concerned about others than herself—that was just like a child of the church. He spoke gently to Anna, who was hugging her knees tightly and looking up at the night sky.
"That's your own voice."
"..."
"It's not them blaming you. It's you blaming yourself."
"...You think so?"
Saving people was an incredibly difficult thing. Even Ritz, who had lived as a mercenary for many years, would have to say it was impossible if asked how to do it.
But there was one thing he could say.
"You've saved just as many people. Including me."
"Ritz?"
"It's true. I would have died for sure if you weren't here. The one who saved me was you, Anna. You should be proud of that."
"...Yeah."
"I'm not saying you should subtract the number of dead from the number of people you've saved. That's a different story. But it's not that you couldn't prevent the worst from happening. You did prevent the worst from happening. Even if it came at the cost of people's lives, you were able to protect what was important."
Did Anna understand?
If she hadn't used the Water Dragon back then and Edward had died, a civil war would have certainly erupted. The old royal faction versus the current royal faction. Though only thirty-some years had passed, blood would have once again stained the kingdom.
And the one who prevented it was none other than Anna.
"But... is that okay?"
"For now, it's fine. Not even the Goddess herself could probably save everyone."
"Not even the Goddess?"
"Yeah. So don't you go carrying everything on your shoulders. Your arms aren't big enough to hold it all. So let's think of a way to save the most people we can while still protecting what's precious to you."
"But..."
Watching Anna hesitate, he realized for the first time that she might be a bit of a perfectionist. He looked up at the seated Anna with a wry smile.
"Nobody gets everything right from the start, you know? Even now, I still can't figure out what the best course of action is. In other words, even I, who's lived one hundred twenty years longer than you, don't know what I don't know."
To encourage the downcast Anna, Ritz deliberately gave her a cheerful wink.
"So half of the problems you're carrying are mine. Hand 'em over."
"Even if you say to hand them over, they're not something I can give away so easily."
Though her voice was a bit weak, Anna looked at Ritz and smiled. If she could look him in the face, that meant the situation had improved a little.
"If you don't want to, I won't force you. But if something's hurting you, tell me."
"Okay."
"We've got time, so we can just keep searching together for a solution we can both be satisfied with."
"You're right."
The words sounded almost like a proposal. But now that his feelings for Anna had solidified, he had no intention of hastily trying to explain them away like he had before.
"Come on, let's get some sleep."
He smiled at Anna, and she let out a small sigh.
"Think you'll have the dream again?"
"Yeah. Once I have it, it usually lasts all night."
The dreams you least want to see are the ones that continue. Even Ritz had experience with being jolted awake by nightmares back when he first stepped onto a battlefield. And he would be startled awake by the same scene over and over again.
For someone as gentle as Anna, it must be incredibly tough.
Watching Anna start to rearrange her blanket, an idea suddenly struck him. Half of it was kindness, the other half was his own desire. It was worth a shot.
"Hey... want to sleep together?"
"Huh?"
"There's space here, you know?"
He jokingly patted his arm. He was inviting her to come into his arms, to use his arm as a pillow. He wanted to hold her, to protect her in his embrace; he had no intention of doing anything more to Anna.
He expected her to pout and refuse, telling him she wasn't a child, but Anna just tilted her head and asked earnestly.
"Is that okay? Won't your arm fall asleep?"
So that's what you're worried about, he thought inwardly as he gave her a smile.
"I haven't trained it to be that fragile."
Reassured by Ritz's confident tone, Anna let out a small breath.
"Okay then, I'll take you up on that."
Without any警戒心, Anna simply slid into his arms. He gave a wry smile at her complete lack of defense, as if she thought of him as nothing more than an adoptive father or a big brother.
In this situation, it was highly likely she would one day leave the nest. The thought of that lonely, grief-stricken future tightened his chest, yet for some reason, he found it amusing now.
Well, well, I wonder if the day will ever come when she sees me as a man. That'd be a nice consolation.
Anna must have noticed him smiling, as she peered up at his face inquisitively.
"Is something funny?"
"Not at all."
He gently hugged her warm body and stroked her head. Anna sighed in relief.
It seemed that while she was awake, Anna wasしっかりとしまい込んでくれているようだ。先ほどの恐怖の表情は、寝起きのしまい忘れだったのだろう。
After stroking her head in silence for a while, he noticed that Anna's breathing in his arms had become regular. Anna, a light sleeper, was surprisingly quick to fall asleep. Her earlier anguish seemed to have vanished, and she had fallen asleep in his arms in no time.
