453 - The Mandez Triplets
...I feel absolutely terrible.
If there were a hole, I would want to stuff my raw honest feelings into it and bury myself. That is how I feel.
"Good morning, Tina."
"...Good morning."
Leonardo, who apparently had slept with me clinging to him all night, was rubbing his neck as if it hurt a little. As for me, I was just pathetic, embarrassed, and mortified beyond belief. My heart was a complete mess.
I was glad to hear about the two years I had pretended not to know about. Regret kept flooding back, but this was something I had to face. I could not keep pretending I had not seen it forever.
Even so, when I realized that I was already fifteen in this life and would turn sixteen when summer came, I could not help but think this was a pretty disgraceful state of affairs. Fifteen was still middle or high school age in my previous life, but in this life it counted as adulthood. It was old enough to get married, to be treated as an adult. Just because I had regrets I wanted to look away from did not mean I was a child who could be forgiven for forgetting everything. I had to face what I had caused as my own responsibility.
...For now, let us stop crying my eyes out. I am fifteen already.
Also, no matter how anxious I was, it was probably time to stop clinging to Leonardo so much. It comforted me, and even if it was only inside the residence, Leonardo was probably reaching his social limit. Not being able to go work at the fortress as a knight would be fatal too.
...I need to get back to my normal life, little by little.
It was not exactly morning anymore, but I said good morning and got out of bed. Leonardo had woken up earlier, but he probably could not get up because I was clinging to him. If the evidence was anything, there were documents at Leonardo's side. He must have been working while I slept.
"...And I am sorry to you too, Salisa."
After getting help changing my clothes, I formally faced Salisa and apologized. Because she got caught up in my kidnapping, Salisa's older sister Kalisa had lost her life. Leonardo said that even if I had remained unresisting to the end, Kalisa would probably have been killed anyway, and rationally I thought so too, but the answer logic gave and my emotions were different things.
Kalisa died because of me.
No matter what, I could not help thinking that.
"Kalisa's death is not Tina-sama's fault. Rather, I would be happier if you praised her for fighting well."
She might not have been able to protect me completely, but she left behind clues that led to the criminals connected to me. Salisa smiled wryly, saying she would prefer I praise her for that instead of needlessly lowering my head. Regarding my kidnapping, the kidnappers should bear all the responsibility, and I was nothing more than a victim, she said.
"...I think that if someone caused Leonardo Big Brother to die, I would not be able to stop blaming that someone."
Salisa was amazing, able to make a rational judgment with just a wry smile. Hermine had taught me to separate emotion and thought, but I still did not seem capable of it. In my thoughts I knew that not all the responsibility lay with me, but my emotions would not follow. There was a part of me that insisted I was the one at fault.
"I am sad about Kalisa, and I miss her. But she helped Tina-sama, so I am proud of her. Kalisa fulfilled her duty as a nurse maid admirably."
At least, Kalisa herself probably thought so. So she would not let herself be depressed. If there was something she could do for Kalisa, it was to serve me for as long as possible in Kalisa's place, since Kalisa could no longer work. That would make Kalisa happy, she said.
"...What would make Kalisa happy, do you think?"
"Kalisa would probably be happy just knowing Tina-sama is living well... but if you are saying you want to do something for Kalisa, then please do something only Tina-sama can do."
The revival of Saint Yuuta Hiraga's secret arts was a task that only I, who could read Japanese, could do. If I read Japanese and revived the secret arts, and many lives were saved in the future, then Kalisa and all of them could puff out their chests and boast, "Our young lady is amazing."
"...I was planning to continue the translation work anyway, but I will work hard at translating so I can be a source of pride for Kalisa, who protected me."
"I am glad you will work hard, but please do not overdo it."
Saying we should start by eating a meal and recovering our health, Salisa put away the screen. On the other side of the screen, Leonardo was working as usual, so I sat down next to him.
"I want to go see Kalisa."
Over breakfast that was practically lunch, I asked Leonardo, who was drinking his after-meal coffee (ihook), if I could go out. If Kalisa's remains were placed at the shrine of the death god Uaksu, I wanted to bury her soon. To do that, I needed to secure burial land, and Kalisa's hometown was the city of Mandez. Even if burial in the city of Grenore was not possible, I at least wanted to greet her and say she had returned safely.
I said I wanted to walk to build up my strength, but that was shot down. The shrine of Uaksu was in a cemetery on the outskirts of town, a distance I could manage on foot, but he was more worried about my weakened body being exposed to the winter cold than about building up my strength. If I caught a cold on top of my already depleted stamina, it would be a disaster.
For that reason, my outing became a carriage ride. Building up strength by walking outside was postponed until spring.
While Leonardo compiled my story from last night into a report, Bart prepared the carriage. My watchdog Kokumaro, who had immediately returned to work, had his tail standing straight up, happy to be going out with me after so long. When he walked a little faster, he sometimes lifted one leg in a strange gait, but otherwise he seemed energetic.
I put on a coat I did not remember having been made, and pulled Leonardo's hand as I stood in the entrance hall. Let us hurry and get in the carriage, I thought as I stood at the boundary between inside and outside the residence, and then I suddenly stopped.
...Huh?
I wanted to go outside. I wanted to go see Kalisa. That is what I thought, but my feet stopped. Just by stepping one foot forward, I could go outside the residence, but I could not take that step. I stared at the boundary between inside and outside, and could not lift my foot no matter what.
"What is wrong, Tina?"
