167 - Side Story: Leonardo's Perspective - My Little Sister 12
That was, if I recall, the day Tina first came to the city of Grenore. Alf had brought Tina back from Wyack Valley, and I had her sit in the chair in my office, making her wait until my work was done.
Tina followed my instructions and did not utter a single word, and as a result, I forgot that there was a child in that office. I became absorbed in my work.
The next time I remembered Tina's existence was when Tina, unable to bear her need to urinate any longer, got down from the chair. It was only when I sensed something moving at the edge of my vision that I finally recalled Tina was there.
Hiding my inner turmoil, I asked what was wrong, and Tina's stomach let out a pathetic cry. I sat her on my lap and fed her some sweets I kept in the drawer for emergencies, but when I talked to her a little, she told me she had wanted to go to the bathroom and had broken my order to "sit still." She also said she was not just a doll meant to sit there.
...I really have not changed at all since that day, have I.
Tina accommodates me as much as she can without me having to say a word, but I cannot notice anything until Tina points it out. Worse still, even when Tina clearly tells me in words, I refuse to listen and end up hurting her. I am disqualified not just as a big brother, but even as a child's guardian.
...Tina knew from the very beginning that I was incapable of raising a child, did not she.
When we first met, Tina asked if she would be put in an orphanage or if I would find her relatives. Even though I had directly taken charge of Tina from Saromon, she apparently never once thought I would raise her myself. And yet, only recently had she finally begun to rely on me as her big brother.
As failure after failure came to mind one by one, I felt like punching my past self in the head. Tina had adapted to me, thinking that if her big brother was unreliable, she would manage somehow, and she had always been the one to meet me halfway. I was just a 'something' posing as a big brother, taking advantage of Tina's efforts. Indeed, I am neither a brother nor a stranger. Tina's "Who are you?" likely carried that meaning as well.
As I unconsciously held my head and hung it low, I heard Hermine's sigh from above me. I knew it was a sigh directed at me, so when I looked up, she was looking down on me with an unmistakably contemptuous expression.
"Originally from a remote village, Tina-san coming to the city to live as the younger sister of the fortress lord... just how much effort must that require, I wonder?"
The difference in common sense between a village and a city, and the difference in the behavior expected of her by those around her as just a villager versus as the fortress lord's little sister. There was no way Tina did not struggle to reconcile all of that, but Tina said nothing. Without a single complaint, she lived her life adapting to me, who called himself her big brother.
"Would it not be a good idea for you, who calls yourself her big brother, to be the one to meet Tina-san halfway for once?"
Hermine's point was far too sound for me to utter a single word in reply.
Since I had gone to the trouble of making it, I figured I might as well, and carried the vegetable soup up to the third floor. Standing in front of Tina's room was Kalisa. She usually had a somewhat timid look on her face, but today, perhaps fueled by a sense of mission, she had a slightly more determined expression.
...Well, in this case, her mission was probably to keep me from approaching Tina's room, or from entering it.
Still, it was vegetable soup I had gone to the trouble of making. I decided to bravely challenge the door guard before it got cold.
"I made some vegetable soup for Tina..."
"'Same old thing, ptui!' she says."
Having delivered that message, Kalisa mimed spitting. After the imitation, her expression returned to an apologetic one, so even this spitting was likely part of Tina's message.
"She said that for a message?"
"...Yes."
That meant Tina had anticipated that I would make vegetable soup. Whether my actions were just that predictable, or Tina understood me that well... probably both. I was too simple, and unlike me, Tina had been carefully observing the person she considered family.
"...Leonardo-sama truly does not understand the young lady at all, does he."
"Do not remind me. Ever since Tina got angry at me, I have been feeling it constantly."
The fact that I had not even noticed until Tina got angry at me was another pathetic point. As my shoulders slumped, Kalisa tilted her head slightly.
"Then, if I may offer some advice within the bounds of what will not anger the young lady..."
Hermine had refused to give me advice, but Kalisa seemed willing to offer some. I should gratefully receive this advice. As I waited for her counsel with sincere feelings, Kalisa smiled awkwardly, then raised her eyes.
...Ah, that was the same expression Tina had earlier.
Which meant this was not advice at all, but another message from Tina. Imitating Tina's facial expressions and gestures under the guise of advice, Kalisa puffed out her ample chest, something she could not imitate.
"'Having a man who cannot even listen to others bother me while I am moaning with a high fever... that is the worst.'"
