kscans

Chapter 437 - Spring Sky

"—So, yeah, that's pretty much the gist of it."

I finished my story, skipping the unnecessary parts, but Sora didn't move from her place against my chest, and offered no words.

Well, that's to be expected. Like I said beforehand, it wasn't a 'happy story.' It's only natural that she wouldn't know how to react.

Besides, I only told her because I needed to. The past doesn't matter. What's important is how all of that led to the me of today.

"I used a strong word like 'hate,' but in the end, I'm just scared. Just a coward, terrified of 'love,' the thing that drove my brother—the one everyone acknowledged as 'perfect'—mad."

Even if we weren't alike, I'm still his little brother.

The fear and distrust that were planted deep inside me during my impressionable middle school years didn't fade with time, but instead became ingrained… and the result was the creation of an unhealthy teenager who preaches 'no thanks' to romance.

It just wouldn't disappear.

The face of the brother I had loved so much, who had come to look like a stranger.

"In reality, now that I'm this age, I don't seriously think 'I might go crazy too'… I know perfectly well that he and I are different."

But still, the anxiety wouldn't go away.

The blood tie, the connection of brotherhood that can't be severed even after he's gone, remains in the back of my mind, holding onto the 'what if' that I might be the same.

"My low self-esteem comes from that, too. I was compared to him my whole life, and that brother, who was said to be my complete superior, went crazy and ruined everything. And then, as if to make things worse, I started thinking of myself as nothing more than an inferior version of that brother—"

The small hand gripping my shirt conveyed a force, as if in accusation… or as if enduring a pain on someone else's behalf.

Instead of a thank you, I gently stroked the head of the girl with the beautiful, swaying black hair.

"He was the one who spoiled me the most, but my dad and mom protected me well, too. They told me to just be myself and be proud of it… and on top of being raised so overprotectively and honestly, I was just entering a sensitive period of my life."

I ended up twisting things in a spectacular way.

I belittled myself unnecessarily when there was no need to. The result was the creation of an idiot who can't even objectively see his own appearance.

My face was the only thing that was even slightly similar—and that only fueled the curse of being 'his brother.' There was a time when I hated even looking in the mirror.

………………Right, is that everything?

Now that I've said it all, it seems surprisingly simple. A 'something' that can be summed up in about ten minutes. Maybe it wasn't such a big deal after all.

Alright, from here on, let's talk about looking forward.

"To be honest, I don't feel anything about him anymore."

So much so that his face doesn't even come to mind unless I'm trying to remember him to tell someone.

"The 'news' came two years after he disappeared, and when I heard it, I suddenly stopped caring. I don't really get it myself, but I just suddenly thought, 'Ah, I don't give a damn anymore.'"

It's not that I felt the connection was severed because he was truly gone. In fact, I even doubt if that Haruka Kanade really died.

Is he the type to just drop dead in a ditch two years after leaving home? It's more plausible to say he faked his death and got caught up in some unbelievable, grand spectacle.

My father and mother also seemed to have moved on too quickly for a son who had disappeared and then died. Perhaps there's something else they're not telling me—

Well, I can entertain such random thoughts half-jokingly, which shows just how much,

"I've moved on, or rather, forgotten. A long time ago."

And as for his parting gift, that's starting to get sorted out too. After all, that's why I sought out Arcadia in the first place.

"That being said, I was probably drawn to the idea of being able to clearly 'become a different self.' A place where reality doesn't matter, where you can transfer into a body of data—of course, getting hit with the VRE verdict and having the face I wanted to change most stay the same was surprise number one."

At the time, I was so liberated from having finally conquered the hellish path of juggling work and school that I just shrugged it off as 'can't be helped'… but looking back, the fact that I could just accept it like that meant my heart had already healed to that extent.

"And then, on the day of my virtual world debut, I got my jaw smashed by the forehead of a ridiculously cute girl I'd just met. That was surprise number two."

"…………………………It hurt me, too, you know."

"Well, I guess we can call it even."

It had been over ten minutes, I think. Hearing her small voice made me so happy that a goofy grin spread across my face.

"And then, attractive girls were supposed to be the very thing I avoided… but for some reason, I felt absolutely no resistance at all."

On the contrary, the me of that time wasn't thinking about anything complicated. I was just captivated by the girl who had suddenly appeared, and I even felt a natural sense of excitement.

As we walked through the dark forest, without any fear, not as Haru Kasuga, but,

just as me, as Haru.

"I thought, 'I want to go on an adventure with this girl'—that was surprise number three, I guess."

I can't say it yet, but.

In a way, maybe that was a kind of love at first sight.

"After that, well… uh, what else is there? I feel like I've said pretty much everything I wanted to, and the rest was just a flood of surprises, so that's a good way to wrap it up…"

There's no point in dragging this out. I want to put her at ease, and I should just get to the conclusion.

I've been wanting to tell her this for a while now.

"Sora."

I call her name, holding her small body as it clings to me.

Because I know she likes it, because I know she wants me to.

"I like you, Sora."

I say the words without hesitation.

Because I know she will never mistake their meaning.

"So, let's put all the complicated stuff aside for now… For now, I'm going to tell you the 'one thing that's an absolute,' so listen carefully."

I wonder if I even need to say it.

I'm certain that it has already been conveyed to her a hundred percent without words, as the tension slowly drains from her body in my arms.

"I promise I won't disappear, even if our relationship changes."

"…………"

"In fact, I want you to stay by my side and keep an eye on me. Make sure I don't go crazy over love or whatever without even realizing it."

"………………Do you… understand what you're saying… ?"

"I understand completely."

I'm aware that I'm saying something outrageous. I understand that I'm being incredibly arrogant and selfish. But,

"When I decided to face someone's feelings, the person I had to look at first was decided from the start. I can't just ignore you and start walking ahead on my own."

I'll finally throw a 'no' back at a certain princess's words.

In order for me to move forward, I'll take the title of the bad guy all for myself.

"Promise me you'll watch over me."

"…………Haru."

"And in return, I'll always be by your side."

"…Haru."

"I'll be so close it's annoying."

"Haru."

"I'll never leave you alone again, ever."

"…………Hh…"

It's probably better if we don't look at each other's faces. We're both bound to be a mess. For now,

"So… will you tell me? Your feelings, Sora."

Just hearing her words is enough.

I still don't know her circumstances, but I have no doubt about my guess as to what she's afraid of. Sora is, above all else, afraid of having someone important to her.

Almost certainly because she fears 'losing' them.

So what I'm offering is a promise that I will never disappear. A trade-off where I expose my weakness and ask her to watch over the untrustworthy Haru Kasuga.

Call it codependency or whatever you want. It's too late for that.

Our hearts need each other and are drawn together. No one else has any right to complain. To hell with them.

The responsibility of making her voice her feelings now is—

"……………………I…"

"Yeah."

The resolve to accept the first of three feelings is—

"…, …………I… I…"

"Yeah."

The determination to face the feelings of a girl that I selfishly exposed is—

from this point on, I'll carry all of it.

Her face lifts, and her sky-blue eyes lock with mine.

Two drops of sky, wet with tears, hold a strong glimmer reminiscent of a familiar amber—

"I love you…"

so beautiful it was impossible to look away.

---

We don't need any more serious stuff.

Thank you for sticking with me through this sudden stream of chapters. I have no intention of dragging out a long and tedious backstory arc, so please look forward to the usual sugar-coated story from here on out.