8 - Gratitude for Being Alive
From the next day, cleaning Shiro's room was added to Ray's daily routine. That said, he rarely came face-to-face with Shiro. Like Ray, Shiro could not eat poison fruit or magic beasts. Shiro was often out to hunt for its own food.
Conversely, if Ray could go to the place where Shiro hunted, there might be prey that Ray could eat, but there was a problem with that.
If there were no problem, Kamiira would have already taken that approach.
"In other words, only Shiro knows where Shiro's hunting grounds are, right?"
"That's right. Shiro can hunt precisely because Shiro is a wolf. Ray-kun, you wouldn't be able to tell where is contaminated and where isn't, would you?"
"That's true... but what do you mean by that?"
He certainly could not distinguish between contaminated and uncontaminated areas. However, he didn't understand why that was necessary.
"It would probably take a week even for Shiro to reach the outer edge of the forest. I don't think Shiro moves that distance every single time for hunting. Besides, the outer edge isn't a safe place."
Humans lived at the outer edges of the forest. And not just civilians, but armed humans. From the humans' perspective, they were stationed there as a precaution in case dangerous creatures like magic beasts emerged from the Forest of Bewilderment, but to Shiro and Kamiira, they were enemies who would cause them harm.
"There are safe places closer than that. Isn't that actually a good thing?"
"But it's meaningless if you can't tell them apart."
"But once I find one..."
That would not solve the food problem.
"It doesn't work like that. The contaminated areas change. Or perhaps it's better to say the safe areas change?"
"Does that mean... what is the cause of the contamination? Based on what you're saying, it's a bit different from what I thought."
Ray had imagined something like pollution, where the entire forest was contaminated due to some cause. But according to this, there were safe spots here and there. And those spots moved. He couldn't understand what that meant at all.
"I can't give you the full details. To put it simply, inside this forest, there are flows of miasma and, conversely, several flows that purify it. Those flows occasionally change position. Because of that, the contaminated and purified areas change. That's how it is."
"It's being purified too?"
Another new fact and further questions. If it was being purified, what was doing the purifying?
"Yes. That's right."
"Contamination and purification don't seem like things that happen naturally."
Ray imagined chemistry, but surely that didn't exist in this world.
"I can't tell you any more than this. Anyway, that's how it is. And Shiro can tell where those purified places are. It's likely a special ability Shiro possesses."
Kamiira hadn't actually confirmed Shiro finding them. She had judged that it was possible by looking at the prey Shiro brought back to the cave.
"Then, why not just follow Shiro?"
Even if he didn't understand, he could just follow Shiro, who did. That was Ray's thought, but it was immediately denied by Kamiira.
"If you could move at the same speed as Shiro. Even Shiro would become like a magic beast if overtaken by the miasma. To prevent that, Shiro needs to reach a purified area before being corrupted by the miasma."
"So that level of movement speed is necessary."
"Yes. In the case of Ray-kun, who is weak to miasma, it's not as simple as just becoming stronger to move through the forest. And no one surpasses a beast in movement within the forest. Even I cannot follow Shiro. If only I could."
"...I think I could do it if I became stronger."
"Eh!?"
A rare display of confidence from Ray. Kamiira was surprised that Ray thought he could do something she herself could not.
"No, I haven't tried it, so I don't know for sure. But I feel like my legs have become quite fast."
"Is that the power of the magic beast?"
"Yes. Or rather, that's the only power I felt I absorbed."
"...Magic beasts are beasts, after all."
"I suppose so."
"There is a possibility."
"Yes."
"Shall we try it out a bit?"
If he had running speed comparable to a beast, he might not only be able to find Shiro's hunting grounds but also escape the Forest of Bewilderment. If they stockpiled food to some extent and Kamiira accompanied him halfway. Kamiira thought that would end Ray's suffering.
"Yes. That would be fastest."
