Chapter 186 - 10
In the thin crystal whiskey glass, the ice Qiuzi had specially procured melted, making a light sound.
“My husband was of the Soukai Clan.”
Qiuzi, perched lightly on the counter, muttered as if to herself. It sounded as if she were speaking to Ritz, who sat next to her in silence, sipping his straight liquor, but it also sounded like she was talking to herself.
Without answering, he tilted his glass, and Qiuzi too picked up her glass and swirled it gently. The ice and liquor mixed in the glass, making a high, clinking sound.
“He came to this city wanting to become a chef, but no one in Suien would accept him. When I, who had started a boarding house in this city with the money I saved as a mercenary after parting with you, met him, he was at a loss, with no place to stay and no job.”
Her dark eyes, tinged with sorrow, were gently cast down. She was probably remembering her late husband.
“I never had any prejudice against the Soukai Clan to begin with. I’m a mercenary, after all. I’ve met many different races, and I’ve even fought against the Clan of Darkness. So I let him stay at my boarding house.”
Her and her husband’s story began from there. Qiuzi’s husband was named Leydin. Leydin, like the Luan of today, was a gentle person who could smile kindly even when discriminated against. In general, the Soukai Clan was said to be a clan of gentle disposition. But beneath their gentleness lay a firm will that could not be shaken by anything. It was also a common trait of the Soukai Clan to see through what they had decided for themselves.
This city was cold to him, who strongly inherited the characteristics of the Soukai Clan. No one would accept a member of the Soukai Clan.
“In the end, the one who took him in as an apprentice chef was the owner of a shop who had helped me out during my mercenary days. The prejudice in this city… or rather, the fundamental fear, is very strong. That if this city were ever to be taken over by the Soukai Clan, we humans would never be a match for the spirit-using Soukai Clan.”
Leydin, who had taken her in as an ordinary woman, past and all, had lived a reckless life as a mercenary and knew no other way to live. She sometimes feared that his magnanimous nature was an act, but for him, it was normal.
Qiuzi loved him dearly for that.
A few years later, Leydin became an independent chef. At that time, they renovated part of the boarding house and opened this pub together. By then, there were no longer any Tarnien people in the boarding house, and it was primarily inhabited by foreigners and members of the Soukai Clan.
“...So things were going well.”
“Yes. As far as he and I were concerned.”
She held up her glass sadly, holding it up to the lamp flame. The flame flickered on the condensation-covered glass, and Qiuzi fell silent, as if picking up something nostalgic from within it. Next to her, Ritz tilted his glass, maintaining his silence.
Only the sound of the flame crackling in the lamp echoed softly in the quiet pub. Eventually, she opened her mouth.
“That peaceful life continued for several years, and just when I thought it would probably continue like this forever, an accident happened.”
Leydin had been hit by a horse-drawn cart loaded with cargo. When Qiuzi rushed to the scene, Leydin, surrounded by a large crowd of Suien people keeping their distance, was being tended to by a single foreign man. In that first glance, Qiuzi understood. He wouldn’t be saved unless a very powerful water user was present.
But knowing that there were no such skilled individuals among the Soukai Clan living in this city, Qiuzi understood that he would not survive. Leydin must have realized this as well, because he smiled at Qiuzi as she approached with unsteady steps.
When Qiuzi reached Leydin’s side, her eyes widened at the words he whispered in her ear. The words he left behind were, “Don’t hate them.”
The cart that hit him belonged to a Suien merchant. The accident happened on a main street in broad daylight, so there should have been many witnesses, yet everyone kept their mouths shut about what had happened and why such an accident had occurred.
On the contrary, the Suien merchant who had hit Leydin went so far as to say that it was Leydin’s fault for suddenly jumping in front of the cart, and that Leydin’s family should pay for the cost of repairing the damaged cart.
Qiuzi desperately searched for witnesses, but no one came forward. The only one who helped her search for witnesses was the foreign man who had been tending to him.
He had rushed over immediately after the accident and, despite sensing a strange atmosphere in the situation where no one was caring for Leydin, had done his best to provide first aid. This person was also a mercenary, so he knew at a glance that Leydin wouldn’t make it.
According to the people around her, Qiuzi had been searching for witnesses like a ghost for several months. A few of her former mercenary comrades also helped out, but the truth remained a mystery.
