458 - The Shrine of Uaksu and Kalisa's Remains
"You don't have to push yourself. I can go alone to retrieve Kalisa."
"Girls have a certain pride they must maintain."
If we are going to retrieve Kalisa, I will absolutely go too, I declared, puffing out my chest while clutching a basin to my side. The basin by my side was 'Tarai-ra Goro', the name I had given it the other day. It was not as if there were an Ichiro or a Jiro, but it was Goro. As usual, I decided based on how it sounded.
"Since we are going to retrieve Kalisa, I will absolutely go. It is only a bit of nausea. I will be fine because Goro is with me."
"I have my doubts about a lady carrying a basin..."
"I heard there are ladies in the royal capital who carry iron fans, so a basin is nothing."
"A fan and a basin are different..."
Leonardo must have realized that I had no intention of giving up regardless of the circumstances. Leonardo let out a deep sigh and took the hand that was not holding the basin.
"...Ugh."
While being led by Leonardo, I intended to step out from the entrance in a natural motion, but the boundary between inside and outside came into view, and my feet stopped. I thought about closing my eyes and just passing through, but this time I was too preoccupied with the boundary to be able to close my eyes.
"Tina? Are you going to stay behind after all?"
"...I refuse. If I cannot even go to retrieve Kalisa, my womanhood will wither."
"Even if you say that with a face like you're standing on a battlefield."
"I am making progress, even so. Before, I used to wait for Big Brother Leonardo's return in the corner of the entrance hall, but now I can wait in the center."
I joked that even if it was at a turtle's pace, I was making progress. I thought it might distract me, but it was not very effective. However, I was able to close my eyes, so I tried taking a deep breath.
...I'm going to retrieve Kalisa. Today, Leonardo-san is with me. I will absolutely not leave Leonardo-san's side, so it will be fine. I'll leave Aaron in the carriage, but Koku-maro is with me, and Salisa is stronger than Kalisa.
I repeated in my mind as if casting a suggestion that nothing terrible would happen even if I went outside. Since so many reassuring conditions were met, it would absolutely be fine.
...Alright!
I braced myself and opened my eyes, and a cold sweat ran down my spine at the 'boundary between inside and outside' that jumped into my field of vision. I pretended not to notice the part of my heart that wanted to give up, saying this was no good, and I pressed my lips together and closed my eyes once more.
"Big Brother Leonardo, please."
As I had tried before, I felt my way up Leonardo's arm, asking him to let me cross the boundary by being carried. It was impossible for him to lift me while we were still holding hands.
"I don't think there is a need for you to force yourself to go out, Tina..."
"You are being persistent. Whether it is forced or reckless, I will go with you to retrieve Kalisa."
As I urged Leonardo to hurry, his arms were placed under my armpits. I felt my body float for a brief moment, and then the sensation of the ground returned to my feet.
"Muu...!"
I looked up to endure the nausea that surged up. When I opened my eyes, Leonardo was peering into my face with a troubled expression.
"You don't have to push yourself."
"Please do not talk to me. I am still fine."
See, I've made progress since last time, I thought, as I released the hand covering my mouth. Previously, I had jumped back into the entrance the moment I stepped out of the mansion.
"...It doesn't look like you can walk a single step."
"That is... because Big Brother Leonardo is good at it, so it's fine."
By the time I was pretending that I requested to be carried, I could no longer keep my eyes open. The nausea was so intense that I felt dizzy. While keeping my vision closed, I reached out for Leonardo in the darkness. I felt my hand be immediately enveloped by a large hand, and I knew I was being lifted again.
"Being small has its advantages, after all."
Thanks to my small build, even though I am fifteen, my guardian is able to lift me up. This is partly because Leonardo is exceptionally strong, but in that sense, Leonardo and I are very compatible siblings. A brother (Leonardo) who is stronger than most, and a sister (me) who is smaller than most, is just right.
When I tried to place the basin on my lap, Salisa took it for me. Since both my hands were now free, I wrapped them around Leonardo's thick neck and buried my face in the crook of his neck. As I took deep breaths in that position, the scent of Leonardo that tickled my nostrils helped me feel a little better.
"...I've decided that if I vomit while like this, I will vomit on Big Brother Leonardo's clothes."
"That would be troubling in its own way."
"That is why I am able to endure it."
Leonardo was my hostage. If I vomited on Leonardo's clothes, it would be a disaster for me since I was clinging to him, but naturally, Leonardo would be troubled as well. While I did play pranks, I basically did not want to trouble Leonardo. In other words, while I was clinging to Leonardo, I had to resist my nausea no matter what.
While keeping my face buried in Leonardo's neck, I repeated my deep breaths. Leonardo seemed to have realized that I had no intention of backing down. After hearing a sigh of resignation, I felt Leonardo begin to walk.
When we boarded the carriage, I was set down on the seat. Leonardo immediately sat down beside me, so I clung to his side.
...Ah, the inside of the carriage might be a bit easier?
Feeling as if I had a little more leeway, I opened my eyes slightly. In the opposite seat sat Aaron, who had been given the basin by Salisa and now had it on his lap. Koku-maro, the black Shiba, seemed to realize I had opened my eyes and held his tail straight up. Since Salisa was not within sight, I figured she was sitting in the driver's seat instead of Aaron.
