Chapter 170 - 2-52
His Highness told me he wanted to tear down the wall between us and speak of trivial things. By "wall," I assumed he meant the superficial conversations where we both hid our true feelings.
For His Highness and me, who had never exchanged anything but formal pleasantries, this time in the Spirit Land felt like a chance to start over from our very first meeting.
Of course, having spent three years with Louis-sama, getting to know His Highness might not be that difficult. Yet, the more we spoke, the more the differences in thought and action between Louis-sama and this version of His Highness became clear.
For instance, when Louis-sama speaks to me, he always looks into my eyes and nods with a gentle smile. At times, he laughs loudly or pouts with his lips jutted out; he is quite expressive.
In contrast, His Highness maintains a somewhat more mature expression. Though their gentle smiles are the same, his voice when he agrees with me is lower and more composed than Louis-sama's.
Because of this, the more we talked, the more I witnessed sides of His Highness I had never known.
"Do you remember the first time we met?"
Sitting beside me on the lakeside bench, His Highness asked the question while resting his clasped hands on his knees.
"You and I, Your Highness? If I recall, it was at Lady Queen's tea party."
"Ah, yes. At the tea party in the palace garden. Even though it was your first formal gathering at the palace as a noble, you were overflowing with confidence. Even before royalty, your eyes remained straight and undaunted."
"...I was simply ignorant of the world back then."
Just as I had resolved to face my past self head-on, the memory of my former, self-important ego rushed back. I wanted to flee from the sheer embarrassment. I looked down, feeling my cheeks flush crimson, but from beside me, I heard the sound of a soft, amused chuckle.
"The way you gazed at the flowers in the garden with such joy was endearing... I thought you were very beautiful. You, specifically."
I never dreamed I would hear such words from His Highness. I slowly lifted my head, only to find him smiling as he watched the gentle ripples of the lake with calm eyes.
"...I wonder why I forgot."
The words were whispered like a solitary mutter.
"And you? What was your impression of me?"
"When we first met? Let me see. I thought a prince from the picture books I had read so many times had jumped out of the pages and appeared before me."
I thought back to when I was ten years old, invited to the palace tea party for the first time. From among many distant memories, I summoned the moment I first met His Highness during the greetings to the royal family.
"Also, I felt you were somehow different from the other children around me... that you possessed a very mature atmosphere."
"I was already skilled at forced smiles back then. There is no doubt I lacked any sense of childishness."
My eyes widened at his words. I had heard stories of his childhood from Louis-sama before, but I never expected to hear the same things from His Highness himself. However, he seemed to interpret my reaction differently.
"Ah, I see. You have already heard about such things, haven't you? From the 'me' of this world."
His Highness smiled with lowered brows, and I found myself at a loss for words.
"Um..."
"Forgive me. You must be worried about my previous comment—that speaking of the 'me' in this world would make me uncomfortable. ...It is true that you and the 'me' of this world have shared time that I do not possess. It is only natural that you already know how I lived and how I felt as a child."
His Highness muttered a small, "...Though I am jealous," before turning his face toward me.
"I told you, didn't I? I want to speak honestly with you today. ...Still, was it unexpected? That I would bare myself to this extent?"
"Y-yes. It was. To be honest, I am surprised. To me, Your Highness was a close existence as a fiancé, yet also a distant one. And, after all, considering how the end came..."
"Are you afraid of me?"
"Not at all! ...No, that is not true. It would be a lie to say I am not afraid. Even now, there are moments when I wonder if this happiness is a dream. I fear that the version of me murdered in the forest might simply vanish into nothingness. Of course, the mistakes I made are my own responsibility. But even now, I sometimes see it in my dreams. It remains so vivid..."
Despite seeing the Saint bleeding, I had turned my eyes away from my crimes, trying to justify my actions. In response, His Highness had only directed a cold gaze toward me.
Just remembering that look made me tremble with fear even now. I had never forgotten those days. Not the foolishness, the terror, nor the guilt. Everything was carved deeply into my heart.
"I see... Yes, of course. I knew far too little about you. When that incident occurred, I felt only anger toward you. Anger that you, my fiancée, had caused a major incident that threw the country into chaos."
"...I am truly sorry."
"No, that is not it. I should have known well enough how terrifying the palace is, and how corrupt aristocratic society can be, yet I made no effort to protect you. Knowing how many people would try to entrap someone in your position, I found you troublesome and kept my distance. I should have understood how that would make others perceive you... I have no excuse for failing to realize that."
"No, Your Highness showed me sufficient consideration as a fiancé. You always prioritized me in public. I was the one who failed to fulfill my duties as a fiancée."