Just as she was overwhelmed with despair, a Suien boy and his mother visited Qiuzi. The parent and child, who were about to leave the city soon, pleaded with her never to say that they were the ones who told her this, and finally revealed the truth of the accident.
Leydin had been unilaterally picked a fight with by some Suien merchants and was pushed. Unfortunately, a cart that happened to be passing by hit him. The incident was hushed up because the person driving the cart was an accomplice of the people who started the fight.
There were many witnesses. But they all protected the Suien people who caused the incident rather than the Soukai Clan member who was hit, and kept their mouths shut.
This parent and child said that they were the ones who had caused the fight. When Leydin was shopping, the parent and child happened to be passing by, and the boisterous boy accidentally bumped into a shelf in the shop.
The furious shopkeeper started shouting that it was Leydin, who happened to be there, who was to blame, not the boy. Only the parent and child and Leydin were there. This shopkeeper was famous for his dislike of the Soukai Clan. The boy and his mother were so terrified by his outburst that they fell silent. They couldn’t bring themselves to say that it was their fault.
Seeing the parent and child, Leydin was said to have smiled and whispered to them.
“Stay quiet. This happens all the time, so it will be over soon.”
And then, right before their eyes, Leydin lost his life. The parent and child, unable to bear the guilt and feeling a sense of terror toward this city that could silently overlook such an incident, which could be called murder, decided to move to a place far away from the Soukai Clan and pearls. Before that, they had come to apologize to Qiuzi, who had been his wife, and they bowed their heads deeply.
When Qiuzi heard the story, she felt surprisingly little anger toward this parent and child. That’s when she understood why he had left her with the words, “Don’t hate them.”
“So, where does my anger go? If there’s no target for my anger, I’ll just sink into sadness, right? I was taking out my frustration on Leydin in my heart. But soon, I saw a target for my anger.”
Ritz silently filled Qiuzi’s already empty glass with more liquor. Whether she noticed or not, Qiuzi picked up the glass and brought it to her lips.
“I decided to fight against this prejudice that permeates the entire city. I thought I could protect them. That’s why I continued to run a boarding house that only accepts members of the Soukai Clan and foreigners. As an exception, I also took in Suien people who were being persecuted as human rights advocates.”
She surely hadn’t forgotten the presence of Ritz, who hadn’t interjected a single word. But her words flowed on, uninterrupted, as if a dam had broken. She had probably come this far without ever showing weakness. In this city, showing weakness would be admitting defeat, and showing weakness to her employees would place a heavy burden on him, a member of the Soukai Clan. Just as Qiuzi had been just one of many women to the Ritz of the past, Ritz was now just an old acquaintance who happened to pass by and would likely never be seen again. There were certainly weaknesses that could only be confessed to such a person.
After a long exhale, Qiuzi looked at Ritz and smiled.
“But it’s no good. It was all just a delusion. No matter how skilled I am, no matter how much I use my connections from my mercenary days, there are some things that just slip through my fingers.”
Qiuzi stared intently at her small hands, small from Ritz’s perspective. Those fingers, which had been plumper and softer in the past, were now slender, perhaps from age or from hardship.
Noticing Ritz’s silent gaze, Qiuzi looked at him with the same mischievous eyes as in the old days and smiled.
“Now it’s your turn to talk about yourself.”
“...About me, huh…”
“The old you would never have talked, right? You would have just laughed and brushed it off.”
“Yeah.”
His old self would have done that. But at some point, he had become a self that couldn’t fully return to his old self. He knew the reason. It was because for the past few years, Anna had always been by his side.
But that Anna was not here. Ritz was already aware that he was searching for something to fill this emptiness. That emptiness had made Ritz himself choose to talk to Qiuzi.
“After I left you… let’s see… for about thirteen years, my life didn’t change at all. I was a mercenary, killing people for money, and during the farming season when the battlefields quieted down, I’d be messing around in some frontline town. When I saved up money, I’d come back to Suien and wander around other countries.”
Still alive, not dead yet, he thought. The past had seemed so vibrant, yet he couldn’t hold any hope for the future that was to come, and the future before him was gray. He would go to a completely unknown town, a completely unknown land, and search for something, though he didn’t know what he was looking for.
In the end, he never found anything.
“Two years ago… something happened, didn’t it?”