Kalisa, who declared this with a huff, was surprisingly good at acting, perhaps. At any rate, I could clearly sense Tina's anger that she did not want me barging in on her repeatedly when she just wanted to rest quietly with a high fever. Rather than trying to appease her, it would probably be better to wait for her fever to go down.
Whenever Tina fell ill, it took her a long time to recover. She was not exactly frail, but when I got a fever, I could eat and sleep it off in one night, so Tina's fever lasting several days was strange to me. The fever from the exhaustion of her long journey had settled down after one night's sleep, but this fever came from the excitement of anger and emotional exhaustion. It took three days for her fever to break and for Kalisa to withdraw from in front of her door.
"Tina, I am coming in."
I knocked briefly, then opened the door. Tina was sitting up in bed, using a bear plushie as a backrest. Apparently, she was not angry enough to hide behind the stuffed toy. As proof, the black dog, Oscar, was not on the bed either, but standing by her side.
"You finally decided to show your face."
"This is your home, after all. I do not have the right to refuse you entry."
I had been wondering if her mood had improved a little, and perhaps I had let my guard down. Tina's same cold words made me feel as if cold water had been dumped over my head.
"...So then, who are you?"
Tina asked me the same question as three days ago, as if to say, "Have you managed to come up with an answer that can convince yourself?" Her blue eyes stared at me quietly, and if I made even a single wrong move in my answer, they would immediately be tinged with anger. Even I, who was called dull, could understand that much.
"I am Tina's family."
"If you were family, I think you would be on my side. But you are not. You are not on my side."
Tina said that she would not recognize someone as family who sided with another child who was clearly the perpetrator, let alone someone who was merely not on her side. Even in her anger, Tina was still rational. While saying she wanted her family to be on her side, she also said that if she herself was the perpetrator, even family did not need to be on her side.
"Who are you?"
The repeated words sounded even colder this time, like "Why do you even exist?" I noticed that Tina's eyes, staring at me intently, occasionally trembled with sadness. These were eyes feigning indifference. Only feigning, but inside, they wavered with sadness. It was probably because, even after I had been given three days, I still had not arrived at the answer Tina wanted from me. Her eyes seemed to be telling herself that she should no longer expect anything from her big brother. I could painfully sense that I was truly about to be abandoned by my little sister.
"...First, let us make up."
"Are you under the impression we had a fight?"
Tina cut off my words, saying, "How can you fight with someone who does not exist?" She was already beginning to refuse even conversation.
...Kalisa and Oscar's stares were frightening.
If Tina's mood took a sharp downturn, both of them would move to remove me. If that happened, I did not know when I would be able to see Tina again. Kalisa would probably just chase me out of the room, but the black dog might actually go for my life.
"Then, nice to meet you."
Saying let us start from the beginning, I sat down on Tina's bed. This way, my eyes were at the same level as Tina's. Tina flinched slightly and tried to retreat, but the bear behind her got in the way and she could not escape from me.
"I am Leonardo. From today, I am Tina's big brother, her family. Let us live together. I have prepared a room for you, Tina."
Hoping she would like it, I held out the key to the attic room. Before, it was just a key, but now I had attached a leather cord so Tina could hang it around her neck. I was bothered by how plain and ungainly it was, but given the room's atmosphere and the key's old-fashioned look, a well-made chain would probably feel out of place instead. For this old, worn key, something this rustic surely suited it better.
That was my thinking behind the choice, and it was probably the right one. Tina's hand reached out hesitantly, and this 'tribute' was safely received.
I tried to pick Tina up to go see the room right away, but she refused, telling me not to touch her. Just because she accepted the tribute did not mean she would forgive me easily, it seemed. Even if she was a child, Tina was still a girl. Not as simple as a boy.
Led by the black dog, who was following us as usual, we went up to the attic on the fourth floor. Using the key she had already securely fastened around her neck, Tina opened the door to the attic room she had used until autumn.
"...You are bad at this, Leonardo-san."
Tina's attitude softened slightly. I had gone from 'strange man' back to 'Leonardo-san.'
"If you were going to give me the key and say I could use the room, you should have done it when I was feeling better, or after you cleaned the room in advance."
"You are right."
The room, which had been closed up for almost half a year since the end of autumn, had a slightly dusty air. I had returned the key to her as Tina's room, but in this state, she could not move into it right now. It would not be usable until I had someone clean it while she rested in her third-floor room, or until Tina cleaned it herself after recovering.
"...Looking at it again, it is really a bare, dreary room. Is there anything you want?"
