Chapter 91 - <13>
In the middle of the night, Ritz suddenly awoke. Nothing in particular had happened, but for some reason, his eyes had just opened. He realized the curtains were wide open, and moonlight was pouring in, almost dazzlingly bright.
Come to think of it, he had gone to bed early today, probably because he was tired. That might be why he had woken up at such an hour.
He casually opened the window, and a gust of cold air rushed in. This room had once been used by the master of the house, so it had a fine view of the garden.
The moonlit garden, even without being perfectly manicured, was somehow beautiful, letting one feel the breath of nature. Ritz, who was often out at night, knew this well.
But tonight, the scenery was a little different. Looking closely, he saw someone in the garden. A small shadow, sitting alone on the stone terrace, was clearly Anna's.
She was hugging her knees, her head slightly bowed. Her unbound hair covered her face, so he couldn't tell what expression she was making or what she was thinking. But even from here, he could see that her cold-weather gear wasn't very thick.
"What is she doing? She'll catch a cold…"
Ritz muttered, then wrapped himself in his military-issue cold-weather cloak and grabbed a blanket that was nearby. He quietly made his way downstairs through the silent house, gently opened the door, and stepped outside.
It was much colder than he had expected.
He quietly approached Anna and, without a word, draped the blanket over her from above. Her small back twitched in surprise.
"You scared me."
Anna's wide eyes, peeking out from under the blanket, turned toward him. Even in the moonlight, her emerald eyes shone brightly.
"Oh, it's you, Ritz…"
"I'm the one who should be surprised. What are you doing out here? If you fall asleep out here, you'll die, you know?"
When he said it teasingly, Anna offered a mature smile. It was an expression he hadn't seen in a long time, one from her days in Vishnu.
"You almost died before, didn't you, Ritz?"
When she put it like that, he had no comeback.
"My bad."
He muttered with a small sigh, then sat down next to her without asking permission, pulling his military cloak tighter. The ground was freezing, and the cold seeped up from below.
Cold-weather gear over pajamas was surprisingly chilly. That was careless of him.
But to be defeated by the cold now, to simply stand up and go back, was something his pride wouldn't allow. He would endure it.
"What are you doing out here? It's the middle of the night."
When Ritz asked, Anna thought for a moment before answering.
"I slept all the way from dinner, so I guess I just woke up. What about you, Ritz?"
"I woke up too."
He said it with a smile, but the cold was really getting to him. Maybe he should head back before he started shivering. As he was thinking that, Anna offered him the blanket.
"No, it's fine. You use it."
When he tried to act tough, Anna's lips curved into an amused smile.
"But you're shivering, Ritz."
Apparently, it was obvious how cold he was. It was utterly pathetic.
"Let's share the blanket."
After a moment's hesitation at the gentle temptation, Ritz admitted defeat.
"…Let me in."
He had no idea what he was doing, coming all the way out here.
As prompted by Anna, the two of them draped the blanket over their shoulders and silently watched the moonlit garden. Then, Anna murmured softly.
"Ritz, do you think I'm very blessed?"
Not understanding the meaning of her sudden question, Ritz tilted his head.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm an orphan, but I'm blessed, I haven't known hardship, and so… maybe I'm not living with all my might?"
Anna hugged her knees again, just as before. Her hair flowed down, hiding her expression.
"Anna?"
"What does it mean to live desperately? I wonder if I'm different."
It didn't seem like she was speaking for Ritz to hear. She was merely voicing the words that were repeating in her head. So Ritz remained silent.
"If I had been born in the slums of this city, as an orphan, would I have lived my life envying and being jealous of others? Did I become who I am now because I was blessed?"
He had heard that Jinny was one of the maids who had disappeared. She had probably been waiting for her companions at the port when she was caught by the Military Police.
"What did Jinny say to you?"
"Things like, was I an orphan who was taken a fancy to by a priest at a church… or did I seduce a rich traveler and have them buy me a mansion and shower me with money, and…"
"…I see."
"It's not like that at all."
"That's right. At the very least, I'm not rich, and I don't remember being made to buy you a mansion. Franz used to be rich, though."
