kscans

Chapter 144 - What You Don't Realize Until It's Gone

How old were you when you stopped believing in Santa Claus? And when you learned the truth, what did you think? I think it was the winter of my third year of elementary school when I found out Santa's true identity. It happened one day in December. I had invited my friends over, and we were playing hide-and-seek inside the house. My mom wasn't home, so we were going wild, knowing we wouldn't get yelled at.

"Hee hee, where should I hide? This is literally my home turf, after all."

The spot I chose was my parents' bedroom. I decided to hide in their closet. I triumphantly burst into the bedroom and opened the closet door without hesitation. Then I froze.

"Huh?"

What jumped out at me was a Santa Claus costume. There were two of them, a normal one and a miniskirt Santa one. If I had been more pure, I might have thought my mom and dad were that crimson fellow who travels the world on Christmas Eve. If I had been smarter, I would have already suspected and been able to just accept it. My misfortune was being stuck right in the middle.

Santa Claus wasn't real. It had been my parents giving me presents every year.

I was shocked. Strange, isn't it? I wanted to believe in Santa, but for a kid like me, the presents were what really mattered. Just getting what I wanted every year was enough. Who gave them to me was just a bonus. And yet, I was so shocked by the fact that Santa didn't exist that I was down about it for a whole week.

Years later, I received another shock, though of a different kind. The normal Santa costume made sense. That must have been for my old man. But what about the miniskirt one? Was my old lady coming to put presents by my pillow too? No, that can't be it. I have a vague memory of seeing a single red figure in my room while I was half asleep in bed. The shadow was singular. Which means... well? You get it, right? The miniskirt Santa was a Santa who delivered a present to my old man, not me. The Santa was the present.

As far as I know, the miniskirt Santa costume would pop up whenever Christmas was near, right up until my first year of junior high. And if I wasn't imagining things, I think it got gradually more revealing each year. "Oh my, your parents get along so well, don't they?" That's something only an outsider could think. As a family member, I had no idea what the right reaction was. You might think things calmed down in my second year of junior high, but that wasn't it either. During my second and third years, they were both out of the house every Christmas.

"You want to have Christmas parties with just your friends too, don't you, Hideo?"

That's what they said. But seeing how cheerful my old lady was the next day, I could pretty much guess what was going on. I don't know what happened after they went overseas. But I've gotten way off track. The point is, you only understand the true value of an illusion the moment it's shattered. Just like how Santa, who had been nothing more than a bonus, left a deep scar on young Satou's heart.

Ah, to think I'd be reminded of that bygone pain at this age.

Really, you never know what's going to happen in life.

"Good work today, sir. If you're free, would you like to join us after this?"

"Sorry. I've got prior arrangements."

We've made it through the absolute worst of it, but our company is still on high alert. Still, it looked like we'd be able to go home before midnight, so everyone seemed reasonably cheerful. On days like this, I probably should have accepted their invitation and treated them all to a big night out to thank them for their hard work. But sorry guys, I'm not really feeling up to it either. I told my subordinates who invited me that I'd treat them some other time and left the office.

"Yo."

"Hey." "Hey."

I met up with the Arima brothers after their part-time jobs, and we headed straight for a bar. It was a small, privately owned izakaya whose rundown air gave it a certain charm. We ordered drinks and snacks. When our drinks arrived, we didn't even toast, just started sipping them quietly.

"You know how they say time is a panacea that heals all emotional wounds."

"Yeah, but not enough time just makes the wound hurt even more."

I nodded emphatically at the Arima brothers' words.

"What the hell was up with that elf." The three of us said in unison.

Our illusion of elves had been shattered, and we were in the throes of heartbreak. The wound was deeper than I thought, so much so that my busy job was actually a relief.

"You know, it's not like I was particularly attached to elves."

I had elf characters I liked in anime, manga, and games. But I liked the character, and the fact that they were an elf was just one of their attributes. Or so I thought. It was just like with Santa.

"But then I met an elf named Setsuko-chan..."

The name Setsuko wasn't a fake name or anything. There are no humans, but there are countries with Japanese-like cultures in that other world. It seems one of them is a country of oni-like people. Setsuko-chan's father was once saved by someone, or rather, an oni from that country, and named his daughter after his savior.

"Turns out, I had way more fantasies about elves than I realized."

"Totally get it." "We feel you."

The Arima brothers patted me on the shoulders from both sides.

"We learned what elves are really like in this world, and..."

"We realized we were more into them than we expected."

There were tears welling up in the brothers' eyes. I was probably the same.

"That look of hers, brimming with a lust that's the polar opposite of purity, is just so..."

"Well, for some people, she might be like a goddess."

Arima Mao muttered. While Setsuko-chan is healing, she's been hitting on all the men at the Mutual Aid Society. A lot of them are put off, but at the same time, a lot of them are attracted to her. And the ones who are attracted to her are, well. You know. Guys who aren't exactly lookers.

"Hah... I can't get enough... Your short ears, your plain looks that far exceed my imagination..."

Those words from Setsuko-chan made me feel a slight murderous intent. For her, they were compliments. As it turns out, elves are, without exception, a beautiful people, just as we imagine. There's a hierarchy among them, but even the ones at the bottom are on the level of the most popular boy or girl in a class. Apparently, one of the reasons elves doubted the existence of humans was because the excavated statues and portraits of great figures were just so... well, you know. For Setsuko-chan, who's hot for humans, good looks are nothing but a negative. That's because the image of a human she's built up in her mind has "plain" as the bare minimum.

"Hey, Satou. Do our dreams... even exist?"

"I wonder. There are probably countless other worlds, so I'd like to say yes, but..."

"So far we've got our example and Setsuko-chan's example, and both of them are..."

With two in a row like this, honestly, it's hard to feel hopeful.

"Hah, this is depressing." The three of us sighed at the same time.

"Dammit. I can't believe I'm thirty-five and getting reminded of the emotional scars Santa gave me as a kid."

"Santa?" "Santa?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah. So, here's what happened."

I told them my bittersweet childhood story.

"Santa... isn't real...?" The Arima brothers looked utterly devastated.

"I'm sorry."

"It's... okay." "Yeah..."

And so, the night wore on for the three heartbroken men.