Chapter 57 - Charge! Dinner on the Road 3 - Paella Revenge! <2>
III
Anna was speechless at the sheer quantity and expense of the ingredients Kenny began to lay out on the countertop.
"Wow…"
She mused that as long as Franz was in charge of the wallet, she would probably never see such a large amount of high-quality ingredients. She had poked a few of them, and that alone was enough to tell her how fresh they were.
There were two magnificent giant prawns, the likes of which she had never seen before, and they were still alive, their whiskers swaying from side to side. There were shiny purple mussels, as if they had been polished; squid so translucent it looked like it had just come from the sea; flounder with eyes that shone with life; and large clams that spurted water.
The vegetables were green peppers, red and yellow paprika, green peas, a lemon, onions, tomatoes, and garlic. And for seasoning, there was the problematic saffron and olive oil—the red stamens of a flower and the green oil that had given birth to that yellow-green hell.
With this, Anna understood everything. He was trying to make paella.
"Kenny-san, you’re making paella, right?"
Even though she knew, it was polite to ask. Anna was at least aware of that much. When she looked at Kenny with a smile, he gave a grave nod. It didn't feel like he was about to start cooking, and Anna was pretty sure she wasn't just imagining it.
She understood now what Ritz meant by ‘looking like he might hang himself.’
At times like these, she knew from her experience at the orphanage that the best thing to do was to change the subject and help him relax. But would it work on an adult like Kenny? She wouldn’t know until she tried, so she decided to put her plan into action.
"Kenny-san, I’ll help you."
"No, I can’t trouble you."
Anna peered into Kenny's still-tense face from the front. If she backed down now, it would be difficult for Kenny, and the paella would be in even bigger trouble.
She absolutely could not allow such precious, high-quality ingredients to be transformed once again into that terrifying substance. It would be a complete waste. Steeling herself inwardly, Anna put on another smile.
"It’s not a bother at all. I’m the closest to you in age, so please don’t hesitate to ask me anything."
"…How old are you, Anna-chan?"
As if caught off guard by her unexpected words, Kenny, who had had a dark look in his eyes, looked at Anna. Come to think of it, she felt like she hadn’t talked to Kenny in much detail.
"I’m thirty years old. Hehe, I age differently than humans."
Truly surprised, Kenny fell silent and stopped moving. A moment later, he let out a long breath that was somewhere between a sigh and a deep breath.
"I’m surprised… I’m thirty-five. You really don’t change, do you?"
From his tone, Anna could tell that Kenny had answered naturally. Away from his military duties, perhaps Kenny was a calm and gentle person. That side of Kenny was a little refreshing. And she was also happy that her orphanage strategy was working.
"I don’t change at all! Besides, we were the coachman’s assistants together, weren’t we? So let’s do our best together! With the paella!"
When she declared this while looking at Kenny’s face with an even bigger smile, Kenny finally managed a smile of his own.
"Alright, I’d appreciate that."
Making sure not to show it, Anna let out a big sigh of relief inwardly and rolled up her sleeves. Now they could finally start cooking.
"So, what should we do first?"
"Let’s see… I guess we’ll start with the prep? Making the saffron water…"
Kenny said as he took out a memo he must have read over and over.
"Then we’ll need a frying pan, right? We’ll toast it in the pan, then grind it into a powder and simmer it in hot water…"
Here’s a frying pan.
At some point, Annie had stopped what she was doing and come over. She must have sensed the unusual atmosphere.
As expected of a maid, she’s so sensitive to the guests’ actions, Anna thought, filled with admiration for Annie, who was often told she was slow on the uptake.
"Toast the saffron in the frying pan…"
Kenny turned a small paper bag upside down over the pan. A large amount of saffron poured into it.
"Kenny-san, that’s too much! Just a pinch is enough."
"A pinch? About this much?"
Kenny grabbed a fistful of saffron from the pan.
"No! That’s a handful!"
She had him return the large amount of saffron to the bag and somehow managed to start toasting a pinch of it in the pan.
That was close. We almost ended up with that garish, medicinal-smelling yellow stuff again… But she couldn’t let her guard down here.
"Anna-chan, when you say toast, what should it look like when it’s done?"