"…Ritz, I'm being serious…"
Glared at with upturned eyes, Ritz fell silent.
"…Sorry."
Anna let out a small sigh and rested her chin on her hugged knees.
"Hey, Ritz. If I had been born in the same place as Jinny, would I be living a life full of jealousy and envy, suffering because of it? Would I have become that kind of person…? If I'm not that kind of person, can I not understand Jinny…?"
He was starting to understand what this was about.
Anna always worried about saving people. But Anna couldn't save Jinny. She was in prison now.
If I had been able to persuade her back then… If I had been able to understand her, could I have stopped her? Was that what she was thinking?
She was repeating the words that were thrown at her by the girl she ultimately couldn't connect with, trying to understand them.
"I think Jinny's way of thinking is wrong, though."
When he murmured that, Anna looked up.
"How is it different?"
"It's true you're lucky. I'll admit that. Having Priest Anton as your adoptive father was one piece of luck. But Anna, you could have chosen to see your circumstances as unfortunate, you know?"
Not understanding what he meant, Anna looked up at Ritz with confused eyes.
"Because you became the adopted daughter of a priest, you couldn't do what you wanted and were forced to pray and take care of children. It's possible to think that you're unfortunate."
"That's… that's not…"
Ritz cut off the wide-eyed, denying Anna and continued.
"The same goes for meeting me. If that man hadn't come, you could have lived peacefully in Vishnu, but I dragged you into all sorts of things, what a real nuisance… it's possible to think that way, you know?"
"I've never thought that!"
Anna looked up at Ritz's face and glared at him sharply. Ritz gently asked her.
"…Why do you think that is?"
"Huh?"
At his question, Anna fell silent, looking lost. She probably couldn't think of an answer. After a short silence, Ritz spoke.
"Because it's you. Because you are always striving to be positive."
Anna listened silently, as if savoring Ritz's words. Without waiting for her answer, Ritz continued.
"Somewhere inside the person that is Anna, there might be a heart like Jinny's lurking. But you would never acknowledge it, and you would never allow yourself to have such thoughts, would you?"
"Yeah."
Anna answered softly.
"It's true that the environment you grew up in might have made you that way. But the majority of it is your own effort. Am I wrong?"
For a while, the two of them fell into a silent contemplation. The wind blew coldly against their cheeks, but Anna didn't seem to even notice. After a moment, Anna looked up.
"But still, that means I'm blessed, doesn't it…"
Anna murmured, looking a little anxious. Honestly, this girl. Ritz deliberately spoke in a cheerful tone.
"Let's say you were born in the slums here, Anna. You're the daughter of a laundress. You live with your younger brother and your mother. Every single day is laundry. And your friend Joe, who lives nearby, sometimes comes to visit."
"Okay."
"In that life, are you unhappy?"
Anna looked up.
"I'm not unhappy. I have my mother and brother, and I have friends, right? I think that sounds nice."
"Alright, then let me tell you another story. Jinny said she'd be happy if she had money, right? In that case, what about Franz? When he was in the city of Saradio, was he happy? Now he's not particularly rich, he doesn't have servants, and there's no one in the city fawning over him. Is he unhappy now?"
When he used that cheerful example, Anna let out a small laugh.
"You're right, you're right."
"So, in the end, it all comes down to how you think."
He was saying something quite profound. He was aware of that.
Ritz himself was a man who had, just a short while ago, given up on living, all because of his own way of thinking. He really had no right to say such things. And he couldn't affirm his own way of life enough to convince Anna.
Still… even if it was just logic he understood in his head, he wanted to give Anna courage.
"I see… If I blamed everything on my environment, it would be like denying all the hard work Joe is putting into his sword training right now. Joe was envious of people, but he was never jealous of me."
Anna said this and then sighed deeply.
"…She said I should have grown up poor, yearning for wealth, envying it, and suffering because of it."
She said it in a whisper, then leaned against Ritz. Accepting the weight on his shoulder, Ritz replied.
"I see."
"She said then I would have become like Jinny. But, you know, is it okay for me to believe that I could have stayed myself even in that situation?"
To her softly asked question, Ritz answered forcefully.
