Chapter 22 - The Crown Prince's Perspective
"I am thinking of returning to our territory."
After returning from the Marcel estate, I sat alone in the chair of the Office. I wasn't doing anything in particular, just staring blankly into space. I glanced at the work demanding my attention, but I couldn't bring myself to reach for the stacks of documents. I let out a soft sigh.
This won't do.
I covered my face with my hands and closed my eyes, but Rachel's face was the only thing that appeared in my mind. What was happening to me? I had never felt such a vague, gnawing sense of anxiety before.
Returning to the territory... it was a good choice for her. Now that her health was recovering, she would be able to do the things she wanted. She could go into town, visit stalls, sit in cafes, and order whatever she liked at a tavern. These would likely be entirely new experiences for her. I could almost see her eyes sparkling with that joyful smile of hers.
The thought warmed my heart, yet at the same time, a sharp pain throbbed deep in my chest. If she went back to the territory, would she ever return to the capital... to me?
I shook my head weakly. I didn't have the confidence. I had never lacked confidence before. If I was lacking in some area, I simply worked until I wasn't. If the world didn't give me the answer I wanted, I moved the pieces until it did. That was the only way I knew how to live.
But now, I didn't even know where to begin putting in the effort.
A knock sounded at the door.
"It's Cyril. Viscount Frion is here to see you."
"Send him in."
I straightened my posture, shaking off the lethargy as I answered instinctively.
The door opened, and my childhood friend entered, draped in his usual black robes. Without a word of greeting, he marched to the center of the room and flopped onto the sofa, crossing his long legs. He looked at me, his eyes widening slightly before his lips curled into a smirk—the expression of a man who had found something amusing.
"Heh. Something happened, didn't it? Let me guess... the cause is Lady Rachel?"
"I'm not in the mood to talk."
"Wow, look at you sulking. What is it? Are you sick? Lovesick?"
Theodore stood up and approached my desk. He leaned over, resting one hand on the wood as he peered intently into my face. I turned away to avoid his gaze.
"Be quiet."
"How childish. Is this because it's your first love and it came so late?"
His teasing made my irritation flare, but I didn't bother hiding it from him. Still... first love, was it?
Yes, it certainly was. I had only realized it recently. When I walked through the Marcel gardens with Rachel, my world had shifted. Suddenly, everything that had been monochrome was bursting with color. The flowers were vibrant, the blue of the sky was piercing, and I found myself unable to look away from her smile. The world around us had faded, leaving only the sound of her pleasant voice.
Ah, so this is what it means to fall in love. The realization had settled simply in my heart.
But it was also true that I didn't know what to do with these feelings. Since then, she occupied my thoughts during every spare moment—between work, before sleep, during meals.
Would she like this book? Would she enjoy these sweets? Is she feeling well?
I just wanted to see her face, even for a moment. I wanted to be with her.
If I truly cared for her, I should probably grant her the dissolution she wanted. That would likely allow her to live a more peaceful life. The position of the Crown Prince's fiancée was nothing but a burden to her now. She hadn't asked for this.
I looked at myself and saw a man who hadn't even bothered to look at her properly before she fell ill. Surely there were others who could appreciate her virtues from the start, someone who could give her what she wanted and cherish her properly. Someone more suitable.
And yet, even as I thought it, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't let her go. I hated myself for it. I was likely the one causing her the most suffering.
"So, are you going to keep looking for the cause of her mana depletion?" Theodore asked.
"Of course."
"I'm curious about the phenomenon myself, so I'll keep helping. But investigating the Spirit of Darkness comes first."
"Right. Rachel's life will change depending on how the Church announces its existence."
"...She's going back to the territory, isn't she?"
I looked up at the mention of her departure. So he knew. Theodore shrugged, as if my thoughts were written plainly on my face.
"Isn't it better for her than staying in the capital right now?"
"...I agree it's a good choice."
"Then send her off with a smile."
Heat rushed to my head. My hand clenched into a fist on the desk, hitting the wood with a dull thud.
"I know that!"
"Yeah, you know. You know, and you're terrified of her leaving you."
My fist trembled, but the strength quickly drained out of me. A weak murmur, one I hardly recognized as my own, escaped my lips.
"What should I do?"
"Smile and send her on her way. And then, you just keep looking for the cause of her mana depletion for her sake, like you've been doing."
"I intend to."
"The choice is hers. But you can make sure you're the first one there for her when she's in trouble."
I looked up. My friend wasn't mocking me anymore; he was smiling with genuine concern.
"You're a good guy, you know that?"
"Yeah, I think so too. If there were another guy like me, I'd marry him."
A laugh finally escaped me.
"I suppose so. But you're right."
Theodore nodded, looking relieved.
"For now, I'll ask the Marquis to let me add one of my own people to Rachel's guard," I said.
"Huh?"
"If she runs into danger, I won't be able to help her immediately if I don't know about it, right?"
Theodore stared at me, dumbfounded. Why the shocked face? Regardless, I had to make a selection. It had to be someone exceptionally skilled. Should I pick him? Or perhaps him? Several candidates came to mind.
Theodore, who had been frozen in disbelief, suddenly burst into laughter, clutching his stomach.
"Haha! Yeah, that's definitely you."
"...That's rather rude."
Fine. For now, I would support her as she expanded her world. I would turn my eyes away from the lingering anxiety. I had a mountain of work to do, after all.
But there was one thing I had to do before Rachel left for the territory. Once Theodore left, I decided I would write her a letter.