"Duties, hm? Yes. Everything was a duty."
Perhaps that mutual awareness was exactly what had built the wall between us. His Highness seemed to feel the same, falling into a thoughtful silence.
The space was so quiet that the gentle sound of the lake's waves was audible. It was strangely peaceful, devoid of any awkwardness.
It was His Highness who broke the silence.
"The divergence was three years ago, was it? ...Right. When we were attending the academy, we had those weekly tea parties, didn't we?"
"Yes. The tea parties where Your Highness would drink tea beautifully for thirty minutes without letting your plastered-on smile slip once, as a matter of duty. You would give moderate nods to my trivial stories, and then Cyril would come to fetch you exactly thirty minutes later."
"Cyril used to give me sarcastic remarks every time, telling me not to use him as a summoning boy."
"I can practically see Cyril's grumpy face now."
"Can't you?"
As I giggled, His Highness narrowed his eyes gently.
"Looking back now, it is embarrassing that I could boast so confidently to a version of Your Highness who seemed so uninterested."
"I feel the same. I decided your stories had no value and let them pass from one ear to the other while I thought about work."
"My! Well, in truth, I doubt there was a single story of any importance. What I learned in class that day, or what the trends among noble ladies were... I imagine it was all like that."
It was strange; saying it out loud made me feel as though I could look at my past self objectively.
"Even so, that closed-off world was my everything. The world I knew consisted of how a noble should be, manners, women's trends, and gossip. And then there was me, proud of my mana and my ability to use rare magic. That was all. I never even thought about the state of the country or the lives of the people, let alone how to use my magic for the kingdom's sake. I never even considered it."
"...I also believed that was simply what a noble lady was. I put Rachel into that framework, never trying to expand your world or admitting the narrowness of my own perspective. And yet, I loathed you for being inside that very framework."
Noble ladies have their own ways of living, their own battles, and their own positions. However, I had failed to consider how to utilize my position, my status, or the magic I was born with.
And so, buoyed by the sweet words of Katrina-sama and those around me, I had been danced about without knowing right from wrong.
"A world where people praised me and whispered sweet words for my sake without making me think deeply was very easy. But my eyes were so clouded that I failed to realize how superficial and filled with malice that world truly was."
"You are likely someone easily influenced. In a narrow world full of malice, that trait was a disadvantage. But now, you have learned the breadth of the world and experienced its good and evil firsthand. That is why your straightforward purity has become a strength that does not waver."
His Highness's azure eyes stared straight into mine. He took a strand of my hair fluttering in the breeze and stroked it gently with his fingers.
"It is something I do not possess. Perhaps that is why you look so incredibly dazzling to me."
When he stopped stroking it, my hair slid smoothly from his hand. His Highness simply watched it fall with a sorrowful gaze and a troubled smile.
Before we knew it, the setting sun had begun to dye the lake orange. We watched in silence as the cooling sun seemed to be swallowed by the water.
As the edge of the sky turned to indigo, His Highness and I left the lakeside.
His Highness stopped and looked back many times, as if reluctant to leave. He surveyed the surroundings as if to burn today's scenery into his memory.
By the time we returned to the gate of the detached palace, the area was completely shrouded in darkness, and a sky full of stars stretched overhead.
"Your Highness, what shall we do tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow..."
When I spoke to him in front of his room door, His Highness wore a blank expression. It was as if he hadn't even considered the concept of tomorrow.
"Is something the matter?"
"No. Tomorrow, I see."
He smiled sadly and whispered, "I really wish it would come."
That small murmur reached my ears only in fragments. When I asked him to repeat it, His Highness shook his head.
"No. ...If you would like, shall we talk here again tomorrow?"
"Yes, of course."
Strangely, His Highness had been waiting for my answer with a lack of confidence. But when I nodded immediately to show my agreement, a look of relief washed over his face.
"Then, until tomorrow."
"Yes. ...Ah, Rachel. Good night."
"Yes. Good night."
After giving his greeting, His Highness smiled with satisfaction, turned his back to me, and walked toward his own room.
For some reason, watching his back gave me an ominous feeling.
"Your Highness!"
Before I knew it, I had called out to him as his hand reached for the door.
"Hm? What is it?"
He turned back toward me, his eyes wide with surprise. It was only natural since I had called him, but I felt a strange sense of relief that he responded. Even though he was right there in front of me, a groundless premonition that he might vanish swirled uneasily in my chest.
"...We will meet again, won't we?"
Why was I asking such a thing? But I felt that if I didn't ask, I might never see him again. In response, His Highness gave me a gentle smile.
"Thank you. ...Good night."
Leaving those words behind, I watched his retreating figure as he entered the room.