Chapter 191 - Chapter Fourteen: Beatrix's Tears
When I was little, I was always hungry.
That's why feeding the livestock was fun.
In between feeding them, I could find and gather oats mixed in with the hay to eat.
Helping gather wild plants near the forest in spring was also fun. It took a long time to walk from the village to the forest, but I could look for acorns that had fallen on the ground. I couldn't participate when the adults were out in full force picking acorns in the autumn, but I could pick them up after the winter had passed.
I was told not to go deep into the forest because monsters appeared, so I couldn't gather many. Still, I could find about two handfuls. On those days, even my mother would praise me.
When I helped with the laundry in the stream flowing from the spring deep in the forest, I made sure to look closely at the bottom of the river. There might be crabs or river shrimp. If I found any, I'd soak myself up to my waist in the river to catch them.
If I caught fish, the village chief would get angry, and my father would be subjected to a flogging. But they didn't get angry about crabs or river shrimp.
Apparently, getting through this year's winter would be a challenge for the whole family.
According to my father, last year wasn't that difficult. Thanks to the mages living in the Upper Village helping with the farm work with magic, there was a decent harvest of wheat to pay as tax, and we could eat enough rye bread and oat porridge every day. Sometimes we even ate wheat bread.
But because the rain continued through the summer and the temperature dropped, the harvest from the fields had fallen to less than half.
After the village chief, who lived in the Upper Village, took the representatives of the villagers to negotiate with the Lord, the wheat for taxes was reduced, and in exchange, my father had to go for corvée labor.
There's a war going on right now, and they're fighting at the southern border.
During the winter, there's a truce because of the snow, so until then, my father would go south to work as a laborer.
Because of the war, soldiers would sometimes come and stay in the village.
When night fell, the village chief would come to the house and take my mother away.
Apparently, she had duties.
"Mother has duties to attend to, so I'm going, but Beatrix, make sure you look after the house properly. I'm counting on you."
My mother, who returned late at night, came back with a large piece of dried meat and bread. Sometimes, she looked as if she had been severely beaten.
"Are you okay? Did they do something horrible to you?"
"Mother is fine. I was just being selfish. I got scolded. But the village chief forgave me, so it's okay. Don't worry, sleep a little more, and then take care of the livestock."
After putting me to bed, my mother would cool her wounds with water.
Winter came, and my father returned.
"I don't know if we'll make it through this winter safely, so Beatrix, you must pray hard to the Goddess at the church so that it gets even a little warmer."
Since my father said so, I went to the church every day and prayed to the Goddess that we would survive the winter safely.
Winter nights were cold; if there was no fire in the hearth, we would freeze.
Firewood and charcoal were expensive and unaffordable, and if we cut down trees without permission, we'd be expelled from the village.
Once the sun went down, we all gathered in our straw beds and slept while warming each other.
Two goats died. We ate them.
Because the temperature dropped, there was hardly any feed during the winter. They were getting thinner and thinner. They stopped giving milk entirely.
The next year, it rained in the summer again.
The war was temporarily suspended.
There was nothing left to eat, so we finally killed the last goat.
The Lower Village was the same all over; there was no livestock at all.
When winter came, an old man and an old woman living in the Lower Village died.
Their son had apparently died caught up in the fighting while out on corvée labor.
After running out of food entirely, they froze to death.
Several other elderly people and children died as well.
The summer after that, it rained again.
Hardly any grain was harvested, so the yield was small.
The autumn harvest in the forest wasn't much either. The children also participated in gathering acorns, but they couldn't collect many.
Everyone was saying we wouldn't be able to make it through the winter.
From time to time, the adults gathered and negotiated various things with the village chief, but it seemed there was no food anywhere because the entire country, not just the village, was facing a food shortage.
In the meantime, for some reason, the Bishop disappeared.
The village chief petitioned the Lord, and the Lord petitioned the King, sending messengers in order so that even a little food would arrive.
There was no reply from the messengers, and it developed into a conflict between villages.
In December, the adults from the Lower Village marched to the Upper Village.
After marching many times, it finally turned into a slaughter. The Upper Village could use magic, but the Lower Village had more people. The Upper Village was wiped out, and more than half of the Lower Village apparently died as well. Many people were injured. The village chief was also killed along with his family.
The livestock that had survived in the Upper Village were brought out and divided among everyone who participated.
My father, who had become able to use a bow during his corvée labor, brought back one hind leg of a goat.
"It's fine during the winter, but once it gets warm, there will be a punishment. We're talking about whether we should all escape together while we can still move."
