59 - One-Sided Feelings
The highway leading to the north. It was wide and well-maintained, but as they left the royal capital, it gradually became narrower and more uneven. Even so, this area was still the central part of the Laurel Kingdom's territory. There were no obstacles to the progress of a large army. They were still in the early stages of the journey. The hardships were still a story for later.
Despite that, there were already people harboring dissatisfaction at this point. People who, even after more than four years in this world, still could not forget a far more advanced civilization.
"...Couldn't something be done about these carriages?"
During a break for meals, Akemi voiced her complaints about the carriages with a pout. As the roads grew rougher, the ride in the carriages became that much worse. Akemi was complaining about that.
"If you hate the carriages, why don't you just ride a horse?"
Fumiya replied to Akemi's grumbling with an air of annoyance.
"Horses are even worse. Your backside gets so sore you'll want to die."
"Hinata is riding without complaining."
"That's because Hinata worked hard to practice, didn't she?"
Akemi turned her gaze toward Hinata. A cynical smile played on her lips.
"Y-yes."
"Hinata is so desperate. I can't. It's just too much trouble."
She wasn't talking about the horse practice itself. She was being cynical about why Hinata had practiced riding so desperately.
"But in this world, it's better to be able to ride a horse."
However, Akemi's cynicism didn't reach Hinata. Hinata herself had no awareness of having done anything that warranted Akemi's cynicism.
"Not really. I just wish I could reach a status where I don't need to ride a horse."
"That's true, but we aren't in that kind of status."
They were heading toward a battlefield. It was obvious that being able to ride a horse was better. Thinking this, Hinata had devoted herself to riding practice.
"For now, yes. But I hate things as they are."
Akemi was not satisfied with her position as a Hero. In the beginning, she had enjoyed being pampered and fawned over, but that was no longer the case. What was demanded of her by those around her was the power to fight. Success in war. No other value was recognized. Realizing this, the dissatisfaction in Akemi's heart grew—why did she have to risk her own life for someone else's fight?
"Then just excel in the war. If you achieve military merit, you'll be given a reward befitting it."
Fumiya intended to obtain that status by demonstrating his power as a Hero.
"Men are so simple. Women, unlike men, have various things to think about."
But Akemi was different. Dissatisfied with being drafted into the war, Akemi was thinking of another way to obtain a better position than she had now—a position where she wouldn't have to go to war.
"What do you mean by 'various things'?"
"Various things are various things. It's not something I'd tell Fumiya."
"...Ah, I see. Not that I particularly want to know. It would be a problem if I got tricked again."
Fumiya showed irritation at Akemi's attitude. He also felt bewildered by her cold demeanor toward him, which was different from before.
"Tricked? I don't recall tricking Fumiya."
"You did, didn't you? Because of that, I almost killed my friend with my own hands."
"...Don't be ridiculous. You're planning to make everything my responsibility!?"
Realizing that Fumiya was talking about the incident with Ray, Akemi raised her voice.
"It was Akemi who said that Tsukitani had to be killed."
"I only said he was a minion of the demons!"
"Isn't that the same thing? Demons are our enemy. If I'm told the opponent is a demon, I have no choice but to slay them."
It was a rather forced shifting of responsibility. Akemi had provided the information, but Fumiya had agreed to kill Ray. Quite actively.
"...Then you should have killed him for sure."
"...I can't believe you can say that."
"It was a fact that he was a minion of the demons. If you had killed him for sure back then, there wouldn't have been any victims. Right?"
"That's..."
Ray had survived, returned to the royal capital, and killed many people. Those who created this situation were Fumiya and the others, who had failed to finish Ray off. It was Fumiya and the others, not just Fumiya alone. And Akemi, who was complaining, also bore responsibility. What Akemi was doing was also a shifting of responsibility.
"...Is it enough for us to just be protected?"
When the argument between the two paused, Hinata spoke up.
"What do you mean?"
"If he really is Ray-kun, I think we have to be the ones to stop him."
"He 'really' is Ray-kun. Is there any room to doubt that at this point?"
Hinata spoke in a way that suggested there was doubt about whether it was Ray. This irritated Akemi. She perceived Hinata's words as an attempt to protect him.
"...As those of us who were close to Ray-kun, we have a responsibility to stop him."
Except for the part where Akemi pressed her, Hinata said the same thing.
"I'll stop him. When he appears before me, I'll kill him for sure this time."
"...How can you say such a thing?"
"How? Do you understand? He is trying to kill us. If we don't kill him, we'll be killed, right?"
"That's true, but... we were friends. First, we should talk."
"Enough already! We tried to kill that friend! Or what!? Are you planning to say you have no sin because you were just there and didn't lift a finger!?"
"............"
