Chapter 182 - 2-64
"Rachel, is something the matter?"
"Eh?"
"You haven't turned a single page for a while now. Perhaps you aren't in the mood for reading?"
After returning from the tea party with Lady Aurelia, I was sitting beside Louis-sama on the sofa in his room. Before I knew it, the setting sun was streaming through the window, painting the pages of the book in my hand a pale orange. I was supposed to be following the words, but I had drifted off into thought, remembering Lady Aurelia's state and Prince Alberic's words.
Louis-sama gave a small chuckle at my behavior and gently stroked my head.
"If something is troubling you, I want you to tell me. I want to know what you're worried about or what's bothering you. ...I want to be of help, even if only a little."
Louis-sama placed the report he had been reading on the table and covered my hand on my lap with his own. The steady warmth seeped into me, and I felt my heart grow light.
"Louis-sama... thank you. Your kindness is the greatest strength I have."
My lips curved into a natural smile, and Louis-sama's eyes narrowed affectionately.
"It must be much harder for you than for me, Louis-sama. Being cooped up indoors must be quite draining."
"Hmm, I suppose so. It's not so much being in the room that's hard, but rather the inability to move as I wish."
"I'm sure. It would be one thing if we were in our own country, but this is a foreign land... and your life was in danger."
No matter how many times I tried to push the memory away, the sight of Louis-sama being carried in covered in blood would flash back to me in unexpected moments. Even now, the vividness of the memory made me wrap my arms around myself in a reflexive shudder. Immediately, Louis-sama's large arm came around my back, pulling me into a firm embrace.
"L-Louis-sama..."
As heat rushed to my cheeks, Louis-sama's breathy whisper brushed against my ear. "No."
"It's true that I feel inadequate for having frightened you because I overestimated my own strength."
"That's not..."
"But Rachel, you are more important to me than anything else. If something were to happen to you right now, I might not be able to notice immediately and rush to your aid. That is what I fear most of all."
As he stroked my hair, our eyes met. Seeing him smile with a slight downward tilt of his brows made my heart ache. My feelings for him felt as though they might overflow, yet my heart was so full I couldn't find the words. Instead, I leaned my head against his chest, hoping my love would reach him. I heard a gentle chuckle from above.
Louis-sama, I feel the same. I can no longer return to a world where you do not exist.
I felt as though he understood, even without words. I looked up as the sunset dyed the room orange. When our eyes met, Louis-sama's narrowed with joy.
"It must be difficult having your movements restricted, but... you are usually so busy, Louis-sama. It's important to rest once in a while."
"Haha, that hits close to home."
"Your color is good, and as long as you are able to take it easy, I am relieved."
"Cyril's arrival has made things much easier. Though I suspect he'll scold me again for being a harsh taskmaster."
Louis-sama laughed playfully as he spoke.
"Cyril has seemed very busy since arriving in Orta. What have you asked of him?"
At my question, Louis-sama's gaze dropped to the documents on the table, and his brow furrowed.
"...I have Cyril looking into the movements of Minerva, the Queen of Orta."
"I see. And how is Lady Minerva?"
"The same as ever. Taking advantage of the fact that only a very few know it was her people who attacked me, she is actively appearing in social circles, behaving as though she were the victim."
"A victim? What do you mean?"
"It seems she's spreading rumors that the accident during the festival, which occurred while so many dignitaries from neighboring countries were present, was a sign that the spirits are angry with the Kingdom of Dutoit. She's lamenting that the Kingdom of Orta was caught in the crossfire."
"What! That is quite a disturbing thing to say!"
The audacity to play the victim when she's the perpetrator!
If Louis-sama and the others hadn't kept the incident quiet, there could have been a risk of war after such a danger was posed to the Crown Prince of an allied nation. I felt a surge of anger toward Lady Minerva for prioritizing her own vanity over the risk of plunging the country into chaos.
"Also, this is information known only to a select few, but it seems Prince Faust and Minerva were seen having a heated argument."
"An argument? But isn't Prince Faust aiming for the position of Crown Prince with the support of Lady Minerva's family?"
The most talked-about topic in Orta was the succession issue, which showed no signs of being resolved. Originally, the eldest, Prince Faust, was the frontrunner, but now the highly capable Prince Ricardo was said to be catching up. Most importantly, Louis-sama himself, the Crown Prince of an allied nation, had decided to back Prince Ricardo. That could be the deciding factor in the struggle between the two. In that case, Prince Faust would need Lady Minerva more than ever. I couldn't understand why they would be arguing.
"Apparently, he's afraid his own position will be jeopardized because Minerva acted on her own. It seems Prince Ricardo's threats were quite effective."
I tilted my head at Louis-sama's words.
"What threats from Prince Ricardo?"
"He apparently vented his fury at Faust, explaining just how disastrous Minerva's short-sighted recklessness was."
"Prince Ricardo did? I can hardly imagine it."
