kscans

Chapter 21 - My Precious

On the way, I bought a drink from a vending machine and headed to a small park nearby with barely any playground equipment. It was a place where we could talk without worrying about others since it was deserted. I could have managed to clear the area myself, or we could have even talked at home... but I let Yuri-san choose as she might have felt uncomfortable otherwise.

No matter how much I say I'm not listening, it's understandable she wouldn't want to have a difficult conversation where the children are.

"Here you go."
"...Thank you very much."

I handed her the tea, but Yuri-san just held it tightly without opening it. I went ahead and opened my can, moistening my tongue with coffee.

(Should I start the conversation? No, Yuri-san's the one who has something to say...)

As I was pondering what to do, Yuri-san hesitantly began to speak.

"...You might have some idea already, but..."
"Yes."
"When I was young, I was quite wild—no, to put it bluntly, I was foolish."

Whoa, she's coming out swinging with a direct hit! I had some idea of how the conversation might go, but this is a bit... difficult to respond to.

"Objectively speaking, I was in a privileged position where complaining would have been luxurious, but I was dissatisfied with everything and rebelled. I hardly ever went home, was picked up by the police multiple times, and made my parents bow their heads in apology many times. Even then, I barely reflected on my actions and continued to fool around... When I was sixteen, I gave birth to Hikaru."

Yuri-san's parents apparently told her to have an abortion. They probably foresaw the hardships their child would face. However, the young Yuri-san didn't accept that.

"It wasn't for any noble reason like not wanting to waste a life that had been conceived. It was just rebellion against my parents. Stupid, right?"
"...Yes. I can't say I was particularly admirable myself, but I don't think I was quite as foolish as the younger you."

"That's harsh," Yuri-san laughed. I thought it would be wrong to try to soften my words here, and it seems I was right.

"I ran away with a man and started living together... but well, he turned out to be good-for-nothing. Of course, any adult who would get a student pregnant is bound to be no good, but I was too stupid to even realize that. He would get drunk and violent, and was reckless with money. About half a year after I gave birth to Hikaru, I reached my limit and tried to return to my parents... but they refused me."

They had given up on her, huh? Or perhaps they deliberately pushed her away, knowing she needed to learn her lesson the hard way.

"With nowhere else to go after being rejected by my family, I ended up returning to that man. He must have realized I had no one else to rely on. The treatment got even worse. Nowadays, I can think of various ways to seek help from the government or escape, but..."

"A naive girl who hadn't studied properly and underestimated society couldn't have known better, right?"
"Exactly."

...Just like before, Yuri-san seems to want to be blamed. She wants someone to scold her for her youthful mistakes. It probably comes from her sense of guilt towards her children. If it makes her feel better, I'll play along... but it's quite tough being the one to say these things.

"The turning point that helped me escape that hell was when I became pregnant with Ai and Midori. My ex-husband tried to get violent with me while I was pregnant, and Hikaru, who was still small, put himself in harm's way to protect me. 'I'll protect Mom'... When I heard those words, I felt utterly pathetic and wondered what on earth I was doing."

After that, she fled back to her parents' home with Hikaru, begging for forgiveness at least for the child's sake, and was granted temporary acceptance. She then studied desperately, went to school, obtained a nursing qualification, and became independent.

"Even now, we're not living in luxury by any means. I feel sorry for making my children go through hardships."

But still, Yuri-san declares with unwavering eyes:

"I am happy."

Why, you ask? It's obvious.

"Because I have my children. They are more precious to me than my own life."

That's why, she says with a trembling voice. She couldn't continue after that. It seems the person who came to explain things from the Mutual Aid Society must have been quite harsh. She probably understands intellectually, but being confronted with the raw reality has left her terrified.

"...Yuri-san. How did Hikaru explain who I am?"
"Eh? Um, he said you helped him when he was in danger and have been taking care of him since then... Oh, I'm sorry!"
"Ah, no need to thank me or anything. I see, so that's how he glossed over it. Just like him."
"Um... what do you mean by 'glossed over'..."
"It's true that I helped him when he was in danger. That's not a lie. But Hikaru is hiding one thing."

Her already pale face turned even worse. I feel bad, but please forgive me.

"When he was attacked by the monster, you know. Hikaru was trying to protect a girl he didn't even know, putting his own life on the line."
"...!"
"Being able to risk your life for others is a beautiful thing. But while it might be an inspiring story for others, it's complicated for a parent."

If he had survived, that would be fine. But what if he had died? Could you simply feel proud of your son? Could you avoid hating the person your child died protecting? Humans are weak. There are many things our heads understand but our emotions can't accept.

"I can't promise to protect Hikaru absolutely. I'm not a god or anything, and I have my own circumstances."
"..."
"If I'm told to protect a fool who rushes towards death, I can only say that's an unreasonable demand."

Yuri-san bites her lip and hangs her head, and it really pains me... but please listen to the end.

"But I can make one promise."

This isn't for Yuri-san's sake, nor is it just for Hikaru. It's because I want to do this.

"I'll train Hikaru with all my might so that he can return home to his family, even while living such a reckless life."
"Satou-san..."

I smile at Yuri-san as she looks up.

"I didn't decide this out of sympathy for your circumstances, or because I thought it was what an adult should do. I found Akatsuki Hikaru's way of being as a man admirable. I decided to help him stay true to himself as a man."

You probably have various regrets. But this much is certain.

"And that's also because you raised him to be such a fine person."
"Me?"
"Yes. Yuri-san, it's good to reflect on the past, but it's wrong to carry an excessive sense of guilt."

Does making a mistake mean you're doomed for life? Of course not. There might be some things that can't be undone, but not everything is like that.

"Hold your head high—your treasure is shining brightly."

Unable to hold back any longer, Yuri-san burst into tears. But I don't think these are negative tears. I stayed by her side until she stopped crying.

"...I'm sorry for showing such an unsightly side of myself."
"Any man who calls a woman's tears unsightly isn't worthy of being called a man."

She probably still has some anxieties. But with a somewhat brighter face, Yuri-san said:

"Please take care of my son."
"Of course."

The serious talk ended there, but we didn't part ways immediately. We ended up chatting a bit longer because she couldn't go back looking like she'd been crying.

"I see, so being a nurse really is tough, huh?"
"Yes. Your body is your capital, so if that breaks down, it's hell."

Suddenly, a thought occurred to me.

(At night. Taking a single mother to a deserted park... from an outsider's perspective, this looks pretty... no, let's not think too deeply about it.)

I quietly averted my eyes from this inconvenient fact.