Chapter 56 - Charge! Dinner on the Road 3 - Paella Revenge! <1>
I
"Man, my shoulders are stiff…"
After the chamberlains left, Ritz finally let out a sigh of relief. He tossed aside his monocle and stretched out with all his might in the chair of the minister’s office.
Being alone brought a great sense of freedom. But the tedious paperwork was still ongoing. It was maddening. He had finally been freed from living in the royal palace, but he still had this ministerial post.
Edward had said he would be completely free by spring, but he was starting to have his doubts about whether that would really happen.
The ghost hunt had ended safely, and they had finally moved into their new home just yesterday.
The move had been simple, as the three of them, having been on the road, had hardly any luggage to speak of. So Ritz had thought that was the end of it, but the story didn't end so easily.
"Let's have a housewarming party!"
It was Anna who had suggested it. When he and Franz turned to her with silent, quizzical faces, Anna had declared with a cheerful smile:
"I mean, we have new people living with us now, right? And there are people who helped us out a lot, so I want to thank them."
"It's a pain…"
Ritz wholeheartedly agreed with Franz’s sentiment, raising both hands in support. But Anna was persistent.
In the end, dragged along by Anna, it was decided that they would have a housewarming party. In situations like this, the two men, Ritz and Franz, were no match for Anna, who was single-minded once she had decided on something.
And so, a party—or rather, a modest dinner with close friends—was decided upon. Ritz was tasked with inviting the guests Anna had chosen.
First, he invited Edward, who said he could come. That was a relief, but Patricia and Shasta were unavailable.
Anna would be disappointed, but it couldn't be helped. Why would they gather the country's top officials for a mere housewarming party? Edward just coming over to hang out was already a big deal.
Right now, Ritz was waiting here for a certain person. It was the person whose name was written at the end of Anna’s list of invitees.
"Excuse me."
The heavy door opened with a familiar voice. A man in his mid-thirties stood there.
"You summoned me, sir…"
Closing the door, the young man walked toward Ritz.
"Don’t be so formal, Kenny."
Even when he said so in a casual tone, Kenny Fort’s expression didn’t change a bit. Honestly, he was as stiff as Shasta.
"But I am on duty at present."
"You really are a serious one, aren't you?"
"I am honored, sir."
As Kenny bowed his head, Ritz couldn’t help but mutter inwardly, That wasn’t a compliment. The reason he had summoned Kenny here had absolutely nothing to do with missions or work.
Well, with things like this, it was best to just come out and say it without hesitation.
Ritz stood up and placed a hand on Kenny’s shoulder.
"Kenny, you free tonight?"
"Sir?"
"Just answer, are you free?"
When he pressed him, Kenny nodded.
"Yes, I am scheduled to be off duty this evening."
To the bewildered Kenny, Ritz pressed on.
"Alright, then it’s settled. We’re having a housewarming party at my place tonight, so you’re coming."
"Eh?"
"Alright, Kenny’s in."
"S-Sir? I have not given my consent…"
Ritz stared intently at the confused Kenny and asked once more.
"You’re free, aren’t you?"
As if resigned, Kenny let out a deep sigh and slumped his shoulders in defeat.
"…Yes. I will be in attendance."
"Alright, that’s everyone then."
When Ritz muttered this, Kenny looked up.
"Who else will be attending?"
Ritz answered Kenny, who wore a serious expression.
"Ed, me, Anna, Franz, plus Evans, Annie the maid, and you. Seven in total."
"…Seven people…"
After a moment of thought, Kenny looked up straight at Ritz’s face.
"Would it be permissible for me to take the afternoon off?"
"It’s fine by me, but… are you sure about the Inspectorate Department?"
Not understanding the reason for the sudden request, he asked again. Kenny answered with unusual seriousness.
"Yes. If I have your permission, Your Excellency, I will leave my duties to my second-in-command."
Was it really okay to let an inspector—and a squad leader at that—leave early for his own housewarming party? But seeing the strangely determined look in Kenny’s eyes, this was the only thing Ritz could say.
"Permission granted. Though, I’m taking the afternoon off too."
Officially, it was because the unpacking from the move wasn't finished, but in reality, he was going home to help Anna and Annie.
Franz was probably being worked to the bone at home right now. After all, the dining room table was wobbly all over and couldn’t be used as it was.
