kscans

Chapter 30 - The Heart That is Required

The next day. Saneyuki faced the Emperor alone. The Emperor let out a sigh mixed with disappointment and closed the fan in his hand.

"What was the outcome?"

Saneyuki lowered his eyes, his expression rigid. "He asked to be allowed to return to the West."

"Did he lose his nerve? Or did this sudden honor tangle with greed?"

"It might have been better if that were the case."

"What did you say?" As the Emperor frowned, Saneyuki lifted his gaze, a cynical twist to his lips.

"Shintaro-dono needs time."

"Time? Time for what?"

"Time until he can reach a state of mind where he can forgive Kagasaki Razan."

The Emperor tilted his head. Of course, the name of a person he had not anticipated at all had come up.

"...What do you mean?" Taking this as a natural question, Saneyuki let out a deep breath. He had finally resolved to tell the Emperor the full story. Having confessed to Shintaro yesterday, a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. There was no need to hide it from anyone anymore.

"Before Shintaro-dono met Shion-sama, he had a fiancée, with whom he had already exchanged betrothal gifts. She was Kagasaki Razan's wife, the daughter of Hokura Saimon, Hokura Mana."

The Emperor's eyes widened, and his arm trembled slightly. "Are you certain?"

"Yes. Kagasaki Razan pursued her, knowing this. And the woman chose the one with money and status."

"But she's a dojo master's daughter, isn't she? It seems a waste to cast aside such a man."

"No one in the Eastern Capital knows of Shintaro-dono's true abilities."

"What?"

"Even though it's one of the most prominent dojos in the East, everyone there is of average skill. It's understandable that Shintaro-dono would hesitate to go all out. Even more so if he didn't know of Kyo's existence. I hear that back in the countryside, he was once slandered for being possessed by a monster."

The Emperor gritted his teeth and clenched his fan. "And what happened?"

"Sahei approached him in the midst of the turmoil, and that was that. Apparently, he'd been treated quite harshly ever since the marriage talks with the Tower Master began, and was going to be excommunicated anyway."

"...If they had already exchanged betrothal gifts, wasn't he fond of her? Hokura's child is his only daughter. If he married her off, he would be without an heir."

"That's why he married off the dojo along with her. Having his daughter marry the Tower Master while having Shintaro-dono inherit the dojo would have been inconvenient in many ways."

"He could have simply retired himself and made a clean break of it."

"To Hokura Saimon, his daughter and his dojo were probably equally precious. So he must have thought about it. The marriage proposal from the Tower Master was tempting, but he couldn't give up the dojo either. If possible, he wanted to save both. As a result, there's no doubt that Shintaro-dono became quite a nuisance to him." The Emperor was stunned, then was overcome with the urge to claw at his own simmering guts. He imagined that at first, Saimon must have fawned over Shintaro, thinking there could be no better successor for the dojo and no son-in-law more perfect. And yet...

"Did that man just back down quietly?"

"Yes. It seems he held on to a great deal of regret, but he said he couldn't blame her, as it's only natural to wish for one's own happiness. Shintaro-dono cut his lingering feelings by forgiving the woman, and finally... well, while that may be fine for matters of love, it seems it's not so simple when it comes to assuming the Emperor's position."

"Meaning?"

"He said that although he's never met or spoken with Kagasaki, he can't sense anything but malice from him. He can only see his actions as an attempt to plunge someone into misery. A lingering hatred certainly remains in Shintaro-dono's heart." As he spoke, Saneyuki recalled Shintaro's demeanor from the day before. The face that tried desperately to hide its inner turmoil behind a smile...

*

"Too little time has passed for me to reach a state where I can forgive that man. Until that time comes, I cannot see his face. Nor, of course, the face of Mana, or Hokura Saimon," Shintaro had said. They were in the room where Sahei stayed whenever he came for New Year's greetings. Saneyuki, sitting formally opposite him, widened his eyes.

"Forgive... you say?"

The pale sunlight filtering through the window made Shintaro's smile seem lonely. Saneyuki's heart wavered with the fear that he had once again halted the foot that had finally, after so much suffering, stepped forward.

"Why forgive?" At Saneyuki's question, Shintaro knit his brows.

"Why? Because not being able to forgive is a mistake. I can forgive Mana as a person who chose her own happiness. Then I should be able to forgive Kagasaki as well. The people who try to make others miserable are themselves miserable, so they should be pitied, not hated. But a shadow is still burned into my heart. A shadow distorted by anger and hatred. It's because of this lingering resentment, because I'm clinging to the desire to live in a world completely unrelated to them. I haven't confronted it at all. Not them, and not myself." Saneyuki was at a loss for words in response to Shintaro's statement. If it was natural to wish for one's own happiness, then it was certainly not shameful to flee from suffering. But Saneyuki had deliberately lured Shintaro down a path he knew would cause him pain. He could have let him live in an unrelated world, but he had purposely done this.

"I'm sorry." Unable to bear the pangs of his conscience, Saneyuki bowed his head. But Shintaro replied,

"Don't."

"If Sahei-dono hadn't approached me, I wouldn't have known what to do, and I'm grateful for being given a place in the West."

"But it wasn't for your sake. It was all for the sake of rebuilding the Masaki family..."

"No, I felt your sincerity fully. I feel I've received more than enough in return." Then Shintaro slowly turned his eyes to the window. As if seeking the light.

"I don't expect to reach a point where I can face them with a clear heart. But at the very least, I want to be able to look at their faces calmly, with some feeling of wanting to forgive. Otherwise, I'm sure I won't be able to make Shion, or myself, happy."

*

"So he wants to return to the West because of that?" the Emperor growled, throwing the fan he was holding at Saneyuki.

"Is Shintaro a fool?!" Saneyuki, flustered, quickly bowed his head.

"I apologize."

"What are you apologizing for?"

"Well, on reflection, perhaps we could have proceeded with the marriage proposal without waiting for her to come of age. If we had, this wouldn't have—"

"What's done is done."

"Yes, sir."

"Well, at any rate, I understand why you didn't tell him our situation. You must have thought you had to avoid a situation where he might marry Shion for the sake of revenge."

"Yes."

"But in reality, he wasn't that kind of man." Reacting to the Emperor's words, Saneyuki raised his face. The Emperor, with a sorrowful expression, let out a small sigh.

"When I faced you today, I thought the only possible outcome was that he was a worthless man. I was betrayed, in a good way." Saneyuki, with a solemn face, returned the thrown fan to the Emperor and said,

"He is a magnificent man."

The Emperor accepted it, the corner of his mouth lifting in a cynical smile. "So it seems."