"Where will we run to?"
"Sertoria. That country has no class system. We might be able to say goodbye to this life as serfs."
"But I heard that if you're caught at the border, everyone gets handed back."
"Yeah. But the handover probably won't happen until spring, so the talk is that we might be able to survive the winter."
My father and mother were talking, but in the end, it didn't happen.
To get to the border, an adult would have to walk for a full day through the forest.
They seemed to reach the conclusion that everyone would die while spending the night on the way.
There was a day when my father was gone for a whole day.
When he returned, he said he had been to a mountain hut somewhere.
He brought back a block of dried meat and oats.
He also brought back charcoal, so in the middle of the night, he lit the charcoal for us. It was warm when we all slept around the hearth.
My father told me not to tell anyone about this.
Even in the surviving Lower Village, people died one by one.
Our family managed somehow because we ate the oats and dried meat my father brought, softened in water, but some people even gnawed on tree bark and roots.
Rumors apparently spread that some people had eaten those who died.
Infants disappeared from houses that had them.
Rumors spread that they had been killed and eaten.
My younger sister developed a fever. Because there was no food, she grew weaker day by day.
One night. When I woke up, I was being carried on my father's back.
We were walking through the forest.
"Where are we going?"
"Be quiet."
Even when I asked, my father wouldn't answer and just kept walking silently.
My mother wasn't there.
My father seemed to be walking along a stream.
From time to time, he would take a break and give me water from the stream.
He dug into the ground, washed the swollen roots of grass, and let me eat them.
Even after the stream was no longer visible, he kept walking intently, and on the next night, we came out near a certain mountain hut. The windows were wide open, but there was no sign of anyone.
After checking the situation, my father went inside, drank water from a jar, and sat me in a chair.
It was the first time I had seen a fireplace.
He put firewood in that fireplace and lit a fire.
The warm flames healed my frozen body as if melting it.
"It would have been good if Mother and the others had come too."
If we stayed here during the winter, wouldn't we last until spring?
During that time, my father searched the hut and put various things into the bag he had brought. One was a block of dried meat, and he made porridge with a piece of it along with the oats.
I chewed and savored it well. I chewed until it was gone from my mouth.
My father looked me straight in the eyes and said:
"Listen well. There's no more food in the village. There's nothing left to eat. We're a family of four, but there's no more food for everyone. That's why I'm leaving you here. I'm reducing the number of mouths to feed."
I didn't understand what he was saying.
"Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm leaving you here and going home. Mother is waiting."
"Is Mother at home?"
"That's right. Mother knows I'm leaving you here. I'm taking this dried meat back to eat with Mother."
I'm being abandoned...
"Wait, Father. Don't abandon me. I'll listen to everything you say. I don't need the dried meat. Take me back with you!"
I clung to him desperately, but my father wouldn't listen.
Tears came one after another, but I didn't feel like wiping them away.
"If I've done something bad until now, I'll apologize. I'll work as hard as I can. I won't complain about anything..."
My fur coat was taken off, and my wool dress was also taken off.
Because of the fire in the fireplace, I didn't feel the cold much, and I was too distracted anyway.
"Please don't leave me. Father, you always said we'd live together. That when I grew up, I might be able to use magic. That if that happened, we'd all live in the Upper Village."
My hands and feet were tied, and I could no longer move.
"I'll take proper care of my sister. I'll do all the housework. When spring comes and we keep new livestock, I'll take care of them."
While I was screaming and struggling, my father hugged me tightly.
"Beatrix. If you're at home, both Father and Mother will die. Please understand. You stay here."
"...Am I an unwanted child?"
An unwanted child...
I remember an adult saying that when an abandoned child was found in the village before.
They abandoned it because it wasn't wanted.
There's no food. Go abandon it in the forest. Someone said that.
If you're not careful, you'll become an unwanted child and be abandoned too, one of the adults said to me.
I got scared and ran away.
"...That's right. ...You are... an unwanted child."
When I went home and asked my mother, "I'm not an unwanted child, right?" she said, "Of course not," and hugged me. And yet...
For a moment, everything went dark.
My father stuffed my mouth with a cloth.
Through my overflowing tears, my father's face looked blurred.
My father put out the fire in the fireplace and struck me.
Just like that, my consciousness fell into the darkness.
◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆
Beside me, Beatrix is moaning in her sleep.
It seems she's having a bad dream.
She used to moan in her sleep often when she was small.
She told me once what kind of dream she was having.
She must have had the same dream for the first time in a long while.
She was supposed to have stopped seeing it much at some point.