"It’s done when it’s perfectly crisp."
"Perfectly crisp?"
Looking at it, she could see the color was changing slightly, probably because the heat was too high. At this rate, it would turn to charcoal.
"It’s done!"
"Oh, really?"
She took the saffron off the heat, wrapped it in a cloth, and crushed it to a powder, then dropped it into the hot water Annie had boiled for them. A beautiful yellow color spread through the pot.
Annie’s amazing. She had everything ready while I was panicking. This is what it means to be attentive. It's a great learning experience. She wanted to be someone who could be that considerate too.
While she was thinking about that, Kenny had moved on to the next task: preparing the ingredients. First, he steamed the purple mussels in a pot with white wine and herbs, which went well. This was just prep work, and since all he had to do was toss the ingredients into the pot, there were no problems.
The squid just needed to be gutted and cut into rings, and the clams had apparently already been de-sanded, so all they needed was a wash. Just to be safe, she put the clams in salt water to make sure.
It was Annie, rather than Anna, who was moving well, supporting the clumsy Kenny. Anna was deeply relieved that Annie was there.
Now, the problem was the flounder and the giant prawns.
"Kenny-san, have you ever butchered a giant prawn before?"
"…The only thing I’ve ever judged (butchered) before… are criminals…"
"No, not that kind of judging…"
At a loss, she looked at Annie, who seemed to have found something funny and was slapping the table, laughing. She was stifling her voice, but her movements made it obvious she was laughing hysterically. Kenny, however, was in a serious staring contest with the prawn and didn't notice. If she left him alone, she was afraid he might actually pass judgment on the prawn, which was a little scary.
"Um… you cut the prawn in half lengthwise."
"Lengthwise?"
Kenny placed the prawn on the cutting board and, holding it down so it wouldn’t escape, fell into deep thought. Not knowing what he was struggling with, she cheerfully prompted him to get on with the giant prawn butchering.
"Just cut it straight down the middle from the head."
"Got it."
Kenny held the knife in a reverse grip.
"Wait, what are you doing?!"
She panicked at his grip, which looked like that of a murderer. What did he mean by holding a knife in a reverse grip to butcher a prawn? Anna couldn't comprehend it.
"Huh? It looks tough, you know."
"Tough… it’s a prawn, isn’t it?"
"Even if it’s a prawn, I don’t want to make it suffer too much, so I thought I’d do it in one go…"
What should I do? My common sense might not apply here. For a moment she thought that, but she couldn't give up here.
"I’ll leave it to you. Good luck, Kenny-san."
As soon as she finished speaking, Kenny brought down the knife with all his might, finishing off the prawn.
At the heavy sound of the knife striking the cutting board, Anna silently prayed that the prawn would be safely called to the Goddess’s side.
"Anna-chan…"
At Kenny’s troubled voice, she looked at the cutting board to see the knife sticking out of the prawn. What was it this time?
"The shell is slippery and I can’t cut it lengthwise. It wouldn’t be right to use this, would it?"
What Kenny pointed to was his beloved sword, which was leaning in a corner of the dining room.
Isn’t that the sword he was fighting bandits with the other day… wait!
"No! Absolutely not! It’s an ingredient, you know?"
"I know. But the sword is easier to handle…"
"Honestly! It’s like this!"
Unable to bear it any longer, Anna pulled the knife out of the cutting board, stabbed it into the center of the prawn’s head, and then pushed it down to cut it straight in half lengthwise.
She didn't understand what he was struggling with so much; the prawn cut so easily.
"…I see."
Kenny muttered, looking extremely impressed. It shouldn’t have been something to be so impressed about… But if she did the other one as well, it wouldn't be good for Kenny.
She placed the knife on the cutting board and made way for him.
"The other one is on you, Kenny-san."
"Got it."
It seemed it was easy once he tried, as Kenny cleanly cut the prawn in two. This time, he didn't hold the knife in a reverse grip or anything.
"…I see. There’s a proper way to do everything."
He said this in a heartfelt tone. She had no idea how to respond, so she decided to move on.
"Next is the flounder. We’ll divide the meat into five pieces."
"…Huh? Five?"
