kscans

Chapter 12 - A Speck Of Pride, But Hey, It’s Mine

I've mentioned this before, but I lack passion. It's always been that way.

Let's say there's a battle where the world would face terrible changes if I lost. The defenders usually fight with passion, for the people they need to protect, or to stay true to their beliefs.

But I couldn't do that. Even in such situations, I remained my usual self. The most I could muster was thinking, "Well, it'd be nice to win..."

"If you lose, the world will be in chaos!"

Yes, that's absolutely right. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I'd think, "If that happens, then that's that." If I lose and die, it won't be my problem anymore. And if I survive the loss, well, it'll be tough, but we'll manage somehow. I just can't get fired up about it.

That might be fine for ordinary people. But someone like the old lady would say I'm shirking my responsibilities as someone with power. I can't ignite my heart. I can only muster the average levels of enthusiasm. It's pathetic. I know it's something to be ashamed of.

Yet even someone like me has a tiny bit of pride.

"Well, now that we're nicely full, let's start the entertainment!"

Even if I can only get as excited as the average person, there are times when I want to give it my all.

"The interdepartmental manager talent show is about to begiiiiiiiiiin!"

"Yeahhhhhhh!"

This is one of those times. This annual competition at the new employee welcome party is an unavoidable battle for managers. Representing the Sales Department, I can't afford to look pathetic.

"Alright!"

"Phew!"

Look at the managers from other departments. Both men and women have the faces of warriors. Fighting secret battles behind the scenes? Yeah, that's admirable. But does that mean people in the normal world are inferior to those fighting in the supernatural world? Not at all. There's no hierarchy here. If you're giving it your all, that's worthy of respect, no matter who you are.

"The winning department will receive a cash prize from me, so do your best! The new employees will be the judges! No favoritism for your own departments, okay? Please evaluate the performances purely on merit. That's how we show respect to those fighting with conviction."

However, it might be difficult to judge openly. So the scoring will be done by sending messages to the president's smartphone. The president will never reveal who gave what score, so they don't have to worry.

"...Section Chief Satou, are you okay?"

The department head whispers in my ear. Ah, I understand the concern. Honestly, this year was particularly challenging. Plus, with everything that happened with Rika, I couldn't get much practice time. But so what?

"Suzuki, do you know this saying? 'Only fools think about losing before they even start.'"
"Right! Good luck, sir!"
"Yeah."

Just as I nod, the president calls out.

"First up is the Sales Department Manager, Satouuuu!"

The order was decided by lottery beforehand. Going first tends to result in conservative scoring, which puts you at a disadvantage. But who cares? Bring on the adversity! A man's spirit shines through when overcoming hardships!

I step forward with a puppet modeled after the president on my right hand and a smartphone in my left.

"Helloooooo!"
[Hello, we're the Gotanda Gang!]
"Please take care of us!"
[We'll do our best with our manzai today, so please enjoy!]

This year's act is a solo manzai using pre-recorded, processed voice data played through speakers embedded in the puppet. The timing is extremely critical. One operational mistake will kill the tempo, so it's quite challenging. I'm trembling... with anticipation, of course.

[You know I have a daughter, right?]
"Yes, you do. A lovely daughter who looks nothing like you."
[Don't add unnecessary comments. Well, I talk with her about school and stuff. Like 'What's your favorite subject?' and such.]
"Yes, yes."
"From a father who particularly liked the health part of health and physical education class, what do you suppose is his daughter's favorite subject?"
[What? What did I ever do to you?]
"Well, if I had to say... sorry, I have too many things to say and we'll run out of time for the routine. Shall we move on?"
[How many complaints do you have about me... My daughter's favorite subject is music! Music class, you know!]
"Ah... music class brings back memories."
[Right?]
"The teacher made me paste paper over the national anthem page at the very back of the textbook."
[Let's not touch on such sensitive topics, okay?]

The audience is responding well. We didn't stumble on the opening.

[So anyway, there's going to be a chorus test, and she wants to practice at home, asking me to help.]
"Wow, she's quite dedicated."
[Right? And for that test, do you remember round singing?]
"Yes, yes, that thing where you layer the songs."
[Yeah, that's it. I can handle normal singing fine, but round singing? Haven't done that since elementary school.]
"True enough."
[Would you mind helping me get my sense back so I can help my daughter?]
"Sure thing."
[Alright then, I'll do the overlay part, you sing. Let's do that one, you know, 'By the Quiet Lakeside.']
"Got it. Shall we begin?"

This is where it gets tricky.

"By the quiet lakeside, from forest shadows♪"
[By the quiet lakeside, from forest shadows♪]
"A man and woman's voices can be heard♪"
[A man and woman's... Wait!!]
"What's wrong?"
[That's nostalgic... Wait, seriously? You're bringing elementary school jokes from the early Heisei era into the Reiwa era?]
"Well, you used to do it too, didn't you?"
[You remember that well... Hey! You're supposed to be a professional! We're professional comedians! You're going with such a lazy joke?]
"I matched the quality of your comebacks."
[Whose comebacks are elementary school level?! We're professionals, idiot! This is how we make our living! How we feed our families!!]
t/n:The song is japanese version of Itsy Bitsy Spider. Kids in Heisei era (1989-2019) usually change the lyric to be mischevious, in this case, a man and woman voice suggests that the kid is singing something scandalous.

The manzai continued, and somehow we managed to finish without a single mistake.
The response was great... but the final touch remained.

"Well, that was a splendid solo manzai! Before we score it, let's get some comments from Satou-kun."

...Here it comes!

"Satou-kun, how was it?"

"Well, I have many things to say, but I'll keep it brief and just mention one thing."

I raised my right hand with the puppet on it so everyone could see.

"This puppet..."

Now! Activate the gimmick!

"I made it by hand."

The yarn hair suddenly popped off, creating a brief pause before laughter erupted.

(Yes, my routine had a double punchline.)

I was certain of my victory.