Chapter 168 - 2-50
Since the day I told His Highness about my past, he had spent more time lost in thought. He often looked troubled, and though I tried to reach out, he would always brush me off with a smile.
Still, as we spent our days searching for clues to return to our worlds and sharing tea, the thick wall between us seemed to be lowering. His Highness began to show expressions other than his carefully crafted smiles. Perhaps sensing my concern, he even began to tell me bits and pieces of what happened after my death in his world.
The idea that the world continued to exist even after I was gone felt both strange and lonely. However, I was left speechless when I heard how my parents had been devastated and how the relationship between His Highness and Theodore-sama had deteriorated.
"I feel terrible for your parents. I'm sure they never want to see my face again. I was the one who arranged for you to go to the monastery, after all. I never imagined such an incident would occur."
"...How was that incident handled?"
"Officially, you were attacked by bandits. But as you suspect, those bandits were hired."
"Who would do such a thing, and for what purpose...?"
"I'm sorry. The culprit has yet to be identified."
"I see..."
The memory of that day still made me tremble with fear. I clenched my shaking hands and pressed him, but His Highness awkwardly looked away. I had a sudden intuition that he might know something. However, he was clearly signaling that he didn't want to be pushed further, so I couldn't bring myself to ask.
"If you remember anything else, please let me know."
"...Yes, I will."
Since that conversation, His Highness stopped talking about the aftermath of my death. The awkwardness only lasted for that moment, and afterward, he didn't seem to be building walls again. Our days continued as usual.
But today, His Highness was different from the moment he woke up.
We had a promise to search for a way back today, so I knocked on his door. He emerged immediately, his face clouded with gloom. Usually, we would head to the library or the Room of Space-Time, but today he requested a walk to the lake instead.
We slowly descended the stone stairs from the Temple, which overlooked the forest. The lake near the Temple had paths maintained by the Spirit King's magic and was one of my favorite walking courses. I asked him if we should visit the Room of Space-Time later, but his expression suddenly tightened.
The words he spoke next were entirely unexpected.
"Why are you saying we should stop?"
His Highness had told me he wanted to stop searching for a way back. I thought we were partners with the same goal: to return the two Louis-samas to their rightful places as soon as possible. His request felt like a rejection, leaving me stunned.
"We've searched every day and gained almost nothing. It wouldn't hurt if we stopped trying so hard for a while."
He stood on the brick bridge over the lake, his hands on the railing, staring at the sparkling water.
"I don't agree. Just because we found nothing yesterday doesn't mean today will be the same."
"It might be a waste of time."
"Even so, if we do nothing today, we gain zero. It might be in vain, but if we act, we might find even a tiny clue. If there's any possibility at all, I believe we should act."
The man who had been so desperate to return until yesterday was gone. I felt a new wall rising between us, just when I thought we were getting closer.
"You just can't sit still unless you're doing something, can you?"
"...Perhaps you're right. The fact that the two of you have swapped places is partly my fault. I feel terrible for involving you. That's why I'm so anxious to fix this situation as quickly as possible."
"You... you truly have no hesitation, do you?"
"Hesitation?"
His Highness whispered in a low voice, his brow furrowed. He leaned against the railing, looking down at the water with a hollow gaze.
"No, forget I said anything. I've had too much on my mind lately. My head isn't working properly."
Hearing his weak voice, I finally realized he was suffering. In my rush to return Louis-sama and His Highness to their proper places, I had ignored the feelings of the man standing right in front of me.
"It's no wonder you're tired, having to process so much information and worry every day. I'm sorry for being inconsiderate. Are you having trouble sleeping? Do you feel unwell?"
"No, my health is fine. This is... an internal problem."
"If you'd like, could you tell me what's troubling you? Sometimes sharing a burden makes it easier to carry."
"Rachel, thank you. But telling you would only trouble you. I just... I need some time."
He needs time.
His strained voice revealed the depth of his struggle. When I died and returned to the past, I had plenty of time to accept it. I had Sarah and my parents to support me. But His Highness had no time and no one to turn to. He had been carrying it all alone.
I should have been more attentive.
"...I understand. Let's rest today! It might be good to spend the day forgetting about everything else."
"...I'm sorry. I know you're in a hurry for your own reasons."
When I spoke with a bright smile, he looked up in relief, though his expression remained apologetic. I shook my head and gave him a warm smile, trying to ease his heart.
"It's alright. I'm sure Louis-sama is also struggling and searching for a way back in your world. I know he'll find a way. So, Your Highness, you should also..."
My attempt to encourage him had the opposite effect. The moment I mentioned Louis-sama's name, his face twisted in pain. His eyes filled with a flicker of resentment.
"Is that a sarcasm? Or a jab at me?"
His voice was low and sharp, making me flinch.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm asking if you're intentionally changing how you address us. You always do. You call me 'Your Highness,' but you call him... the other me... by his name."
"That's... I've always called Louis-sama that... there's no special reason..."
He looked at my confused face, then looked away, appearing startled by his own outburst.
"The way you look at me, the way you call me... it grates on me. It's as if you're constantly reminding me that I'm a fake."
"I would never think that! Your Highness is Your Highness... and Louis-sama is Louis-sama."
I never thought of him as a fake. I had spent time with both of them. My days as his fiancée were superficial, but the weeks spent here had highlighted the differences between the two. They were the same person, yet shaped differently by their environments and experiences. But His Highness clenched his fists and gave a sorrowful laugh.
"...That's exactly what I hate."
He hates that I see them as different people? Or is there... another meaning?
"To you, I am not the only Louis Dutoit. The one you wait for is always the other Louis."