“Yeah. I was supposed to wander around as usual, but a lot of things happened, and I ended up going back to my hometown for the first time in forty years.”
“Forty years…? I see, right, you’re of the Clan of Light.”
“Unfortunately.”
When he gave a wry smile, Qiuzi, perhaps sensing something or perhaps remembering Leydin who had been treated harshly by humans, silently stood up, went behind the counter, and returned with a bottle of wine.
“It’s Yuresla wine. It’s from the highlands, so isn’t it from your hometown area?”
“...Not my hometown, this is more Ed’s neck of the woods.”
“I see.”
“But it’s definitely from my home country.”
“Then let’s open it.”
Without mentioning anything about Edward, Qiuzi returned to her seat and opened the wine.
“Hometown wine for hometown stories. Not bad.”
“Not bad at all.”
Ritz murmured as he watched the deep red being poured.
“Two years ago, I met her for the first time.”
“...Anna?”
“Yeah. She was the adopted daughter at the place where I was delivering something my parents had asked me to. Her adoptive father asked me to take her on a journey to find her parents, since she was an orphan, and I agreed. It wasn't like I was in a hurry.”
“That’s what’s surprising.”
“You think? Before I became a mercenary, I made a living as a babysitter, you know?”
“No way!”
“It’s true.”
“I can’t even imagine it.”
“I was pretty good at it. Good enough to think about starting a school.”
He said jokingly to the genuinely surprised Qiuzi. Thinking she was about to be brushed off, Qiuzi prompted him to continue.
“Anna is… well… in a word, she’s an unbelievable goody-two-shoes. She’ll put her own life on the line to help anyone in trouble. She’s the complete opposite of me, always positive and cheerful. And yet, for some reason, Anna trusted me unconditionally from the moment we met. It was the first time in my life I’d been looked at with such complete trust.”
“Hmm. And you found her cute?”
“...No. At first, I just thought she was a troublesome kid. She’s a troublemaker, and she wants to help people in trouble without any conditions. Just when I’m praying she won’t say it, she always opens her mouth and makes a bigger mess of things. Well, she’s that kind of person, but we got along strangely well.”
“Hmm…”
“Right after I met her, I met Franz. A lot happened, and he said he wanted to come with us, so I decided to take him. If Anna hadn’t been there, I probably wouldn’t have thought of taking him. At the time, I figured one more person wouldn’t make a difference. Then I reunited with an old friend I had avoided contacting for over thirty years.”
“Grand Duke Edward?”
“Yeah. A connection I can’t get rid of. Don’t ask for details.”
“...Alright.”
While tilting his glass, Ritz continued to speak dispassionately. He talked about how Anna had a long lifespan, how she knew of his struggles and said she would live with him, and how he had carelessly fallen in love with her.
…And also about how he had lost her.
“I lost my long-lived husband, and you, despite having a long life, have missed your chance to die. It’s not fair.”
Qiuzi’s finger poked Ritz straight on the nose. There was no complaint in her eyes like the one carried in her words.
“If we’re talking about long lives, it would have been better if I had died and Leydin had lived. That would have solved everything.”
“You idiot. That’s impossible. Leydin had his life, and you have yours.”
“...I know. My bad. It was a joke.”
“You’re hopeless. I’ll forgive you.”
“Haha. Thanks.”
The sediment at the bottom of his heart stirred quietly. If he had died back then… if he had just died, would he have avoided causing Anna so much pain? But the one who saved his life back then was Anna. Anna had said she would live with him. That’s why he was able to look forward.
“I didn’t think she’d come to hate me so quickly…”
“It can’t be helped. You’re a womanizing mercenary. No matter how much you try to hide it, the cracks will show.”
“You’re absolutely right.”
Anna was, after all, a flower on a high peak. A star in the sky, beyond his reach. A kind-hearted girl from a different world whom he would likely never see again if he returned to his mercenary self.
As he tilted his glass with a sigh, Qiuzi suddenly muttered seriously.
“Hey, Ritz. I like that girl.”
“Huh?”
“Anna. She probably doesn’t like me. But she’s trying her best to like me. When she’s at the boarding house, Anna tries to be helpful to me. An ordinary girl couldn’t do that. And all of it is for the sake of her companions. And for you, Ritz. That girl has a conviction to try to like everyone for the sake of her companions. That’s an amazing thing. I could never do that.”