The option of leaving Kamiira and the others didn't even enter a corner of Ray's mind. Conversely, he agreed to Kamiira's proposal with the thought that if the food problem was solved, he could continue living with them forever. Then, Ray actually tried to see if he could move quickly through the forest with Kamiira and the others, but...
"You're all talk."
Rui ended up being completely exasperated with him.
"I have no excuse."
"Far from a beast, you're slower than Kara or Kai."
"That is correct."
"Hah, pathetic. Worse than a child. You're the weakest, the absolute weakest."
"You don't have to go that far!?"
"It's a fact!"
"It is, but..."
Far from moving quickly, he couldn't even run properly.
"Rui, stop it now. It can't be helped. Come to think of it, Ray-kun doesn't have a body that can move properly. Thinking he could move around quickly in the first place was a mistake."
"Yes. Ah, I completely forgot."
Ray had not been receiving proper nutrition for a long time. His muscle strength had completely deteriorated. Looking at his arms and legs, which looked as if they were nothing but skin and bone, it was actually a wonder he could move at all.
"For now, we can't even talk about it unless we restore some of your physical strength."
"True. But for that, we need proper meals."
"We end up back there. You need physical strength to get food. You need food to get physical strength. It's a deadlock."
"Well. But the situation is improving."
"Where?"
"I can eat much more poison fruit than before. At least I don't have to worry about starving. Now I just need to restore my muscle strength. Once I can move through the forest, my meals will improve further. It's only getting better."
Compared to the moment when he had resigned himself to death, the situation was far better. That was how Ray thought.
"Ray-kun is positive."
"Positive? This is the first time I've been told that. I've often been told the exact opposite."
"Really? Well, that's fine. Now, about the method for training your body."
"Ah, I'll train that myself. I know how to do it."
"I see. Then, do your best."
And so, Ray set out to strive for the recovery of his muscle strength.
(Now, where should I start?)
(First, how about trying to stop the flow of magic for a moment?)
(Right. I should confirm my actual physical strength.)
The reason Ray had been able to move was thanks to the magic flowing through his body. The mana circulation he had become able to do unconsciously without realizing it. That was providing the effect of Body Strengthening. He consciously tried to stop the magic circulating in his body.
"Guh! Uwah! Th-this is bad!"
His body lost all strength at once. A suffering as if the functions of his entire body, including his lungs and heart, had stopped assaulted Ray. He hurriedly managed to reactivate the magic, and the suffering stopped.
"Haa, haa... I thought I was going to die."
(Actually, am I already dead?)
"Don't say scary things. It doesn't feel like a joke."
In truth, he felt that without magic, his body's functions were already dead. If so, he was something like a zombie.
"...For now, I'll just stop it in my legs."
When he consciously tried to block the flow of magic just before his legs, as he thought, magic stopped flowing to his legs. Once that happened, even standing became painful.
(Th-this is...)
(Instead of training, first, it's rehabilitation.)
(How do you do rehabilitation?)
(Who knows? Would I know something I don't know?)
Push-ups, sit-ups, squats. Ray had intended to do that kind of muscle training, but his current state was not at that level. His legs were at their limit just supporting his body to stand.
(Walking, then. I'd like some assistance, but for now, I'll use the wall for support.)
Placing his hands against the wall, he moved his legs forward one step at a time. Even walking a few steps was a struggle.
(This is bad, it's so pathetic I could cry.)
(Well, do your best.)
(You're talking like it's someone else's problem.)
(How could it be someone else's problem!? I am me!)
(That's right.)
While complaining, he continued walking until he reached his limit. Once he could no longer stand and collapsed, he took a break. While resting and rubbing his legs, Kamiira came over.
"What happened?"
"No, it's just worse than I thought."
"Physical strength? I see, you were training right away."
"It's a problem before training. When I stop the magic, even standing is painful."
"...Could it be that Ray-kun has been flowing magic all this time?"
"Yes. Because I couldn't move otherwise."
"Ray-kun, you..."
Kamiira had an exasperated look after hearing Ray's story.