"Beatrix. Beatrix. Are you okay?"
When I shook her awake, she opened her eyes.
"...Who?"
It's always like this. She apparently has the same reaction no matter whose face she sees.
Her nightmare is always the same.
In the darkness, she is desperately running away from a voice that comes from nowhere.
She doesn't know whose voice it is.
But I had a hunch.
Beatrix is an abandoned child. She only told me.
"I wish I hadn't heard it," she told me just once.
Those were the last words I heard about it.
But she has been suffering from those few words for a long time.
As a result, she was saved.
Now, she feels nothing but gratitude and has no reason to resent them.
That's what she used to say.
"It's me. It's Jeanne. Are you okay?"
When I said that in her ear, she clung to me.
"I see, it's Jeanne... Thank goodness."
"You had a scary dream. You're okay now."
"Sorry. I woke you up, didn't I?"
"It's fine. Here, have a sip of wine."
"Yeah. Thank you."
After I gave her the wine I had prepared by the bedside, she seemed to calm down.
Orphanage graduates... especially war orphans, often suffer from nightmares.
Except for exceptions like me and Will, it's because they witnessed tragic events.
So, it has become a habit to fill a water bottle with some kind of drink and place it by the bedside when someone sleeps nearby.
"It's that dream. I haven't seen it in a long time."
I wiped the sweat from her forehead, which was wrinkled between her brows.
"Beatrix. Don't get angry, okay? After all, that village..."
Beatrix kept her head down and let out a single sigh.
"There's no point in hiding it from you. That's right. That abandoned village is the village where I was born."
She remained looking down.
"What about those graves?"
"My family. My father, my mother, and my sister. The names and birth years were the same."
"The fourth one..."
There was one without a name. For some reason, only the birth year was engraved.
"It didn't have a name, but it's surely me. The birth year was the same."
"The years of death for the family were all the same, weren't they?"
"They were executed for treason. They said my sister died of illness, right? I was the only one saved."
If there hadn't been a famine... if Beatrix, who could use magic, had been an adult...
The area where the village Beatrix was born in was located was separated by a forest, so the Engrio army apparently didn't come even during the war. It's a 'what if,' but as a middle-class mage, there was a possibility she would have been favored by the Lord along with her family.
"Hey, Jeanne. Can I go to that village one more time tomorrow?"
Unlike usual, her voice was very small.
"Sure. Should we take Fiona with us while we're at it?"
If Fiona is there, we can talk to ghosts.
If there are any ghosts, that is.
She clung to me.
She's shaking.
"I... I died once in that forest. When I heard those words from my father. Even if I meet them now, they might not recognize me."
"It'll be okay."
"I... I wonder if they'll know?"
"Of course. You're their beloved daughter."
"It... It's not necessarily true that I was loved."
"What are you saying! I'll get angry!"
She has her eyes tightly closed.
Even though she pulled my hand without a single scream when we saw the dragon on the mountain.
"It's okay. You grew up in a country where there are no poor serfs. Go and greet them in your healthy state."
It's okay, it'll work out somehow. It's okay. Rest assured.
I hugged her tightly and whispered in her ear.
As I whispered it over and over, her shaking began to stop.
The strength with which she was gripping my arm weakened.
"...You're right. I understand. If they're there, I have to say thank you."
The next day.
I asked Paul-san to take us to the abandoned village.
Since Beatrix asked desperately, which was rare, he seemed to have sensed something. He accepted without issue.
I explained the situation to Fiona in front of Beatrix.
Beatrix hugged Fiona, who cried after hearing the story.
I spoke to the Jaegers and had them go with us to the post.
Just in case, I wore my Priest robes from the start and brought my Knight's Staff.
We immediately went to the abandoned village.
After releasing Chururi to confirm there was no danger, Paul-san said he would monitor the sky from his bowl and flew up.
When Beatrix went to the graves, she first dug up her sister's grave.
There was no stone coffin. Small bones surrounded by stones came out. There were no particular missing parts.
"They didn't eat her. She's buried just as she was."
After the village's annihilation was confirmed, a Priest should have purified it as an impure land.
If they had killed and eaten an infant, even if they had become a ghost, they would have been destroyed.
Next, when she dug up her own grave, there was a leather bag in the stone-enclosed part, and a small fur and wool dress that a child would wear came out from inside.
"It's the clothes I was wearing."
There were no bones. Instead, a small stone tablet with carved letters came out.
"Beloved Beatrix. Be healthy."
That's what was carved.
Beatrix hugged the stone tablet for a while and then put it in her storage bag.
