Chapter 173 - 2-55 The Other Louis's Perspective
The sound of a finger snapping echoed in my head. In that instant, I was standing in the same room I had been given in the Spirit Land.
Just as before, the Dark Spirit King was sitting elegantly on the sofa.
"Welcome back. Now, it seems you don't have much time?"
As if he knew exactly how I would act, the Spirit King gestured toward the door. I bowed to him and hurried toward the door with quick steps. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the Spirit King waving cheerfully while saying, "Good luck!" I thanked him again and left the room.
My destination was, of course, Rachel's room.
I didn't know how much time had passed in that white space, but I knocked, praying that she was still awake. Rachel, who poked her head out of the door while responding, widened her eyes in surprise at the sight of me.
"Your Highness! What is the matter?"
"I'm glad you're still awake. I'm truly sorry for visiting your room so late at night. ...Actually, I came to say goodbye."
"Goodbye? What do you... Ah..."
Sensing my unusual aura, Rachel pressed her hand to her mouth and opened her eyes wide.
"Yes. I'm going back. To the original world."
Today would be the last time I saw Rachel. That was why I had intended to look cool for our final farewell. I had planned to say thank you and goodbye with a smile. And yet, when I was actually in front of her, it didn't go well at all.
I didn't know what to convey or what to say. My mouth, which usually worked so well, was useless, and my expression, which could usually produce a beautiful smile unconsciously, felt stiff in the cheeks.
I'm sure I was smiling with a pathetic face right now.
However, Rachel told me, "Please wait a moment," and brought a shawl from inside the room. Then, she suggested we head to the garden where we often had tea.
The night garden was very quiet and held a certain loneliness. The magic stone garden lights, placed at intervals, dyed the flowers a soft orange. What reached my ears was the sound of grass being stepped on, the rustle of the wind, and the sound of a piano coming from somewhere.
"A spirit must be playing. Did you know that music-loving spirits sometimes play various instruments?"
"Yes. Sometimes a beautiful sound flows in when I open the window. It has a very gentle ring today as well."
How happy would I be if we could just listen to this sound together like this and forget about time? Just thinking that made the resolve I had promised the other me—that I would definitely return—threaten to waver.
"Rachel."
At my call, Rachel stopped and turned toward me.
"How pathetic. Even though it's the end, I don't know what to say. I want to convey so many things, but my mind is a mess. And time is already running out."
"You don't need to organize anything. I want to hear your heart just as it is."
"Thank you. But..."
If I bared my heart and told you exactly how I felt, you might loathe me. Because it's so uncool and ugly.
"It's alright. Your Highness always listened carefully to my incoherent stories. I want to hear anything that you want to convey to me, anything you want to talk about."
Rachel's smile had a kindness that unraveled my heart and allowed me to breathe a sigh of relief. Naturally, I found myself wishing to show her my true self and be accepted. In a corner of my heart, I was being spoiled by the thought that she would surely accept me.
"Yeah. Then, I want to talk about my current feelings without hiding anything."
When I said that, Rachel smiled happily. That smile felt like it was gently pushing me forward.
"I knew my own arrogance well. I knew I was the one who did the choosing. That was inevitable and essential, having been born as the Crown Prince."
The country would falter based on my choices. Because I understood the importance of my choices and statements, whenever I chose something, I would prepare options and select the best among them. That was why I had arrogantly thought that I was always the one who chose. I had never felt any discomfort or doubt about it.
"I must have always been looking down from a few steps up the stairs. The same was true for my fiancée, Rachel. I wasn't even trying to stand beside you. But the other me is surely different. And you are also different. Standing side by side, holding hands together. It's because you have such an equal relationship that you can care for each other, be free, and look so dazzling."
"Your Highness..."
"Because I can easily imagine you two like that, I felt envy and irritation at the same time. ...I wondered why I had come to this world."
Yes, the more I got to know Rachel after coming to this world, the more I was drawn to her. At the same time, a restless feeling bubbled and seethed in the depths of my chest.
Why did you appear before me now of all times! I wish I had never known these feelings. Can I forget this? This helpless sense of helplessness that moves my heart for the first time.
"No. These feelings aren't mine. The owner of this body makes me feel this way. I have to go back quickly. If I stay here, I'll stop being myself. I don't want to. I don't want to, I don't want to... It was the first time I'd had such childish feelings, and it was painful because I didn't know what to do."
