25 - Cecil's Feelings Are Heavy
Ray woke up to the faint scent of food.
The room was completely bright. This was the first time since coming to this castle that he had slept until this hour. Turning his gaze toward the faint sound of clinking tableware, he saw Cecil arranging breakfast on the table.
"Ah."
"You're awake. Good morning."
"Good morning."
Seeing Cecil's usual demeanor, Ray wondered if yesterday's events had been a dream, but the moment he tried to get out of bed, he realized they were not.
"...Naked."
"Your clothes are by your pillow."
"Ah, thank you."
Taking the neatly folded clothes, Ray put them on and got out of bed. As if replacing him, Cecil approached the bed, pulled back the duvet, and began stripping the sheets.
"............"
The red stains remaining on the pure white sheets that entered Ray's sight were proof that last night was no dream.
"Um, the sheets are dirty, so. Sending them to be laundered is, well..."
At that point, Cecil's mask slipped. Unable to hide her bashfulness, her face flushed crimson, and she looked down.
"I-I see."
"............"
"............"
Conscious of last night, an awkward atmosphere flowed between the two. It was Cecil who broke it.
"I do not want you to forget about last night."
"Of course."
"But please do not worry about it. It happened because of my own selfish desires. Kamui-sama, there is no need for you to feel responsible."
"I'm sor—no, thank you. Thanks to you, I was able to sleep soundly for the first time in a while. I feel quite good today."
Words of apology had almost left his mouth, but Ray changed them into words of gratitude. He felt that apologizing to Cecil would be rude.
"Is that so? I am happy as well."
And those words lightened Cecil's heart too. Cecil had also felt guilt for having forced the invitation herself.
"Well, I'll have some breakfast then."
"Yes. I will tidy up the sheets and come back."
"Understood."
Ray sat at the table and ate breakfast. However, memories of last night soon flooded his mind, making it impossible to focus on the meal.
(Sigh, I've actually experienced it. And with someone as beautiful as Cecil-san.)
(How long are you going to be this flighty?)
(Hah? You're the one who told me to accept it, right?)
(Don't make excuses. It's not like you could even resist anyway, you pervert.)
(But, Cecil-san's naked body... ah, damn, if I remember it...)
They had entered into a relationship as things progressed. While the vivid memories still remained, no feelings of reflection or regret welled up.
(That's why I'm telling you not to be flighty. That was a rest for the soul. After resting, the days of tension return.)
The one admonishing him was the other Ray. This one was not flighty. They were two wills that had originally been one, existing within a single body, but now they were this diverged.
(...I guess. Hey, was I really that wound up?)
(You understand it now, don't you? It couldn't be helped. There are two months left.)
Killing was the last resort. He had no intention of giving up on escaping with Rui until the very end. However, regarding the escape, things had not progressed at all.
(Rui also seemed somewhat cornered.)
(No matter which way it goes, the remaining deadline is set. Get yourself prepared to some extent.)
(Hey, are you giving up?)
(No way. But escaping isn't easy. The preparation I'm talking about includes the possibility of dying.)
(I've been prepared for that for a long time. In that sense, I've gained some experience too...)
He wouldn't go so far as to say he had no regrets, but it was certainly better to have experienced it than to die without having done so.
(You're still flighty.)
(...No, I'm fine now. I've finished switching my mindset.)
(As expected of you in that regard. Ah, she's back.)
(Crap, I haven't finished eating.)
(Eat quickly, or you'll make her worry.)
Sensing Cecil's return, Ray hurriedly stuffed the breakfast in front of him into his mouth. He didn't want her to misunderstand and think he had no appetite. By the time Cecil appeared at the door, the food on the table had been neatly tucked away into Ray's stomach.
"Ah, are you finished? Then, I'll clear the dishes."
"Sorry. It must be a lot, going in and out like this."
"It is fine. Taking care of Kamui-sama is my joy."
"I'm happy to hear you say that, but..."
"Ah, because it is my job, right? I'm no good. I try to be careful not to show my spoiled side, but..."
"I don't mind. It's just the eyes of those around us. I just hope it doesn't become a nuisance to you, Cecil-san."
"That is fine. I have done nothing to be ashamed of."
"...Rather than spoiled, you've become quite proactive, haven't you?"
With her words expressed so straightforwardly, even Ray could believe that Cecil truly liked him. Unable to reciprocate those feelings, Ray felt a bit bewildered by that affection.
"I don't... Yes, you're right... Yes, it's fine. I will treat you as I have until now."
"Yes. Please do."
◇◇◇
After finishing the cleanup of breakfast, it was Ray's daily routine to practice independently until the time for drills. And this time was designated for flexibility exercises by Geel's instructions. This was based on Geel's belief that physical flexibility was also important for maintaining balance.
"Alright. Then, I'll push."
"Please do."