Prince Ricardo was my mentor in dark magic. I couldn't even picture the always calm and gentle Prince Ricardo showing such open rage. Louis-sama seemed to agree, nodding with a solemn face.
"And how is Lady Minerva now?"
"Ah. Cyril says she's been withdrawn since the clash with Faust. It may be that making Faust the next king was Minerva's only reason for living. ...But if that's the case, there was no point in letting her run free."
Louis-sama rested his chin on his hand, letting out a deep sigh.
"I had considered the possibility of Minerva being connected to my mother as the primary concern, but so far, both of them have done nothing but stay shut away. There's been no sign of contact with the King of Orta either, aside from the initial greetings upon arrival."
Even though he was speaking of his mother, Louis-sama's tone carried no more weight than when he discussed Lady Minerva. I watched his face as he spoke with such clinical objectivity, maintaining his composure. Noticing my gaze, Louis-sama asked, "What is it?"
"Um... Louis-sama, about Lady Aurelia... Did she truly associate with the former Marquis Higgins for the sake of Orta's power?"
Louis-sama gave a troubled smile at my question.
"...Rachel, I went to your... the world after your death. I saw it with my own eyes. ...I couldn't find every piece of evidence, but it is certain that Mother was involved."
Louis-sama spoke in a gentle tone, as if explaining something to a child, but I shook my head.
"But that is not the Lady Aurelia of this world."
The moment he heard those words, Louis-sama's eyes widened in surprise. Then, with a cold look in his eyes, he let out a long breath. The sudden change in his expression made my shoulders flinch. But if I faltered here, I wouldn't be able to convey my thoughts. I looked up and met Louis-sama's gaze directly.
"I believe this world and the other are similar, yet entirely different. I, who started over from three years ago, am different. And of course, you are too... you and the Highness of that world are different people. Likewise, so is Lady Aurelia."
"Rachel... what I saw in that world is not something so simple."
"...Is that so?"
"Your death was involved, but that was just one incident; there was a much larger conspiracy behind it. It's more natural to assume that for years—no, decades—preparations were being made for Dutoit to be swallowed by Orta. If so, we can assume the same movements are happening in this world. ...We've discussed this many times."
"I know. ...I know that, but..."
Louis-sama placed both hands on my shoulders, still speaking as if to convince me.
"Rachel... I can no longer endure a world without you."
"Louis-sama... I feel the same. I also agree with your efforts to uncover everything you're concerned about and nip any danger in the bud."
"Then..."
"I simply want you to look at Lady Aurelia with a calm eye. At the Lady Aurelia of this world."
Louis-sama's expression, which had regained a flicker of light, froze at my words.
"I believe Lady Aurelia... truly cares for you. In the other world, perhaps there was some reason she had to act that way."
"I don't know what Mother told you when you met. But I am perfectly calm. Rachel, you possess a kindness that I do not. It is your virtue."
I felt his hands on my shoulders tremble slightly before they pulled away. Louis-sama clenched his fists as if enduring something and bit his lip, a dry laugh escaping him. The laugh was so sorrowful and fragile that it felt as though it might break if touched, and I caught my breath.
"...Louis...sama?"
"I love your warm and kind family. I can tell that Marquis Marcel and his wife raised you with so much love. There is an unshakeable trust and compassion between you. It's almost dazzling to me."
"T-thank you."
"...When I'm by your side, it's so warm that I even have the illusion that I've become a kind person myself."
"It's not an illusion! You are a very kind person, Louis-sama."
How many times had his kindness saved me? I didn't want him to deny his own kindness. At my words of denial, Louis-sama's face contorted as if he were in pain.
"That is not because I am a kind person. It is only because I love you and want to be kind to you. ...In truth, I am a cruel man, devoid of sentiment."
"That's..."
"I've told you about my family several times before, but I don't have a single shred of what you'd call love for my father or my mother."
I was startled by the sudden, chilling expression on his face.
"...On the contrary, somewhere in my heart, I might even hate them."
His voice was devoid of emotion, as if he were merely stating a fact. He was talking about himself, yet it sounded like someone else's story. But those words felt more like a cry from his soul.
He had carried such dark thoughts all alone—the lack of love for his parents, the possibility of hatred.
"Talking to you makes it clear just how defective I am. I want to be like you, I want to be someone worthy of you... but it will never happen. No matter how much I pretend, I can't even begin to understand familial affection."
"Louis-sama..."
"I expected so much as a child, only to be betrayed time and again. Now she crawls back only when it's convenient and acts like a mother? ...It's sickening."
Louis-sama was baring his true feelings to this extent. I knew these were feelings he never wanted to bring to the surface or speak aloud. And I was the one who had pushed him to say it...
"I didn't want to show you this side of me."
Even though I had pushed him this far, Louis-sama still smiled as if to reassure me.
Louis-sama, I don't think a person like that is unkind at all.
I wanted to say it right then, but my mouth felt as though it had been sewn shut, and I couldn't find the words.