After putting the grave back, I had Fiona come out.
"H-How is it?"
Beatrix's voice was shaking.
When I gripped her hand, she clung to it.
She's trembling violently.
"They're here. One man, one woman. They're smiling at Beatrix."
"A-Ask, ask for their names..."
At the same time Fiona relayed the names she heard, Beatrix took one, two steps forward, faltering and hesitating.
"You're going to say thank you, right? Go. It's okay."
When I spoke and gave her back a light push, she set her mouth in a firm line and started walking as if she had made up her mind.
At that moment, a hazy white thing could be seen faintly above the grave.
Beatrix ran up, clung to the grave, and started crying.
"Father! Mother!"
The hazy thing began to envelop the sobbing Beatrix.
When I looked at Fiona, she said it was okay.
While Beatrix was crying, Fiona spoke of Beatrix's current situation. Since she was facing the grave, she must have been talking to the parents.
That she was safely protected, became a Sertorian citizen, and lived in an orphanage until she grew up; that she was independent as a middle-class mage; that she defeated monsters with her companions and received a decoration in the Royal Capital; that now she even works with royalty at times...
Surely, Beatrix can see them.
She's just crying.
I had a big fight with Beatrix when I first met her, and the Headmistress scolded both of us severely.
I saw Beatrix's tears then. I haven't seen her tears since that time.
Beatrix, who was fearless except for sleeping alone, was composed to the point of being brazen and always perceived things calmly.
Now, she's crying as if to make up for all the times she hadn't cried until now.
Finally, the sound of crying stopped, and even though she didn't wipe away the overflowing tears, she was clinging to the haze, conveying her words of gratitude even as she choked up.
She seemed to be able to converse even without Fiona's mediation.
I can tell just from that.
Beatrix was loved.
She wasn't an unwanted child at all.
Fiona came over and pulled my sleeve, so we moved a little distance away.
"It seems her sister died of illness because her body was weak from lack of food. Because they dug a hole and buried her immediately, she wasn't eaten by others either."
Eventually, spring came.
Not only was there a rebellion, but there were those who ate human corpses...
The Lord executed the few survivors for treason and made the village an abandoned village, calling it a cursed village.
Beatrix's parents apparently managed to survive with the dried meat they got from the mountain hut, but they were executed. The execution of the sentence would be appropriate. Even if the same thing happened in Sertoria, they would be executed.
Treason or high treason generally involves the entire family. Beatrix might have been executed if she had remained.
As a small mercy, the graves were made while they were alive. And instead of cutting off their heads and putting them on display, they were stabbed through the heart from the back. For a death penalty, it was quite lenient. They must have been pitied.
In the fourth grave, the clothes she was wearing were placed, believing that she had survived. The stone tablet was also made at that time. He spoke honestly about abandoning her in the forest, but the Lord overlooked it.
He raised a fire arrow to inform the border guards of an anomaly. Whether anyone would see it was a gamble. After the hut was sufficiently warmed, he put out the fire in the fireplace. Taking off Beatrix's clothes was to emphasize that she was an abandoned child and to signal that it was an emergency.
He apparently watched the situation near the hut in case the guards didn't come. She was found at the last possible moment before freezing to death.
The three guards who found the dying Beatrix hurriedly lit a fire in the fireplace, warmed her body, wrapped her in fur, and rushed back to the garrison on the horses they had come on.
Sertorian soldiers do not kill civilians and do not abandon them.
The father had heard that reputation.
If the family were together, they would eventually be handed over and executed. The sick sister wouldn't be able to withstand the journey. If it was just Beatrix, she might be protected. For that to happen, Beatrix must not have any lingering attachment to the family. A lie would be exposed. He deliberately pushed her away.
The father won the gamble.
To let his beloved daughter live in a country without a class system...
The more I heard Fiona's story, which was conveyed from the parents, the more I understood how the father had racked his brains to save Beatrix.
About an hour later, Beatrix called out to me.
"I was able to talk enough. I could say thank you too. They were happy to see me doing well."
Without even trying to wipe the flowing tears, she showed me a refreshing smile.
Her only lingering regret was gone.
"Jeanne. I have a request."
"You want me to let them ascend, right?"
"Yeah. Can I count on you?"
Who are you talking to? I'm a Priest.
I had Fiona enter the crystal for a moment and offered an ascension prayer.
The haze turned into two lights, circled around Beatrix several times, and then ascended toward the heavens.
Beatrix, who had been staring at the sky as if following the balls of light for a long time, finally wiped her tears.