For the petite Anna, the large Ritz was apparently a bed with outstanding stability that completely enveloped her body.
If I'm being treated as bedding, am I even lower than a guardian? You don't usually feel wary of your bedding, he thought with another wry smile.
While being trusted this much was a guardian's greatest reward, he would be happier if she'd get a little more nervous or blush. Pinning his hopes on an unlikely future, he kissed the forehead and hair of the deeply sleeping Anna.
"Good night, my Anna."
He whispered softly and kissed her cheek. Anna happily pressed her forehead against his chest.
He was so incredibly happy. He had never once in his one hundred fifty years of life imagined he could feel such a gentle happiness. He savored the small moment of bliss.
He could now say from the bottom of his heart that it was wonderful to be alive.
"If you're that persistent, you'll wake her up."
Just as he was about to touch her forehead again, a sudden and terrifyingly calm voice spoke to him, making him jump.
"Do you know no moderation, you fool?"
"Ed, you... since when...?"
"Since the beginning."
If you were awake, you should have said so, Ritz thought sulkily, but he didn't say it out loud. If he did, the words would come back to him tenfold.
But Edward didn't attack any further. Instead, he let out a small sigh and asked Ritz an unexpected question.
"Besides your sword, what else do you have?"
It was a sudden question, but he answered curtly despite his confusion.
"...Nothing."
"I thought as much."
Then, after another moment of silence, Edward continued in a low mumble.
"It would be good if you two could live on without adding any more people to Anna's dreams."
Ritz fell silent at the heavy words.
He loved Anna. For now, he was fine with it being one-sided, fine with her not seeing him as a man, but he wanted to support her and be with her for as long as he could from now on.
But that was an ideal, not reality. If one could live on ideals alone, there would be nothing more wonderful, but Ritz was not at an age where he could get swept up in such ideals and charge ahead.
It had been forty years since he had come of age and become involved in human society. For a normal human, that was the age of a considerable old man who had seen both the good and bad sides of the world.
Thankfully, he looked young now, so he could live by ideals and probably get away with charging ahead with the excuse of youth.
But somewhere in his heart, something was stopping him. Reality, which followed him everywhere.
Yes, it cost money to live.
For now, Ritz still had the savings he had earned during his few months as a minister. Their travel funds consisted of that and the small amount of money the three of them had earned in Tushil and Faldina.
Even that was barely enough for travel, to the point where Edward, seeing Franz desperately calculating in his head, would sometimes offer to pay.
And currently, most of their food and miscellaneous expenses were being covered by Franz's sister, Constanze. Or rather, they were receiving provisions from her party, which had bought a staggering amount of food, on the condition that they would cook the meals.
Suppose that Ritz met with Orphe, learned the meaning of the gem, found Anna's parents, and returned to the Royal Capital with Edward and Franz.
But even if he went back to the capital, Ritz would be unemployed. Unlike Edward, he had no prospects of income. In the capital, the only jobs he could think of for himself were being a bodyguard, a port laborer, or working in a tavern.
If Ritz returned to his original profession as a mercenary, he would undoubtedly be able to make a decent living financially. However, the job was killing people, something Anna would find most unacceptable.
And suppose Ritz took on the role of a caretaker at the orphanage to accommodate Anna. This, too, would likely provide a decent living. If he could suppress the urge to wander that gnawed at him.
If they each took on jobs that were too far removed from who they currently were, pain and dissatisfaction would gradually accumulate. When that intensified, it would become impossible for them to support each other, and from there, cracks would form in their relationship, eventually leading to it breaking.
He silently hugged Anna, who was sleeping in his arms. Would they be able to find a job where they could both realize their ideals and also be financially stable?
"I'll think about it too, but the one who should ultimately come up with the answer is you two... especially you."
"...I know."
Listening to Anna's regular breathing, Ritz let out a small sigh.
For now, there was time. It was fine if it took time, but he wouldn't take the easy way out. He would face it head-on and think seriously. He had to settle the debts of his past in order to live with Anna.
For the sake of a future he looked to with hope for the first time in his life.
Ritz let out a deep sigh and buried his face in Anna's hair. The sweet scent of her hair tickled his nose, making him feel incredibly happy. It was a shame, he thought, that if they were lovers, he would be truly happy, but it couldn't be helped.
Besides, if Anna at her age became his lover, he would struggle with where to direct his desires, so this was probably for the best.
Ritz closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, various occupations floating through his mind.
A profession where his sword skills, or at least his physical strength, would be useful, where he could bring joy to people, and where he could travel around. Did such a thing even exist?