Chapter 9 - Chapter 9
"So, how was the Salim District?"
"Ah, it was a wretched thing. A stench that made my nose curl, a heavy atmosphere, and people so emaciated they were crawling on the ground. There were no beggars. There was no one to give alms, after all. I could do nothing but hide and stay still."
Without noticing that His Highness's first-person pronoun had shifted from the formal 'watashi' to the more personal 'ore,' I stared straight at him. My heart screamed at the story I wanted to block out, but I felt this was something I had to hear.
"A child came near and just stared at me without saying a word. He looked about five, but he might have been older. He was so thin. I gave him an apple I happened to have, and he took it and ran. But that was all I could do. That only filled his stomach for a moment. And only for one person. There are so many, many more things needed there than just that. But I was so powerless then."
As His Highness spoke quietly and dispassionately, tears naturally overflowed from my eyes.
"Many in the Salim District don't even have clear family registers. But they are certainly citizens of this country. From that moment, I vowed to truly dedicate my life to this nation. I have no need for places where the light does not reach."
This man knows despair. He knows his own helplessness.
That is why he can be so perfect. That is why he seeks to gain power.
That is why he hungers for strength.
His Highness lowered his brows apologetically, saying, "I've talked too much," before lifting me in his arms and gently laying me back on the bed. "I'm sorry for pushing you," he said with a gentle face, stroking my hair before saying he would come again and leaving.
I have many regrets. On top of that, I have accepted my current self.
But now, I am feeling a new regret.
If only I had that mana... Since I specialized in water magic, I should have been able to do something. For example, if I had collaborated with alchemists, there might have been a possibility of finding a way to purify contaminated water.
In particular, it seems that hygiene and water issues cause diseases to spread and lead to death in the slums.
Is that why His Highness chose me as his fiancée? Seeking a collaborator.
Come to think of it, I feel like His Highness mentioned the Salim District several times when we became engaged at fourteen. What did I say then?
I'm sure it was something like:
"Your Highness, please stop such unrefined talk. There is no need for you to concern yourself with residents of a different world."
I had trampled on his heart. Repeatedly.
I wonder what kind of expression His Highness wore when I said such things.
It is only a guess, but he likely received many such reactions from the age of ten until now.
Is that why he stopped seeking understanding?
Instead, did he decide to increase his own value and make others want to use their power for his sake? He must be guiding others to carry out his plans.
It is all mere speculation.
He hides everything behind that smile, never saying the essential things.
His Highness said I was someone who could forgive.
But that's not right.
It is you, Your Highness... who forgave me for cruelly shattering your expectations.
It wasn't that I didn't know and therefore couldn't help it. I simply didn't try to know.
I will learn. It might be too late. There might be nothing I can do now that I've lost my mana.
Even so, I want to learn.
As if gazing at the sunlight that had sunk out of sight, I simply continued to stare out the window.