Chapter 181 - 2-63
Unable to bear the silence, I let my gaze wander, searching for any way to change the mood.
"W-was Louis-sama... always so... lovely, even from the moment he was born?"
Wait, what am I saying?
The atmosphere was hardly right for such a question, and I felt a cold sweat break out, realizing I had blurted out something strange in my desperation. As expected, both the distraught Lady Aurelia and the comforting Prince Alberic looked at me with blank expressions.
This is so awkward...
"Y-yes. I suppose so... he was a very adorable child."
Though hesitant, Lady Aurelia's expression softened slightly, and a smile like a blooming flower spread across her face. In that moment, she looked remarkably like Louis-sama, a clear reminder that they were indeed mother and son.
"His smiling face looks very much like yours, Lady Aurelia. It is quite beautiful."
"Louis... looks like me?"
"And he is a very dependable and kind person. Um, I... I am truly, truly happy to be Louis-sama's fiancée!"
Even though no one had asked, I felt relieved that the tension had eased slightly. I wondered why I was making such a declaration, but the words had simply tumbled out.
Prince Alberic let out a chuckle at my behavior.
"Rachel-sama... are you bragging about your love all of a sudden?"
"N-no... I didn't intend to say it like that."
"I am well aware of how close you and my brother are. Please, feel free to gush as much as you like."
I felt my cheeks burn at his words. As I shrank back in embarrassment, Prince Alberic laughed. "Well, I have been by his side for years, so I know better than anyone how wonderful my brother is."
"...You truly do care for Louis, don't you?"
I looked up at Lady Aurelia's soft murmur and widened my eyes in surprise. She looked so incredibly happy, her face filled with a gentle warmth.
"Thank you. Thank you for treasuring Louis."
"N-no... it's nothing special that deserves thanks. I am the one who is always being saved by Louis-sama."
"...That boy has found someone precious to him. As a mother, that alone makes me happy. ...Even though, as Louis's mother, I have never been able to do anything for him."
"Forgive me if I am overstepping. But to my eyes, it seems you care for Louis-sama very deeply, Lady Aurelia. If that is the case, then why..."
Why does the rift between Louis-sama and Lady Aurelia feel so deep?
"It is all my fault. Because I was weak, I could not cherish Louis as I should have."
Lady Aurelia gave a self-deprecating smile, her gaze drifting toward the distance. After a deep breath, she began to speak slowly.
"I have never hugged Louis. Not even once."
"What...?"
The shock escaped my lips before I could stop it, but Lady Aurelia did not take offense. She only smiled sadly.
"He was taken from me immediately after he was born, before I could even hold him. I was told that the Crown Prince of Dutoit would be raised by the finest tutors in the land. From the moment he was in my womb, I looked forward to his birth, thinking of how much love I would give him... how I would protect him no matter what... and yet."
I knew that the relationship between Louis-sama and His Majesty was far from a warm one. I also knew that one of the reasons was his position as the Crown Prince. But to think he was separated from his mother's arms the moment he was born... If I were in Lady Aurelia's position, the grief would be unbearable.
"I tried to treasure the brief moments I had with him, but he grew more attached to his wet nurse than to me. There were times when I couldn't bear the way he would hide behind her skirts and just stare at me, and I would end up running away."
I could understand Lady Aurelia's feelings all too well. Yet, I also thought of what the young Louis-sama must have felt, watching his mother's back as she walked away after seeing his face. The thought made my chest tighten with pain.
"Brother's wet nurse—Cyril's mother—tried her best to mediate, but the environment in which we lived in the Detached Palace was so different from Brother's that it was difficult. Brother must have seen us living happily with Mother, and that sense of alienation likely made things worse," Prince Alberic added.
Louis-sama had once told me about his relationship with Prince Alberic. Unlike his younger siblings who received their mother's love, he felt he had never been loved. He said that out of jealousy, he hadn't been able to accept Prince Alberic's affection for a long time.
"When Louis caught a cold, I wasn't even permitted to visit him. I was pregnant with my second child at the time, and it was considered a precaution so that I wouldn't catch it. Even so, I couldn't wipe the sweat from my suffering child's brow or give him a drink of water. I could only pray in front of his door that he would get well soon."
"When he had a cold... that's..."
I remembered Louis-sama saying that Lady Aurelia hadn't even come to see him when he had a fever. I believed that was the incident that triggered his distrust of her. But if Lady Aurelia's words were true, she had actually tried to go. If the Queen had gone to see him while he was suffering from that high fever—if she had only held his hand—perhaps their relationship would have been different.
"At some point, the smiles Louis directed at me became nothing more than a mask. Honestly, my heart broke then. ...When I stood before Louis as he grew to look more like His Majesty, I would become so nervous I couldn't speak properly. It's strange, isn't it? For a mother to feel that way."
