22 - Chapter 18: The Melancholy of the Three Idiots
It is a bit late, but this is the heroine gathering chapter.
A week had passed since the Three Idiots were denied their reward and forced to return to the Imperial Capital.
"Ah... I'm exhausted..."
They were finally able to lounge around at their base.
"How was it? This past week?"
"Interrogation party, interrogation party, interrogation party... I feel like I'm going crazy... How about you?"
"Same here. Mock battle party, mock battle party, mock battle party... There's no healing... Fluff... I want fluff..."
Later, who had slumped back into his chair, asked the question, and Geoglyph, who was lying face down on the table in a similar state, replied. Naturally, both of them wore dry smiles.
It was because of what happened after.
After securing some Earth Dragon materials at the Adventurer's Guild and selling the rest for cash, the Three Idiots had enthusiastically set out for the beastmen's village, saying, "Alright, let's go get our reward," only to be stopped by the guild.
It was only natural, in a way.
The Three Idiots were, after all, key witnesses to the major incident of an Earth Dragon herd appearing. If anything, they were the type who just happened to solve it. Naturally, they could not avoid questioning from the state, let alone the Adventurer's Guild. However, it was fortunate that they were not the only witnesses, so they weren't subjected to interrogation-like questioning twenty-four hours a day. The authorities showed some consideration by staggering the interviews and giving them breaks to question each of them individually. However, it was also true that the Three Idiots were fed up with the interrogation method, which was no different from their previous lives, asking the same questions over and over again.
In between those gaps came parties (meaning dinner parties) and mock battles, filled with calculations from people who wanted to get close to the crazy idiots who had wiped out the Earth Dragon herd... or rather, the young heroes.
Since Geoglyph was the leader, he had more interrogations, and since he was technically a noble, he received a massive amount of party invitations. Because it could affect his family home, he couldn't simply refuse them, so he participated while suffering from stomach pain.
In Later's case, since he was a commoner and just a party member (a rank-and-file), the interrogations weren't that bad, but instead, he drew the full attention of the Imperial soldiers who had reported his strength, and he spent his time repeatedly engaging in mock battles against knights and soldiers.
"The princess... seems to be having it easy?"
When Later cast a sidelong glance at Marianne, who was elegantly sipping tea at the same table, she clinked her saucer onto the table.
"...You must be joking...!!"
She roared with all her soul.
●
Marianne, who was not targeted by the military like Later, nor the leader like Geoglyph, was certainly somewhat more free than the two of them. Instead, she spent all her time at parties, but that was fine. For a yuri-pig, an environment crowded with beautiful ladies was nothing but a reward.
Naturally, troublesome men appeared as well, but since Marianne had many connections to high society thanks to her beauty business, she knew how to dodge them. Or rather, since she was originally a man, she knew how to play them. Because she looked like a truly beautiful girl, they were easily fooled.
And so, by performing some little-devil moves, she spent her time manipulating men whose brains were in their crotches, and while scanning the party venue with her yuri-eyes that had great search capabilities, she found a commotion.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...!"
"Hmph. Even if you are called a Saint, you are just a commoner after all. This is why low-born people are..."
A blue-haired girl wearing priest's formal wear was apologizing profusely to a red-haired girl in a dress. Looking closely, a metal cup was rolling on the floor, and the fruit wine inside had been spilled. Some of it had splashed onto the dress of the girl who appeared to be a noble, and Marianne judged that the priest girl had likely bumped into her.
(Hmm...?)
Marianne immediately began searching for the identities of the two girls in her mind. She had the identities of all the girls who would come to such parties memorized. If anything, she had been enjoying ideal couplings in her head. Her delusions were quite powerful.
(Ah, the commoner girl is Lilitia Herbert-chan, who is rumored to be the Saint. The girl in the dress is Catarina-chan, the eldest daughter of Viscount Willems' house.)
Having completed the search quickly, Marianne thought, hmm.
Lilitia, a highly skilled recovery mage, had been hailed as a prodigy since childhood, and for that reason, she was adopted last year into the Herbert family, the lord's house she belonged to. Around the same time, she was officially certified as a Saint by the Refill Church (surprisingly, that goddess was recognized by the inhabitants of this world), but... perhaps her education had not caught up yet, or she was simply clumsy, but it seemed she had made a blunder.
Seeing her apologize in a terrified, commoner-like way, Marianne guessed it was the former and decided to help. The reason was simple, she just wanted to watch from a front-row seat as two beautiful girls who initially got along poorly gradually became attracted to each other.
In other words, this woman tried to fit into the role of the helpful friend in a yuri story. One could also say she just wanted to do the "I'll leave coolly" act.
"Oh, Catarina-sama. In that case, I am not suited for this place either."
"Ma, Marianne-sama!? N-no, that's not...!"
Catarina was shaken by Marianne's sudden intervention, but there was a reason for it. The Romanette family, which had already established its position as a political merchant of the Empire, were commoners who had not been granted a title considering various influences, but their massive capital was seen as being able to hold its own even in a fight against the Empire. A mere Viscount's house could not possibly compete.
If she had acted arrogantly and been glared at by those who minded their own business, there would be a way to handle it, but the Romanette family, and by extension the Romanette Great Trading Company, supported the beauty of the nobles... or rather, the women of each noble house. The ladies of the noble houses felt extraordinary gratitude toward Marianne, who continued to help women seeking beauty, and if she asked for help, they would come to her rescue even if it meant kicking their husbands' butts. Even for nobles, they cannot go against their wives. Moreover, a petty noble of only a Viscount's rank could be stripped of their title within the day.