“What’s this, so suddenly?”
“I don’t really care if you go back to being a mercenary captain who doesn’t fear death like you used to, and end up dying carelessly. I’ll just think, ‘Oh, as expected.’ But, whatever you do, absolutely do not die pathetically in front of her.”
He was at a loss for words at her sudden statement.
“I know very well how it feels to have someone you’ve opened your heart to die in front of you. Whether it’s romantic love, friendship, or trust, it leaves an incredibly heavy weight on your heart. At the very least, I think Anna cares about you a great deal, don’t you?”
“That’s not true.”
“Then she used to. Even if she hates you now and you don’t want to speak to each other, that feeling was definitely there. So I’m telling you now. If you’re going to die, do it somewhere she isn’t.”
He had thought that dying to protect Anna would be his dearest wish, but now he felt as if a nail had been driven into his heart. He certainly understood not wanting to lose someone right in front of him. He himself had run away for over thirty years because he didn’t want to see Edward and the others grow old and die with his own eyes. Thinking about it, it was not his intention to force that on the person he loved. With a deep sigh, Ritz tilted his glass. There was little left.
“I know.”
“As long as you know. I don’t want that child to experience the sensation of a loved one’s hand gradually growing cold.”
“I know.”
As he muttered softly, he refilled his glass with liquor and brought it to his lips. He thought he had talked too much, but he realized that it didn’t particularly bother him. Perhaps it was because his companion was a woman from his past, and because Qiuzi also knew what it was to lose someone.
When he looked at Qiuzi beside him, she was also looking at him and smiling. Her expression, having overcome pain and suffering, was even more beautiful than it had been fifteen years ago when she was full of youth. While he had not changed at all from back then, she was also a strong woman.
Perhaps he was the only one who had remained unchanged and pathetic for decades.
When he wrapped his arm around her slender waist, Qiuzi leaned her body against him as if to rest, wrapped her thin arms around Ritz’s neck, and whispered.
“In the end, we’re similar. We reach out for a place called eternity, but it’s too far, and our short arms can never reach it. Because it’s an illusion. But even though we know that, we want eternity, so we keep reaching with arms that can’t reach.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s why, I think, we sought a fleeting moment on the battlefield… a flicker of life, because we wanted to feel alive. That moment that separates life and death was the only thing that was eternal.”
His comrades from memory appeared and disappeared before his eyes. For Ritz, even the memories of those comrades were but a fleeting flicker in his long life. A momentary light that could never be grasped, no matter how he reached for it.
“...Maybe.”
Whispering back, he pulled her closer and pressed his lips to the nape of her neck. Qiuzi laughed softly.
“Oh, are you sure you want me? I’m an old woman now, you know? I’m not as young as I used to be.”
“...What are you talking about? If we’re talking mental age, I’m quite the old man myself.”
“An old man? How old are you?”
“...One hundred and fifty…”
“Not so different from Leydin, then.”
At Qiuzi’s soft murmur, he looked into her eyes with a playful smile.
“You haven’t changed at all. You’re plenty beautiful, and totally my type, Qiuzi.”
“My, you’re as smooth as ever.”
Qiuzi, who laughed ticklishly and shrank back, suddenly put on a serious face.
“Are you sure?”
When asked, Anna’s face momentarily flashed in his mind. Her smiling face, full of trust that he would likely never reach again; Anna, hiding her fearful expression with a subtle smile as she shook off his hand; her face, looking down coldly, appeared and disappeared.
To embrace Qiuzi here, considering Anna’s state that day when she had passed out after drinking at the counter, would be a considerable betrayal.
But, it didn’t matter anymore. Hadn’t she declared it then? That they couldn’t live together anymore. She would never look at Ritz with those warm, gentle eyes again. What was there to worry about now?
“It’s fine. In the end, I’m just reaching out my arms for something I can’t grasp, struggling.”
He didn't want to hurt her anymore. So he had given up on getting closer. It was fine. He just wanted to quietly disappear from her presence, with their relationship as it was. That was the best thing Ritz could do. Go to Zeum, accomplish his goal, see her safely to Sears, and then forget about her.
Before Qiuzi’s outstretched arm could wrap around his neck, Ritz silently extinguished the lamp on the counter and touched Qiuzi’s warmth.