Chapter 172 - 2-54 Louis's Perspective
In the Land of Light Spirits, unable to return to my original world, I stood frozen in place. The Spirit King of Light did not lend a hand to Theodore or me as we stood there dazed and helpless, but he held his hand over a particularly large light and nodded as if satisfied with something.
"Darkness moves, I see. Even without my interference, you shall be summoned by the darkness. I shall advance time to that point."
Ignoring the deepening confusion on the faces of Theodore and myself, the Spirit King of Light tapped the floor with the staff he held.
In that instant, my body floated into the air. It felt as though the floor beneath my feet had suddenly vanished, and I lost my balance, falling onto my backside.
Ouch. What happened? ...More importantly, where am I?
When I opened my eyes, I was sitting in a strange place. My vision was filled with a pure white space. Before my mind could catch up, I looked around to observe my surroundings, only to realize that a person with the exact same face as mine was staring at me in shock.
Before I could calmly read the situation, a surge of hot anger boiled up within me.
This guy!
This was the other me. The me who had done nothing in the world where Rachel was killed. And the me who, for some reason, had refused to return to the original world.
"You..."
A low, growling mutter escaped my lips. The other me bit his lip and watched me with a calm gaze. That composure only accelerated my irritation.
"So you finally reached it. The goal of the game the Spirit King spoke of."
"...If you hurt Rachel, I don't care if you're another version of myself. I will not forgive you."
At my words, the person before me laughed as if it were amusing. Seeing that mocking expression with lowered brows, I could not suppress my rage.
"Is her name the first thing out of your mouth? ...I see."
"What's so funny!"
"No. I was just thinking that you and I really are different people."
"Of course we are! I would never let Rachel be killed so helplessly like you did! I will never be like you!"
I clicked my tongue loudly in my mind at the other me, who only deepened his smile despite clearly understanding my irritation.
"Do you... not want to return to your original world? Why did you refuse to swap our consciousnesses back?"
The Spirit King of Light had told me that the reason I couldn't return despite reaching the Room of Space-Time was because the other me did not wish for it.
"It is true... that I did not respond to the call."
"Why?"
I glared at him as if conducting an interrogation. I'm sure my expression was hideous right now. As if to confirm it, the me in front of me lowered his brows in a troubled manner.
"I wish I had never known this world. If only I hadn't entered your body... if only I hadn't been dragged along by your emotions, there are so many things I could have remained ignorant of. Most of all, if I hadn't known her... I wouldn't have had to carry this sense of loss for what I've missing."
From what I had heard from the Cyril and Theodore of the world I was just in, and from the traces left in that world, it was clear that the other me had possessed no affection for Rachel whatsoever.
The me before me surely didn't know what kind of gifts made her happy. He didn't know where to take her to see her joyful face. He didn't know what scents she liked or what flowers she preferred. He knew nothing.
And yet, he had changed this much just by being with the current Rachel for a few weeks?
"A sense of loss... you say?"
I let out a derisive laugh at his answer.
You really are an incredible person, Rachel.
Rachel's utterly straightforward personality charmed many people. Surely, the me before me had also come to feel affection for her changed self. That was her lovely charm, and for me, it was a seed of jealousy.
"You say such selfish things. You might have felt something regarding Rachel's change. Even so, do you truly wish you had never been involved with her?"
Then why did you refuse to return to the original world and ignore my call?
"If I hadn't known her changed self, if I hadn't known her true nature... I surely could have continued to live according to my own beliefs, doing what I thought was right, without change. ...I cannot help but think that."
"...But that is just an empty, sad world. ...I don't even want to think about it, and I don't want to imagine it, but even if I were to lose Rachel, I would never think it would have been better not to know her."
A world without Rachel was so suffocating, like a gaping hole had been opened in my heart. That hole would never close; instead, it would only throb and expand until I was swallowed by darkness. Even now, this fear and pain would continue until I confirmed Rachel's safety with my own eyes. If that were to become eternal, I couldn't even imagine what would happen to me.
"I would carry the pain of loss for the rest of my life, and I might lose myself in my desire to see her. I might drown myself in drink every day. Even so, without Rachel, I wouldn't be who I am today. I would never think it would have been better not to know her."
"Your words are those of someone who has never lost her."
"Ah, perhaps. To me, Rachel is the only one. Irreplaceable. That is why I will never give up on her, no matter what happens."