"Insert the knife from the middle and…"
As she started to explain, Anna realized something. There was no way a cooking novice could handle a high-level technique like filleting a fish. Even Anna could only handle river fish and fish with similar body types. In other words, she could handle horse mackerel and saury, but she was not used to flounder. When she looked at Kenny, he was watching her hands intently.
"Kenny-san and I can’t do this."
"Huh? Is that so?"
The only ones who could probably do this well were… Annie and Ritz. She had never asked Ritz, but she had a feeling he could handle this kind of thing with ease. Anna’s biased trust in Ritz was unparalleled. But in the current situation, the surest bet was to ask Annie to handle the flounder.
"Annie, I know this is a lot to ask, but could you handle the flounder…"
Oh, are you sure?
"Yeah. We’ll move on with the other tasks, so please."
Understood.
Having pushed the difficult flounder onto Annie, Anna turned back to Kenny. There was still a time-consuming task left.
"What’s next, Kenny-san?"
When she checked, Kenny looked at the memo in his hand.
"Finely chop the onion, garlic, tomato, and paprika, then sauté in olive oil until it becomes a paste…"
"Let’s get that done. It’ll take a while."
Though they struggled with the fine chopping, the unevenly cut vegetables somehow ended up in a pot with olive oil. After heating it up, she turned the heat down to low and handed Kenny a wooden spatula.
"Please stir it slowly and patiently until it becomes a paste, without burning it."
"If it’s slow and patient, I’m good at that."
…Come to think of it, this man was an inspector. It was true that his profession might require perseverance.
Staggering slightly, Anna secretly returned to the dining room. This was the first time she had cooked with such a sense of tension.
From the empty dining room, she headed towards the adjacent drawing room, which was connected without a door. Helping people was her top priority, but this felt different from helping people… it felt different. She was so tired, but she wondered why.
There, in addition to Ritz and Franz, were Edward, in his usual undisguised state, and Evans, who had just returned from work. The gazes of all of them were fixed on Anna, almost painfully.
Ritz, who had been lying on the sofa, sat up and looked intently at Anna’s face with a serious expression.
"How’s it going?"
Even when asked how it was going, she couldn’t answer. Instead, she went to Ritz’s side and took his hand, which was large compared to hers. With tears welling in her eyes, she pleaded.
"It’s so hard! Ritz, please take over!"
But Ritz was merciless. He probably knew just how difficult it was. Ritz placed his hands on Anna’s shoulders with great solemnity and looked back at her with a serious face.
"…Do your best, Anna."
He had absolutely no intention of taking over.
"Waaah, you’re so mean! What about you, Franz?"
"Spare me."
Having been flatly rejected by the two who could cook, she instinctively looked at Edward. He flinched for a moment, and she clasped her hands together.
"Ed-san!"
"Sorry, Anna, I’m not very good at cooking."
Finally, she turned her gaze to Evans, who was still in his priest’s robes.
"Evans-san?"
"…I can’t cook."
"…You’re all so mean."
As she slumped her shoulders in disappointment, she felt a tap on her shoulder from behind. For a moment she worried it was Kenny, but it was Annie.
Anna, let’s move on.
"Okay…"
Dejectedly, she returned to the kitchen. Kenny’s vegetable paste had been properly sautéed without burning. As expected of the Inspectorate, which prided itself on its perseverance….
At this point, the dish was eighty percent complete. This was no time to be tired. Kenny was trying so hard; how could she give up now?
Always be positive, cheerful, and have fun is my motto! she encouraged herself strongly. That's right, she had to be cheerful at times like these.
"Alright, let’s sauté everything in order!"
Anna declared this in a particularly bright and cheerful voice. At this point, she thought she might as well enjoy it. She probably wouldn’t meet anyone who was this bad at cooking again, so she decided to enjoy the situation.
Once she made up her mind, she felt a little better. She didn't have to match the grim and serious Kenny and bear the entire fate of the dish on her own shoulders.
"I wonder if it’ll be a delicious paella…"
Turning a bright smile to the serious Kenny, Anna rolled up her sleeves once more.
IV
On the dining room table, a brand new tablecloth was spread, and on it, a great many dishes were arranged.