"It's okay. I guarantee it."
This alone wasn't a lie. It wasn't just logic either. Ritz knew that Anna could live that way. He thought that radiance was dazzling.
"I'm so glad. I wasn't wrong, then."
Her upturned eyes were soft and moist with relief. He gently wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. Their touching bodies were warm.
"You weren't wrong."
"Thank you, Ritz."
After that, Anna fell silent.
It was quiet.
A world of silence where nothing moved except the grass swaying in the occasional breeze and the clouds blocking the moonlight. The scene was hushed, usually appearing cold and lonely.
But today, it wasn't lonely. On the contrary, it was almost blissful.
…If only it weren't so cold.
After a while, Ritz noticed something was off with Anna. He had thought she was just thinking, but it had been too long for that.
"Anna?"
He peeked at her, and Anna was sleeping soundly in his arms, looking completely at ease. Her expression was truly peaceful and innocent.
"Hey, don't fall asleep."
He gave her a small nudge, but there was no reaction. She must be exhausted. Of course she was. It hadn't even been a day since then.
"Jeez…"
He felt an unwavering trust directed at him from the weight on his shoulder and the warmth of her body. Ritz gazed at Anna's happy sleeping face. An indescribable feeling of bliss filled his heart.
She was pure and innocent, possessed a kindness that allowed her to truly care for others from the bottom of her heart, and had the strength to believe in herself and keep moving forward.
To Ritz, Anna was a dazzling, beautiful treasure. He was truly grateful to Anton for entrusting her to travel with him.
Unable to resist, he pulled Anna's body tightly against his and buried his face in her hair. In the scent of Anna's hair, something that had been lurking in the depths of his heart floated to the surface.
He loved her. He never wanted to let her go.
The moment he felt that, he felt like something that had been missing in his head clicked into place.
A sigh escaped him as he finally acknowledged his feelings.
He now understood everything he had been feeling toward Anna since that time.
"…Am I an idiot?"
He muttered self-deprecatingly, but the thought was too firmly rooted within him to be shaken off.
'Can't I live with you?'
When Anna had said that to him, that feeling must have sprouted within Ritz.
The desire, like a prayer, to live the rest of his life with Anna, to not give her to anyone else, and his love for her.
It was almost laughable… how fragile he was.
She was the worst possible person to harbor such feelings for. Even though he had lived for thirty years, Anna was still a child.
That was why he hadn't been able to acknowledge this love even to himself, and had unconsciously tried to cover it up, avoiding her or acting like a guardian.
And yet, this feeling for Anna had taken firm root within him and settled in. Without him even realizing it.
No matter how he thought about it, it seemed impossible to pretend this feeling didn't exist anymore.
Sighing again, he gently touched Anna's long hair. From between the strands of her flowing hair, her peaceful sleeping face came into view.
She was supposed to be the same Anna as always, yet she felt completely different, and his chest ached. Because he knew he could never live with her.
Now that he had realized his feelings for Anna, he could no longer deceive himself. But it was possible to hide it from her.
"Anna…"
Confirming she was sound asleep, he leaned down and gently kissed her forehead. In its warmth, an almost maddening love welled up inside him.
"…I love you, Anna."
Because she couldn't hear, because he knew it would never reach her, he was able to whisper it.
Ritz was a mercenary, a man who made his living by killing.
And Anna was the adopted daughter of a priest, a woman who found happiness in saving lives.
Though their paths in life might cross, they would never be together. They were in the middle of that intersection now, and eventually, they would return to their separate paths.
Until Anna met her parents and was able to live happily, or until she learned everything and returned to Anton's side, he would protect this child.
As a precious companion, just as before.
There was nothing beyond that. That was enough.
He didn't want to cause Anna any worry or anxiety after their paths diverged.
Unless Anna wished for Ritz, as a man, to be by her side, he would never tell her anything.
"Not that there's a snowball's chance in hell of that happening."
He muttered in a low voice, then gently pressed his lips to Anna's cheek again. He knew Anna's personality. It was his own fault for falling in love.
Honestly, the way she slept so peacefully. Oblivious to what was on his mind.
"Alright, up we go."