Cecil pushed against the back of Ray, who had his legs spread wide. This was also a usual occurrence.
"It's showing results. You've become quite flexible."
"I suppose so. Well, that first time was hell. If that hadn't worked, I'd resent Master."
"Ah, that time when your legs were forced open."
"Exactly. Rather than flexibility, it was leg splitting."
In fact, what Ray had undergone was leg splitting. With one leg fixed, Geel had opened Ray's legs to one hundred and eighty degrees while Ray screamed in pain.
"That was something that felt painful even for me just watching."
"It was incredibly painful. I think two or three tendons snapped. I thought I'd become useless."
"But you were fine, weren't you?"
"I-I suppose so."
It was a line that was difficult to respond to.
"Ah, I'm doing it again..."
"There's no point in worrying about every little thing. Let's just talk normally without being conscious of it."
"You're right."
"Shall we move to the next? This time, we'll stretch the shoulders."
"Yes."
This time, she took Ray's arms, which he had extended upward while sitting, and slowly leaned them backward.
"Does it hurt?"
"A little more is fine."
"Then, how about this much?"
"Ah, yes. Please stop there."
"Yes. What kind of effect does this have?"
"They say that expanding the range of motion in the shoulders adds flexibility to sword swings. Sharpness, speed, and also direction."
"Geel-sama is somehow amazing, isn't he?"
"It's likely the result of devotedly striving to master a single thing. He may seem like that, but he's extremely logical."
Regarding the sword, Geel had his own firm theories. It was a far cry from the impression—though 'wild' was a modest expression—that Ray had of him when they first met.
"That's true. He told me not only to train the body, but to train the mind as well."
"Is that so? He hasn't told me that."
"Because you already do so even without being told, Kamui-sama. I was told repeatedly."
"To you, Cecil-san? I wonder why?"
Cecil was not learning the sword from Geel. Ray didn't understand Geel's feelings in giving advice to Cecil.
"He seems to dislike mages."
"Eh? He looks like he has nothing but affection for you."
Geel's attitude toward Cecil seemed like nothing other than courting her. Though Ray knew it was doubtful how serious he actually was.
"He said mages in general, not me personally."
"Why is that?"
"According to Geel-sama, mages just stay in one place chanting magic, relying on a single trick they've learned. He says they are useless."
"That can't be right, can it? I think magic is a very powerful weapon in combat."
As far as Ray knew, guns did not exist in this world. When it came to long-range weapons, aside from large things like catapults or ballistae, there were only bows and arrows.
"He does acknowledge the effectiveness of magic. It's like this: mages are useless once their mana runs out or if it becomes a close-quarters battle. Moreover, they don't even try to devise ways to handle that. He says that is unforgivable."
"Devising ways... I see, I think I understand."
"It's difficult. In short, he means they should acquire the means to fight even in close quarters. For a mage, the pursuit of magic is the highest priority. They don't do things like allocate time to other matters."
The pursuit of magic. No matter how much time was spent, even if it were a person's entire life, mastering it was probably impossible. Mages held a strong belief in that.
"That's true. But a mage's tactics, huh. That would be an interesting subject to pursue as well."
"Is it? I understand what Geel-sama is saying, but I can't imagine anything beyond that."
"That's because you are a mage, Cecil-san. And Master is a professional of combat rather than just the sword."
"Professional?"
"Do you know the word 'professional'?"
"Ah, I see. Kamui-sama likes rational things, doesn't he? In that sense, you must get along with Geel-sama. I'll switch arms."
"Ah, yes."
Switching arms, she leaned them backward again in the same way. After finishing the flexibility exercises like that, they moved on to muscle training. With Ray bridging with his neck, Cecil sat on top of him with her legs neatly together, as if sitting on a bench.
"It feels like a breeze for me alone now."
"Yes. Compared to the beginning, it's become much easier. Though I'm not entirely sure about the effects."
"The beginning. When we first met, I thought what a frail body you had."
"Yeah, I felt like I was just skin and bones."
"...You've become sturdy. Although you still look slender compared to the knights, you are very powerful."
As she said this, Cecil gently placed her hand on Ray's chest.
"I-is that so?"
"Yes. It's as if many supple bundles of muscle are tied together despite being hard, and that is very..."
Using the hand on his chest for support, Cecil gently leaned her body down. Resting her head on Ray's chest, she listened with an entranced expression.
"...Um?"
"Listening to a heartbeat is quite soothing, isn't it?"
"Yeah, maybe it is."
"I only noticed it for the first time yesterday. That a person's heartbeat is something that settles one's own feelings very much."
"I see..."
"I know. But please forgive me. I've been careful to act normally since this morning, but it seems I won't be able to do so immediately. Please let me bask in the afterglow of yesterday for a while."
"...Understood."
Being told that, Ray couldn't say no. For Ray too, it was a pleasant time. Leaving Cecil lying there, he decided to continue his training.