"What is it?"
"That's just like a member of the Demon Race."
"Is that so?"
"Yes. Members of the Demon Race always circulate magic within their bodies. Usually in small amounts, though."
"Humans can't do that?"
If they could, Kamiira wouldn't have said he was like a member of the Demon Race. He knew without asking.
"I think it's impossible to do it continuously. It's one of the reasons the Human Race is inferior to the Demon Race in magic."
"Um?"
"For humans to use magic, they must start by activating their magic. There are exceptions, but most perform incantations. But members of the Demon Race don't need that."
"I see. That is certainly completely different. So the Demon Race is superior in quantity, quality, and speed."
"Quantity isn't absolute. I hear that occasionally, people with magic capacity rivaling the Demon Race are born among humans. But even with the same amount of magic, the density is different, so the Demon Race is still superior."
"If they have that much power, why are they being cornered by humans?"
The Demon Race was stronger. That seemed certain, yet in reality, they were being cornered by humans, who should have been weaker. Ray didn't understand the reason.
"Well. I don't know that either. If the power of the demons in legends were true, the Demon Race should be overwhelming humans. But I know the reason for the current situation."
"What is it?"
"The difference in numbers. That is overwhelmingly different."
"How much of a difference?"
"I don't know the details. Roughly, the number of pureblood demons might be around fifty or sixty thousand."
This was a very rough number. No one could grasp the situation of demons scattered in various places, let alone other races.
"Then what about humans?"
"Who knows? Maybe millions?"
"...Then there's absolutely no chance of winning, right?"
The digits were different. Even if individual power were superior, there was no way they could win as a whole.
"If all humans fought, yes. But warriors are limited. Moreover, only a portion of the Demon Race is fighting the war."
"Why is that?"
"As I explained before, humans call them demons as a whole, but in reality, there are many races and tribes. They don't unite easily. Some tribes might go extinct if their numbers decrease in war. Unlike humans, children are rarely born among the Demon Race, so it's a disaster when numbers decrease."
There is a minimum number absolutely necessary to leave descendants. If it falls below that, extinction awaits the race. Not a few demons were in such a crisis.
"...Huh? But Kamiira-san, you have three..."
Having three children was on the higher side in Ray's sense as a Japanese person.
"Fufu. I'm special. Perhaps it's the compatibility with my husband."
"Ah, compatibility..."
Compatibility for making children. Delusions began to expand in Ray's head.
"You just thought of something strange, didn't you?"
"I'm sorry..."
"Anyway, that's how it is. No matter how strong the Demon Race is, they cannot match the power of numbers. Moreover, the opponent targets the purebloods. Thus, the battle becomes more and more disadvantageous for the demons."
"Come to think of it, what are these 'purebloods' you've been mentioning?"
"Demons are a general term for many races. Is that clear?"
"Yes."
"It means being a pureblood of that race. The thicker the blood, the stronger the ability. Children between races inevitably have inferior abilities."
"But couldn't abilities increase? For example, a child between a race strong in power and a race strong in magic might have both abilities."
"That doesn't happen. A child's ability always leans toward one of the races."
Demon blood had something like a type for each race. They didn't mix to create a different blood. Instead, it became a state of being diluted. Between demons.
"That's a shame. It would be great if one could obtain various abilities."
"That's not possible. Unless you're a True Ancestor."
"Did True Ancestors have such an ability? I suppose that's expected."
"...You know about the True Ancestors!?"
Ray responded normally to the word True Ancestor uttered by Kamiira. That was a surprise to Kamiira. Only those of the same race were supposed to know about the True Ancestors. That was how it should be.
"Ah, right. It might not be the same as the knowledge I have."
"By saying that, you know the word, right?"
"Yes."
"Could you tell me? What a True Ancestor is according to Ray-kun's knowledge."
"Vampire—ah, this is that. It's a word from my original world, and it doesn't refer to the Vampio race."