"I do not need anything."
There was no warm-colored wallpaper, no cushions, nothing. Since it was originally a servant's room, there was not even any decoration worth mentioning. It was far too barren for a young girl's room, and I thought I should add something, but when I asked Tina, she said she did not need anything. When I pressed that there was nothing here, she replied that there was nothing in Mey Village either.
...I had thought I had given Tina quite a lot of things this past year, but was it all for nothing.
Not a single one of them had been to Tina's taste, it seemed. The plushies, the hair ornaments, the clothes, all of it. Everything was something I had assumed she would like and bought for her without asking. It was no wonder Tina did not feel like moving them to her own room.
"I am sorry, Tina."
As my own failures came to mind one after another, words of apology naturally spilled from my mouth. Upon hearing this, Tina showed a slight sign of thinking, then responded by asking what I was apologizing for.
"For various things."
"List them. As many as come to mind. All of them."
I was so happy that Tina was finally willing to talk to me that I answered as she demanded. As for things I regretted regarding Tina, a terrifying number had come to mind over these three days. I forced my lifestyle on Tina, her clothing preferences, her preferences for hair ornaments and accessories, the room, the matter with Kaya, the black dog, the day I first met Teo, the day I met Teo again at Menhishumi Church, getting the order of scolding wrong... I listed everything I could think of and apologized to Tina.
When I had finished apologizing for everything, Tina's face finally showed expression again. Truly, finally. Tina made a slightly sulky face, turned to the side, and said, "It is still not enough, but I suppose it will do," then invited me to sit on the bed instead of a chair.
"Please, sit down. I will at least listen to what you have to say."
When I sat down on the bed, Tina climbed onto my lap. When I looked down in surprise, Tina lifted her face, looked away slightly embarrassed, and said, "There is nowhere else to sit." My little sister was contrary sometimes, and it was adorable.
"Siegwald-sama and Alf pointed things out to me. I got scolded."
Because I had inserted myself between them, the relationship between Tina and Teo had soured. Even when scolding, I had messed up the order and made things worse, they said.
Thinking back, Tina had not been making excuses for being scolded, nor had she been arguing with the content of my scolding. She had simply been telling me to listen to what she had to say. Without listening to Tina, I had unilaterally blamed her, saying she was at fault. That was my mistake.
"I told you before, did not I, that I was once a brat not much different from Teo?"
"I heard you used to pull the hair of the girl you liked."
"My first crush was so cute, so adorable, I wanted to dote on her and kept playing pranks on her... and one day, I finally made her cry."
Until the girl cried and got angry, it never even occurred to me that what I was doing could be so unpleasant as to make someone cry. I had somehow convinced myself that the girl felt the same way I did. I firmly believed that the pranks were just play, and that the girl was simply enjoying herself playing with me.
"...Bullies all say that. That they were not bullying, just playing."
But the only one who was truly having fun was the bully themselves, and from the perspective of the one who had been treated as a plaything rather than a friend, it was still just bullying, Tina said. This was a truth that boys simply did not have, seen from the perspective of a girl who was the target of mischief... or rather, bullying.
"You are right, Tina. I was on the side that bullied girls, and I never once thought about how the girls being bullied felt."
In the end, it ended with me making my first love cry and being hated. I never even got to make up with her, and when I told Tina that, she furrowed her brow.
"You did not apologize?"
"Before I could apologize, I was sold off by my parents..."
Right after we parted on bad terms, my parents sold me to a slave trader they had called. I left the city just like that, and I never got to apologize to the girl.
"When I grew up, I had a chance to go back to the city and looked for my family and that girl, but I never found them in the end."
There are regrets that come from not being able to apologize. It was because I knew that, that I had tried to make Tina apologize right away.
"...In the end, because I got the order wrong, I left Tina and Teo still in a fight."
I had really done something terrible to Teo. Because I had made Tina angry, I had ended up taking away Teo's chance to apologize to Tina.
"Once your fever goes down, I need to apologize to Teo too."
Will you come with me, I asked Tina, who was on my lap. I added that it was me who needed to apologize, and Tina did not need to.
"...I did say a bit too much as well, I suppose."
"It is not that I would not go with you," she said, still with a hint of sulkiness remaining, but Tina agreed to go see Teo.
[Author's Note]
Once trust is broken, you cannot return completely to the same place. But Tina has finally agreed to return to the starting line. All that remains is for Leonardo to do his best as a big brother.
Typos will be handled another day. Typos I found, I fixed.