Even if the existence stealing her away were a god I couldn't possibly defeat, I would not forgive them. I would absolutely resist.
"Even if it means betting my own life, of course."
The other me seemed stunned by my words. Then, he looked up at the ceiling and let out a deep sigh.
"It's frustrating. ...I cannot be like you."
"I'd be in trouble if you could. Even if we're the same person, I am only myself."
"That's true. ...You look dazzling to me. Both Rachel and you. Because you can pour your trust and passion so wholeheartedly into a single person."
The way he smiled while frowning with regret made him look somewhat lonely.
"As a Crown Prince, I don't think your way of life is correct... but I do envy you."
As a Crown Prince, huh? It was true that before I fell in love with Rachel, my priority was entirely on what would happen to the country as its prince. And the other me, setting aside his humanity, could be said to be always calm and proper as a Crown Prince. When such a person looked at me, seeing me prioritize my fiancée at times, he must find it unbelievable. It was only natural for him to have doubts.
But I would never regret this way of life.
"Are you going back like this... just like this?"
"What is holding you back?"
"I thought I had finally become calm after coming to this space. Even though my consciousness is in your body, it is quite assertive. To the point where I was dragged along by your feelings for her. ...That's what I thought. But it seems that's not all there is to it."
What was he saying...? Unless the other me intended to return, I wouldn't be able to go back to my original world. And I would be forced to return to that closed-off world, the world without Rachel.
I didn't know what the other me was going to say, and my heart raced with a bad premonition.
Don't say anything more. Please, just say you'll go back. It was a prayer-like wish. But the other me must have noticed my state of mind. He shook his head.
"I know what you're thinking. Still, I beg you. Just once. Let me see Rachel one more time. ...After that, I will properly return your body."
"...What do you intend to do by meeting her again?"
"I didn't even see her off. I didn't respond to her greeting before she left for the monastery. It's too late to regret it now, but I don't want to be any more insincere toward Rachel than I already have been."
"After being so insincere all this time!"
"Yes, I know. I promise this will be the last time. So, please."
What would Rachel do? If it were her, she would surely grant that wish gladly.
But I couldn't.
Even if the opponent was myself, I didn't want to give him even a single second of time with Rachel. No, perhaps it was precisely because it was this guy.
Anger flared within me at how he could say something so convenient after hurting Rachel so much.
"I understand why you're furious. The time I spent in your place, just as you spent time in mine, was only a few weeks. But it was enough to shake my very foundation."
"What on earth did Rachel do to you? Was there something so significant that it shook your foundation?"
At my words, the other me gave a soft, gentle smile. That expression conveyed all too well who he was thinking of, whether I liked it or not.
"She did nothing. She simply faced me with sincerity. That's why I want to be sincere with her too. Most of all, the one who cannot forgive my past self is me. ...Please."
Wanting to be sincere, huh? He's hitting me where it hurts. I also always wanted to be sincere with Rachel.
I tightened my clenched fists. I took a deep breath, doing my best to blow away the irritation and unease. Then, looking around the pure white space, I inhaled deeply and shouted.
"Dark Spirit King! I know you're listening somewhere!"
I couldn't see the Dark Spirit King, but I was certain. If it were that curiosity-filled god, he would surely be watching our exchange with great interest from somewhere.
"Yes, I'm listening."
As if to confirm my thoughts, only the Spirit King's voice echoed through the room.
"I have properly reached the Room of Space-Time. Is it possible for me to return to my original self?"
"If that is what you both wish."
I could practically see the Spirit King grinning mischievously just from his voice.
"Then, before I return... let the other me see Rachel one last time... I... beg of you."
I had decided to grant the other me's wish. Despite that, I desperately suppressed my urge to struggle pointlessly.
"In exchange..."
"I know. Once I've talked to Rachel, I'll return to the original world as promised."
"Yeah, give it back quickly."
"...You're impatient."
Even this time is a waste to me. Honestly, I want to see Rachel as soon as possible.
Still, I wanted to be a person Rachel could be proud of. That was why I would accept something that I absolutely could not tolerate if I were to prioritize my own feelings.
"Perhaps it's a good thing you are you. I don't know if I could have lived like you. So..."
"Making Rachel happy is my role."
"...I suppose so."
The man before me smiled sorrowfully. And yet, he looked happy.