kscans

Chapter 44 - Thoughts and Feelings

—The steady rhythm of a clock's ticking hands. The sound, subtle yet somehow strong, was one I had never disliked.

But now, no matter how much I tried to sync my heartbeat to it, my frantic pulse refused to calm down.

The lid of the [Arcadia] machine was open. On top of it, Sora—Sora Yotsuya—sat huddled, knees to her chest, repeatedly tapping her forehead against them as she groaned.

It had been about twenty minutes since Haru had urged her to log out.

In the virtual world, where time flowed 1.5 times faster, that was thirty minutes... No matter how long the boss fight had dragged on, some sort of conclusion should have been reached by now.

Sora Yotsuya, unaccustomed to not only games but creative works in general, naturally had no immunity to so-called "shocking imagery" that one would rarely encounter in reality.

She wasn't so timid as to be frightened by the mere sight of blood, but being suddenly confronted with a gruesome and惨惨な光景 she had never even seen on a screen had, embarrassingly, caused her to panic. In truth, however, she had calmed down from that particular issue after about five minutes of hugging her knees.

The feeling of clearly separating reality and the virtual world upon logging out had been a major factor. It had been Haru's persistent words that had led her to nod, but his judgment had been correct.

—And yet, the reason Sora still couldn't bring herself to log back in, despite having calmed down, was also because of that same reliable partner.

"..................This is bad."

For the first time since logging out, she let a word escape. Realizing that her voice was more feverish than she'd expected, Sora felt her face—already flushed red to her neck—grow even hotter.

"It's unfair, it's cheap, it's against the rules..."

Her string of accusations was all directed at a single player.

In just one short week, he had constantly stirred her heart. She pictured her partner—no, she didn't even need to. He had taken up residence in her mind, flashing that irresponsible smile.

Honestly, she had been aware that she was starting to feel something close to affection for him.

She didn't think of herself as the "easy" type. But the time she had spent with Haru, however brief, had been indescribably exhilarating.

Their meeting could be called somewhat fateful.

He was gentlemanly and kind, though with a few quirks, and had a friendly, lively personality.

His combat sense was remarkable even to a novice's eye, and his back was so reliable it almost made her want to complain—she would never say it out loud, but he was very cool.

And most of all, there was one thing she could say she liked—no, one thing she could already say she loved.

It was the face of a completely innocent child he showed when he was engrossed in adventure.

And the face of a gentle, supportive adult he always showed when she was feeling weak.

She had noticed. Every time she sensed that duality, an unfamiliar feeling would burst deep inside her chest—she knew she was becoming drawn to him.

"Ughhh........................"

She hugged her knees tighter and shook her head, as if to disperse the heat.

This was still just "affection"—she was aware that it hadn't yet reached the level of "love."

That was why it was "bad." In short, Sora was currently trying to put the brakes on this feeling. As for why,

"My first crush is on someone I don't even know the face of..."

He was someone whose real name and face, even his age, were a mystery, a person beyond a virtual space. No matter how indistinguishable from reality the virtual experience was, she couldn't help but feel a sense of aversion to developing feelings for someone she met there.

In fact, shortly after [Arcadia] launched, "love in the virtual world" had caused various problems in the real world.

There were those who, like Sora, agonized over "love for someone whose face they've never seen," and even cases of players with families in the real world having "affairs in the virtual world." Three years later, things had calmed down, but unwritten rules had been established among players, and it remained a sensitive topic.

It wasn't as simple as saying that if Sora were to fall in love, or if she were to do something about those feelings with Haru, no one would be troubled. That was the scary thing about "virtual love."

Sora knew nothing about the real-life side of the player "Haru," and she had no way of finding out. That meant it wouldn't be strange at all if he were a much older person who already had a family.

"............Haaah."

She imagined Haru with a family and let out a deep sigh as her mood predictably sank. This really might be bad.

"He's older... that's a given, but I wonder by how much..."

Somehow, she felt that the age gap wasn't too significant. But Sora knew the officially announced average age of Arcadia players.

He was almost certainly over twenty... and while that might not be a big deal for some, for Sora, it was a line that made her hesitate.

Given the price of the [Arcadia] machine, it was a given that it was out of reach for the average young person who wasn't a working adult.

"I wonder how he sees me..."

She also had a feeling that he saw her as younger.

Haru's way of treating her had been consistent since they met. He was kind and gentlemanly, yet frank and humorous.

His gaze was often watchful... and she didn't know if he was aware of it himself, but he exuded a somewhat parental atmosphere. At the very least, she could tell that he didn't see her as a member of the opposite sex.

That in itself was, honestly, very welcome. Sora herself largely saw Haru as a "reliable big brother." In order to avoid any complicated relationships while playing the game, that mutual stance should have been for the best.

...And that was precisely why Sora was so troubled by the feelings budding in her chest.

The moment you start wondering "how the other person sees me" when it comes to someone you're not indifferent to, that's what it means.

What's more, the fact that she felt even a little dissatisfied with being categorized as a little sister figure was already—

"—Ah, enough...!"

She tossed aside the thoughts that were pointlessly spinning in circles, generating nothing but a heat with nowhere to go.

She cut them off without any sense of resolution, the lingering frustration smoldering, but she put a lid on it, using Haru, who might be waiting for her to log back in, as an excuse.

—Anyway, for now, let's just put a lid on everything.

The budding feelings, the worries and confusion that came with them, the complaints about her partner who stirred her heart without a care in the world... for now.

Still, with a sense of frustration she couldn't shake, she threw her body down with a bit of force. The seat of the [Arcadia] machine caught her with a gentle embrace that would put the finest mattress to shame.

"Drive on!"

Her voice as she uttered the activation key sounded, even to her own ears, just like that of a "pouting child." And so, thinking that maybe just one little complaint would be allowed, she decided to leave a tiny crack in the lid she had placed on her heart.

---

Thank you for reading my work. This is the author, Yuu.
This might get a bit long, so I'd appreciate it if only those with time to spare would read on.

I actually didn't plan on doing a chapter dump this time, and I was originally thinking of updating today's story as usual, with 1-2 chapters per day.

So what happened, you ask? The reason is quite simple.

Unbeknownst to me, my story somehow made it onto the rankings. I was shivering as my access count suddenly skyrocketed, but when I realized the reason, it all made sense.

It seems that far more people than I ever imagined are reading my work, and while I'm happy, I'm also trembling with a mysterious fear.

So, this chapter dump is, under the pretext of expressing my gratitude for all the reads, the result of my motivation exploding and me acting without thinking about the consequences.

Will my story stockpile be okay? No, it won't. Please help me.

This has gotten long, but what I ultimately want to say is that I'm a simple creature, so not just access counts, but every single 'like' and 'bookmark' brings me great joy.

If I were to receive a rating, I'd be doing three cheers in front of my screen. How ridiculous.

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but it's a fact that such points of evaluation are directly linked to my motivation. So, if you've enjoyed my humble work, please be so kind as to leave a single bookmark.

Thank you for your time.