479 - Secret Talk on a Lap
"I heard Bertrand-dono has come to Grenore..."
"He already has. I have already spoken with him."
I show Leonardo the hat Sofiya gave me, saying that I received a hat. In Sofiya's mind, I am still a child who likes dressing up as a beast. There is delicate embroidery for the Spring Flower Festival on the ribbon part, but the other parts of the hat are more prominent. Black cat ears, matched to my hair color, sprouted from the left and right.
"The costume wasn't a hobby, but a charm to ward off spirits..."
"Tina is the type to be spirited away even when it is not winter."
Since I dressed up out of season, he probably thinks dressing as a beast is my hobby. I didn't tell Sofiya that I am a favorite of the spirits, as I didn't think it was anything worth mentioning. She might hear about it from somewhere, but it is hard to imagine that the not-very-social Sofiya would gather information on her own. As a result, the gift for me, who has passed adulthood, is a hat with cat ears.
"...So, were you able to talk about anything with Bertrand-dono?"
"I feel like I was able to speak relatively peacefully today."
When I continue by saying I also heard stories about my mother's past, Leonardo's expression softens slightly. He says that is good.
...As I thought, Leonardo-san was worried about the bad relationship between me and Bertrand-sama.
Perhaps because he has no blood-related family of his own, Leonardo has repeatedly intervened and spoken up to try and mediate between me and Bertrand. Hearing that Bertrand and I had a conversation, even for a short time, likely put him at ease.
"I can tell you a bit about Saromon-sama, but I don't know anything about Tina's mother."
After cutting off his words by saying it was good that I could hear things from Bertrand, Leonardo's gaze begins to wander. Judging from his expression, he doesn't look like he has anything shady to hide, so it must be something difficult to say. While I wait for Leonardo to open his mouth, wondering what it could be, what comes out of Leonardo's mouth after he makes up his mind is, "If you have reconciled with Bertrand, would you like to live with Bertrand?" At Leonardo's too-unexpected proposal, I leave my mouth agape and place my hand on Leonardo's thigh.
"...Tina? Didn't you say yourself when you turned ten that sitting on my lap was 'forbidden'?"
"I did, but depending on your answer, sanctions will be necessary. Your lap is just the right distance."
Using the hand I placed there, I push Leonardo's thighs open and deliberately drop my bottom onto his lap with force. Even if my build is small, there is no way it wouldn't hurt even Leonardo to have someone sit on his lap with such force. When I glare at him, making cat paws and telling him I will scratch both his cheeks if he says anything strange, Leonardo knits his brows troubledly.
"So? What do you mean by asking if I would live with Bertrand-sama?"
When I say resentfully if he has suddenly decided he wants to throw me away, Leonardo is bewildered, saying there is no way he would throw me away. He asks how I could possibly interpret it that way. Apparently, he never thought that the words to live with Bertrand would mean "I am throwing you away" to me.
"...It is just that there is no blood connection between me and Tina. I cannot tell you about your mother, and I cannot help but think that a real family would be better after all."
"If we go by that, Leonardo-oniisama, you are saying that if a blood-related younger sister is found, I will no longer be needed. Is this understanding correct?"
"Why do you twist it and take it that way?"
"Because that is what Leonardo-oniisama is saying."
It is not enough to dig my nails into his cheek, but since it is not funny, I pull on a stray beard hair I found under his chin. The stinging irritation seems to be quite painful when done unexpectedly. For a moment, Leonardo's face collapses, and it is wonderful how easy it is to tell the effect.
"Just because I was able to speak with Bertrand-sama for a bit without fighting does not become a reason for me to leave Leonardo-oniisama. ...We are family, are we not?"
Family is family because you cannot easily replace them just because there are things you dislike about them. Conversely, family is also something that cannot be easily replaced even if there were a better family elsewhere.
When I point out that I said so before, Leonardo makes an expression as if searching his memory. Even though I said I told him before, it was around the time right after I told Leonardo I was a reincarnated person. It was shortly before we went to the royal capital, so it was when I was ten years old. Thinking roughly, it was a story from six years ago.