"Lady Aurelia, do you... feel that way about His Majesty?"
"...I have always felt a certain trepidation toward him. Being the person I am, his overwhelming confidence and presence leave me quite on edge."
"I see."
"Even at my age, I haven't changed. His Majesty gave up on me long ago, and now he expects nothing from me at all."
I always felt a sense of tension whenever I had an audience with the King and his cold aura. Lady Aurelia had married His Majesty, who was a decade older, when she was very young. It made sense that her initial impression of him remained so strong. And while Louis-sama gave a much softer impression than the King, the cold expression he wore when speaking of his parents changed that impression entirely. Of course, that was also a side of him. Wearing a smile at all times was one of Louis-sama's diplomatic tools. The fact that it crumbled so easily showed just how deep the rift between him and his family truly was.
"But you know... I wonder when it started. Rachel-san, after you lost your magic, Louis began visiting the Marquis's house frequently, didn't he? From around that time, his expression grew brighter. There were moments when he would show a carefree smile I hadn't seen since he was a child... I was truly surprised."
Lady Aurelia's somber expression vanished, her eyes sparkling as she smiled. She turned her gaze toward me. I straightened my posture under her direct look, and she bowed her head.
"I am grateful to you. Thank you for staying by Louis's side."
"Lady Aurelia, please, raise your head."
"No, there is something else I must apologize for. ...There was a time when I took the words of those around me to heart and misunderstood you. I am truly sorry."
In the first life, I believe Lady Aurelia had avoided me. She had doted on Katrina-sama, who admired both Louis-sama and Lady Aurelia. In this life, I had lost my magic less than a year after being chosen as his fiancée. In other words, I had returned to a point before my relationship with Lady Aurelia could deteriorate. That was likely why she hadn't given up on me or treated me coldly, allowing her feelings to change.
Still, I wasn't the only one who had created this current situation.
"Please... I was only able to change because Louis-sama was there. I am the one who should be saying thank you."
Lady Aurelia's smile deepened at my response. She stood up, walked over to me, and took my hands in hers.
"My primary reason for coming here was concern for Louis. But more than anything, I wanted to stop turning my eyes away from him. It may be too late, but still."
Lady Aurelia's moist eyes looked exactly like Louis-sama's gaze, and I found myself drawn into them.
After leaving the reception room, I remained silent, unable to organize my thoughts. Prince Alberic, walking beside me, gave me a concerned look.
"Were you surprised?"
"Y-yes. It was the first time I had ever seen Lady Aurelia... well, lose her composure like that."
"It is a rare sight, indeed. ...It shows just how significant this incident was for Mother."
Prince Alberic gave a troubled smile.
A significant incident for the Queen, huh.
Unlike the Lady Aurelia I heard about from Louis-sama, the woman I saw today didn't hide her affection for him. She gave the impression of a deeply loving mother. I couldn't help but feel that if only their intentions hadn't been so misaligned, things wouldn't have become this complicated.
"The Lady Aurelia I hear about from Louis-sama, the one I knew before, and the one I saw just now. I wonder which is her true self."
"...I believe I understand the emotions Brother feels toward our parents. And of course, I know that Mother feels regret and guilt toward him. That is why I do not take sides. Unless Brother wishes for it, I have no intention of trying to bring them closer."
I stared at Prince Alberic, surprised by his decisive tone. I had thought he would be the one with the most complex feelings. Since both Lady Aurelia and Louis-sama were precious to him, I assumed it pained him to see them at odds.
"...Do you think I'm cold?"
"No, but... is it truly all right to leave things like this?"
"They simply do not know each other. In a sense, Father and Brother are cut from the same cloth, so they are simple. But Mother and Brother are far too different. Their feelings for the country, their views on family, their standards for happiness."
Louis-sama and His Majesty might have different methods, but they both put the people first and wished for the stability of the nation. But to Prince Alberic, who knew them both well, Lady Aurelia and Louis-sama likely seemed as incompatible as oil and water.
"Do you think Lady Aurelia truly... as Louis-sama said, conspired with the former Marquis Higgins to strengthen her own power and that of the Kingdom of Orta?"
"I wonder. To my eyes, Mother is a very ordinary person. She is intimidated by Father, and despite being born a princess, she couldn't adapt to aristocratic society. She's fragile, so she withdraws. Even so, she's a dreamer who longs for a happy family. ...I'm sure she would have lived a happier life if she hadn't been born a princess."
Happier if she hadn't been born a princess...
Come to think of it, back when I thought I had to break off my engagement with Louis-sama, he had been thinking of my freedom and my future. He seemed to have agonized over the idea of keeping me in a place I didn't want to be.
"A cramped chair with no freedom. I suppose that is how Louis-sama views the position of Queen, having seen Lady Aurelia's life."
And yet, I wished to live with Louis-sama no matter the place or the environment.