Chapter 149 - 2-31
"I was the one who thought of letting you redo things... but only because it seemed interesting. Whether you died without your magic meant nothing to me."
"...I know. Even so, to me, it is a miracle."
"But about today... today, I really didn't mean to trouble you or play with you. Not really."
Nel-sama continued, groaning as if choosing his words carefully. He wasn't just declaring something unilaterally; for the first time, he seemed to be seeking my understanding. I waited with surprise as he struggled to convey his thoughts.
"...I just... thought it would be good if you smiled."
The words he muttered while looking away awkwardly were quite unexpected.
"Nel-sama... have you been trying to please me all day?"
"O-of course."
"Taking me to the Room of Space-Time, making time for me to see Louis-sama... was it all really just to make me smile?"
"...What of it? I've told you that's the case several times now."
Nel-sama's cheeks flushed slightly with embarrassment at my words. He turned his face away with a huff, looking sulky.
"I gave you my power... my protection. You're the only one who didn't break after receiving it."
I suddenly remembered the Black horse spirit's words: The King is young. Until now, Nel-sama might have had little experience in organizing his emotions or putting them into words. He was full of curiosity and interested in humans, but he had likely never considered how his actions appeared to others or how their actions made him feel. Or rather, as a Spirit King, he simply had no need for such considerations.
Even so, in his own way, he was trying to be there for me. Rushing to Louis-sama's side during his crisis, giving us a chance, taking me to the Room of Space-Time—I had thought it was all just the whim of a Spirit King. And while whimsy was certainly a part of it, it was also because he cared for me, even if only a little.
"Listen well. We spirits live as we please and hate conforming to others. But we are far more affectionate than you humans."
"Affectionate..."
"Yes. The humans I've seen betray others while wearing a kind face. They lie. Parents, lovers, best friends—they hurt each other and then selfishly wallow in guilt and regret. They never cherish things properly when they have them."
"...Yes."
"Spirits live by instinct. Humans might not understand it. We don't understand human emotions or the so-called weight of life. But we do not betray you. We do not deceive. We do not lie. A contract between a spirit and a human is for a lifetime. We never leave the side of the one we've contracted with... except for the death of either the human or the spirit."
Those words struck a chord in me. Kuro, and the mid-level water spirit I used to be contracted with—they always lent me their power whenever I wished. Spirits are always there for their contractors, sharing their strength. Even if that power is used for evil, they do not leave.
Being here, I felt closer to the spirits than ever before. At the same time, I felt a warmth from them that I had never known.
"So spirits live exactly as they are... is that it?"
"Yes, just like nature itself."
Without deception or betrayal. Living exactly as one wishes.
"I wish I could live that way too. I truly do."
"Then live that way."
Nel-sama said it so simply. I want to live with integrity. At the same time, I am the Crown Prince's fiancée. In supporting the country alongside Louis-sama, there will surely be many times when integrity alone is not enough. In those moments, will I prioritize my own justice, or the country and its people? When I think about it, Louis-sama would surely make a firm decision based on his convictions, even if he had to hurt himself for the sake of the nation.
"That is my ideal. But not all lies are evil. Sometimes there are kind lies. Sometimes we make promises we cannot keep."
"Making a promise while knowing you can't keep it? How meaningless."
"...And to protect what is precious, we sometimes turn a blind eye to evil without punishing it."
"Huh? ...I don't understand at all."
Nel-sama tilted his head, looking genuinely baffled.
"I still struggle to judge what is right and what is wrong. I fail every day."
"Now that you've entered the Spirit Land, you must understand how comfortable it is here. Even so, do you still think the human world is better?"
"The human world is certainly full of things that aren't just beautiful, but often dirty. Things we believed were just can often be evil when the perspective changes."
"That's why you humans are always starting petty squabbles and destroying precious nature. Because of that, we spirits of darkness had to move our dwellings."
"Yes, you are absolutely right."
In the Kingdom of Dutoit, much blood was shed in the previous war. Nature was destroyed in the pursuit of comfort. Humans have many fragile and foolish sides, myself included. Even so...
"But I love that world. The world where the people precious to me live."
Nel-sama blinked in astonishment at my answer. But immediately after, he turned away, his shoulders shaking as he let out a laugh.
"Haha! This is exactly why I want to know more. Humans really are interesting."
Watching Nel-sama laugh joyfully with sparkling eyes made me smile naturally. And for the first time, after talking with him for so long about each other, I realized something. Nel-sama is just like me. I know the feeling of wanting to know the unknown. Since traveling back in time, I have been ashamed of my ignorance. At the same time, the unknown world seemed dazzling to me.
"I'll lend you a hand as long as you keep entertaining me."
I took the hand Nel-sama offered me.
"But it's late now, so get some rest."
"Ah, but..."
"Your Prince will be fine. I'll keep channeling mana into him today as well."
"...Thank you, Nel-sama."
I glanced at the door for a moment. The wooden door with its beautiful ivy pattern remained firmly closed, just as it was when I first arrived. But it was indeed late. Perhaps I should rest as Nel-sama suggested. With a lingering feeling of reluctance, I bowed to Nel-sama, turned on my heel, and returned to my assigned room. Thus, I didn't hear Nel-sama's faint whisper from behind me.
"I want to cherish her. I want to see her smile. But I also want to mess everything up and play with her. ...I wonder why that is."
To whom were those words directed?
♦
When Nel-sama entered the room to channel mana into Louis-sama as promised, a dark smile played on his lips, and his purple eyes narrowed mysteriously.
"Ah, but I'm looking forward to it. I wonder how Rachel will react when the Prince wakes up."
Having finished channeling the mana, Nel-sama vanished with a pleasant laugh. Left behind was Louis-sama, sleeping alone in the bed just as he had been since arriving in the Spirit Land. But in that moment when no one was watching, a change occurred. Louis-sama, whose eyes were still tightly shut and who had yet to regain consciousness, saw his right index finger twitch.
At that time, I was sitting on my bed, looking out the window at the sky. As if the star-filled sky from before had been a lie, clouds moved in to hide the moon. As I watched blankly, I had no way of knowing that the hands of the clock had slowly begun to move once again.