"Eh!? What are you two doing flirting!?"
The one who destroyed that peaceful time was Miria. At that voice, Cecil jumped up,
"W-we aren't doing anything!"
"You are! Eh, since when did you two have that kind of relationship!?"
"Miria! Your voice is too loud! People will misunderstand!?"
"Misunderstand? I mean, no matter how you look at it..."
"We were just doing the usual training. Unlike Miria, my body is light, so I thought I'd entrust all my weight."
"The 'unlike me' part is unnecessary. Then get off. I'll take over."
"Yes. That would be best."
Though she said so in words, Cecil looked quite dissatisfied as she got off Ray. Miria took her place on top of Ray. She then imitated Cecil, entrusting her body to Ray.
"Ow!"
But Cecil would not allow that. Casually—though it was obvious—she pushed Miria's body away with her foot, knocking her to the floor.
"Oh, your balance is poor, isn't it? It seems Miria should sit properly."
"You..."
"What?"
"What, you say... You..."
Cecil, who did not hide her jealousy, and Miria, who was surprised by such a Cecil.
"Um, we should head to the training grounds soon."
The one who could no longer endure that indescribable atmosphere was Ray.
"Ah, that's right. That's why I came to pick you up."
"Then, let's go."
Ray breathed a sigh of relief, but once he arrived at the training grounds, he ended up breaking into a cold sweat. As soon as they arrived, Geel, who was waiting, began to stare intently at Ray and Cecil alternately.
"Heeh."
Eventually, Geel let a meaningful smile float on his lips.
"W-what is it?"
"I see, you two did it."
"Did what?"
"I'm saying you became a man and a woman."
"On what basis?"
Having expected this to some extent, Ray faced Geel without showing any agitation.
"When you get to my level, you can tell these things. A man and woman who have had a physical relationship, how should I put it, they're in sync, or rather, they show a unique atmosphere."
"Cecil-san and I aren't in that kind of relationship."
"It's useless no matter how much you deny it. It's painfully obvious from Cecil's side."
"Eh?"
Turning around, he saw that Cecil had turned red up to her ears and was looking down. Not only that, she was firmly gripping the hem of Ray's clothes. Even if one weren't attuned to the subtleties of men and women, the relationship between the two was clear.
"Um, Cecil-san?"
"Yes?"
"Are you perhaps doing this on purpose?"
Even Ray began to find Cecil's attitude suspicious. The behavior Cecil showed didn't seem like she had any intention of hiding it.
"...That is not the case."
"Oi oi, suddenly showing full possessiveness? I dread to think what's coming."
"Possessiveness, you say..."
"Well, I don't care what kind of relationship you two have. As long as it doesn't interfere with training."
"Yes..."
"Therefore, Cecil, go home."
"Eh?"
"Right now, you are an interference to training. With a woman who makes her feelings for the brat so blatant by her side, there's no way the brat can concentrate on training, right?"
"That's..."
"Listen, a good woman doesn't interfere with a man's work. The brat's work right now is training. You, who interfere with that, are not fit to be by his side."
Unlike usual, Geel directed harsh words toward Cecil. And Cecil, upon being told this, looked down without showing her usual strength.
"Master, those words are a bit too harsh."
Seeing Cecil's depressed state, Ray intended to throw her a lifeline, but...
"Brat, you too. I don't know the circumstances of how it happened. But do you have that kind of leeway right now? And isn't it your responsibility that Cecil is like this?"
"Mine?"
Ray also ended up being scolded by Geel.
"Cecil is a clever woman. For a clever woman to become like this, in my opinion, it's because she lacks confidence. Because she lacks the confidence to keep you, she unconsciously appeals to those around her that the brat is hers and not to touch him."
"Ah." "Hah."
Making different sounds, Cecil and Ray were both impressed by Geel's words.
"Master. You're a master in this field too."
"Hah, I haven't made countless women cry for nothing."
"That's not something to be proud of."
"Anyway. For a while, Cecil, do not attend the training. I will allow your attendance when you've gained confidence, or conversely, when you've decided on the resolve to accept the situation. Got it?"
"...Yes."
Though she looked quite depressed, Cecil obediently left the training grounds. Seeing that, Ray's heart ached a little. Because he knew that Cecil would not gain such confidence.
"Now then, why did this happen?"
"Eh, do I have to say?"
"As your master, I have to ask."
"That's just an excuse, isn't it?"
"Half of it is. But honestly, it's surprising. I knew Cecil's feelings. But I thought the brat would never accept them."
"...I didn't even notice her feelings."
Geel had known Cecil's feelings. That was a surprise to Ray.
"Aren't you too dense?"
"Look, can you imagine that the beautiful Cecil-san would like me, who is younger than her—no, not just younger, but a minor?"
"Well, normally you couldn't. But it was quite blatant."