"...Fine. Continue."
"Then, they are called vampires. This is the word used to refer to the same existence in the world I was in."
"What you mentioned before..."
Vampire was a word Ray had uttered before. At the time, she thought it was a mistake in memory, but she now understood it wasn't.
"It's just a one-letter difference. Well, that's fine for now. In my world, vampires were said to increase their kin through blood-sucking. The person who was sucked also became a vampire."
Ray explained the knowledge from his original world to Kamiira.
"Is that..."
"Yes, this is the same. Now, about the True Ancestor. What about the original vampire? An existence that became a vampire without blood-sucking. That is called a True Ancestor. Or a Progenitor."
"...The same. The first existence of the Vampio race. That is what we call the True Ancestor."
"It's that similar. It really is mysterious."
Another world was a fantasy to begin with. Ray was actually in that fantasy world. At least, he was aware of that. In that other world, the fantasies of his original world had become reality.
"Hey, Ray-kun, could it be that you're from a clan of those vampires?"
"Huh? Me? That's impossible. I'm human. In the first place, vampires are fictional beings. Even if they actually existed, they would have gone extinct long ago. My original world was the same as here. There are many legends that beings perceived as monstrous by humans were persecuted and driven from the world."
"I see. That's true. Sorry, I asked something strange."
"I don't mind. It's interesting as a fantasy. The vampires from my world lost their place and moved to this world. And I'm actually a blood relative of the vampires, and the lost abilities were revived upon coming to this world. But there's no blood-sucking, so it's a bit different."
"...Our ancestors also came from another world, like Ray-kun?"
The hypothesis Ray uttered. Even knowing he wasn't serious, Kamiira found herself drawn to that hypothesis.
"No, it's just a fantasy, so please don't take it seriously."
"I suppose..."
"Is it okay to ask this? Are you and the others blood relatives of the True Ancestor?"
"No, we aren't. Blood relatives of the True Ancestor no longer exist in this world."
"I see."
He remembered Kamiira saying that the powerful demons had disappeared.
"Still, our blood is on the thicker side. Especially my husband, who is a high-ranking existence even among the Vampio race."
"Is that why he's in the war?"
"Yes, because someone is needed to lead the clan."
"I see. Why didn't you follow him, Kamiira-san?"
It wasn't that he thought she should go to war. He was just curious about the reason she was separated from her husband.
"Because the children are still small. Men go to war, women raise the children. Both are for protecting the clan."
"But that way, the number of children won't increase."
There might be other families where only the men went to war. Then children wouldn't increase. Ray thought the number of demons would only continue to decrease.
"Heh, Ray-kun knows how children are made, doesn't he?"
The talk he intended to be serious was returned as a joke.
"Please don't tease me. I know it as knowledge."
"I see. Hey, what do you think of Rui?"
"Don't worry, I won't lay a hand on the child."
"Oh, if you think that way, you'll be surprised."
"Why?"
"Women of the Vampio race suddenly become adults one day, like a flower blooming. Rui will be one soon too."
"Isn't becoming an adult too fast?"
Rui was still a child. That was how it felt to Ray. Even being told that Rui would soon be an adult didn't click with him.
"Is it? But humans aren't that different. I believe fifteen was the age of adulthood."
"Fifteen? That's fast. Are Vampio race even faster?"
"Twelve. Rui is almost there. Don't get any strange ideas when the time comes."
"I won't. The one I like is—"
"That's a no. I'm happy for the feeling, but I can't reciprocate."
It wasn't conceit. Ray's emotions were reaching Kamiira. And that he was relatively serious. That was why she refused so clearly.
"Is it because I'm a child? Ah, I'm also ugly."
"A child, yes. But appearance doesn't matter. Demons don't care about beauty or ugliness. That was rude of me to say."
"No, it's a fact."
"...Hey, Ray-kun, have you ever seen your own face?"
"Of course. I know it well because I went through terrible things thanks to this appearance."
