Chapter 186 - 2-68
Inside the carriage returning to the royal castle, I bowed my head to Louis-sama.
"Louis-sama, thank you. Given your plans, it must have been problematic for you to appear in such a public place at this stage."
"Don't worry about it. There is no plan of mine that doesn't include your safety. As I've said many times, you are my top priority, Rachel."
He smiled as if it were nothing, making my heart ache with warmth. Louis-sama always thought of me and put me first. Not only that, but there was a dangerous sense that he might even throw away everything he had built for my sake. That feeling made me happier than anything, yet it also brought tears to my eyes. I hated the idea of becoming a burden to him more than anything else.
"Even so, I have enough strength to stand my ground if it comes to it. I don't want you to sacrifice everything for me."
"Rachel, I have never once sacrificed anything for you. It's all for myself. I do these things because I don't want to see you hurt. Because I want to protect you. It's a selfish way of thinking, isn't it?"
He smiled with a troubled look, and if we hadn't been in a carriage, I would have struggled to suppress the urge to embrace him right then and there.
"I'm not doubting your strength. Please believe me on that."
Louis-sama's hand overlapped mine on my lap, a gentle warmth spreading through me. When I met his gaze, his eyes—the color of the sea under a moonlit sky—seemed to pull me in.
"My blood ran cold. I was wary of Faust, of course, but I didn't expect him to take such impulsive action. Like parent, like child, I suppose."
Louis-sama let out a deep sigh and squeezed my hand tightly. "...I'm sorry."
"Eh?"
"The other day, I acted out against you, even though you were speaking out of concern for me."
"No! I was the one who ignored your feelings... I'm the one who should apologize."
If this incident hadn't happened today, Louis-sama and I might still be harboring awkward feelings toward each other. But I realized that having different values isn't necessarily a bad thing. The things we can't give up and the things we can compromise on can only be discovered through dialogue.
I wanted to know Louis-sama better, and I wanted to spend my days by his side, seeing him smile. That was why I wanted to understand his thoughts and share my own, becoming the person who understood him best.
Furthermore, today's events made one thing very clear. To me, a mother's love was always a warm, protective embrace. But for some, it was different.
"I thought about it because of Prince Faust. Love... if handled incorrectly, can become a curse."
"A curse?"
"Lady Minerva devoted her life to making Prince Faust the Crown Prince, believing it was for his sake. But Prince Faust, burdened by excessive expectations and having his happiness decided for him, had his heart broken. It's just like a curse, isn't it?"
To me, Prince Faust's situation felt like a codependency with his mother. He lived exactly as she told him, and when he failed, he threw tantrums. Both Prince Faust, who had failed to grow up, and Lady Minerva, who couldn't let go of her child because she saw his life as her own, seemed to be strangling each other. Even as they became weights around each other's necks, they remained chained together, unable to part. I felt suffocated just imagining being in that environment.
Louis-sama let out a deep sigh at my words. "The form of a parent and child is a difficult thing."
"Blood relations might make love easier to foster, but whether that is true love for the child or love for them as an extension or possession of oneself is entirely different. In the latter case, the person they truly love is not the child, but themselves. If you truly love someone, you shouldn't try to make them do as you wish for your own ego."
"What do you think true love is, then?"
"I wonder. Paving a smooth road and removing all obstacles so they don't trip might be a form of love. But that also takes away their ability to walk on their own."
"What would you do, Rachel?"
"Let's see. My parents allowed me to be free. But when I was little and fell down crying, my mother would hold me and say, 'That must have hurt.' Even if it was painful, her warmth made the pain fly away. Perhaps that's why I was able to walk freely on my own without fear."
Looking back, my childhood memories were filled with my parents watching over me and giving me plenty of affection. Even after I grew up, they were always there to listen whenever I consulted them. They never forced their opinions on me, never robbing me of the chance to think for myself. Even if my choices resulted in failure, they respected what I wanted to do.
"If I were a parent, I would want to be like them."
"They are good parents. That's likely why you have the kindness to reach out without hesitation when someone stumbles. Just as your parents taught you."
Watching Louis-sama's gentle smile, I felt as though he had taught me something once again. Louis-sama always respected me and valued what I wanted to do and how I thought. That was his way of showing love. And yet, I had only been looking at his happiness through my own yardstick and experiences.
"The reason you reject Lady Aurelia is because your younger self had to do so to survive. And yet, I selfishly decided what your happiness should be and pushed for dialogue... even though you didn't want that at all."
"Rachel..."
"People interpret the same facts differently based on affection or malice. You were trying to judge the facts calmly, yet I tried to act on emotion. It was a great mistake."
"No, that's not it. I'm the same. Even if my mother were to talk to me now and tell me she truly loved me back then, I wouldn't feel anything. The young boy who yearned for that is gone, and I don't want her to seek a son in me now. More than anything, I don't want to be disappointed anymore."
Louis-sama's words suggested he had experienced enough disappointment from his mother to last a lifetime.
"What matters most to me is your heart, Louis-sama. If you don't wish for it, there is no need to force a reconciliation with Lady Aurelia. I am truly sorry for not realizing that."
"It's alright, Rachel. You did it because you were thinking of me, didn't you? If so, please don't worry about it anymore and just smile."
He smiled with a look of concern, and my heart tightened with so much affection I felt like crying.
"Just how much do you intend to spoil me, Louis-sama?"
"As much as it takes. That is my way of loving you."
Ah, the man I love is truly wonderful.
His smile seemed to shine even brighter in the moonlight. Feeling the sway of the carriage, I realized that the more time I spent with him and the more I learned about him, the more I fell in love with him over and over again.
I found myself wishing that this peaceful time alone with Louis-sama on the way back to the palace could last forever.
When we arrived, it seemed Prince Ricardo had already arranged for us to return to our rooms in secret, so I walked through the quiet corridors with Louis-sama. The heavy atmosphere from before had vanished, and as we chatted, I decided to ask something that had been on my mind.
"By the way, Louis-sama, how long were you standing outside the door? I didn't hear a sound."
"Really? Theodore used his magic to warp me right in front of the door. As for the knights outside, it would have been a problem if they shouted or called for reinforcements, so I approached quietly and knocked them out."
I see. Even in that situation, I would have noticed a commotion outside the door. But if Theodore-sama's magic was involved, it makes sense. However, his answer brought up another question.
"And how much of my conversation with Prince Faust did you hear? I feel like I said some rather embarrassing things."
Looking back, I realized I had been quite assertive. Louis-sama crossed his arms and thought for a moment, his eyes narrowing happily as a slight blush colored his cheeks.
"From around the part where Rachel said... that you have no husband other than me."
"What! From there? That's so embarrassing! If you were there, you should have come in sooner!"
"I'm sorry! Even though every second counted, I was so moved by your words... I got a bit carried away."
As I puffed out my cheeks in a pout, Louis-sama frantically pressed his hands together in apology. It felt like it had been a long time since we had exchanged such lighthearted banter. It seemed Louis-sama felt the same. We met each other's eyes and, after a moment of silence, broke into soft laughter.