"...Even after being family for six years, Leo is still an airhead as always."
"Airhead...? It is not six years. I took you in at the end of when Tina was eight, and you will be seventeen when summer comes, so it is roughly eight years."
"In my mind, Leonardo-oniisama was fired from being a 'big brother' once in the summer of my tenth year, so it is from age ten."
"...That, huh."
He was still holding a grudge. I pick up the words he muttered softly, saying that Siegwald-sama's words were true, and glare at Leonardo. Since it was a small mutter, he probably didn't intend for me to hear it, but I felt some sort of rude implication. I felt like questioning him about what he meant, but for now, I set it aside. I felt that the conversation was drifting further and further, and we had already come quite far from the initial topic.
"I will ask you about Siegwald-sama later, but... I might hate living together as Bertrand-sama's family."
"Is that because of Saromon-sama or Tina's mother?"
"That is improving, but... Bertrand-sama is already at a certain age, is he not?"
"Well, that is true. I forgot the exact age, but he should be over sixty."
"I do not know his birthday, but I think he was sixty-three or sixty-four."
Since Nils was a fan of Bertrand, I do not know detailed information like his birthday, but I remember the war records and the ages at the time that would appear in a textbook. According to that, Bertrand's current age is barely in the early sixties. Even in Japan, where medicine is developed, he would be counted as an elderly person, and if he were a man, it would not be strange if he passed away suddenly.
"The moment we start living together, or while preparing to start living together... I do not want that anymore."
Recalling the day I heard the news of Aurelia's death, thinking that it was not just a disappointment, my mood sinks. At that time, for Aurelia, who felt like coming out of Wiyack Valley, I had prepared a room and was excitedly waiting for spring. However, what was delivered when spring came was the news of Aurelia's death. I do not want to feel that way ever again. After all, I am simply made. There is no way that I, who starts living with my grandfather, would not grow fond of him. If we live together, I will definitely grow fond of him. And on the day of the parting that will surely come someday, I will cry again.
"The people I love and cherish keep leaving me behind and going far ahead. ...I hate it when the number of people who are sad when someone dies increases."
"Tina is afraid of increasing her family and being left behind again."
"I think that is probably it."
In this life, I have done nothing but lose precious people. My parents died, the Daltowa couple, who were like grandparents I was fond of, died, and just when I thought I could live with Aurelia, she passed away first, and Kalisa, who had been watching over me all this time, is also gone. And even if I entered Bertrand's house, Grandfather Bertrand is old and could die at any time, and I hear that my cousin Aristalf is sickly. Aunt Sofiya also did not seem to have a very strong body. Even if I returned to Father Saromon's house, it is a family that seems like they would be lost again soon.
"If I am just going to be sad because someone dies again, it is better for them to be in a position like a relative who lives far away."
"Even so, Tina, it is useless to avoid Bertrand-dono by saying 'I do not want to increase the number of precious people'."
He points out, in passing, that the direction of my effort is backward. Certainly, avoiding social interaction because I do not want to increase the number of precious people is nothing other than backward.
"Tina's beloved Mirshe will eventually marry and have children when the time comes. Salisa should also marry and have children someday. Tina, you will cherish the children those two have, right?"
"...I think so. I would definitely dote on Mirshe-chan's children."
Mirshe is the only younger person close to me. I can no longer call her that since she was bought by Leonardo, but when I attended the Menhishmi Church, she adored me and called me 'Tina-oneechan'. That is why I also cherish Mirshe as a younger sister figure, so when it comes to her children, the conditions are almost the same as Leonardo's children. It is only a matter of feeling, but they are the children of a precious younger sister. There is no way I would not cherish them.
"If so, it is useless to make an effort not to grow fond of Bertrand-dono. Because Bertrand-dono is not the only precious person for Tina. You cannot tell Mirshe or Salisa not to have children, right?"
Leonardo seems to think that if I cherish the children of people like Mirshe, who will increase even if left alone, it is pitiful to distance only Bertrand.
"Even if I take a wife and children are born, Tina, you would cherish that child too, right?"
"...In Leonardo-oniisama's case, it is first difficult to establish the premise that a wife would actually come."