Akemi flew into a rage at Hinata's words. It wasn't that Akemi had absolutely no sense of guilt. Her strong words were a means to escape that guilt. Yet Hinata spoke as if she were a third party. That was simply unforgivable.
"...I'm going for a walk to clear my head."
Even for a walk, the range they could move in was limited. Due to the vigilance regarding Ray, Akemi and the others' actions were restricted. The walk was merely an excuse to leave the scene. Of course, Hinata understood that too.
"You don't have to worry about it. That was just her taking it out on you."
Fumiya offered words of comfort to the depressed-looking Hinata.
"...No, it's my fault."
"That's not true. I think Akemi is just getting a bit nervous before the war, isn't she?"
"...What do you think, Fumiya?"
"Me? I guess I'm a little scared too. But fighting is my mission. I can't run away."
Fumiya spoke of his thoughts on the war. But this wasn't what Hinata was asking about.
"No. I mean about Ray-kun."
"Ah... right, about Tsukitani."
A question he didn't want to be asked. Fumiya's feelings were close to Akemi's. He knew that if he spoke them, Hinata wouldn't think well of him.
"Don't you think we should try to stop Ray-kun?"
"Of course I do. But you see, the current Tsukitani isn't the Tsukitani we knew. I think we'll fail if we don't understand that."
"Fail? In what way?"
"In the sense that we won't be able to protect the people we should protect. Tsukitani—yes, I think Tsukitani himself might not even have the awareness that he was Tsukitani."
Fumiya desperately searched his mind for an explanation that would satisfy Hinata.
"...What do you mean by that?"
"Because Tsukitani didn't say anything to us. Tsukitani and I were best friends, right? And yet he ignored me. Wasn't it the same for you, Hinata?"
"It was, but..."
"His appearance—his appearance changed too. Maybe he isn't Tsukitani, neither in appearance nor in heart. Tsukitani was used to make us let our guard down. The existence of Tsukitani was erased. That's what I think."
To convince Hinata, he had no choice but to claim that Ray was no longer Ray. Fumiya thought this and painted that story in his head.
"What we should regret is that we couldn't prevent it from happening. I didn't know Tsukitani had come to another world too. If I had known, I might have been able to move to rescue him immediately..."
Fumiya spoke with a regretful expression. Even though in his head, he thought such a thing would have been impossible.
"Hinata. The only thing we can do for Tsukitani is take revenge on the demons."
"Revenge? We?"
"Yes. We slay the demons who stole Tsukitani from us. We destroy the demons so that no one ever has to feel the way we do again. That is our mission."
"...Destroy the demons."
"And then we'll make this world a peaceful place."
The word 'destroy' didn't resonate with Hinata. Seeing her reaction, Fumiya immediately shifted the conversation to world peace.
"Even after the war with the demons ends, conflict won't disappear from this world. Wars between nations continue. We will stop all those conflicts. Then we'll make this world peaceful and make people's lives easier. We came to this world not for war, but for peace. I want us to be able to think that."
"You're right. I want to live a life that is helpful to others."
"Let's do that. Let's live to make this world peaceful, just the two of us, Fumiya and Hinata."
"Y-yes."
For some reason, Akemi's existence was being erased. Hinata noticed this, but she gave a vague agreement anyway. It was the usual. Hinata didn't understand that this attitude of hers would end up hurting the men who held feelings for her. If Ray had been listening to the conversation here, he would have thought so. And even if it wasn't Ray, there was someone listening to the conversation who was appalled.
"What the hell was that disgusting conversation?"
It was Geel, who had been ordered to act as the Heroes' guard.
"Geel-dono, they can hear you."
The one admonishing Geel was Cecil. Cecil, who was in the position of Geel's subordinate in the guard mission, was always by his side.
"I don't care if they hear. As long as it stops that pointless chatter."
"I agree with that."
The Heroes were carrying out a selfish conversation. It was content that Cecil could not tolerate.
"Still... they really were acquaintances."
"It seems so. But I think it was a lie when he called them friends."
"Why do you think that?"
"Friendship cannot be established through the one-sided feelings of just one person."
The 'friend' part was something Fumiya was saying one-sidedly. Cecil believed that Ray didn't feel that way. She wanted to believe that.
"Even if it's one-sided, if those feelings are genuine, I think it's friendship."
"Eh...?"
"Regardless of how the other person receives it, if you can do that, I think those feelings seem more genuine to me."
"...That may be so, but."
Cecil didn't understand the intent behind why Geel had started saying such things.
"Well, those two are different. Even if it's one-sided, those brats only think about themselves."
"Yes. I have no intention of acknowledging such ugly thoughts."
"You don't need those kinds of emotions. The personality of the guard target has nothing to do with the mission."
"But."
