kscans

Chapter 486 - Gradually Becoming a Two-Way Street

It probably took about ten minutes.

After I finished recounting the gist of my past, which I had also told Sora, the thought that came to mind was, as expected, "Is that all there is to it?"

It was a matter I had come to terms with years ago myself... but just as I had threatened Chitose-san that one time, I should have been resistant to letting others touch upon it.

Well, I guess it depends on the person.

Just as Nia said something similar to me—I, too, must have let her deeper into my heart than I realized.

That, I suppose, is something...

I can honestly be happy about............ but.

"Um, excuse me... So, for that reason, I think my stance has been more or less communicated, but..."

"............"

"Um, Nia-chan? Nia? Nia-san? Hey, did you fall asleep?"

"...Ngh..."

"Thank goodness, you're awake. No, this isn't good, hey, get, get off me, get away, you're surprisingly strong in the real world... ugh!"

I just eloquently and politely explained why she should refrain from physically entering my personal space for the time being.

So how did I end up being pushed down onto the sofa? No, really, this is genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, incredibly not good—

...It's no use, I can't. I have to get out of this, even if I have to make concessions, or I won't be able to hold on.

"Nia-san, it's okay to be close, but please go a little easy on me. I'll meet some of your requests, so please have mercy, I'm begging you, seriously..."

Whatever she demands, it'll be better than this position. That was my thought process behind the two-thousand-step concession, but it seems the 'meet your requests' part was the deciding factor, as Nia reacted with a twitch and—

"............This is bad in its own way... no, yes, it's fine, I'm okay."

While desperately trying to divert my attention from the heat of her back being pressed against me as if to ask for more, while desperately trying to divert my attention from the sensation of her slender legs on mine, I erased all feeling from the arms I was forced to wrap around her waist.

I can't erase it, someone help me.

Nia, nestled perfectly between my knees, didn't seem particularly ecstatic... but she couldn't be dissatisfied now that her order was fulfilled.

Even so, could you please stop stroking my biceps? It's not my body so much as my heart that's ticklish, I think my body temperature must be two degrees above normal right now—

'Hey.'

"Yes."

I reflexively responded to the call scribbled on the notepad she placed on my lap, and she slowly strung together letters, her pen hesitating.

'thanks for telling me'

"Well, it was necessary."

'was it? i think it's something you could have kept a secret, you know'

"It was necessary because I wanted to tell you."

'you wanted to talk about it?'

"Yes."

Her hand stopped, and the words trailed off. After considering for a moment whether I should wait, I opened my mouth.

"There's an element of self-preservation. I might be a little twisted because of all that, so there's definitely a part of me that's making excuses, hoping you'll be patient with me... —It continues, so calm down."

I knew that if I spoke in a self-deprecating way, I'd get scolded. That's why I don't say negative things just for the sake of being scolded.

I caught the hand that was about to pinch my thigh—and after a moment of hesitation, I didn't let go.

"And, well, this is also self-preservation, I guess. In fact, this is a hundred times lamer. It's an appeal that I'm trying my best."

Her eyes turned to me, so close that my breath caught in my throat. But I endured without looking away, and voiced the arrogance I was responsible for.

"I may have moved on from the event itself, but scary things are still scary. That remains, and it probably won't ever completely disappear—but that's exactly why I can show you I'm serious."

"............"

"I'll kick my trauma to the curb. I won't run away, and I won't look away. And I won't pretend to face it, either."

My face is burning hot, but I have to hold on.

If I don't say it with conviction, there's nothing cool about me at all.

"I'll never be half-hearted. I won't let anyone who's come to like me regret it."

At the very least, I have that much determination. So that when the time comes to give an answer, everyone will feel that I was 'worth placing their heart in'.

It's a declaration of intent, a do-or-die resolve to face them with everything I have.

"...And so, with that, I'm desperate too. What I'm trying to say is—"

Unconsciously, my grip tightened. I stared back into the eyes that were fixed on me, wondering what she was thinking as I continued to spout my selfish words.

I hid my inner turmoil of not knowing what kind of expression to make while saying such embarrassing things... and lifted the corner of my mouth, plastering on a brave smile.

"I'm probably by far the more emotionally heavy one. You'd do well not to misunderstand that."

In short, I'm a difficult, complex, troublesome, and emotionally heavy case.

It's not fair if I don't show my weaknesses and shortcomings. So, showing them means I'm seeking fairness, which is none other than a sign of my seriousness, I think.

To convey all of that—

"That's why I wanted to talk. Do you understand?"

I've reached my limit. If she keeps staring at me, all I'll be able to show her is a strange face. I used a nearby cushion as a shield to block her gaze, giving myself a chance to cool my flushed face.

Now, how will Nia-chan react... I braced myself, but she remained surprisingly quiet on my lap—for about ten seconds.

Then I heard the sound of scratching again, and she tentatively tapped my knee.

I peeked out from behind the edge of my guard and saw the back of her fluffy, long-haired head. The pen had been tossed onto the table, and in one free hand was a notepad with a single message—her other hand was tightly gripping mine, refusing to let go.

I tossed the cushion aside and peered at the unusually small letters.

'Maybe I'll talk about myself, too.'

I didn't know the train of thought that led Nia to write that.

Was it in return for me telling her about myself? Or was it to refute my claim that I was the most emotionally heavy?

I didn't know, but there was one thing I felt I did know.

"Next time is fine."

"..., ............"

Unlike me, who, facing a crisis of rationality, wanted to state my stance as quickly as possible, Nia's story was probably not something that had to be told right now.

It was probably not something she should talk about just because she was dragged along by my self-serving monologue. Of course, if Nia wanted to talk, I would humbly listen.

"I think it's a delicate issue. That's why, for now, let me ask you one thing straight up—is it a problem I should be concerned about?"

Some might criticize those words as being incredibly insensitive. That's precisely why I said them now, alone with Nia.

When I spoke with Mitsueda-san before, in a similar situation, the words I gave her were all my genuine feelings. I'm not particularly interested in the fact that Nia has lost her 'voice'.

To be precise, I don't think I need to worry about it much.

Because...

"You're exactly the same in the virtual world and the real world, aren't you? Always lively, always noisy, always messing with me... though that last part might be mutual."

With or without a voice, honestly, it doesn't change a thing.

"So, to be blunt, I haven't really been particularly considerate of you in the real world. I mean, of course, if you're in trouble, you can rely on me, and I'll help you out if something happens, but...?"

Even after meeting in this world... I confess, even more so since we met.

"So, if I should be more considerate, I'll change my ways, so please tell me... what do you think?"

She's just an incredibly charming girl, to the point where any disadvantage is irrelevant.

And if I might add, the reason I can so brazenly say whatever I want is simply because...

"—...Ngh, gh! Nngh!"

"Wh-what's with the headbutts, what are you trying to say, stop it, you, guffh, hey, my real body is even more of a glass cannon than my virtual one, violence is wron—my solar plexus...!"

...through our time together, I've become confident enough to say that I know, more or less, how she wants to be treated.

I really want her to realize it.

That I can so naturally perceive such things...

...because my own eyes have been captured, not in a small way, by a certain someone.

---

Meaning, she's so charming that none of that matters.

And with that, the first section of Chapter Four comes to a close.