When Leonardo says he will make an effort there, I accidentally snap back, asking if he has any targets for his effort. As someone aiming for the position of Leonardo's wife, hearing that he has other targets is something I cannot overlook.
"If there is someone Leonardo-oniisama likes, I will not spare any cooperation. I am a sister who thinks of her brother, after all."
I am plotting to settle as Leonardo's wife, but if Leonardo has a partner, I intend to cooperate without hesitation. Even if it works out by some mistake, few women have the tolerance to accept Leonardo, who puts work first and his sister second. If that is the case, the possibility of a breakup within the few years until I turn twenty is high. It is not an obstacle to me at all.
"A girl I like..."
At the words muttered softly, I look up at Leonardo, wondering. I assumed there was no one, and even if there were, it would not be a problem, but looking at Leonardo's face, it seems there is someone he thinks of fondly. Expression disappears from Leonardo's face, and his black eyes were staring somewhere far away.
"...Did Leonardo-oniisama have someone he liked?"
This is the first I have heard of it. I was so surprised that I stared at Leonardo as if I could bore a hole in him, but I think this is unavoidable.
"It is not that I have a girl I like... I have a girl who was my first love, but she has probably already married."
"...Ah, the usual person."
I swallow the words 'I am relieved' that were about to come out. It is a bit strange, even for me, to be relieved when the talk of Leonardo's love interest comes up and I hear it is a first love partner.
"I cannot even remember her name accurately, and when I try to remember her face, it becomes Tina's face..."
"Leonardo-oniisama's love for his younger sister is already a disease. I knew it, though."
"...Anyway, it is certain that she was a cute girl."
Since she was that cute, the people around her would not have left her alone, which is Leonardo's impression. Since she was a cute girl, suitors must have lined up when she reached the right age. And since she was the same age as him, not at an age for marriage, it would not be strange if she had already become someone's wife and had two or three children.
"Even thinking that, you are still concerned about her?"
"Hmm? Do I? I do not think so..."
Leonardo says he only remembers her occasionally, but this is a lie. Or rather, I think he is unaware of it. What I feel from Leonardo's expressionless face is 'resignation'. However, in the black eyes staring somewhere far away, there was something like a passion that he does not usually show.
...So Leonardo-san can make a face like this too.
While thinking something rude, that it is a bit unexpected, something clicks. Previously, when I proposed that I would 'become Leonardo's wife', Leonardo declined, saying 'If you like me as a member of the opposite sex when you reach the right age'. That must be because Leonardo had someone he liked. Because he had a first love he could not forget, he wanted me to know love as well.
...I feel hazy. I do not like this.
Since I got irritated, for now, I pull out one stray beard hair from Leonardo's face in front of me. While venting my frustration at Leonardo, who lets out a short scream, I realize where this hazy emotion comes from.
...I see, so this is jealousy.
It is not an emotion as strong as envy, but it is certainly hazy and unpleasant. I know that I am not number one in Leonardo's heart. It is the usual thing, but Leonardo puts work first, and I am second. Even so, I thought I was the top priority among human relationships excluding work, but it seems there was someone like a fish bone stuck in the throat, a 'first love', between work and me. It is a very unpleasant new discovery.
"Are you not going to look for your first love?"
"I looked for her a little long ago. ...But I could not find her."
It seems Leonardo had already done the things I could think of. Leonardo not only searched himself but also used people to investigate. Even so, the first love could not be found, and Leonardo seems to think she probably married into some other town.
"...That is a pity. I thought that if you were rejected once clearly, Leonardo-oniisama would be able to give up."
The memories are probably just beautified, making her unforgettable. When I say this bluntly on purpose, Leonardo's eyebrows droop pitifully.
"My sister is harsh to me today as well."
"Please think of it as being loved."
"If you love me, you could be a bit kinder."
"I understand. In that case, I will kindly pluck your beard for you."
When I continue by saying I will clean up the chin that has stray hairs, Leonardo covers his chin and neck with both hands as if to hide them from me. Then, he says that is not called kindness. Saying that I am talking about tormenting him relentlessly, he lowered me from his lap.