As a mission, she understood that Geel's words were correct. But as a person, Cecil felt that she must not acknowledge that correctness.
"...This is a bit of a tangent, but consider that there is no such thing as 'justice' on either side of a fight."
"What do you mean?"
"Both sides have a reason to fight. I'm saying there's no good or evil in those reasons. If you don't understand that, you'll end up obsessing over meaningless self-justification like those brats."
"I am different from them."
Cecil could not stand the thought of being grouped with the Heroes. She felt this way, but she was mistaken. Geel had no intention of talking about the Heroes.
"Is that really true?"
"Of course it is."
"Then let me ask. Between us and the demons, which side do you think justice lies with?"
"Huh?"
Geel's question was unexpected for Cecil. Moreover, it was the kind of content that made her think, 'Why is he asking something so obvious?' The moment she thought this, Cecil had fallen into Geel's conversational trap.
"Justice lies with us. Is that what you think?"
"...Why are you asking me this?"
"The brat is on the side of the demons. Even so?"
"That's... Ray isn't siding with the demons. He's trying to take revenge on the people who killed the people precious to him."
It was a difficult question to answer. Cecil evaded it by not accepting the premise. But this was merely an escape.
"...I went to the 'Forest of Bewilderment'."
"Eh?"
"I thought it would be good training. While I was at it, I went to the cave where the brat apparently lived."
"I... see."
A time of Ray's that Cecil didn't know. Both the desire to know and the desire to remain ignorant floated in Cecil's heart.
"The inside of the cave was a mess. It looked like it had been left exactly as it was when a battle occurred."
"Wasn't Ray living there?"
After being attacked by the Heroes, Ray had lived in the 'Forest of Bewilderment'. That was what Cecil had thought.
"I don't know if the brat lived in the cave. What I found was that there certainly had been a family's life there."
"A family's life?"
"There were clothes for small children, for a boy and a girl. There were handmade toys. The girl who was brought to the royal capital must have been the eldest daughter. She must have had a younger brother and sister."
"............"
Not a story about demons, but about family. Since they were people precious to Ray, Cecil had already felt sympathy, but hearing it put this way made her chest ache.
"I heard there was no husband, so a woman must have raised three children on her own. Then the brat joined them, making four children. That woman accepted the brat, who wasn't even her own child, let alone a demon."
"...And the Heroes made a mess of that life."
"Not the Heroes. The Heroes just followed the country's orders."
"............"
The one who destroyed the lives of Ray and the others was the Laurel Kingdom. It was something that could be understood with a little thought, but Cecil had not done so.
"Demons have ordinary lives too. The kingdom that destroyed that is evil. But you know, there are people whose ordinary lives were stolen by demons in the same way. To them, demons are evil. Understand?"
"...Yes."
There is no good or evil in battle. Cecil thought that this was what Geel wanted to convey. But the conversation wasn't over yet.
"The people the brat killed also have families. They had ordinary family lives. The brat destroyed those."
"............"
"The brat has no justice. And we, who are trying to slay him, have no justice either. That's just how fighting is."
Even if revenge is the reason, killing people is not permitted. Geel, who had killed many people for the convenience of his own country, knew this. He did not look away from that fact.
"But I..."
She had no intention of slaying Ray. Even if Ray were evil, her feelings for him would not change.
"I'm not telling you to throw away your feelings. I'm just telling you not to believe blindly."
"That's... yes."
She wanted to talk back, but she couldn't find the words. Geel's words were correct. She felt they weren't words born from Geel's convenience, but words spoken with her in mind.
"Even in those brats' disgusting conversation, there were words that were correct."
"What were they?"
"If the brat is doing something wrong, we have a responsibility to stop him. I will stop him by fighting him. What will you do, little lady?"
Geel wasn't in this place to guard the Heroes. He was here to stop Ray's revenge. He believed that was his responsibility as his master.
"I..."
"Even if you can't do it now, organize your heart properly. Before you meet the brat."
Otherwise, Cecil would one day regret it. That was what Geel thought.
"...My feelings are firm."
"If you say so."
But Cecil was more stubborn than Geel thought, and she hated showing weakness to others. She quickly regained her assertive attitude.
"Geel-dono, you are mistaken."
"What am I mistaken about?"
"I am not chasing Ray to help him with his revenge. My goal is to make Ray mine. I have no intention of permitting something as foolish as revenge for something I have obtained."
"You really are scary."
"This is who I am."
It wasn't a bluff. In Cecil's priority list, the top was to keep Ray by her side and never let him go. She had no intention of acknowledging the achievement of revenge if it interfered with her own desires. Even though she knew Ray would never accept that willingly.
Cecil's one-sided feelings. Even so, regarding the feelings themselves, they were undoubtedly genuine. However, this wasn't what Geel had been trying to say.