Chapter 79 - Shadows of the Past
Following my conversation with my parents, I steadily prepared for the journey to the Bousquet Territory while continuing my studies at the academy. First was the selection of those who would accompany me. Because of what happened before, I considered taking a different maid instead of Sarah. Having Sarah with me would be a great comfort, but I couldn't say the possibility of history repeating itself was zero. However, Sarah was the one who refused to budge. Of course, the current Sarah didn't know what had happened on the road to the Bousquet Territory in the past. That was precisely why she insisted, as my personal maid and confidante, that she would absolutely go with me. I still struggle with whether I should let her come, but her devotion makes me happy.
Another thing I couldn't forget was the escort. Last time, although I was a noble daughter, I was viewed as a criminal who had harmed the Saint, so my parents likely couldn't provide an official escort. As a result, I was attacked by bandits and lost my life. This time was different. Father said he would choose the most skilled men from the House of Marquis Marcel’s private guards. However, while investigating, I discovered a startling fact. To eliminate as much danger as possible, I had been looking into the bandits in the forest that connects the Bousquet Territory and the neighboring Micilier Territory. That forest—the place where Sarah, the coachman, and I were killed by bandits on our way to the monastery—was normally a place constantly patrolled by soldiers from both territories. The road through that forest was the only direct link between the two regions, and merchants used it frequently to avoid long detours. Because of a string of bandit attacks decades ago, soldiers had been stationed there ever since. Since then, no bandit attacks had been reported. This report left me so shaken that my father became deeply concerned. I managed to brush it off, but only after returning to my room and being alone could I calmly process the fact. Does this mean the bandit attack was intentional?
The thought of such a chilling truth sent shivers down my spine. Even if it were true, I was the only one who knew the past. Why, and for what purpose, would someone have the guards removed and send bandits to attack us? And who would do such a thing? The truth seemed to be within reach, yet remained hidden. The fear of knowing made my heart race. Still, I couldn't let that fear stop me from learning the truth. I scolded myself; the answers I sought wouldn't all be pleasant. I had to be prepared to accept whatever result awaited me, so as not to be pulled down by my own emotions. As preparations progressed, I began to have more flashbacks and dreams of that time. My sleep was often troubled, and I found it hard to drift off.
Finally, once Father and I had agreed on the travel itinerary, I was able to visit the Great Church. "Rachel-san, it’s been a long time."
"Yes. Anna-san, I’m sorry it took so long. I intended to visit much sooner."
"Not at all! Thank you for always writing to me. Your letters always make me so happy..."
It was the first time I had seen Anna-san since she visited my home. The gloom she had carried before was gone, replaced by a bright, lively expression. I heard she was working hard to absorb the teachings of the Church and had recently begun to enjoy talking with many people. As we walked through the Great Church toward our destination, Anna-san spoke happily about her recent life. During a brief silence, I decided to ask her about something that concerned me. "How are your memories?"
"Well... I feel like they’re gradually merging with Anna’s. I’m writing down An’s memories so I don't forget them, but... lately, I’ve found I can't read some of the Japanese—the characters from my previous life."
I searched her face, wondering if she was forcing herself to be bright. She gave a sad smile, but then continued. "But I still remember Makoto-kun. As long as I have that one precious memory, I’ll be fine! And since I’m regaining Anna’s memories, I can talk properly with my parents when they visit. I feel like I’m regaining my love for this world. So, I can stand on my own now."
Anna-san spoke cheerfully to keep me from worrying. But that brightness seemed a bit forced. She was clearly still struggling, yet I could see she was trying to move forward. "And there are people who cry and call me 'Lady Saint'... even though I’m just a name with nothing behind it. So, I want to do my best not to betray their expectations."
"I see. I’m sure you can do it."
I was happy to see the change in her heart. I stopped and looked her in the eye as I spoke. Anna-san’s face crumpled as if she were about to cry, and she covered her face with both hands. "Honestly, Rachel-san, you’re too kind. You have every right to hate me. I’m the one who made you suffer, and yet you’re the one reaching out to save me..."
"No, I’m not reaching out to save you. You are the one who stood up and chose to be where you are."
Anna-san lowered her hands and looked at me. Her eyebrows were down and her eyes were slightly moist, but she gave a happy smile. It was the truth. She had suffered greatly. I couldn't take that suffering away; I could only watch over her efforts in silence. "That’s exactly what I mean by being saved," she whispered, so softly I couldn't quite hear. When I asked her to repeat it, she just shook her head and smiled.
We resumed our walk down the hallway. Anna-san stopped in front of a room and told me, "This is it. I think you’ll have about an hour. I’ll be waiting in the adjacent room with Sarah-san. When you’re finished, please come through the inner door."
"Thank you, Anna-san."
"No, don't thank me... I’m the cause of all this. I’m just sorry that helping the two of you meet is all I can do."
"No, it’s a great help."
Anna-san gave a deep bow and signaled to Sarah. Sarah followed her into the next room. Anna-san had told His Majesty she didn't want the engagement, but it seemed he hadn't given her a favorable response. She felt guilty about it and wanted to at least help His Highness and me spend some time together. Initially, His Highness had been skeptical of her offer. Anna-san had said, 'My own actions are the cause. I know I need to act accordingly to earn your trust. Even so, I want to help in any way I can.' Even now, His Highness wasn't fully convinced by her change of heart, but with His Majesty’s eyes on us, it was difficult for us to meet. Thus, Anna-san’s offer was a blessing. I stared at the brown door, my heart pounding at the thought of His Highness being inside. It was always like this. Before meeting him, I could always hear my own heartbeat. I wanted to see him, yet I felt nervous. Was my dress alright? My hair? I always became fretful right before seeing him. I checked the hem of my dress for wrinkles, clenched my hands together, and took a deep breath. I steeled myself and knocked. "Enter," came his voice. That alone made my heart race faster, and a smile naturally formed on my lips. I opened the door to see His Highness standing in the back of the room, talking with two knights. His gaze immediately turned to me. His expression shifted from surprise to a gentle, tender smile. He didn't speak, but I could see his lips move as he said my name. I wanted to rush to him, but I forced myself to walk slowly and gracefully. He began to walk toward me as well. But the first to move was the red-haired female knight standing beside him. Her wavy hair was tied back, and she wore her knight’s uniform with effortless style as she strode toward me. As she drew near, I was surprised to find she was tall enough that even I had to look up at her. She turned her long, almond-shaped eyes toward me and gracefully dropped to one knee. I looked at His Highness in surprise, only to see him pressing a hand to his forehead with a deep sigh. I looked back at the knight, who was smiling at me. "I am Leonie Milicier. I have been looking forward to meeting you." Her voice was a low, sultry alto. She took my gloved hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it, her lips barely grazing my skin. I stood there, stunned, not knowing what was happening, while Leonie simply continued to smile. In the corner of my eye, I saw His Highness approaching, his displeasure plain to see.