Leonardo, not noticing anything strange about me, crossed the boundary with a normal expression. It was just going from inside a building to outside, so of course Leonardo had a normal expression. It was not some special act requiring resolve.
...How strange? Why will my feet not move?
It was simple. I just had to lift my foot and take one step forward. That was all it took to get outside.
I thought that, but as if I had forgotten how to move them, my feet would not budge an inch. As I stared at the boundary, unpleasant sweat ran down my spine. I thought it was getting chilly, but then conversely, the inside of my coat grew warm.
...Alright, I get it. If I cannot walk, I will just jump over it.
That said, I did not seem capable of hopping over the boundary on my own will, so I relied on Leonardo. I reached out both hands toward him and asked him to lift me up a little. Leonardo looked puzzled at the strange request, but he quickly slipped his hands under my arms and lifted me up.
The next place I set my feet down was outside the residence.
...Ah, this is bad.
The moment I realized I had stepped outside, I felt the blood drain from my face. Not only did unpleasant sweat run down my spine, but strange sweat seemed about to break out on my face. Then, as nausea rose from the back of my throat, I clapped both hands over my mouth and dove back inside the residence.
"Salisa, I am going to be sick! A basin!"
This time I properly called for Salisa's help and fled back inside the building. The moment I returned inside, the nausea subsided, and I was able to wait for the basin's arrival this time.
After emptying everything from my stomach into the basin, I sat down on the spot, still holding it. There should not be anything left to throw up, but I was still a little anxious about letting go of the basin.
"...Looks like going out might be difficult for a while."
"It is not difficult. I just felt a little sick."
My mouth felt unpleasant, but I quickly contradicted Leonardo, who had come back inside after me. If I admitted this, I probably would not be able to go see Kalisa for almost the entire winter.
"You do not need to push yourself. Kalisa is not going anywhere, so let us wait until you have recovered."
"I said it is not pushing myself..."
I said it was not pushing myself, but sitting there holding a basin was not very convincing. For today at least, I decided to listen to Leonardo and give up on going out.
I planned to give up on going out for just the day after remembering everything, but even when I tried going out on another day, my reaction did not change. While I was inside my room, the nausea did not come, but when I tried to step outside the residence, my feet froze and would not move. Like the other day, I could have Leonardo lift me across the boundary at the entrance, but the result was the same. I would immediately flee back inside and end up hugging the basin again and again.
"Is it some kind of trauma? If I cannot go outside, I cannot see Kalisa."
When I finished washing my face with warm water, Salisa handed me a towel from the side. I thanked her and wiped my face, and Salisa looked a little apologetic.
"Please do not worry about anything, Tina-sama. I have already reported to Kalisa that you have returned safely to the residence."
If going outside frightened you to the point of vomiting, there was no need to force yourself to go see Kalisa. There was no rush since we had not even decided on a burial location yet, she said.
"The burial location, huh... Do we have to go back to the city of Mandez for that?"
"Well... we sisters do not mind either way, but Kalisa might want to be by Tina-sama's side."
According to Salisa, the city of Mandez was indeed their hometown in the sense that it was where they were born and raised, but the three sisters had been abandoned because they were triplets, and they did not have very good impressions of the city's residents either. At the time, I had not noticed at all, but apparently the three sisters never went shopping in town together. They always went one at a time. For example, when Salisa went shopping in town, even if she met an acquaintance, she would introduce herself as "Alisa." Because of this, the town's residents mistakenly believed there was only one maid named Alisa working at the Mandez Residence, and the only ones who knew the three sisters were triplets were the Black Knights of Mandez Fortress.
"So the reason Iridal sent you all to the city of Grenore was..."
"It is because we are triplets that it was a problem. When one or two of us come to a different city, no one thinks we are triplets."
Iridal's parental concern probably felt sorry for the two sisters who had to act as "Alisa" outside the residence. He lent out Salisa and the others thinking it would be a good opportunity for them to see places other than Mandez, but maybe he wanted to put them in an environment where they could walk outside as themselves, not as "Alisa."
"As for where to bury Kalisa, please decide, Tina-sama. We will follow your decision."
"Even if you say that... Leonardo Big Brother and I are both like rootless weeds."
Now, what should I do, I wondered. My home was Leonardo. More precisely, it was not the Grenore residence. My guardian was Leonardo, and he worked at the fortress as a Black Knight, and since he was the lord of the fortress, he just happened to live in the lord's residence. If Leonardo stopped being the strongest Black Knight at Grenore Fortress, we would move out of the lord's residence, and the same would apply if he came to rule over another fortress. If Christoph whimsically summoned him back to the capital, our dwelling would change again. Leonardo and I did not have a home we could return to no matter what. Even if we buried Kalisa in the city of Grenore now, I was vaguely considering moving to the capital once I turned twenty. If that happened, Kalisa would be left behind in the city of Grenore. Even if the Japanese translation work went smoothly and I gained my freedom, depending on where Leonardo lived, there was a possibility I might never return to Grenore.
"Huh? Is Kalisa's burial actually really complicated?"
In that case, maybe it would be better to bury her in Mandez. I thought that, but after hearing about the relationship between Mandez and the triplets, I wanted to avoid burying her in Mandez. I wanted to bury her as soon as possible, but if she was going to be by my side, I needed to carefully consider where to bury her.
"...After all, let us not rush the burial. Let us have her stay at the shrine of Uaksu for a while longer."
Once I could go outside, I would go visit her from time to time. For now, that seemed about right.
Will fix typos and errors at a later date.
I have plans on the 11th and 12th, so the next update will be on the 14th.