kscans

Chapter 209 - Cheat Bastard VS Villainess

About ten minutes after Loki left, a new visitor arrived on Okutama Island.

"This presence... Ah well, looks like I’m a wee bit late."

It was a monkey wearing glasses, looking like a boy in early elementary school, with a padded sleeveless jacket draped over his shoulders. This guy, yes, this guy was,

"If it isn’t Master Etekou. What’s up?"

The one and only Sun Wukong from Journey to the West. Seriously, first Loki and now Etekou, could you at least call before you come over? Just because I loosened the barrier on Okutama Island in case something happened doesn't mean you can just show up unannounced. Well, I suppose they do it because they know something this small won't make me angry.

"Well ya see, I got orders from my master."

"From Master Xuanzang?"

"Yup. He told me to go guard the hero."

Guard me? Oh, no, I get it. He must have been worried that some people would use the talks about the villainess as a pretext to make all sorts of political moves. He sent Master Etekou to make sure those types don't get in my way.

"Ah, mind if I smoke?"

"Go ahead. When the kids aren’t here, smoking is totally free."

"Thanks."

Etekou stuck a cigarette in his mouth and lit it with a flame from his fingertip. A smoking monkey is a pretty surreal sight. A strange cuteness and a bold audacity, all rolled into one.

"Still, sending Sun Wukong as a guard is quite the luxury. A small-time citizen like me feels terribly humbled."

"What’s this brat goin’ on about now. A small-time citizen wouldn’t call someone ‘Etekou’."

"It’s Etekou, not ‘etekou’. It’s my own personal term of respect."

In my personal opinion, Sun Wukong is the number one success monkey in the entire monkey community. He started as a simple rock monkey. A yokai who steadily built up his power, grew strong, and raised hell in the celestial realm. He got sealed away, but after his journey as Xuanzang’s companion, he became a divine being, didn't he? That’s an amazing success story. And when Japanese people think of monkeys, they think of Toyotomi Hideyoshi. He’s another success monkey. So I combined ‘monkey’ and one of Hideyoshi’s nicknames, Taikou, and call him Etekou.

"Sounds just like ‘etekou’ to me."

"It’s the feeling of the one saying it that’s important."

"The perception of the one being called is pretty important too, I’d say."

"A delinquent monkey shouldn’t be making such valid points."

"See, you don’t respect me at all."

Well, let’s put that aside. An unannounced visit is one thing, but in a way, the timing is just right.

"Hey, Master. I’ve got something I want to discuss."

"What’s with the sudden formality?"

"Actually..."

I told Etekou about my conversation with Loki. This monkey, sharp not only in strength but also in mind, seemed to grasp what I was getting at immediately.

"But hey, I’m a divine being, ya know?"

"You were a yokai originally, right? Can’t you do something like strip away your divinity temporarily?"

"You... It’s fine ‘cause it’s me, but tellin’ a god to abandon his divinity... Hold on a sec. I’ll ask Lord Buddha."

Etekou took out his smartphone. Wait, Lord Buddha has a smartphone?

"So that’s the deal, what do you think? Huh? You can? All right then, please do."

In that instant, a paaa divine light poured down on Etekou. The light faded after a few dozen seconds.

"This, this pounding in my chest... Yes, this is the old me!!"

Master Etekou had become younger. His body hair was standing slightly on end, his beard was gone, and his skin had a new firmness. Oh, his sleeveless jacket turned into a leather one! And his reading glasses are now sunglasses?! This wasn't something Master Etekou did himself, was it? Wait, Lord Buddha? Was this Lord Buddha’s fashion coordination? Wasn’t temporarily holding onto his divinity and making him younger for a bit good enough?

"Alright then, let’s make a pact right away."

"Huh, already?"

"Didn’t I tell ya? I’m a bodyguard. Once that fake Earth is done, I’ll have work to do, but until then I’ve got nothin’."

I’m the only one who can work on it during the creation phase, but it’s a different story after it’s finished. Gods, humans, and experts in magic from all over the world are scheduled to help me set up its defense and interception capabilities. Etekou isn't just ridiculously strong, he’s also ridiculously skilled with magic, so he's on that team.

"So I figured I’d get whatever I can out of the way now and just relax."

"You’re so carefree. Fine, whatever. Let’s make the pact."

We quickly concluded the absolute submission pact. And just like that, Wukong became my familiar. Now that I think about it, I guess I got a step ahead of the Norse gods. Oh well. This old monkey has no political motives, it was just bad timing.

"Alright, Master, first things first, can I borrow the theater room? There are a bunch of movies I wanna watch."

"You’re supposed to be my bodyguard."

"Hey, if anyone weird shows up I’ll properly... Oi, your phone’s ringin’."

"Hm."

A call. The name on the display... that was fast.

"It’s me. You’ll be back in a bit? Then I’ll head over now."

"Huh, you’re going out? What about the movies?"

"Later. This is important."

I took Etekou and jumped to Debipuro, where Sandayu was in the middle of brewing tea.

"My name is Satou! I have come here on reports of some good-for-nothing devils! My infallible eyes have determined that you should all be summarily reduced to ash, what say you!?"

After turning everything to dust, let’s build a golf course here!!

"Please stop, that’s terrifying even as a joke. By the way, who might this be?"

"This is Sun Wukong-san, the top idol of the monkey community."

"Sun... Seiten Taisei!?"

"Whoa there, no need to get so flustered. It’s not like I’m gonna eat you."

"Sandayu. As long as you’re not banana flavored, you’ll be fine."

"Master, shouldn’t you stop with the simplistic idea that monkey equals banana?"

"You don’t like them?"

"Well, I mean, I do like them, but."

A debate on a monkey's favorite food can wait.

"Sandayu, didn’t you say the recording was going to take a lot longer?"

"Yes, but it seems there was some trouble on their end, so it’s been postponed."

"I see."

As I was chatting with Sandayu, the office door opened and the Demon Lord returned. At first she saw me and went, oyo? but then,

"And you there... and also... hmm?"

She seemed to figure it out immediately. Of course she would. She’s the head of the cunning devils, after all. To a smirking Lucifer, I said,

"Your idol mask is slipping."

"Oopsie★"

"Ah, Sandayu. We have something to discuss with him, so please excuse us."

"I, I understand."

Sandayu left with the manager, leaving just us in the office. Lucifer sat on the sofa and crossed her legs. Is it okay that your panties are showing? Nah, it’s not a problem. There’s no downside to a panty shot from a beautiful woman, at least for the one looking.

"So, what can I do for you today? I mean, I have a pretty good idea."

Lucifer spoke while stirring her coffee with a sugar spoon.

"You’ve heard the news, right?"

"The villainess thing? Of course. It’s inconvenient for us too, so we’ll cooperate."

But, she sneered.

"I don’t think I can grant a request to become a monkey in a monkey show, even if the pact will be voided later."

"Figured as much."

That’s why I came here to negotiate, to make you swallow it. When I told her that, her smile deepened.

"I like that. What are you going to offer me?"