"The bullying?"
"Did I talk about that?"
Ray didn't remember talking about the bullying to Kamiira. That was right. The one who talked about it was Ray's other personality.
"I heard it from the other Ray-kun."
"Ah, that bastard... me."
Even if he wanted to complain, the opponent was himself. Blaming himself would only make him feel worse.
"Were you bullied for your appearance?"
"Well. But thinking back, it wasn't just that. Not only my appearance, but my inner self was terrible too."
"Is that so? I can't think that's the case."
The Ray Kamiira knew had a kind personality, being considerate even to the children. She couldn't believe that would be the cause of bullying.
"I was raised spoiled, so I was incredibly selfish."
That was only because it was after he had a bitter experience. The past Ray had such a terrible personality that he himself thought he was a useless human being.
"Oh, your parents were no good then."
"The one who raised me was my aunt. My parents died when I was young."
"I'm sorry."
"No, when my parents died, I was too young to even feel sadness."
"I see. And then your aunt took you in and raised you. It's unfortunate about your parents, but it's good that the person who took you in was kind."
Kamiira thought that he was spoiled because his aunt loved him, but...
"I thought so too."
"Is it different?"
"Well, since we're on the subject, I'll tell you. My parents were quite wealthy. And because they died, their inheritance became mine. Do you know what inheritance is?"
"Yes."
"But I was a child. I needed a guardian, or someone like that. That became my aunt. I don't remember how it was decided because I was young."
"Does that mean..."
Since he was talking about inheritance, something must have happened because of it. Kamiira understood what that meant. Even among demons, while there was almost no greed for money, there were those who tried to steal things from others.
"Yes. It was for the inheritance. But my aunt had no right to use the inheritance freely."
"Then what was the problem?"
"What my aunt thought of was to make me thoroughly extravagant. Not only did she get to enjoy herself through that, but she also slightly fudged the amount spent and made it her own."
"How could she do such a thing."
"Since I was being supported, I don't hold a grudge about that. I'd be angry if she had used it all, but she didn't seem to have that much courage."
"If she did that, there would be no point in the trickery."
"I suppose so. What I hold a grudge about is that extravagance. Because of that, I grew up believing that any wish of mine would be granted. A terribly selfish child with a bad personality was born. You might think it's my own responsibility, but I was a child. I didn't have that kind of discernment."
"That's true."
That aunt had created a useless child for her own greed. Kamiira thought that was unforgivable. She also thought Ray was blameless for being made that way.
"Bad inside and out. You'd be bullied, wouldn't you?"
"That was 'before', right? I think the current Ray-kun is different."
"Do you think so?"
"I do."
"If that's the case, it might be thanks to coming here."
"...Hey, does that mean..."
"I'm grateful for the life here. I'm doing my best just to survive, but that's exactly why I can avoid being trapped by unnecessary things. Isn't it wonderful to be able to feel pure gratitude just for being alive?"
Above all, in his life here, he didn't need to freeze his heart; he could laugh when he wanted to laugh and cry when he wanted to cry. Ray was happy about that.
"I see. You can feel that way?"
It should have been days like hell. Yet Ray said he was grateful for it. Kamiira thought it wasn't because of the life here, but that Ray had the quality to feel that way from the start.
"Don't you feel that way, Kamiira-san?"
"I'm the opposite of Ray-kun. Until now, I've been doing my best just to survive. But thanks to Ray-kun coming, the joy in my daily life has increased."
While rejoicing in the growth of her children, the anxiety that a situation might occur where their lives were taken never disappeared. That was her life. The anxiety hadn't disappeared even now, but it was a fact that Ray's presence was softening her life.
"...I'm blushing."
"Thank you. For appearing before us."
"No, me too. I'm grateful that we could meet."
A world where even living was painful. That was why he could be grateful for being able to live. Ray was happy about that. And above all, in this world, there were people who truly worried about him. He could feel the kindness of others, which he hadn't felt in his original world.