Lifting the sleeping Anna into his arms, Ritz stood up. If he let her sleep here, she would really catch a cold.
"Honestly, you're a handful."
Muttering this with a mix of sighs, complex feelings, and affection, Ritz opened the front door.
In the morning, when Anna woke up, she was sleeping in Ritz's bed.
"Huh?"
She was sure she had been talking with Ritz in the garden. It seemed she had fallen asleep after that. She must have caused Ritz trouble again.
Looking around, she saw Ritz's figure, half-falling off the sofa as he slept. For someone so tall, sleeping on a sofa was impossible.
Anna got out of bed and looked at the clock placed in the corner of the room. It was her usual wake-up time. She probably hadn't slept for very long, but she felt well-rested.
Thanks to Ritz, her worries were gone, and she felt perfectly fine. At this rate, she wouldn't have to miss her morning prayers or cleaning.
"Ritz, hey, Ritz."
She shook Ritz on the sofa, and he sat up with a grumpy look on his face. He had dark circles under his eyes. It seemed he hadn't slept well.
"Good morning. Sorry for borrowing your bed."
When she said this cheerfully, Ritz nodded while scratching his head.
"Joe locked the door from the inside…"
Come to think of it, Joe had a habit of locking the door when he went to the bathroom in the middle of the night. That must have been why Ritz ended up giving Anna his bed.
"Did you sleep well?"
Ritz asked Anna in a low, raspy, just-woken-up voice. Even though he looked grumpy, she was happy that he was worried about her.
"Yeah. I slept great!"
When she answered with all her energy, Ritz nodded and stood up.
"That's good… then give me back my bed. I'm going back to sleep…"
With his back hunched, Ritz shuffled toward his bed.
"Good night."
When Anna said this to Ritz's back, he gave a lazy wave with one hand without turning around. It seemed she would be in the way if she stayed here any longer.
As she put her hand on the door to leave, Anna remembered something she hadn't said to Ritz yet.
She turned back, and Ritz was just about to crawl into the bed that Anna had been occupying.
"Ritz."
"…Hmm?"
Anna gave her brightest smile to Ritz, who slowly turned around with a sleepy reply.
"I love you."
"…"
For a moment, Ritz's body seemed to stiffen. Was it just her imagination?
"I'm sorry for saying I hated you."
"Ah, ahh, that…"
The night before she ran away, she had said that during their fight. Anna had remembered Ritz's hurt face from that moment and had regretted it ever since.
"I wasn't bothered by it, so just let me sleep a little."
Ritz pulled the covers over his head. He seemed really sleepy, and it would be wrong to bother him any further.
"Good night, Ritz. I'll come wake you up when breakfast is ready."
"Mmm…"
Anna said this, then left the room with a light step and quietly closed the door.
Left alone in the room, Ritz peeked his head out from under the covers. For a moment, he had been terrified that she had found out what he had done last night, but that didn't seem to be the case.
He was relieved about that, but Anna's dazzling smile and unwavering words as she left were burned into his mind. It was a complicated mix of guilt and happiness.
"This is killing me…"
He slumped forward, resting his elbows on his raised knees and propping his head in his hands. What was he doing, getting flustered over a single phrase like that? And after he had just decided to hide everything from Anna.
Well, the only saving grace was that Anna was dense, and that was it.
Sighing, he crawled into the bed, which still held Anna's warmth. He felt a little bit of happiness in that warmth.
But he felt foolish for feeling that way.
For now, he just wanted to fall asleep. It would be a great help if he could wake up and find that this feeling had disappeared.
It seemed the journey ahead was going to be an unprecedented trial for him.
And that's the end of Volume 7. How was it? Has it started to become a bit of a romantic comedy? From now on, the love story between Ritz and Anna will sway and sway, get tangled and tangled, and develop at a maddeningly slow pace (according to readers of the doujinshi version).
Please look forward to it! (Whaaat?)
This volume concludes the Yuresla Royal Capital arc. The next volume will be a light, intermission-like volume before the transition to the Eneonea Continent arc.
Before that, please enjoy the usual extra chapter, Dinner on the Road.
It's packed with romantic comedy elements (lol).