Prepared by Annie and Anna were mashed potatoes, fried chicken, pot-au-feu, and cherry pie. Alongside them, several bottles of white wine and several bottles of beer were neatly arranged.
Looking at the atmosphere alone, it was quite nice, like a casual party. The problem was the paella, sitting majestically in the center of the table.
In a paella pan, which he must have gotten from somewhere, large enough for six people, were beautifully arranged giant prawns, purple mussels, clams, and flounder.
What made it so beautiful was that all the ingredients were arranged at surprisingly precise, equal intervals. The same went for the decorative paprika, green peppers, and lemon slices.
That's so like Kenny, Ritz thought to himself. If he had arranged it, it wouldn't have turned out like this. He would probably have gotten tired of it at the end and just scattered everything on top.
Well, that aside, the problem was the taste. As the master of the house, Ritz stood up and looked around at everyone.
"Ahem, today is our housewarming party. It’s just close friends, so it’s simple, but I hope you enjoy yourselves. And with that, cheers."
With a perfunctory greeting and a glass of white wine, he declared the start of the party, and the housewarming began. But for some reason, a subtle tension hung over the dining table.
"Ed, you go."
Ritz nudged Edward, who was sitting next to him, in a low voice. But Edward placed his wine glass on the table, clasped his hands together, and refused.
"…You are the master of this house. You should go first."
Those words… he was trying to make him the food taster. But to give in so easily was also irritating. So he pressed on.
"How can I touch the food before the king?"
"In that case, I shall grant the honor of eating first to my most trusted subject, the minister."
Ritz knew well the words behind that seemingly benevolent statement. What he was really saying was, ‘Just try it and see.’
At this point, it was Ritz's complete loss.
"…Don’t act all high and mighty only at times like these."
The two of them were, of course, yielding to each other the right to be the first to eat Kenny’s paella. Ritz was trying not to look in that direction, but Kenny’s gaze was painful.
"…Your Majesty, Your Excellency."
Kenny called the two of them by their titles in a dark voice.
"Would you please partake? If this is, as it was the other day, inedible…"
Kenny took an envelope from his breast pocket. He was startled by the characters written on the surface. There, he saw the word ‘Resignation’.
"I am prepared."
The blood drained from his face. He had thought it wasn’t something to be so worked up about, but Kenny’s seriousness had come out at a time like this.
He slowly turned to face Edward, and a strained smile was on Edward’s face.
After all, Kenny was the first squad leader of the Inspectorate, the one Edward trusted most. If he quit the army over his cooking skills, it would be no laughing matter.
"Wait, Kenny. I get it. I’ll eat it. I’ll eat it, so put that away."
"But…"
"You idiot! It’s ridiculous for an Inspectorate squad leader to quit the army over cooking!"
In a fit of desperation, he served the paella onto his plate. Well, in for a penny, in for a pound.
For a moment, he remembered the horrifying green and yellow gooey liquid of that night, but he grit his teeth and brought a spoonful of paella to his mouth.
…It’s edible….
He put another spoonful in his mouth. This time, he didn’t swallow it right away, but chewed.
It’s fine. It tastes like paella….
It was a little burnt, and it seemed a bit too dry. The squid was tough from being overcooked. But it was within an acceptable range. It wasn’t inedible.
"Your Excellency, how is it?"
Without answering Kenny, who asked with an anxious face, Ritz grinned broadly. As expected, being positive was better than being negative.
Especially when it came to gambling.
"…Franz."
After swallowing his second bite of paella, he looked at Franz.
"What?"
Franz looked back at Ritz, slightly recoiling. He was probably imagining the worst, wondering just how terrible it tasted.
"Franz, I win."
At those words, Franz let out a big sigh.
"…I see. I lose…"
Though he said that, he didn’t seem disappointed at all. He was probably more relieved that the food was edible than he was about losing the bet.
"One giltz. Don’t forget."
"…Yeah."
Edward, who had been listening to their exchange, stared at Ritz intently.
"So, it’s edible?"
"Yeah, it’s edible. A little too dry, though."
At Ritz’s seal of approval, Kenny slumped back in his chair in relief.
What a relief. This must mean that Kenny’s revenge was complete. The housewarming party had finally begun on a bright note.