Marianne was naturally aware of this, so she wore a soft smile to show she wasn't trying to be hostile.
"I am not blaming you, you know? I believe there are differences and roles for commoners and roles for nobles. She was fine with the position and behavior of a commoner until now, but because she was certified as a Saint, her role suddenly changed. Yet, it would be utterly impossible for her to suddenly behave as a noble, wouldn't it? I believe Catarina-sama is who she is today because she has received education as a noble since birth. But you would be troubled if you were told to behave as a commoner starting tomorrow, wouldn't you?"
"That... is true, but..."
Marianne took the hand of the bewildered Catarina, and then took Lilitia's hand and overlapped them.
"So let us look at her with a long-term perspective, shall we? If we do, I am sure you can become good friends. Right?"
And then there was this angel-like smile. At the exquisite smile that made it impossible to believe she harbored a yuri-pig inside her, not only the two girls but also the surrounding people let out enchanted sighs. Some people even fainted, feeling the preciousness of the interaction between the three beautiful girls. There might be people with the right aptitude even at the party venue.
"If Marianne-sama says so..."
"Marianne... ---Onee-sama♡"
And so it seemed to have been settled amicably, at that time.
Yes, the coupling is established---! Because she got too excited internally, Marianne failed to hear Lilitia's final mutter, which would become a regrettable event for her.
●
"Isn't that a heartwarming story? Much more so than me, who was interrogated by a burly old man and a black-hearted old man, and then surrounded by uninterested ladies at a party I had no interest in."
"Isn't it a heartwarming story? Much more so than me, who did muscle-filled mock battles and was looked at like a rare beast by upper-class ladies at a party where the food wasn't even that tasty."
"It would have been a heartwarming story if it ended there. A single yuri-couple that transcended social status was completed... or so I thought..."
They finished the party like that, but from the next day, Lilitia began to appear wherever Marianne went.
"Marianne-oneesama! Are you shopping? What a coincidence! I am too! Ah, I'll carry your bags!"
"Marianne-oneesama! Are you eating!? What a coincidence! I was thinking of having lunch too! May I join you!?"
"Marie-oneesama!"
"My Marie-oneesama, my Marie-oneesama, Marie is my oneesama, Marie is my oneesama, my Marie-oneesama is my Marie-oneesama is my Marie-oneesama is my Marie-oneesama is my Marie-oneesama is my own Marie-oneesama...♡"
"My beloved Marie-oneesama---!!"
In this way, she became abnormally attached, and the distance between them gradually closed.
"What's this, a humblebrag...? While I'm being denied my fluff-beauty girl."
"It's unfair, isn't it? Even I had an encounter with an elf-san, but it didn't lead to anything next."
Later and Geoglyph complained with fed-up faces, but Marianne's expression remained like a Noh mask.
"Do you really think so?"
The reason was simple. For an otaku who, in their previous life, hadn't just touched subculture but had been immersed in it to the point of drowning, Lilitia's words and actions, and where they were heading, were easy to predict.
Namely.
"I ask you again. Do you really think so?"
---She is a crazy psycho-lesbian.
Serves you right---!
"I knew you'd say that, you idiots---!!"
Geoglyph and Later laughed boisterously at their bad friend who was literally embodying the phrase "the strategist is drowned by their own scheme."
"I-it wasn't supposed to be like this...! I just wanted to form a yuri-couple and watch them with a smirk from a front-row seat...!!"
"Why don't you just make a move? If you do, you'll officially be a character in the yuri story you wanted."
"Or do you not like her looks?"
"No, her looks are exactly my type! The status of being a Saint is also the best!"
When the two, who were still clutching their stomachs and laughing, asked the lamenting Marianne who was banging on the table, it seemed her impression of Lilitia wasn't actually bad.
"But the yandere type is no good! Especially a crazy psycho-lesbian has a fatal weakness...!!"
And that is?
"I cannot create a yuri garden...!"
Ah...
At Marianne's words, the two looked up at the sky, thinking, that's true.
She was already the possessive type. If she kept it inside and changed jobs to the landmine type, it would still be somewhat cute, but beyond that, an incredible aggressiveness would be directed toward others. They didn't want to go to the other side of sorrow, and a yuri-pig does not want a massacre arc where other gathered beautiful girls are stabbing or being stabbed.
While Geoglyph and Later were laughing, saying that being a popular woman is tough, then...
"You're talking as if it's someone else's problem, but you two are also targets, you know?"
It went beyond having cold water thrown on them, it was like having ice stabbed into them. It jumped past a chill and became a shudder.
Yes. The opponent was a crazy psycho-lesbian, though still evolving. If she felt aggressiveness even toward women who lingered around her loved one, then men were even worse. If they were just looked down upon as monkeys or insects, they could still laugh it off and deal with it, but they didn't want to appear as victims in a massacre arc.
"---Ray, let's think about this seriously."
"---You're right, Sensei. No matter how much, I don't want to be mistaken for the lover of a beautiful girl whose inside is an old man and get stabbed."
The three, who had envisioned that dark future, began to discuss their future plans with pale faces. This was probably the most intense time since their reincarnation where they fully rotated their purple brain cells. One could also say they were on the verge of necrosis from overthinking.
Three hearts, now as one.
Yes, in this crisis, one of the threatening special abilities of the Japanese should be displayed.
Now, the finishing move---.
---Alright, let's run away.
Troublesome problems are postponed.
Incidentally, people also call this escapism.
To be continued tomorrow.