kscans

Chapter 23 - Early Summer

From the spring of the previous year, when they had traveled together, and even after settling in the Western Capital, Shintaro and Saneyuki’s group had been involved in each other’s lives. In the past year, not a single day had passed without them seeing each other. Shion and Kiku, in particular, came to prepare dinner without fail, so he always saw them.

Some would make lewd jokes, half-joking and half-sarcastic, saying things like, "Having a live-in wife, you’ve really made it." But Shintaro paid them no mind. The happiness of having people who always cared for him was enough to drown out the noise from those around him. Shintaro was so immersed in their lives that he never doubted these peaceful days would continue. He had unraveled his closed heart and no longer resisted his innate honesty. Therefore, he had stopped turning a blind eye to the fact that everyone adored Shion. In other words, he had decided to honestly admit that he liked her too. But…

*

On that day, he stood in front of a fabric shop, holding a large umbrella. Shion and Kiku had asked him to accompany them on their shopping. He was their "bodyguard" and "porter," but there was no salary involved. He was able to act out of duty and affection, having gained that much intimacy and trust. That said— Shintaro looked up at the rain clouds. The weather had been rainy for some time now. It was the rainy season, so it couldn’t be helped, but on days like today, when the rain fell so hard it splashed at his feet, it was best to stay quietly at home. The fact that he was out shopping despite this left him feeling deeply unsettled. No. The truth was, the rain didn’t matter. It just added to his gloom. Shintaro happened to be in a mood where he didn’t want to see anyone. In particular, he didn’t want to see Shion’s face.

After a while, the two women came out of the shop. Kiku looked at Shintaro holding out the umbrella and said, "You really don’t get it, do you?"

"Huh?"

"You’ve got a look on your face that says we don’t need to go shopping on a day like this. Am I wrong?" Half-exposed, Shintaro made a sour face. Shion jumped in protectively.

"I’m sorry. I know it’s a real bother to go out on a day like this. But I just couldn’t wait any longer."

"...What couldn’t you wait for?"

"There’s a wedding," Kiku answered.

"Saneyuki and Nana. The date has finally been set, so we have to get our kimonos ready, right?"

"Oh, is that so? That’s a lot of work."

"What are you talking about, like it has nothing to do with you? We’re getting one ready for you too. Make sure you attend, okay?"

"Wh-…" The sudden news left Shintaro bewildered.

"Why me?" Needless to say, Kiku slapped his arm.

"You idiot! You work at our dojo, so of course you have to come!"

"Y-yes, but it’s for the next Tower Master, isn’t it? I feel like I’d be completely out of place."

"There you go again with that distant talk. Everyone’s going to be there, you know? You won’t be out of place at all. Besides, as famous as you’ve become, it’s only natural you’d be invited."

"Famous… am I?"

"What’s with that? You have no idea?"

"I don’t seem to be causing that much of a stir."

"You really are an idiot! You’re too dense!" Kiku yelled in exasperation, but Shintaro fell silent, resigning himself to the fact that no matter how many times she called him an idiot, he truly didn’t feel that way. Then his eyes fell on Shion, who was fidgeting nervously beside the shouting Kiku. Even if he tried not to look, he couldn’t help but see her when they met. It was a face he saw every day, but he never grew tired of it. This was partly due to her ever-changing expressions, but also because she was nearing the end of her growth spurt. But for that very reason, Shintaro’s spirit became unstable. The eighteen-year-old girl had become slightly more adult-like, even wearing a light touch of rouge, but the sparkle in her eyes still held a trace of childishness. That somehow sparked a dark thought in him: I want to trap her in this most beautiful moment, forever. The clear, pure skin that seemed to glow even under the rain clouds that hid the sun knew nothing of this Shintaro. As he watched her with impatience, her soft-looking lips parted slightly as if to say something, but no words came out. Shintaro strained his ears. He knew he couldn’t hear anything, but he fell under the illusion that a whisper was about to echo in his chest. In that moment when the fierce sound of the rain faded into the distance and only silence remained— Shintaro was enveloped in the happiness of thinking only of Shion, but he was brought back to his senses when Kiku opened her own umbrella and stepped out from under the eaves. He invited Shion under his umbrella, careful not to let her shoulders get wet. Then the three of them began to walk toward the Tower. The road felt both long and short, and Shintaro walked it with an empty mind.

*

He had once wished that he could one day step into the Tower’s shadow without feeling anything.

Shintaro remembered this as he turned his back on the Tower after escorting Shion and Kiku. The shadow didn’t appear when it rained like today, but he knew well where it would be drawn at this time of day. The more he tried not to see it, the more he became obsessed with it; the more he tried to avoid it, the closer it came. So he had decided to look at it, staring intently. He had taken a step toward it himself. The pain was gone now. He had won the daily struggle and had been able to cut off his lingering feelings. But his heart was in turmoil as always. It was because he was once again strongly drawn to someone who was about to leave him. Even though he knew there was nothing connecting them, the heart is an unruly thing. Affection springs up on its own and cannot be suppressed by force. Shintaro writhed in a helpless agony.

"When the rainy season ends, I think I will return home."

Shion had said that eight days ago. Her voice, which lingered in his ears, dominated his thoughts. The smile that always greeted him when he opened the door to his tenement would disappear with the arrival of summer. He thought it was just the sorrow and loneliness of parting, but the pain in his chest grew with each passing day. It was then that he finally realized. Shion might be leaving, but Kiku and Nana would continue to look after him, so he wouldn’t be lonely. The pain was for one single fact: he would no longer be able to see Shion. In the midst of his ordinary days, the presence of Shion, who had shown him her smile as a matter of course, was not a matter of course at all. The moment he realized this, the time that had begun to flow peacefully for Shintaro came to a halt. It was as if he had been slammed with a forced reminder of the "end of the journey that would one day come," which he had forgotten. Shintaro was bewildered by the suddenness of it all and struggled even to grasp what was happening in his own heart. But the real world’s time passed mercilessly. The pouring rain now, with time, would slide down the road and flow into the river. Without anything to stop it, without letting anyone follow its course to the end. Shintaro tilted his umbrella and let the rain hit his face. The rain of Minazuki, the sixth month, was warm and wouldn’t cool his fever, but it seemed to be a medicine that eased the pain a little.

He had been determined not to imagine a future for the two of them. But without realizing it, he had been thinking about it. He had wondered if Shion would settle in the Western Capital and live with him. It's a convenient thought, but when a woman fusses over a man so devotedly, any man would get the wrong idea. Shintaro tried to defend himself in this way. He knew it was futile, but he couldn’t help it. If Shion could see, he might have been able to tell from her gaze. But there was no way to be sure. He could only search for the whereabouts of her heart through her actions. And that hadn’t changed now. The fact that she was going home was, for Shintaro, the entirety of Shion’s heart.

Was it meant as a thank you for me acting as her bodyguard for free? Now that he had arrived at an answer that felt "undoubtedly true," Shintaro felt pathetic. He felt sorry for himself, unchanged from the boy who had foolishly dreamed of a future with Mana. The pouring rain would eventually stop. In another twenty days, the sun would peek through the clouds, and the rainy season would end. Shintaro thought of that time and stared up at the heavy, dark clouds, endlessly pelted by the rain.