He recalled Franz’s resentful face as he saw him off to work.
Well, that aside, he had to get through at least some of these documents before going home. As Ritz picked up the documents on his desk with a sigh, Kenny, who had been standing there with a grim expression, looked up.
"Your Excellency, would you allow me to be in charge of one of the dishes for tonight’s meal?"
"You, cook…"
He barely managed to swallow the words, you can’t. He was talking about cooking, but his face was filled with the same tension and sorrow as that of a soldier heading to his death.
Faced with such an expression, he couldn’t very well dismiss his cooking skills so easily.
"…Yeah, I’ll leave it to you."
"Thank you very much."
Bowing deeply, he turned his back to Ritz with exemplary posture, gave a sharp salute at the door, and left the office.
"…What’s going to happen at this housewarming party tonight…"
Left alone, Ritz shivered with a strange sense of foreboding.
II
"Why do I have to do this…"
Franz muttered to himself, a hammer in one hand. After spending the entire morning sanding the dining table, just when he thought he was finished, he was next asked to fix a broken cupboard.
Franz was not good at this kind of work. He firmly believed himself to be the intellectual type, not the manual labor type. Perhaps because of that, his work was not progressing at all.
"Can’t be helped, we’re broke."
Ritz, who was skillfully fixing a broken chair next to him with a nail held in his mouth, said in a voice that was a mix of resignation and consolation.
Ritz had been handed a hammer and nails and put to this task as soon as he got home. In the morning, a minister; in the afternoon, a furniture repairman… the contrast was too stark. Come to think of it, Ritz was in a pitiful situation too.
But from Franz’s perspective, Ritz’s office work seemed many times easier than sanding. He wouldn't mind sitting in a chair all day.
"There, that’s done."
Just as Ritz finished fixing the last chair, Anna came into the dining room. She was holding cookies.
"Good work, you two!"
"Yeah, I’m beat."
Ritz stood up proudly and, without any permission, plucked a cookie from Anna’s hands and popped it into his mouth.
Seeing that Anna didn’t complain, it seemed the cookies were for them.
"I made them with some leftover ingredients. Are they good?"
"Yeah, delicious. You want one, Franz?"
Standing next to Anna, Ritz put a second one into his mouth and asked. Franz silently shook his head.
"You’re not having any, Franz? I’m pretty proud of these, you know."
"I’m fine…"
He wanted tea more than cookies. No, more than that, he just wanted to stop this work. It seemed that wish got through to Ritz.
"Let’s take a break for now. I’ll fix the cupboard. Annie, can we have some tea?"
Coming right up!
As if she had already prepared it, Annie brought out three cups of tea with a smile and immediately vanished back into the kitchen, literally. She must still be busy with preparations.
"I fixed the chairs, so have a seat."
"…Yeah."
Franz nodded at Ritz’s welcome offer and put down the hammer. He sat down on the chair that had been crooked until just a moment ago, now straightened by Ritz.
He was quite skillful. Looking at Ritz lately, it was easy to forget that he had been a mercenary. He was abnormally multitalented.
He could cook, fix furniture, and if asked, he’d even clean chimneys. He boasted, though it wasn’t much to brag about, that the only thing he couldn’t do was office work.
In the first place, since coming to the capital, Franz hadn’t seen Ritz swing his sword. He even began to suspect that Ritz hadn't so much as touched his greatsword. According to Ritz himself, ‘Effort is something you do where no one can see,’ but that too was doubtful.
Basically, Ritz was too good at too many things. It seemed he was still trying to hide his weaknesses from Franz and Anna.
To Franz, who was full of weaknesses, Ritz, who skillfully managed what he showed and what he didn't, was somehow infuriating.
As he was thinking such resentful thoughts, the lighthearted conversation between Ritz and Anna reached his ears.
"I’ve been thinking this for a while, but looking at you makes me want to eat tomato sauce pasta."
"Huh? Why?"
"When you stand next to me, I can see the crown of your head better than your face. That red hair and the swirl somehow remind me of tomato sauce pasta…"
"That’s so mean! So you’re talking to the crown of my head, Ritz?"
Anna, having placed the plate of cookies on the table, crossed her arms with a pout. Ritz turned a playful, teasing smile on her.