I didn't know that having a smile directed at me could tighten my chest this much.
But this wasn't a lie. I truly wanted to touch your smile, your heart.
"I should have cherished you more. I should have looked more closely at the environment you were placed in. I should have listened more carefully to what Theodore said. He advised me many times to look at her properly. ...Even though it's all too late now."
After she died, the one who continued to face her most was Theodore. If only I had had the ears to listen to that advice. If I had, I couldn't help but think that I might not have lost you.
What should I do? What can I do?
If I could go back to the past now, I would surely do my best not to lose you. But no matter how much I wish, that won't come true. Then, what is it that I can do?
I feel like a hole has opened in my heart. And it might never be filled again.
"...I will pray for your happiness."
Even as I said it, it might be a lie in my true heart. I don't know if I can imagine you smiling happily in a place beyond my reach.
"Whether we are far apart or in different worlds, I'm sure your future will shine."
Am I truly wishing for that?
"You live in your world. I will live properly in mine."
I want to scream. I want to take you away just like this.
But I can't. I don't have the courage, the nerve, or the determination. That's why he could protect you, and I couldn't.
"Be happy."
No, surely only these words, only this wish, is not a lie. Please, forget about me, who didn't even know you, and be happy.
"You too. Your Highness, please be happy too."
How cruel. You're wishing for my happiness in a world where you aren't there?
But in front of Rachel, who was smiling beautifully and telling me that from the bottom of her heart, I nodded.
"Of course."
I accept your words with a smile. If that's what you want. Because that's the best atonement I can make to you now.
"...Please, forget about me."
"No, I won't forget. Never."
The words I tried to say while averting my gaze were drowned out by Rachel's powerful words. And those words might have been what I wanted to hear from Rachel somewhere in my heart.
With Rachel's words and gaze, everything clicked into place.
I see, so that's it. Because you're like this, he was drawn to you. Because you're like this, I was drawn to you.
"Thank you. ...I'm sorry."
"Me too. I'm sorry, Your Highness."
The gears that once went out of sync might never return to how they were. Even so, I will not forget the gears that turned together, the time we were able to spend together.
"Are you... crying... for me?"
For me, who didn't shed a single tear at the news of your death?
"Ah, I'm sorry."
"...No, thank you. Thank you, Rachel."
It feels like my chest is tightening as her lovely, cat-like eyes, slightly upturned, grow moist. The droplets that spill over are so beautiful to me, possessing a purity that seems to purify my dirty heart, my trivial vanity, and my jealousy.
I feel like I can be honest now.
"Rachel. Could you call my name? ...Just for me."
Please, just for now. Let me monopolize the name she directs at only one person. It will surely be the only time in my life. Because the name she speaks from her mouth will never be called for me again.
Just once. With just that, I feel like I can keep that one single memory as a precious, precious treasure even in a world where she isn't there.
"Yes, of course."
Rachel, who had readjusted her shawl, looked up again.
"Louis-sama, I will not forget that I was able to meet you again, nor the days I spent with you."
Directing the same straightforward gaze she'd had since coming to this world, Rachel said that to me. To me, who had lived in a world filled with lies and greed, Rachel's words were a brilliant and warm existence that spoke the truth.
"...Thank you. Thank you, Rachel."
Was this feeling love? Was it affection? I can't find the words for what sprouted in my heart.
But surely, in the long life ahead of me, I will never have a feeling that fills me this much.
It might have been just a moment for you. Even so, for me, it will surely become an eternal time that will never fade.
So, please forgive one last selfishness.
"I must have been the luckiest person in the world to have you as my fiancée."
I grabbed the hand of Rachel, who opened her eyes wide in surprise at my words, and gently pulled her close. I had never felt Rachel this close except during a dance. I gently dropped a kiss on a spot where I could almost feel her wavy black hair tickling my cheek.
Grains of light began to overflow from my body as I held Rachel close. Gradually, the sensation in my fingertips faded, and Rachel's silhouette, so close by, became blurred.
"Your Highness... Your Highness!"
"Rachel, please smile. ...I want to burn that image into my eyes."
I feel my consciousness fading. But I will burn everything into my eyes without blinking until the end. Her smile, her warmth. So that I don't forget anything. The hand I desperately reached out once more did not reach Rachel and cut through the air.
I thought Rachel, who was making a stiff smile as if holding back tears while directing her moist eyes at me, was beautiful.
In that instant, my consciousness snapped.