"I thought she viewed me as a younger brother."
He had noticed Cecil's affection. Ray could understand the other person's emotions whether he liked it or not. However, he hadn't understood the type of affection. This was simply a lack of experience.
"That's the attitude she shows a younger brother, huh. Well, whatever. So why? Did you know her feelings?"
"No, well..."
"What, was it just playing around?"
"Your wording is too harsh. There was a reason. Because of something, I couldn't stay calm, and Cecil-san comforted me. At first, I did wonder if it was right, but a rest for the soul..."
"Hah? What's this 'rest for the soul'?"
"It seems my feelings had become unstable because I'd been wound up for so long. I thought I needed time to forget everything..."
While explaining, Ray realized what a terrible man he was. He was saying it wasn't an action born from affection for Cecil.
"...Hmm. Come to think of it, four months... it's about that, isn't it. After all, you were in the 'Forest of Bewilderment' with the Demon Race."
"Yeah."
However, Geel did not say anything to blame Ray; instead, he showed understanding.
"My bad. I hadn't noticed. Alright, today's usual training is cancelled."
"My body is fine, though."
"No, we've been doing it quite harshly. It's about time to take a day off. Moderate rest is also a part of training. Instead, today we'll do mental training."
"Mental training?"
"Simply put, observing other people's sparring. However, don't just watch blankly. Watch while constantly thinking about what move they'll make next, and what you would do if you were them."
"I see."
Not something to train the self as before, but practical training. Ray understood that was what it meant.
"In a sense, it's more tiring than abusing the body. But that'll be good. It's a bit different from forgetting everything, but if you immerse yourself in one thing, you'll get tired, but it should be a pleasant fatigue."
"...Understood."
"Alright, let's go."
"Yeah."
The two started heading toward the place where the knights were drilling. There, he noticed there was one more person present.
"Oi, Miria, let's go."
"...Cecil... that Cecil..."
He had sensed it somehow, but being told clearly in front of his eyes that it was a fact seemed to have shocked Miria.
"Oi? Are you okay?"
"She beat me to it! That Cecil beat me to it!"
"...Is that something to compete over?"
"If it's come to this, I'll also... Geel-sama. How about a rest for the soul?"
"I'm good. Alright, let's leave her be."
"WHYYYYYY!?"
◇◇◇
Actually watching sparring and reading other people's movements was something that required a considerable amount of brainpower. Furthermore, thinking about how he would move. He answered when Geel questioned him, and if there was an error, he was made to think again. Repeating this, every time a single sparring match ended, Geel explained the flow to Ray in detail. As he repeated this over and over, Ray's head became filled with thoughts of sparring. Just as Geel said, he had no leeway to think about other things. He spent the morning and afternoon drilling hours on it, and by the time the day ended, Ray was exhausted and worn out.
He could sleep soundly today too. After finishing his meal, Ray tried to go to sleep early, but Cecil, who had finished tidying the dishes, returned.
"I am sorry for causing you trouble today."
The words Cecil spoke upon her return were an apology.
"No, I don't think it was trouble at all. It's as I said this morning. My heart feels lighter."
"But, after that..."
"Well. But that too will become fine as days pass."
"Do you think so?"
"I do."
"I won't gain confidence, will I?"
"...That's a hard question to answer."
He couldn't bring himself to say words that would give her hope. Ray thought that half-hearted affection would only hurt Cecil more.
"No, I know. Kamui-sama has decided to leave the castle. As long as that is the case..."
"I'm sorry..."
Ray's heart ached at Cecil's pained expression.
"That's why I intend to accept it. I just wish for you to be mine, even if only while Kamui-sama is in the castle."
"I see... eh? What does that mean?"
Mine. Ray was surprised by these words from Cecil.
"Regarding Kamui-sama, I've decided to be honest with my own desires. If Kamui-sama calls me beautiful even a little, I will use that as a weapon to make Kamui-sama mine, if only for a moment in a day."
A smile floated on Cecil's face, so much so that one would wonder what happened to the sad expression from a moment ago. A complex smile that drifted with contradictory atmospheres—voluptuous, yet innocent like a child.
"...U-um?"
"Do you intend to make a woman say it any further?"
As she said this, Cecil was already moving to action. Shedding her clothes, she sat down next to Ray and pressed her body against him.
"In other words... tonight as well?"
"Every night, until Kamui-sama leaves the castle."
"That makes me seem as if I'm drowning in sexual desire."
"I am already drowning in desire... Kamui-sama..."
Whispered in his ear, Ray's reason was on the verge of collapsing again.
(H-hey)
(I-impossible. I'm you. A man in his prime. I'm at my limit of patience...)
(Me too...)
He had intended to seek salvation from the other Ray, but in the end, that only pushed the desire as a man within Ray further. Pushing Cecil's clinging body down onto the bed, they immersed themselves in the act.