"Well, I guess you could say that. If you want me to see your face, walk a few meters ahead of me."
"I don’t need you to look at me!"
Honestly, it was amazing how these two never got tired of repeating these silly exchanges. He was both exasperated and impressed.
No matter how seriously he thought about something, in front of these two, he somehow lost all his energy. The more he thought about it, the more he realized how petty he was.
"Well, I guess I’ll fix the cupboard."
Apparently hungry, Ritz ate about half of the cookies Anna had brought, washed them down with tea, and resumed his work. The whole series of movements was almost that of a middle-aged furniture craftsman.
Even as he was thinking such sarcastic thoughts, Ritz skillfully aligned the bent hinge and the cupboard door and fixed them. He also reattached the slanted top board so that it was perfectly level and things wouldn’t slide off.
But what was different from usual was that, despite his personality of talking about various things while working with his hands, he was working in silence.
Even with Anna here, this was rare. Usually, when Anna and Ritz were together, they were engaged in the kind of silly conversation they had just had.
Looking at his face, he could see that even though it should have been a simple task for Ritz, he had a very serious expression. A glance at Anna showed that she had noticed it too.
Franz was curious but couldn’t ask. In his place, Anna knelt down beside Ritz.
"Ritz, you’ve been quiet for a while. What’s wrong? Are you hurt somewhere?"
Anna asked a somewhat off-topic question. Feeling that it wasn’t the kind of question to ask a grown man, he couldn’t help but interject.
"…Anna, he’s not a kid from the orphanage…"
But at Anna’s words, Ritz made a face as if he’d been hit where it hurt… as if he’d bitten into a bitter bug. A strange, unpleasant feeling swirled within Franz.
What could make Ritz look like that? He couldn’t even guess.
"What’s wrong? Did something happen?"
Sensing the unusual atmosphere, Anna, who had been kneeling beside Ritz, instinctively sat in a formal seiza position and asked. Turning to face Anna, Ritz then slowly looked at Franz.
"…You want to hear it?"
"…Yeah."
He felt like he would rather not hear it. But he also felt like he would regret it if he didn’t.
What was this subtle, heavy atmosphere? Oblivious to Franz’s feelings, Ritz let out a deep sigh.
"Yeah, it’s probably better for you guys to be prepared from the start so you can deal with it…"
It seemed his words were not directed at the two of them, but were more like a monologue. But those words contained a clue as to how difficult what they were about to hear would be.
At this rate, the shock level would probably be high.
Facing the cupboard again, Ritz reluctantly spoke the shocking words.
"You two, listen calmly."
"What?"
"What is it?"
"I’ve been hiding it until now, but… Kenny asked if he could make one dish."
"!"
He was speechless. It seemed Anna was the same, as she had placed both hands on the floor where she was sitting and slumped her head in defeat.
"You didn’t refuse?"
Anna hesitantly raised her head and looked up at Ritz, who was working beside her, as she asked.
"…The atmosphere was such that if I refused, he looked like he might hang himself."
Ritz answered in a sunken voice. Pale, Franz had no choice but to confirm with Ritz.
"You know about Kenny-san’s cooking, don’t you?"
"…I know."
Ritz continued to hammer in the nail with a dejected voice. What kind of situation would lead someone to cook with an atmosphere that suggested they might hang themselves? Franz couldn't even imagine.
"You haven’t eaten that dish, Ritz, so you don’t know how tragic it is, do you?"
When he asked again, Ritz slowly raised his face.
"…You and Anna don’t know, so I’ll tell you. That huge amount of eerie food, the coachman and I thought about whether we could do something about it… When you think about how many seasonings and ingredients were consumed in that, don’t you think that’s a natural thought?"
It was true that with Ritz's personality, he wouldn't be able to just throw it away because it was a waste. Looking over, Anna was nodding as well. These two shared a common greed and aversion to waste, so they probably understood each other well.
After a pause, Ritz continued.
"We thought maybe if we boiled a certain something in it, it might work out, or maybe we could use it as a spice…"
He could somehow see where this was going. The confession was so overwhelmingly heavy that Franz fell silent. Anna was also listening quietly.
"So, the two of us ate it. But we couldn’t figure out what ingredients would go with it from just one bite. So the two of us, while retching, ate several mouthfuls…"
"Ugh…"
Remembering the taste that had filled her mouth at that time, Anna covered her mouth with both hands. Franz, too, was forced to recall from the depths of his memory the shocking taste he didn't want to remember.
