Chapter 75 - Chapter 75
Anna-san's confession made my chest tighten. I was bewildered, of course. The story of her past life was about a world I couldn't even begin to imagine. The idea that she had known about this country before she was even born here, and that we were identical to characters in something called an otome game, was staggering. The Anna Carroll I knew was her, yet not her.
Still, I could see the depth of the wish she had been willing to destroy herself for. Based on what she told me, reaching that goal was likely impossible, and Anna-san herself had realized that long ago. Perhaps she had been forced to escape into that delusion just to protect her own mind.
I stood up, said 「Forgive me,」 and pulled her into a tight embrace. 「...You've worked so hard.」
Anna-san stared at me for a moment, her expression blank. Then, her face crumpled, and she tried to stifle a sob like a child. Unable to hold it back, she began to cry loudly. Between her sobs, she repeated 「I'm sorry, I'm sorry,」 desperately trying to convey her feelings.
I hadn't known anything about her. She had been here all alone, trapped in her own isolation. She had lost Anna Carroll's memories only to regain those of her past life, and now she was on the verge of losing those as well. Although I had traveled back in time, I had returned to my parents and people I knew, like Sarah. But Anna-san had arrived one day in a place where she knew no one, with no explanation. How terrified she must have been. How lonely.
My embrace wouldn't change anything. It might have been nothing more than self-satisfaction. But this girl, who had been huddled in her shell in the darkness, was finally trying to take a step forward. She was exposing her true self, stripped of her armor. Thinking of her solitude, I felt a desire to stay by her side and acknowledge her struggle, beyond any personal feelings. It was a natural impulse.
After a while, Anna-san seemed to regain some of her composure. I released her and returned to my seat. Anna-san looked straight at me, her eyes as red as a rabbit's.
「Rachel-san, thank you for listening to me.」
I looked up at her words. The gloomy impression she had given off earlier had vanished, replaced by a calm, settled expression. 「Maybe I just wanted someone to hear that a person named An existed. That I was alive...」
「I see.」
「And I had forgotten. The warmth of a person, their kindness... such warm emotions.」
As she spoke, Anna-san looked off into the distance for a moment before turning her gaze back to me. It felt as though she had just truly looked at this world for the first time after being lost in another. 「I won't ask for forgiveness. I know what I've done... I've done terrible things to you, to His Highness, and to everyone else.」
「Anna-san...」
Her expression was one of genuine regret. That way of living was likely the only one she knew how to manage. But things would be different now. Now that she could no longer view this world as a game, her true suffering might be just beginning. She would struggle with the memories of her past and present, cry over someone she could never see again, and fear the possibility of her own disappearance.
If that were me, what would I do? The mere thought was horrifying. Knowing that such pain would surely haunt her made a wave of sadness rise within me as well.
「What will you do now?」
「From now on... Yes, I have to think about that. Oh, but I'll definitely talk to His Majesty. I'll tell him I won't go through with the engagement and I won't go to the neighboring kingdom.」
Will His Majesty listen to that? Even if she told him, I honestly didn't think he would simply agree. She might have had her own reasons for bringing up the engagement, but His Majesty had his own objectives. It wasn't a matter he would easily drop just because she said she wanted to stop, especially after she had brought it to him with such reckless determination. I doubted she had thought that far ahead yet. To put it kindly, she was straightforward; to put it bluntly, she was perhaps oblivious to the malice of others. It was likely because her memories of noble society were faint.
His Majesty was, quite frankly, terrifying. I had felt that especially since our recent audience. But if I kept avoiding him, the future I desired would never come. The thought made my heart heavy. Unaware of my dark expression, Anna-san spoke with newfound strength.
「I'm going to try to really see the people in this world from now on.」
「I see.」
「I don't know how long I'll keep An's memories. But Anna is definitely me, and An is me too... that's how I feel now.」
The past life and the present were one and the same. I couldn't truly understand that sensation since I hadn't experienced it. But it was clear that Anna-san was beginning to face her current self. 「My head is still a mess, but... I'll do my best so that one day, you can be friends with the real Anna Carroll.」
「I see. It won't be easy, will it?」
At my words, tears welled up in Anna-san's red eyes again. But she forced a smile and gave a slow nod. 「I think I'll regret things over and over. I'll think about what I should have done, or why I did those things. After all, the things I wanted are gone forever. ...Still, I have to keep living, don't I?」
「Yes. Both you and I are being allowed to live in this moment.」
Indeed. I didn't know who had returned my time or why. Similarly, I didn't know why Anna-san's past life had been summoned back. But we were certainly living in this time. Whether it was for a second chance or some other meaning, I didn't know. I couldn't even imagine if remembering her past life was a good thing for her. Perhaps she would have suffered less if she had remained Anna Carroll without those memories. Yet, some force had acted upon both of us. What did it mean? I felt a renewed need to discover the reason, and whether it was connected to the loss of my magic.
As for Anna-san, she wasn't seeking forgiveness. She likely wanted to be judged by her future actions as she re-evaluated herself. Having made my own mistakes, I could understand that. Still, what she had done—trying to nullify my engagement to His Highness—had been deeply painful for me. Even if she no longer desired the engagement, I didn't know what His Majesty's answer would be. But if this hadn't happened, would I have ever faced the end of my previous life? I might have just accepted the loss of my magic and remained the Crown Prince's fiancée, protected and passive. This was a necessary trial for me as well. I had to believe that.
Anna-san took a small, deep breath and stood up. 「I should be going now.」 She offered me a deep, lingering bow. When she looked up, she didn't cast her eyes down but walked out of the room with her head held high.
Watching her leave, I remembered her bow. I had always thought her behavior wasn't very noble-like, but her manners were refined, not something learned overnight. It meant that in the time between regaining her memories and meeting me—perhaps even in a shorter span—she had worked desperately to master them. That single bow conveyed the strength of her resolve, even if it had been misdirected. Still, I hoped that one day, we could laugh together in the truest sense. Was I wrong to feel that way?