...Since there are so many people protecting me, it will be fine.
It will be fine because everyone is here, it will be fine because Leonardo is with me. I told myself this many times and closed my eyes once more.
It seems that for me, the problem was the entrance, the boundary between the inside and outside of the mansion.
Once I was outside, it turned out to be manageable. That said, if I let my guard down and moved away from Leonardo, anxiety and nausea would return, so there was no change in the fact that I stayed pressed tightly against him. However, it was not the case that I could not move unless I was carried, as was the case at the mansion's entrance. Leonardo also seemed to find it a bit difficult to walk, but he looked relieved to see me walking outside on my own feet.
...As long as I'm with Leonardo-san, I might be able to go out... maybe?
I didn't feel like I could walk out of the entrance on my own feet, and I thought going out alone was still impossible. Even so, the fact that I was able to go outside today was a great step forward. The nausea was intense, but I had not yet fled back to the mansion.
In the cemetery on the outskirts of town, there was the Shrine of the God of Death, Uaksu. When I heard the word shrine, I imagined a small altar, but it was a proper building. It was not as large as the buildings of the Menhishumi Church or the Sedovara Church, but the largest room housed a statue of the God of Death, Uaksu.
I asked the God of Death, Uaksu, for the cleansing of Kalisa's soul, and apologized for doing something like disrupting the Procession of the Dead. Come to think of it, according to what I heard from Leonardo, the place I had fled to for the past two years while chasing Kalisa was also likely a place close to the land of the dead. The fact that I was able to return on the night of the God-King Festival meant that was the case. I felt more and more that I should apologize.
Please come this way, the priest guided me as I descended the stairs. There was a cemetery on the surface as well, but the city of Grenore was a city surrounded by walls. Since land was limited, the number of people buried in the surface cemetery was limited. Simply put, the wealthy were buried on the surface, and ordinary people had their remains placed underground. Exceptions were made in the case of infectious diseases like Words Disease, where many people died at once, in which case the remains were placed underground, but a grave was built on the surface as a memorial.
And in Kalisa's case, she had been cremated and only bones remained, but since they could not decide whether the burial place should be Mandez or Grenore, she had been left at the shrine until various things were decided.
...Is this Kalisa?
What the priest brought down from the altar was a white, featureless urn. It was small enough that even I could probably carry it. The moment I thought it was too small, a sharp sting hit the back of my nose.
...Ah, I'm going to cry.
At the familiar sting in the back of my nose, I pulled my mouth into a frown to endure it. I thought I must be making a strange face because of it, but it was better than crying here.
"It took two years, but I've come to get you."
Thank you for protecting me. I'm sorry I couldn't endure until the end.
There must have been many things I wanted to tell her, but this was all that came out of my mouth. The rest of my voice trembled and became wordless, or it was just trivial things. I wanted to tell Kalisa many trivial, casual things.
"Tina, you don't have to endure it."
"...If I let my guard down now, I will vomit. Also, Kalisa will not be happy even if I cry."
If crying unsightly would bring Kalisa back to life, I would cry as much as I wanted, but reality was not like that. Even if I cried, Kalisa would not come back to life, and it would only cause unnecessary worry.
As someone who had been kidnapped by spirits and mixed into the Procession of the Dead, I knew that the world continued beyond death. At the very least, my parents in this life had worried about me even after they died. That meant if I cried, Kalisa would worry and would not be able to proceed through the procession with peace of mind. I did not want to cause Kalisa any more worry.
"So that Kalisa can be at peace, I will aim to get well soon. I think Kalisa would be happier that way."
I see, Leonardo said, and his large hand stroked my head. I didn't think I had the right to be comforted regarding Kalisa's death, but I leaned into it.
On the way back, I sat beside Leonardo, clinging to him as usual, with Kalisa's urn placed on my lap. Even so, it was far too small, and when I asked the priest about it afterward, I learned that Kalisa's remains had almost no shape left and had apparently become like powder. Normally, large bones like the skull or pelvis remain, and it seemed Kalisa's remains had maintained their shape initially after cremation, but by the time Leonardo contacted the shrine upon my return and the priest checked the remains, they had lost their shape. The large bones that had not burned away had crumbled into small pieces, making them a convenient size for mixing with soil.
"I wonder if Kalisa also wanted to be buried in a pot together with Enomena?"
It was too convenient, I thought, looking down at the small urn on my lap. I felt some internal resistance to burying remains in a pot, but just as I was thinking that I might need to crush the skull or pelvis, the remains had conveniently turned to powder. I felt as if I was being encouraged that this was Kalisa's own will, pushing aside the guilt that flickered in my mind about burying someone in a pot by the will of a living human.
When the carriage arrived at the mansion, as expected, I rushed into the entrance hall in a panic due to the surging nausea. I tried my best, thinking I couldn't possibly vomit while holding Kalisa, but once the urn was snatched away by Leonardo and the basin was held out to me from the side by Salisa, I could no longer endure it.
I vomited the contents of my stomach grandly, and even so, there was a refreshing sense of clarity in my lower abdomen that was greater than before. Somehow, I felt that this was the worst it would get. Since this was the worst, all that was left was to recover.
Someday, I will be able to go outside again.
[Author's Note]
And so, that was Kalisa's return.
Typos and omissions will be fixed at a later date.