All three of them fell silent, each remembering the shocking color and taste of that dish. Only the sound of Ritz hammering nails echoed in the dining room.
After a while, he timidly asked the still-silent Ritz.
"…So, what was the conclusion?"
Ritz, with all his might, hammered a nail with his hammer and shouted.
"There’s no way to fix something like that!"
"…Right."
Anna nodded as if she understood perfectly. It felt like Anna was the one who had caused that huge disaster, but was that okay?
"But, but, maybe he’s been practicing and has become an amazing cook?"
Anna's false cheerfulness, accompanied by gestures, was all the more pathetic. She was probably trying to be supportive, but no matter how you looked at it, it seemed like nothing more than wishful thinking.
As he deliberately said nothing, Ritz stood up, stretched his back, and muttered.
"…The chances are low, though."
"Probably."
As Franz agreed with a sigh and brought the tea to his lips, a dark voice rose from behind him.
"I’m sorry for only being able to make something like that."
He almost dropped his teacup. Anna’s mouth fell open, and she froze. As for Ritz, he dropped the nail he was holding in his mouth onto the floor.
There stood… Kenny Fort, holding paper bags in both hands.
As everyone froze in shock, Kenny turned his even more grim, dark eyes on the three of them.
"I am a soldier as well. I have made it my mission in life not to make the same mistake twice."
He finally understood what Ritz meant by ‘looking like he might hang himself.’ This must be what he was talking about. Kenny’s grim face was hard to describe, and it carried an ominous feeling.
"I have come today, swallowing my pride, to request an opportunity to clear my name…"
It was just one dish, so did he really have to be so worked up about it?
While he thought that, for some reason, he hesitated to say it out loud. Were all soldiers this complicated? Or was Kenny just extremely serious? Franz didn’t know.
In the silent dining room, it was Anna who recovered first.
"Welcome, Kenny-san. Thank you for your help the other day."
Smiling brightly, she bowed her head with a little bob. It was true that Anna, who had almost had her body taken over by Annie, had caused Kenny the most trouble.
At Anna’s bright smile, Kenny, though his face was twitching, managed to form an expression that looked like a smile.
"You’re welcome. Thank you for inviting me today, Anna-chan."
…That’s right, it was Anna who decided on today’s guests. What has she done? He remembered that anew, but it wasn't a problem that could be solved by that.
Come to think of it, Edward, the other victim of that terrifying paella, was also invited here today.
"…I would like to borrow the kitchen."
"Yeah, go ahead and use it."
As Ritz said this, he glanced into the paper bag and gave Franz a small shrug. It seemed Ritz knew what he was going to make. Franz had an idea too.
From within Kenny’s paper bag, a large prawn, exuding a heavy presence, was slowly moving its whiskers and looking outside. Was that a paprika he could glimpse next to it?
In that case, the bag he was holding in his other hand must contain rice. That alone was enough to tell him what Kenny was going to make.
…Paella….
"Kenny-san, the kitchen is this way. I’ll help you!"
Cheerfully and brightly, Anna urged Kenny on and entered the kitchen. Just before she disappeared from sight, she gave a small nod to Ritz and Franz. Did that mean, ‘I’m watching him, so it’ll be okay!’?
"Franz, want to bet?"
After the two had disappeared, Ritz placed his hammer and nails on the table and made the suggestion. Of course, it was about whether Kenny’s dish would turn out well.
"…How much?"
When he asked quietly, Ritz rummaged in his pocket and placed a one-belse silver coin on the table.
"One belse that with Anna’s help, it’ll be something edible."
It was a carefree bet, typical of Ritz. But Franz had no reason to be optimistic.
"I bet… one giltz that it will be a disaster."
"…You really are a pessimist."
"Shut up."
As he sighed and rested his chin on his hand, Ritz stretched out behind him. It seemed he had finished fixing the cupboard. The work must have been quite straining on his shoulders, given his height. But he didn’t show any sign of it. Ritz turned back to him and smiled defiantly.
"Don’t forget, one giltz."
"…You too."
Watching Ritz leave, Franz sighed. What on earth was going to happen with today’s housewarming party?
Franz had no idea.