Chapter 167 - 2-49 Another Louis's Perspective
I sat on the edge of the bed in the room given to me in the Spirit Land, gazing at the moonlit night through the window.
Why? Something has been wrong with me lately.
Ever since I woke up in this land, I had felt as if I weren't myself. Specifically, I couldn't stop thinking about the girl I had been with until just moments ago.
"Rachel..."
When I whispered her name, a strange tightness gripped my heart. Yet, it wasn't painful. A dark, thick emotion that was far too heavy to be called sweetness welled up from deep within.
Is this my own feeling? Or is it the lingering attachment of this body's owner, the man who gave his fiancée a Ring of Covenant? Is he struggling for control?
It was likely both. Dragged along by the emotions of this world's version of myself, I had begun to take an interest in her. I noticed everything. Her voice, her way of speaking, her expressions... I found myself watching every little detail. Was this change in heart simply because my image of her had shifted? No, that couldn't be all of it. The affection the other me held for her was undoubtedly influencing me. That was the only way to explain the rapid emotional shift of the last few days.
Perhaps hearing about her last three years this afternoon had been a mistake. I stared blankly at the moon. Knowing her story only made me want to know her more.
I lay back on the bed and closed my eyes. Naturally, Rachel's bright, cheerful smile—like a bud bursting into bloom—came to mind.
So she can smile like that...
In my memories, Rachel was always narrowing her cat-like eyes in rage. Her harsh words, her overconfidence, and above all, her disdain for commoners had always repulsed me. The tea parties I attended as a fiancé's duty were depressing, and I was perpetually bored by her chatter. Everything was duty, duty, duty. Nothing more, nothing less.
Even when she caused trouble with Miss Carroll, I felt nothing but anger and irritation at the nuisance she had created. Even when she died, I felt no grief or sense of loss. My first thought was simply that I had to minimize the chaos in the kingdom.
I was the one looking down on her, deciding she was unfit to be queen.
And yet, look at her in this world. She cared for the country, for the people, and showed genuine affection for her fiancé. she wore a gentle smile and never forgot to be considerate of others.
"...She's like a completely different person."
But the version of me she described was also like a stranger. Our core might be the same, but I couldn't imagine continuing an engagement with a Rachel who had lost her magic. I wouldn't clash with His Majesty for the sake of love, nor would I make such a reckless bet. I certainly wouldn't approve of a relationship between the Saint, who was vital to the kingdom, and a mere cook. Obsession, possessiveness, restraint. Those words should have been entirely foreign to me.
So why... why do I find myself envying the version of me in this world?
"Are you brooding over something too?"
A voice right by my ear made me jump off the bed. The Dark Spirit King was standing there. He peered at me with interest, resting his chin in his hand as he observed me.
"Spirit King-sama, please stop appearing so suddenly. It's bad for the heart."
"Oh? But I knocked, didn't I?"
"No, you didn't."
The Spirit King tilted his head. "That's strange."
"So, what brings you here so late at night?"
"Well, I've had a lot on my mind lately, so I was taking a walk. But being alone is boring, you see. I thought I'd grant you the honor of being my conversation partner since you were awake."
With his charming smile, it was hard to believe he was the one who had started this twisted game.
"...And what is this conversation about?"
I couldn't exactly be rude to the Spirit King. He was, for all intents and purposes, a god.
"You know, I never really had emotions before. Fun, interesting, exciting... that was everything to me. A spirit's life is repetitive and full of boredom, but even so, 'fun' was just 'fun.'"
"I see."
"But lately, I've started to feel like that version of me was empty. I feel restless, or a bit sad. Since I learned those feelings, the scenery I see every day has started to change."
The Dark Spirit King spoke with sparkling eyes, but I didn't quite understand what he was getting at. Since I woke up, he had taught me about parallel worlds, the Spirits of Darkness, and the differences between the Kingdom of Dutoit and the Kingdom of Orta. His explanations were always logical. He was a being to be revered and feared, yet he was approachable, answering my questions like a mentor and helping me grasp the situation. And yet, when it came to himself, he suddenly acted like a confused child.
The Spirit King seemed to notice my bewilderment and tilted his head thoughtfully.
"For example. Rachel likes flowers, right? So, I wonder if she'd be happy if I showed her a rare flower. Thinking about things like that makes life less boring. For me, finding something that isn't boring outside of the game is a big deal."
My heart skipped a beat at the mention of Rachel's name. The Spirit King didn't seem to notice, turning back to the window.
"You've asked me many times to send you back to your world, haven't you? Are you bored here? Do you want to go back soon?"
Why ask that now?
I had asked him countless times since arriving. I want to go back. How do I go back? His answer was always the same. He was playing a game with the other me, so whether I could return depended on him. I suppressed a sigh of frustration.
"If I say I want to return, will you send me back?"
I expected the same answer. But today, the Spirit King's aura was different. He wore a playful, knowing grin.
"If that is what you wish, the time will come soon."
Soon...? I can go back soon?
The correct reaction should have been joy. It was what I had been waiting for. But in contrast to my logical mind, my heart began to throb unpleasantly.
"What's wrong? You want to go back, don't you? You were looking for a way back even today."
"I..."
I should have answered immediately. But the words died in my throat. I clenched my fists, a cold sweat running down my back.
"Is there some reason you don't want to return?"
The Spirit King looked at me with eyes that seemed to see through my soul. His purple eyes were as clear as polished crystal. I knew instinctively that I couldn't lie to him.
"For instance... something that exists in this world, but not in yours?"
"That's... not..."
Can I really say that's not it?
Something that existed here but not in my world. There was only one thing that came to mind. When I heard I could return soon, the first thing I pictured was Rachel's face.
But I couldn't admit that.
"You want to know more. You want to talk more. You want to touch. But if you go back, that will never happen again. Because... she doesn't exist in your world."
It felt like being struck with a blunt object. I had realized that if I stepped any further, I wouldn't be able to remain the person I was.
The girl I was just talking to, laughing with, and whose hand I touched... she is alive as long as I am here. But in my world, she is gone.
Facing that reality again made the world feel dark. I wanted to turn my eyes away from the truth.